heartoflove
New member
Hello,
It's my first time posting on here and I'm hoping to get some advice on my situation.
I became part of a polycule. Two people married and myself as the new member. We all made it clear that we had separate relationships with each other and also enjoyed our energy all together. I understand that they made it clear that in polyamory that there is not a hierarchy within how they do poly which is important to me.
They used to live where I live and now they live out of state and I went to visit for the first time. They we're very kind about wanting me to come live there with them. During my trip I found out that they were trying to get pregnant and it really threw me off. I know I talked about them and if they might want kids and they said they did. I understood that to be in the far future and not in the near future. I was really thrown off realizing that they were not using protection and trying (but not trying hard) for a child and could be pregnant. I felt hurt that it wasn't throughly discussed with me. I feel like our dynamic is new enough that I'm not sure how we all fit into each others lives. Right now, I feel deeply opposed to children and I've always had a no child policy for dating. They have made it very clear that I don't have to be involved in the child's life but, I don't see how that's a possibility and being partners with them. I imagined us living together and I don't feel comfortable living with a child. I also, don't see how they will have time for me when the child is born.
My ideal of what I would have liked is to move up there either with them or close to them and be able to be nomadic with them. Backpack the world, be able to go to festivals, decide to leave on a whim for a month to create art at artist residency, and be free and wild. To me it sounds like they're settling down to have a family though one of them keeps telling me that they aren't settling down and that he wouldn't settle down.
There's a lot of other factors coming up that makes this even more convoluted but, I don't feel like I can share them on here at this time.
I feel like I would be giving up my life where I live to live by them and try to pursue a serious relationship with them and I'm not comfortable with a child in the picture. And I feel like they don't understand why children are so hard on me.
I'm not fully sure what I'm looking for with this post. I would like some advice from anyone who has been in this experience. I'm not sure what to do because it's clear that I don't want children nor want partners with children and I feel that it shifts dynamics. I can tell they don't feel that it shifts dynamics and have compared it do me having a dog which to me is a world of difference for lots of reasons.
They are now uncertain about having a child now and I fear that I'm ruining their plans. I also don't want to give up my life to shift to what they want. And I'm not sure how to make any of this work. If it's even possible to make it work. I've been trying to read about polyamory and parenting but, everything is about groups raising children together. I haven't found anything on someone in my position.
Thank you in advance for everyones thoughts on this subject.
It's my first time posting on here and I'm hoping to get some advice on my situation.
I became part of a polycule. Two people married and myself as the new member. We all made it clear that we had separate relationships with each other and also enjoyed our energy all together. I understand that they made it clear that in polyamory that there is not a hierarchy within how they do poly which is important to me.
They used to live where I live and now they live out of state and I went to visit for the first time. They we're very kind about wanting me to come live there with them. During my trip I found out that they were trying to get pregnant and it really threw me off. I know I talked about them and if they might want kids and they said they did. I understood that to be in the far future and not in the near future. I was really thrown off realizing that they were not using protection and trying (but not trying hard) for a child and could be pregnant. I felt hurt that it wasn't throughly discussed with me. I feel like our dynamic is new enough that I'm not sure how we all fit into each others lives. Right now, I feel deeply opposed to children and I've always had a no child policy for dating. They have made it very clear that I don't have to be involved in the child's life but, I don't see how that's a possibility and being partners with them. I imagined us living together and I don't feel comfortable living with a child. I also, don't see how they will have time for me when the child is born.
My ideal of what I would have liked is to move up there either with them or close to them and be able to be nomadic with them. Backpack the world, be able to go to festivals, decide to leave on a whim for a month to create art at artist residency, and be free and wild. To me it sounds like they're settling down to have a family though one of them keeps telling me that they aren't settling down and that he wouldn't settle down.
There's a lot of other factors coming up that makes this even more convoluted but, I don't feel like I can share them on here at this time.
I feel like I would be giving up my life where I live to live by them and try to pursue a serious relationship with them and I'm not comfortable with a child in the picture. And I feel like they don't understand why children are so hard on me.
I'm not fully sure what I'm looking for with this post. I would like some advice from anyone who has been in this experience. I'm not sure what to do because it's clear that I don't want children nor want partners with children and I feel that it shifts dynamics. I can tell they don't feel that it shifts dynamics and have compared it do me having a dog which to me is a world of difference for lots of reasons.
They are now uncertain about having a child now and I fear that I'm ruining their plans. I also don't want to give up my life to shift to what they want. And I'm not sure how to make any of this work. If it's even possible to make it work. I've been trying to read about polyamory and parenting but, everything is about groups raising children together. I haven't found anything on someone in my position.
Thank you in advance for everyones thoughts on this subject.