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Solace

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Hey I'm Paul.

I'm about to be 41 and I'm pretty new to poly as a concept. I've been doing a lot of reading lately. Straight sapioromantic demisexual.

I'm married but estranged. My marriage has been dead for years. She lives 350 miles away and we haven't spoken since September. That's a really long story that I don't want to get into right now.

I moved my best friend into my house, went on the road for 8 months and I'm just settling back in after spending all that time soul searching and figuring out where I go from here.

There's no poly community anywhere near where I live. The closest I've found is over 70 miles away. I'm just looking for people I can be myself with. Someone to talk to. Maybe get some book recommendations to help me get a handle on what this means for me as an individual.
 
Welcome Paul,

It sounds like you're separated from your wife and now you want to date and be polyamorous, when you feel ready.

The best books to read are these:
Opening Up
Polysecure

A popular podcast is:
Multiamory

You can also do searches here on any topic you are particularly curious about. There are just 10s of thousands of posts, a wealth of information going back to 2009.
 
Welcome!
 
Magdlyn said:
Welcome Paul,

It sounds like you're separated from your wife and now you want to date and be polyamorous, when you feel ready.

The best books to read are these:
Opening Up
Polysecure

A popular podcast is:
Multiamory

You can also do searches here on any topic you are particularly curious about. There are just 10s of thousands of posts, a wealth of information going back to 2009.
Click to expand...

Hi Magdlyn,

Thank you for the kind welcome. Yes, my wife and I have been separated for years now and we don't speak any more.

I've actually already purchased a copy of Polysecure. It's next on my reading list. I'll add Opening Up to my list. I suspect I've already done that work over the last year or so, but I'm constantly trying to learn more about myself and how to connect with others, these days, and it's pretty likely there are things I haven't considered yet.

I'll definitely utilize the search feature. I'd noticed it while investigating the forum last night but I was tired and my ability to process became ever so slightly overloaded. :p

Thank you again for the welcome and for your thoughtful reply. I appreciate you.
 
Solace said:
I suspect I've already done that work over the last year or so, but I'm constantly trying to learn more about myself and how to connect with others, these days, and it's pretty likely there are things I haven't considered yet.
Click to expand...
I have been doing continuous learning with my partner. 3 years in, with actual poly relationship experience, and I still learn something new every week, sometimes daily. I'm shocked at the level of things we haven’t considered. You can only consider what you know. You don’t know what you don’t know, and you can’t consider it until it’s brought to your attention. So read all the books. There will be stuff in one book that's not in others, perspectives you never thought of.

I followed reading the books with listening to the Multiamory podcasts. There are so many episodes that can get you thinking. Even in episodes I thought wouldn't apply to me (like parenting-- I don't have kids, and won’t have them, nor do my partners), I’ve learned something new that will help me in my relationships.

I have even changed what I think over time, as well. Rereading the books a couple years in, I’m finding that I think and feel very differently than I did the first time I read them. Experience gives a new perspective.

Never stop learning.
 
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Bobbi said:
I have been doing continuous learning with my partner. 3 years in with actual poly relationship experience, i still learn something new every week, sometimes daily. Im shocked at the level of things we haven’t considered. You can only consider what you know. You don’t know what you don’t know, and you can’t consider it until it’s brought to your attention. So read all the books. There will be stuff in one book thats not in others, perspectives you never thought of.
Click to expand...

Exactly. There's always something to learn. I even find that going back to things that I've already read will often provide new insight. You can read something, and understand it, but still fail to fully comprehend the extent of its implications until you go back with more experience.

I'm always learning everything I can.

I'll definitely check out the podcast. Thank you.
 
Greetings Paul,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you are at the crossroads of a new chapter in your life. You are exploring polyamory so you can know whether it's right for you. I hope the good folks here on Polyamory.com can help you in that exploration.

There are a lot of books on open and poly, here are just a few that I know of. You can definitely be yourself with me, and I'd be happy to talk with you. I'm glad you could join our site.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
kdt26417 said:
Greetings Paul,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you are at the crossroads of a new chapter in your life. You are exploring polyamory so you can know whether it's right for you. I hope the good folks here on Polyamory.com can help you in that exploration.

There are a lot of books on open and poly, here are just a few that I know of. You can definitely be yourself with me, and I'd be happy to talk with you. I'm glad you could join our site.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Click to expand...
Hey, thanks Kevin. I don't tend to lurk much. I joined looking for a community to actively participate in, and I genuinely enjoy talking to and getting to know people.

Truthfully, I already know I've found my path.

I've actually read the guidelines twice. They basically come down to being respectful so you don't need to worry. I won't ever be an issue.

Evie said:
Hi Paul

Here's our pinned post with a bunch of different resources:


Welcome to the forum, we're here to bounce any thoughts off, or if you just want to journal, then feel free to start a thread in Life Stories and Blogs.
Click to expand...

Thank you Evie!

You've all given me so much to read.
You're fantastic! ❤️ This is already the most supportive community I've ever been a member of.
 
I'm glad we could be helpful.
 
I started listening to Multiamory last night and I've had it on pretty much constantly since then. This morning I also read the first chapter of The Ethical Slut and I've just been sitting and considering the degree of love and acceptance evident in the philosophy of the works. I did some googling inspired by The Ethical Slut and realized that I'm not by myself in being panromantic and heterosexual, and that it's perfectly acceptable under this philosophy. With open communication and mutual love and respect everyone involved can feel safe and fulfilled in their relationships. The joy I'm feeling right now is incredible. I'm so happy right now that I don't even know what to do with it, so I decided to share with you all. Thank you for all the links you've given me. The words don't exist to adequately express my gratitude.

You've literally changed my life in 24 hours. ❤️
 
It definitely sounds like open/poly is right for you. I'm glad Polyamory.com could be part of that exploration process for you. The fact that we could help you find joy, makes me happy.
 
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