Poly life and careers
- Thread starter Mikelowry
- Start date
There are two ways that come to mind that polyamory could affect one's career.
- a job requires you to move, and your nesting partner/spouse is willing and able to move along with you, but your OSO is not going to do that.
- coming out as polyamorous could be viewed negatively at work, and cause issues, even job loss
Which one are you dealing with, or is it something else?
- a job requires you to move, and your nesting partner/spouse is willing and able to move along with you, but your OSO is not going to do that.
- coming out as polyamorous could be viewed negatively at work, and cause issues, even job loss
Which one are you dealing with, or is it something else?
Or don't come out. Seems to me those are the only two choices, unless management is open-minded and willing to overlook your dating status.
That would be VERY difficult. We are blessed by 2/3 of our triad working remote (so no issues there), and Taylor having a job that really doesn't care. (He doesn't advertise at work AT ALL, but they are pretty open and not invasive in privacy in general, so he also doesn't feel he has to like HIDE, which is nice.)
So far, work has been a blessing for us. 2 of us come from fairly poor backgrounds. We all make solid salaries, but not like BIG bucks. Going from 3 households, to 1 household on 3 incomes, is really opening things up for us financially, both individually (everyone gets 30% of their salary to save or spend) and collectively (the house, trips, eating out). Before this I couldn't have *imagined* being able to save 30% of my salary, and that's while doing LESS fun stuff than we think we'll be able to do.
The problem, as the OP says, is how it all goes back to public perception. There are a LOT of jobs that would try to push you out if they discovered the lifestyle, and that is SCARY.
So far, work has been a blessing for us. 2 of us come from fairly poor backgrounds. We all make solid salaries, but not like BIG bucks. Going from 3 households, to 1 household on 3 incomes, is really opening things up for us financially, both individually (everyone gets 30% of their salary to save or spend) and collectively (the house, trips, eating out). Before this I couldn't have *imagined* being able to save 30% of my salary, and that's while doing LESS fun stuff than we think we'll be able to do.
The problem, as the OP says, is how it all goes back to public perception. There are a LOT of jobs that would try to push you out if they discovered the lifestyle, and that is SCARY.
Hello Mikelowry,
Polyamorists do not always let friends, family, and/or coworkers know about their polyness. I have that situation myself, my two poly companions keep their polyness a secret from their coworkers, they are worried that they'll lose their jobs if they come out as poly. We also keep it a secret from friends and family for the most part.
Regards,
Kevin T.
Polyamorists do not always let friends, family, and/or coworkers know about their polyness. I have that situation myself, my two poly companions keep their polyness a secret from their coworkers, they are worried that they'll lose their jobs if they come out as poly. We also keep it a secret from friends and family for the most part.
Regards,
Kevin T.
dingedheart
Well-known member
Hey Mike. I’m assuming you or some configuration of the other partners are married, right? If so, how long?
Also, I think geographic location seems to make a difference. Any chance of moving/transferring?
Also, I think geographic location seems to make a difference. Any chance of moving/transferring?
LaminarFlow
Well-known member
It depends how comfortable or uncomfortable you are with editing your speech and behaviour.
My partner's and my job are quite poly-friendly, but I have a meta that works in a conservative environment and wouldn't come out. He loves his job, and keeps keeps his career and private life separate as he mostly works an hour away from where he lives.
Weigh in how much you love your job, relocate, or find a new place that is more poly-friendly.
My partner's and my job are quite poly-friendly, but I have a meta that works in a conservative environment and wouldn't come out. He loves his job, and keeps keeps his career and private life separate as he mostly works an hour away from where he lives.
Weigh in how much you love your job, relocate, or find a new place that is more poly-friendly.
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Kynde
Active member
Yes--- I could never be "out" at work. My partner's wife-- she would be fired for sure. For that reason I am very private about my private life . . it's no one's business but mine. Same with his wife. Although in her case I can never be known to her adult children, friends, etc. Many of the friends are related to her work. They have parties and I am invited, but I don't go because Id have to pretend I was just a friend. It's what we all signed up for, and I'm okay with it.
There's degrees to everything.
If you're, like, a financial analyst than your coworkers probably would not appreciate you talking about having two lovers. But the company won't fire you if you're seen on a poly munch or over some gossip. You can keep work/life separate with a reasonable effort. Whether you can post poly pictures and texts on your own social media, that might vary based on your companies code of conduct.
If you're like a teacher or a therapist you will want to keep your dating life secret from your kids or clients. That means no social media. But you can still be out to trusted friends, and if you live in a reasonably big anonymous city you can be seen publicly with both partners (or at least one at a time...).
If you're a politician, a public figure, work on tv, etc. and everything depends on your public image, well, that might be tough.
If you're, like, a financial analyst than your coworkers probably would not appreciate you talking about having two lovers. But the company won't fire you if you're seen on a poly munch or over some gossip. You can keep work/life separate with a reasonable effort. Whether you can post poly pictures and texts on your own social media, that might vary based on your companies code of conduct.
If you're like a teacher or a therapist you will want to keep your dating life secret from your kids or clients. That means no social media. But you can still be out to trusted friends, and if you live in a reasonably big anonymous city you can be seen publicly with both partners (or at least one at a time...).
If you're a politician, a public figure, work on tv, etc. and everything depends on your public image, well, that might be tough.
I suspect however that I didn't answer your question.
Maybe you're asking from the position of the "secondary" partner who would like some more recognition for their relationship. Is that it? Would you be willing to share more specifics about your situation and feelings?
Maybe you're asking from the position of the "secondary" partner who would like some more recognition for their relationship. Is that it? Would you be willing to share more specifics about your situation and feelings?