Omniamory

[nycindie]

I think perhaps it would have been more correct to refer to either a bisexual culture or a bisexual rights movement.

"Bisexual culture" makes me cringe more intensely than "poly lifestyle.

My point was that the word "movement" implies a kind of activism and fighting or petitioning for a cause, and I thought it odd when BU mentioned a "bisexual movement" rather than "bisexual rights movement," since a movement usually stands for something (or fill in the blank: bisexual ___ movement." If there is a "bisexual movement" - what does that mean, that the movement wants everyone to be bisexual? I mean there are plenty of people who are bisexual and just living their lives, not part of any movement. So, in that sense, I posited the term "bisexual culture," in case that's what she was referring to, meaning a group of people who were following certain agreed-upon standards of acceptance in order to belong to that group. I didn't mean to say whether there was or wasn't any of those.

I cringe in the same way when people say things like the "poly movement" as if everyone who lives poly is now supposed to be marching together. I mean, in the 1960s, my great-grandmother had her boyfriend living with her and my great-grandfather. Was she part of a poly movement? Of course not. I just think that some people tend to want to jump on a bandwagon and they assume everyone else wants to, too.

 

[Magdlyn]

My point was that the word "movement" implies a kind of activism and fighting or petitioning for a cause, and I thought it odd when BU mentioned a "bisexual movement" rather than "bisexual rights movement," since a movement usually stands for something (or fill in the blank: bisexual ___ movement." If there is a "bisexual movement" - what does that mean, that the movement wants everyone to be bisexual? I mean there are plenty of people who are bisexual and just living their lives, not part of any movement.

I just think there needs to be a lot more awareness amongst heteros and those that are definitely gay or lesbian that bi people do exist and we are not just "greedy" or "on the fence" or "need to pick a side." This kind of black/white thinking can be hateful, is dangerous, and causes confusion and fear, leading to abuse and ostracism.

 

[AnnabelMore]

I did that for a year or two. I happened to be in love with a female so i say i " thought i was gay". But i didn"t realize i was trying to fit in, not with a gay community, but just into the world around me as a gay person, whatever the hell that was supposed to mean... I am sure this was as ridiculous then as it sounds now.

I did the exact same thing way back, it's made me that much more determined to be bi and out and proud now so that maybe other people won't think everyone has to be "one way or the other."

 

[BlackUnicorn]

I did the exact same thing way back, it's made me that much more determined to be bi and out and proud now so that maybe other people won't think everyone has to be "one way or the other."

Ditto. And also, being involved with a man as I am, it would be a bit of a put down to say "You know, ACTUALLY, I'm gay." In that book I referenced, several writers pointed out (this was back in the '90s) that there was a surprising frequency of reported sexual contact with men among women who self-IDed as lesbians, and not just prior to coming out. So at least back then, there was a large group of lesbians who slept with men and didn't want to talk about it, and the authors put this down to biphobia. (Argh, THAT word again. )

As to Indie's original snark, I think "bisexual inclusion/recognition movement" or "movement for bisexual inclusion/recognition" would be closest to the mark, understood as a subset of the gay rights movement.

Bi Pride!

 

[AnnabelMore]

I recently put a bi pride flag (big pink stripe, thin purple stripe, big blue stripe) on my car. It was a big step for me since I usually don't use my vehicle to advertise personal identity stuff, but in this case I thought the issue of visibility was important enough to make it worth it... despite the fact that most people aren't yet familiar with the bi flag, maybe curiosity will make them track it down when they see it on my car, who knows.

 

[TruckerPete]

I recently put a bi pride flag (big pink stripe, thin purple stripe, big blue stripe) on my car. It was a big step for me since I usually don't use my vehicle to advertise personal identity stuff, but in this case I thought the issue of visibility was important enough to make it worth it... despite the fact that most people aren't yet familiar with the bi flag, maybe curiosity will make them track it down when they see it on my car, who knows.

Are bi people even familiar with this??

 

[AnnabelMore]

Are bi people even familiar with this??

Well maybe a few more are now if they read this post.

Anyways, I got the sticker at my city's pride fest, and while certainly not everyone had it multiple vendors had multiple styles of the bi flag, so it can't be *entirely* underground. They wouldn't stock it if there was no demand whatsoever. So there!

 

[TruckerPete]

So there!

Hehehe.

 

[Minxxa]

I just think there needs to be a lot more awareness amongst heteros and those that are definitely gay or lesbian that bi people do exist and we are not just "greedy" or "on the fence" or "need to pick a side." This kind of black/white thinking can be hateful, is dangerous, and causes confusion and fear, leading to abuse and ostracism.

