Mags, V's are just as poly as triads, OPP or not, and they're polyamorous if they identify as such. It's not really for you to paste labels on someone else.
Poly-Dating: How to meet like-minded people
- Thread starter LookingforThird
- Start date
Or in other words, "My poly is better than your poly"?
NathandDom
New member
Love > sex
I think you're confusing polyamory with polysexual. I want another woman to join our family, and I want to love her. Sex and love are not the same thing. I am not bisexual. If I love another woman, I'm not going to rule out sexual activities, but we make sure to put forward that that is not something we are specifically looking for. We'd rather be completely upfront about our intentions than let someone enter our relationship with misconceptions.
I think you're confusing polyamory with polysexual. I want another woman to join our family, and I want to love her. Sex and love are not the same thing. I am not bisexual. If I love another woman, I'm not going to rule out sexual activities, but we make sure to put forward that that is not something we are specifically looking for. We'd rather be completely upfront about our intentions than let someone enter our relationship with misconceptions.
I'm just being technical. There is no "better than you" about it from this end.
A V is composed of one person with two lovers, where those two lovers do not have sex. The two lovers (who don't have sex with each other) are called metamours (or in this case, perhaps sister wives).
A triad, technically, is three people in love and all having sex, either in threeways or one-on-one. All three people are lovers or paramours, or whatever you want to call them.
Please get your panties unbunched, people.
A V is composed of one person with two lovers, where those two lovers do not have sex. The two lovers (who don't have sex with each other) are called metamours (or in this case, perhaps sister wives).
A triad, technically, is three people in love and all having sex, either in threeways or one-on-one. All three people are lovers or paramours, or whatever you want to call them.
Please get your panties unbunched, people.
This post above is a technical definition post. Your previous one, not so much.
redpepper
Active member
I thought you were looking for a unicorn too, by virtue of the fact that you post from one account, and because of your intro post that starts with this:
Sorry for the derailment of topic.
... and talks of poly-fi along with that. (I didn't read the whole thread though.) No biggy, but it is confusing. I can understand where Mags got confused. I was.
Sorry for the derailment of topic.
IndieSolo
Active member
Back to the OP, vanille, and her hubs Armani:
Just remember that it's not a race. The two of you do not need to both find additional partners to keep up with each other, be equal or fair, or anything like that. Generally, women will have an easier time finding potential partners than men will. Consider this a blessing. Poly is new to you. Let's say Vanille finds an OSO first. Instead of being anxious for Armani to find a woman, too, so you can both have one (sounds kids wanting toys, right?), let the change to your relationship sink in.
It will be a new dynamic of three, no longer two. There will likely be NRE to handle, as well as time management issues. See what you need to do to feel safe about Vanille dating men from the internet. Take each small step slowly. Don't be in such a hurry. It could be several months before a woman open to poly messages Armani.
Just remember that it's not a race. The two of you do not need to both find additional partners to keep up with each other, be equal or fair, or anything like that. Generally, women will have an easier time finding potential partners than men will. Consider this a blessing. Poly is new to you. Let's say Vanille finds an OSO first. Instead of being anxious for Armani to find a woman, too, so you can both have one (sounds kids wanting toys, right?), let the change to your relationship sink in.
It will be a new dynamic of three, no longer two. There will likely be NRE to handle, as well as time management issues. See what you need to do to feel safe about Vanille dating men from the internet. Take each small step slowly. Don't be in such a hurry. It could be several months before a woman open to poly messages Armani.
cuninglingwist
Banned
lovemaggy
Let me understand. You're bisexual and looking for a relationship with another female that will not be sexually available to your man, only you as her primary, and her as the secondary, and he is ok with it. On the surface it sounds a little selfish to most people, almost being protective of what you have with your man.
To me, I would say you are the dominant factor in knowing what you want, and what you don't want, and going for it, and that's ok.
You may want to try looking outside of poly. There are a lot of submissive bisexual females that are looking for a dominant mistress to cater to sexually. Not that you have to be overbearing or treat her like crap. Amazingly, many people think all submissives want this, but it's not true. Most bi female submissives have a real need to sexually serve a bi female mistress, to give up her control to only her primary (you), happy to be the secondary, knowing your man is off limits to her, unless she is directed only by you to give herself to him. This might be an interesting scenario once you have trust and feel you have full control of her and do not feel threatened.
I think it's worth looking at as an option. I personally think an openminded bi female is the best woman a open-minded man can have. However, it's important that your man understands your bisexual needs must be met in any way you see fit. After all, it's a huge part of who you are as a beautiful bisexual woman.
Let me understand. You're bisexual and looking for a relationship with another female that will not be sexually available to your man, only you as her primary, and her as the secondary, and he is ok with it. On the surface it sounds a little selfish to most people, almost being protective of what you have with your man.
To me, I would say you are the dominant factor in knowing what you want, and what you don't want, and going for it, and that's ok.
