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Roxygirl

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Hi,

So my husband and I are about 9 months into poly. I started out with 2 partners, but one was just sex and the other was just play, no sex. I wanted an emotional connection…

My husband couldn’t find anyone for a few months. He then found this lady that is a counselor. They are the same age. I’m 23 years younger than my husband.

I found a partner that fit everything I needed and then out of nowhere, after strong bonding emotionally, he said he couldn’t date. He had personal issues.

Now my husband has found this lady partner and she has HSV2. I’m clean. She always tries to counsel our relationship.

She wants to see him more. We agreed to every other weekend and now he wants more time with her.

I’m scared to sleep with my husband in fear I will get HSV2 and guys I’ve told about my husband's partner run away. As a result, I can’t find a partner. So I’ve given up. But im jealous that my husband has a partner and I don’t. We have kids and our relationship isn’t working well, yet he still asked for 2 weekends in a row.

I'm so lost… I'm hoping I can find some advice here! Thanks y’all for listening.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Greetings Roxygirl,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I'm sorry about your predicament. It is not fair for your husband to have a partner when you don't have a partner. Your husband is deep in NRE with this counselor lady, and he is trying to spend as much time with her as possible. He is not thinking straight; he needs to spend more time working on his relationship with you.

I looked at your other thread and responded there briefly, I think you may have better luck finding a partner if you get out there and meet some people in real life. I can sense that you are feeling frustrated; I hope your luck improves.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Hi Roxy. That sounds tough. If you want more responses, I can move your thread to the Relationships section. You'll probably get more responses there. Let me know.

Might I suggest some paragraph breaks to make your post more readable for our members? Some people won't even read a wall of text. You only have 12 hours to edit, but I can make paragraphs for you.
 
Hi Roxy. That sounds tough. If you want more responses, I can move your thread to the Relationships section. You'll probably get more responses there. Let me know.

Might I suggest some paragraph breaks to make your post more readable for our members? Some people won't even read a wall of text. You only have 12 hours to edit, but I can make paragraphs for you.
Ok ya sure thanks I’m not good at writing. At least there was punctuation. And u can move it I’m new to this site so idk how to navigate it yet…sorry
 
Ok ya sure thanks I’m not good at writing. At least there was punctuation. And u can move it I’m new to this site so idk how to navigate it yet…sorry
No problem at all!
 
The STI issue is tricky, yes, because everyone should be open about such things but at the same time it will scare some people away. That's difficult for you for sure.

Your husband's partner counseling your relationship, however, seems out of bounds. For one thing, she's only getting one side (unless you are talking to her too?). Obviously, people can't just turn off the skills they have, but that seems inappropriate and unprofessional. I'm dating someone who is a professional who helps people with relationship issues. However, she does not give me advice on my own relationships (including our own). I mean, we talk about these things, like anyone would, but she doesn't make pronouncements or use her expertise against me. You have every right to ask her to stop doing that.
 
Hi! Thank you for responding. I’ve tried to talk to her but she doesn’t like how forward I am about things. She’s also the type of person that thinks only bad stuff and never sees the positive… she also has like 32 years of experience and through a that in my face a lot through my husband and treats me like I’m 13….
I’m so new and I’m trying to figure this out but she will say stuff like “your text is unwelcome” and “you control your husband” (husband has severe ADD and has a hard time planning, making plans, watching time. I have to keep him “on schedule” so to speak) she doesn’t seem to understand this and when I try to text to clear the air cuz my husband had said something wrong she won’t read/ respond for days.
 
Hi Roxygirl,

Wow, your husband's other partner (the counselor) sounds like a royal pain in the keister! Is there any way you can stop interacting with her altogether? Just deal with your husband, without involving her. He has shown poor judgment in choosing her as a partner, but that is for him to worry about. You just negotiate for him to see to your needs, and let him worry about if/how that affects his relationship with her.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
Hi Roxygirl,

Wow, your husband's other partner (the counselor) sounds like a royal pain in the keister! Is there any way you can stop interacting with her altogether? Just deal with your husband, without involving her. He has shown poor judgment in choosing her as a partner, but that is for him to worry about. You just negotiate for him to see to your needs, and let him worry about if/how that affects his relationship with her.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
Idk love to not interact with her but unfortunately he tells her EVERYTHING! And my reactions to things upset her…so he’s working on it himself. But for now I’m controlling and liar…since he got a weekend confused and said I had plans 2 days when it was only for one…and she then thought it was me sabotaging there meeting.
 
It sounds like your husband is a "sloppy hinge." He doesn't know how to keep his relationships separate. You can ask him to not talk to her anymore about you, and you can certainly tell him to stop talking to you about her. But he may or may not honor your wishes (possibly because of his ADD). You are in a sucky situation, I feel for you.
 
Ya I asked him not to talk about me with her but he does… we r still new to this much for u both to learn. It’s why I’m on here trying to get advice. Thank you for responding so much very helpful.
 
No problem, I hope you get things sorted out.
 
Yeah, you deserve to have another partner too.
 
Hi,

So my husband and I are about 9 months into poly. I started out with 2 partners, but one was just sex and the other was just play, no sex. I wanted an emotional connection…

My husband couldn’t find anyone for a few months. He then found this lady that is a counselor. They are the same age. I’m 23 years younger than my husband.

I found a partner that fit everything I needed and then out of nowhere, after strong bonding emotionally, he said he couldn’t date. He had personal issues.

Now my husband has found this lady partner and she has HSV2. I’m clean. She always tries to counsel our relationship.

She wants to see him more. We agreed to every other weekend and now he wants more time with her.

I’m scared to sleep with my husband in fear I will get HSV2 and guys I’ve told about my husband's partner run away. As a result, I can’t find a partner. So I’ve given up. But im jealous that my husband has a partner and I don’t. We have kids and our relationship isn’t working well, yet he still asked for 2 weekends in a row.

I'm so lost… I'm hoping I can find some advice here! Thanks y’all for listening.
Does your husband wear a condom? Do you have an agreement about safe sex?
 
How have you husband and his gf been dating and how long have they been have sex or being intimate enough to transmit the virus.

How often is your husband tested for HSv2 and or other STI‘s and is the GF married and or with other partners ? How big is this network and or how experience is she in poly relationships ?

DO you think he’s going down a NRE fueled rabbit hole ?
 
They’ve been dating for a couple months, and they’ve only had sex once, he is about to get tested for HSV-2 the next week but he’s also in line to go see her next weekend. And no the NRE relationship has kind of drizzled out it’s more like NRE sexual relationship if that’s even a thing. She’s married with another partner. We’ve only been open probably for about nine months now we’re still learning.
 
They’ve been dating for a couple months, and they’ve only had sex once, he is about to get tested for HSV-2 the next week but he’s also in line to go see her next weekend.

I guess it’s time for you to become an expert on herpes. AND yeah I see your point what’s does a clean test really mean if your diving right back into that pool a few days later.

And no the NRE relationship has kind of drizzled out it’s more like NRE sexual relationship if that’s even a thing.
I’d say it’s a thing …actually it could be a really big thing.
She’s married with another partner. We’ve only been open probably for about nine months now we’re still learning.
How long has she and her husband been open ? And does her husband and other partner have multiple partners. And if so do any of them have herpes down there ? DIDNT Michael Douglas blame his throat cancer on this or was that something else ?
 
Um I believe they have been open for like 23 years. And her husband doesn’t have partners and the partner doesn’t either I believe. She just has herpes. She says she’s never passed it over to any of her previous 19 partners.
 
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