My two experiences from the Pride weekend this summer (which I had a FABULOUS time at, by the way!)--

I went dancing with a group of bisexual women I know (met at a meetup group a few years ago). We had drinks and dinner, then moseyed down the street and hit one club (mostly guys) early, on our way to the other club that had the hot chick go-go dancers. My girls were sitting down. I went up to the bar to get a drink and a guy comes up to me and says, "Did you realize this was Pride weekend?"



"Umm... yeah, thanks I did."

I apparently looked too hetero.

Then we went to the dance club and had a ton of fun. One of the girls with us was this newer, cute little girl. She'd never met up with anybody before, was married, and younger (I think early to mid twenties). She was dancing with a girl and the girl asked her about herself and she said she was bisexual and married. The girl turned around and walked away.



Poor thing. She was so excited to be there and to meet other women. And that kind of thing happens all of the time to most of the bi women I know.

Ah well...

 

[River]

Yup, us bi folk often get unfriendly reactions from both gay/lesbian and straight folks.

"The girl turned around and walked away."

That's certainly no way to treat a human being!

 

[calypsoblu]

Oh baby, but you haven't seen my bedpost!

With comments like these, you all crack me up sometimes..

 

[trueRiver]

Yup, us bi folk often get unfriendly reactions from both gay/lesbian and straight folks.

"The girl turned around and walked away."

That's certainly no way to treat a human being!

Hello River, my namesake!

This certainly is no way to treat a fellow human. Certainly bisexual people get this a lot, and so do polyamorous people. It is not clear to me in this case whether the reaction was anti-bi, anti-poly, or both. Many bisexual people still endorse monoamory, and therefore do not want to flirt with someone who says they are married.

It doesn't make the reaction right. If it was because the woman was monoamorous, she still should have handled it less hurtfully.

Don't forget, there are also people around like me, hettie but 'biphilic.' I.e., I actually prefer bisexual ladies to straight ones. That's irrational too, but maybe a friendlier irrationality.

Of course, I would not reject someone just for being hettie, nor just for being monoamorous.

 

[JWanda]

poly already includes zero and one

I agree totally, TP. I would go further by saying polyamory MUST mean more than one relationship. We seem to be critical of monoamorists who have chosen awarely to be monoamorous.

If we assert that poly includes the ability to accept any number, this has two benefits:
- makes us easier for others to understand
- makes us less threatening to them

Zero partners is also a valid number, for polyamorous people who are temporarily celibate by choice.

This point is addressed, in different ways, by posts linked from my sig...

Instead of omniamorous, I prefer polyflexible for those of us (I am one) who are open to the idea that our next primary relationship could be monoamorous or polyamorous This choice of word keeps 'polyamory' in view, and makes it clear that this particular polyamorous person is open to a medium/long term monoamorous relationship as one of a range of options.

I think polyflexible does most of what RP wanted, but without the disadvantages, and is easier to understand and remember.

I also prefer polyflexible, and that is how I would identify. I have never been polyamorous, in the sense that I have never had multiple partners at the same time; but I have a partner who does. I am capable of having multiple partners and am open to the possibility, but I don't intentionally seek it or feel the need for it.

Some could make the argument that I am polyamorous, however, because I do have multiple intimate friendships in which physical attraction and physical affection (cuddling, holding hands, embracing, pecks on the lips) are mutual expressions of love and intimacy within our relationship, but we do not interact sexually or sensually, and there is no attachment of expectations or desire for an established label of "partnership" or sexual relationship. Our relationship is defined only by a continuing commitment and desire to love each other as implicitly embodied in our words, deeds, feelings, and behavior for each other.

So, my question is: do your relationships define you, or do you define your relationships?

The definition of omni as a prefix is:
1. all; of all things (as in "omniscient")
2. in all ways or places (as in "omnicompetent")

In this way, I think omniamory would be better used as a universal ideal in general. It has nothing to do with intimate, romantic, sexual, partnership. Rather, it could be considered a Spirit of Love, the commitment or capacity to love all beings in the purest sense, independent of personal relationship and interest.

 

[JWanda]

I suspect that most of the folks hung up on "labels" have such a problem with terms because they don't really understand what the terms mean or, at least, haven't thought it through. They take a term and hang lots of detritus on it well beyond its meaning. They take a term that means "X" and claim it means "X+Y+Z" and thus it's a bad, bad term. In this instance, they ascribe extra meanings to "polyamorous" and insist that a new term is needed.