You may want to try looking outside of poly. There are a lot of submissive bisexual females that are looking for a dominant mistress to cater to sexually. Not that you have to be overbearing or treat her like crap. Amazingly, many people think all submissives want this, but it's not true. Most bi female submissives have a real need to sexually serve a bi female mistress, to give up her control to only her primary (you), happy to be the secondary, knowing your man is off limits to her, unless she is directed only by you to give herself to him. This might be an interesting scenario once you have trust and feel you have full control of her and do not feel threatened.
I think it's worth looking at as an option. I personally think an openminded bi female is the best woman a open-minded man can have. However, it's important that your man understands your bisexual needs must be met in any way you see fit. After all, it's a huge part of who you are as a beautiful bisexual woman.
Bluecircle
New member
How did you meet your partner(s)?
Good Morning Everyone,
I am new here and to polyamory and have a million questions. Those of you who are in committed relationships, would you share with me how you met your partners? I am just curious how all this came together for you. Thank you!
Good Morning Everyone,
I am new here and to polyamory and have a million questions. Those of you who are in committed relationships, would you share with me how you met your partners? I am just curious how all this came together for you. Thank you!
Mya
Member
I met my ex-husband in a bank.
My girlfriend and I were using the same forum, which is not poly or dating related. We noticed each other's writings, met face-to-face as friends, and it developed from there. We were both in open relationships when we met and that's how our poly life started. After discussions with our other partners, things got serious quite quickly.
My FWB was originally a friend of a friend.
My girlfriend and I were using the same forum, which is not poly or dating related. We noticed each other's writings, met face-to-face as friends, and it developed from there. We were both in open relationships when we met and that's how our poly life started. After discussions with our other partners, things got serious quite quickly.
My FWB was originally a friend of a friend.
CattivaGattina
New member
I met my fiancee through a mutual friend at a Pride Festival in St Louis.
I met my female owner and boyfriend through the St Louis Renaissance Festival. (We were friends for 2 years and 3 years before any relationship started there).
My male owner I met through my female owner at a bar we frequent (since they are dating).
I met my female owner and boyfriend through the St Louis Renaissance Festival. (We were friends for 2 years and 3 years before any relationship started there).
My male owner I met through my female owner at a bar we frequent (since they are dating).
Hannahfluke
Member
My husband and I met in a class in junior high when I was in 7th grade and he was in 8th grade. We didn't start dating until the end of my sophomore and his junior year in high school, though.
My boyfriend and I met last year at a friend's Halloween party. (Until he showed up, he had no idea it was at a guy's house that he had just spent a year in Iraq with.) A girl my boyfriend was casually dating invited him after he texted her that his plans had fallen through for the night, apparently telling him it was an orgy, which is funny, because other than a vacuum bed being played around with in one of the basement rooms, it was a relatively tame party. He gave me his phone number, and since I had enjoyed kissing him at the party, I decided to see if he was my type. I texted him the next day to try to find out more about him. We got together for coffee two days after the party and have been seeing each other a couple times a week ever since, except when one or the other of us has been out of town.
The good majority of other people I've dated I've met at the local polyamory support group. They've caught my eye at meetings so I've usually been able to find them on OKCupid and ask them out. One person lived in South Carolina and I met him on polymatchmaker.com. Another person I met at parties hosted by friends from the poly community. I have met a couple people on OKCupid, but both of those I only went on a couple dates with before it fizzled.
My boyfriend and I met last year at a friend's Halloween party. (Until he showed up, he had no idea it was at a guy's house that he had just spent a year in Iraq with.) A girl my boyfriend was casually dating invited him after he texted her that his plans had fallen through for the night, apparently telling him it was an orgy, which is funny, because other than a vacuum bed being played around with in one of the basement rooms, it was a relatively tame party. He gave me his phone number, and since I had enjoyed kissing him at the party, I decided to see if he was my type. I texted him the next day to try to find out more about him. We got together for coffee two days after the party and have been seeing each other a couple times a week ever since, except when one or the other of us has been out of town.
The good majority of other people I've dated I've met at the local polyamory support group. They've caught my eye at meetings so I've usually been able to find them on OKCupid and ask them out. One person lived in South Carolina and I met him on polymatchmaker.com. Another person I met at parties hosted by friends from the poly community. I have met a couple people on OKCupid, but both of those I only went on a couple dates with before it fizzled.
Since ex-husbands have been mentioned, I met mine on a political forum. The relationship wasn't polyamorous at first. though.
I met my boyfriend (currently my only partner) on a chatroom for the gaming company where he worked. I knew I was polyamorous by then. He mentioned that he was, and we started talking a lot, although I never expected it to move past a friendship.
I met my boyfriend (currently my only partner) on a chatroom for the gaming company where he worked. I knew I was polyamorous by then. He mentioned that he was, and we started talking a lot, although I never expected it to move past a friendship.
LovingRadiance
Active member
I met dh at a school event when I was 13. I met bf at work when I was 18.