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Loveknowsnobounds

New member
Hello!
My name is Amanda and my spouses name is Chris. We have been married 4 years and together 9. I think I have been in denial about being poly for years. My spouse and I have recently started talking about opening the marriage to poly, we both have different ideas of what we are looking for in a partner. We are planning on working with a couples counselor so we have a strong foundation before seeing anyone else. I’m really happy I found this site, to make some accepting friends and to learn more about the community.
 
Hi Amanda, welcome :)

Many of us who are married don't try to "share" a new partner, but instead date separately. It's a hell of a lot easier that way and the people we date don't end up feeling like they have to be equally into both of us, because that's rare to find, let alone sustain. There are so many (often unrecognised) power imbalances when an established couple is trying to date "a third" and the new person can get sick of trying to navigate all the rules the original couple put in place when they were first discussing it. I hope your couples counsellor is well versed in polyamory and helping you avoid trying to build a fantasy about an ideal person and what life will look like if you do form a triad. What resources have you been reading/watching etc.? We have a list of recommended stuff here https://polyamory.com/threads/most-commonly-cited-articles-and-books-master-thread.155304/

If you have any specific questions, this is a great place to crowdsource some insight :)

All the best
Evie
 
Yes, I worded it wrong. I was just trying to say that we are looking to date separately, because we know what each of us are looking for is not going to be possible by a single person.

And yes, we are looking for a couple counselor that is poly affirming. I think we found one, but because of a change in insurance we are going to have to wait a little longer before going.

We just really started talking about this a couple weeks ago, but we both feel like it would be great and fulfilling to add in other partners, so I am just kind of starting my research now. I have some friends who are poly, so I have spoken to some of them.

I did tell some of my other friends about exploring polyamory, and they were completely against it, in fear that I will get hurt. I can see where they are coming from, because they love me, but they don’t get it. I was kind of hurt that they were so against it, which is why I’m glad I found this site so I can make some poly accepting friends and have people to talk to with out being judged.

And thank you for the articles, threads and books. I glanced over them and they look like they will be super helpful.
 
Welcome,

If those are your real names, you might want to choose nicknames. It's up to you, but most people coming here prefer to remain anonymous.

It sounds like you're doing well, so far. Your spouse is feeling just as positive about dating others as you are?

Most successful formerly mono couples opening to polyamory generally take at least a year, if not longer, to do research, get counseling, etc., before actually starting to date others. There are key skills to learn, such as non-violent communication, for example, that will make your path much smoother once new people are introduced into your lives. The cited articles, books, podcast, and older threads will go into the skills needed, and expectations, setting boundaries, etc., in great detail.

Good luck!
 
Thank you for the advice about using nicknames. My spouse is equally feeling very positive. But we have discovered we want to go about it in different ways. I want advice and a plan and he wants to jump in and work it out as we go. But I’ll let him know you said research and counseling is a good idea before we start dating other people. I just want us to be successful. And yes I plan on using this forum and suggested articles, books and podcasts to build strong boundaries and learn from others the best way to go about this.
 
Loveknowsnobounds said:
Hello!
My name is Amanda and my spouses name is Chris. We have been married 4 years and together 9. I think I have been in denial about being poly for years. My spouse and I have recently started talking about opening the marriage to poly, we both have different ideas of what we are looking for in a partner. We are planning on working with a couples counselor so we have a strong foundation before seeing anyone else. I’m really happy I found this site, to make some accepting friends and to learn more about the community.
Click to expand...
I wish you good luck in new adventure, enjoy the life as it’s once
 
Greetings Amanda,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have given this some thought, and are ready to start out on your poly journey. Keep learning as much as you can, let us know if you have any questions. Poly is hard sometimes, but it is also worth it. Glad to have you with us!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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