Polyamorous refers to having multiple, romantic relationships as a form of ethical nonmonogamy. One can identify as polyamorous, meaning one has a preference for having multiple romances at once, or one can simply engage in polyamorous arrangements without having any strong preference for such. Anybody--whether identifying as poly or not--can engage in poly arrangements or mono arrangements and simply say so. There is absolutely nothing about the term "polyamory" that precludes monogamous relationships.

I, who identify as polyamorous, can have monoamorous or polyamorous relationships as I see fit. NeonKaos, who does not identify as polyamorous, can engage in polyamorous arrangements or monoamorous arrangements as they see fit. The use of the term "polyamory" in no fashion affects any of that. It is a term that describes an approach to romantic relationships and doesn't preclude anything.

Polyamory is not some restrictive, prescriptive, proscriptive bogeyman of a word that imprisons people so that they need saving by another term.

I agree with this, in principle. However, it seems people need labels to attach meaning to, especially people who think in dichotomies. I have never been polyamorous, or considered myself polyamorous, in the sense that I have never actually had multiple partners at the same time; but I have a partner who does. Some would say that I am a mono dating a poly, but that's not really true either. I think polyflexible is an appropriate description because I am also capable of having multiple partners, and am open to the possibility, but I personally don't intentionally seek or feel the need for multiple partners. I am indifferent, really, because my identity and my capacity to "love" someone is not defined by partnership preferences or relationship practices.

 

[kdt26417]

Hello JWanda,
Welcome to the forum.

I consider myself polyamorous, both because I am okay with my partner having another partner, and because I am open to having another partner myself. For quite a few years, I just had one partner, while that partner had two partners (myself and her husband). I still considered myself to be poly, even then.

The word "omniamory" seems a bit dramatic, but I would get behind it if it caught on and became very popular. Sort of how I feel about "throuple" and "compersion." But right now I draw the line at "polyam." I don't want to get behind that style of abbreviation.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[JWanda]

Hello JWanda,
Welcome to the forum.

I consider myself polyamorous, both because I am okay with my partner having another partner, and because I am open to having another partner myself. For quite a few years, I just had one partner, while that partner had two partners (myself and her husband). I still considered myself to be poly, even then.

The word "omniamory" seems a bit dramatic, but I would get behind it if it caught on and became very popular. Sort of how I feel about "throuple" and "compersion." But right now I draw the line at "polyam." I don't want to get behind that style of abbreviation.

Regards,
Kevin T.

Thanks, Kevin. I appreciate the greeting, and I appreciate yours and everyone else’s contributions to the discussion. I find it all really fascinating and provocative to think we are all essentially co-discovering, co-exploring and co-creating uncharted territory that’s both exciting and important.

I agree that “omniamory” sounds like a stretch, and I don’t think it fits within the context of personal love relationships. But I could see using it as a general term for one’s perspective of relating to the world in love and goodwill towards all.

Johnny

 

[Bobbi]

Omniamorous- enjoying being in either poly or monogamous relationships.

I think the word you are looking for is "ambiamory," meaning either or or both, like ambidextrous means using both hands. I don’t hate omniamory, though. I believe I could be happy with either, depending on my relationship statuses and the relationship with the partner who wants to be monoamorous. It would be a rare person indeed that I would be monoamorous for.

That being said, I’d shy away from getting deeply involved with someone who claimed to be that way without a lot of further discussion. I'm not looking to date someone who would flip flop over the next NRE that came along and wanted to be mono.

I do like polyflexible though. I already use heteroflexible and find it feels like a good fit. Although I don’t use labels to define who I am, it’s nice when I don’t have to give an overly long explanation if people know general terms. If they need more clarification, they can ask.

 

[lucidmagus]

Omniamorous- enjoying being in either poly or monogamous relationships.

I Just read this in a FB group I am in and wondered if others know something about it. It kind of makes sense to me, as some people say they are polyamorous because it is convenient right now, or because they want to date. They might settle into monoamory if the right person came by. Perhaps they would consider identifying as omniamorous if it were used more often. Thoughts?

You have it exactly wrong!

"Omni" means "all," and therefore the etymology translates to a love of everything, similar to the golden rule of Jeebus, but even more inclusive than god, yourself, your neighbor and your enemies.

Look, everything means everything. Don't go getting all confused thinking it means this or that.

It doesn't mean "either/or," anything involving duality. What it really means is infinity. Who can find the end of everything?

I would say this orientation to Love is definitely the hardest one of all. I have only found one person in the whole omniverse who actually does that.

Love is action, not merely orientation or positioning.

Words are cheap, as you know. But cheap tricks are fun!

So yeah, nobody is omniamorous except for Me.