Poly on purpose

[Freetime]

Is this correct, FT? You met Feedhercandy here on this board, and you and Tess are in a quad arrangement with Tilly and Mike? This second scenario is something so many polys seem to want, and very seldom find.


Sorry about your friend's violent end.

I met Tilly through her husband Mike. I met FHC when she contacted me through our local poly group. She and her husband have become friends Tess and I love to hang out with. Very very cool people.

The quad dynamic requires that I be aware of 11 different relationships, just within the quad itself, at any given time. No wonder I have zero time for backsliding.

My measure of what makes my time with FHC and Tilly into relationships, as opposed to dating, is the level of ontimacy. A deep level of intimacy can be created in a short period of time, if both parties agree to do so. I was fortunate that Tilly and FHC were honest and courageous.

When I talk of intimacy, I'm not referring to sex (although that's a lot of fun), but of spiritual, emotional and intellectual intimacy. Scary stuff when you jump into it like I did, but worth it.

Don't stop.
Don't slow down.
Never back up.
Always forward.

Been an interesting 96 days.

And thanks for the thought about my friend.

 

[Freetime]

Odd little thoughts

I'm becoming attached. I talk a good talk about living in the moment, enjoying the journey, etc. I genuinely like and love these people. I'm smart enough to see just how truly fragile these new friendships/loves really are.

Goodnight Tess, FHC, Tilly. I'm truly grateful for you showing up in my life. I smile and feel joy at the thought of you.

Be well,
Freetime

 

[SpiritGirl]

I've noticed on another thread some skepticism about how quickly Freetime has developed loving feelings for Tilly and FHC.

Both Freetime and I develop loving bonds very quickly. He proposed to me 13 days after we met, and we married 4 months after that. We've now been together for 20 years. So, although other people might require much more time to develop a close loving bond, that's not the case for either of us. (For those of you who are fans of Myers-Briggs, we are both strong Feelers.)

 

[Freetime]

Proof the universe loves me

Tess and FHC are on a girls' night out together. I offered to chauffeur, as there would be drinking. I am very glad I did, as I just had the pleasure of kissing my wife and my girlfriend good-bye, in the same car in the same city in the same universe. Yes, I know, a lot of excitement over such a simple thing. What can I say? They both know how to kiss!

 

[rubyslippers]

Poly on purpose

So as not to be a "lurker," I want you to know, Freetime, that your journey, and those of the people who helped refloat your boat and tow it off the shoals, is insightful and real.

 

[Freetime]

Rubbyslippers, I appreciate the support and warm wishes. My life changes daily, but the people in it are truly wonderful.

 

[dingedheart]

With your newfound-poly life, you might have to change your user name to Very Little Freetime, or VLFreetime for short.

Have fun, D

 

[Freetime]

With your newfound-poly life, you may have to change your user name to Very Little Freetime.

Well, if things keep going in the direction they did today, I'll have all the free time I did when this began. I scared one gf this am, had the other leave suddenly, with little explanation, this afternoon, and if my wife's bf gets any more fucking perfect, I may just pull the pin on this whole deal.

I'm still having the time of my life, but I'm also a realist. I am well aware I'm juggling live hand grenades here. But then again, I always did love a challenge.

Motorcycle, open road, no particular destination. Would be interesting to see where I'd go... or if I'd come back.

This still looks and feels like an episode of Fantasy Island, and just like the show, at the end of every episode the guests have to return to reality.

Don't stop.
Don't slow down.
Never back up.
Always forward.

Be well, folks,
Freetime

 

[rubyslippers]

Good luck, Freetime. Wear a helmet. But I'm dying to know... what evolved to devolve your run of a good time?

 

[dingedheart]

I remember you talking about getting a motorcycle, didn't know you had. That was perfectly played. You are my new hero. What kind of bike did you get?

I'd start with a day or weekend trip first.

As far as these relationship stumbles, learning curves and issues, just figure out what happened and make the appropriate corrections. You'll be fine. You could be overthinking everything. Blame it on NRE and move on.

Head up Put your helmet on, cup on. This is full-contact love. Get back in the game. Go have some fun.

 

[Magdlyn]

Well, if things keep going in the direction they did today, I'll have all the free time I did when this began. I scared one gf this am, had the other leave suddenly, with little explanation, this afternoon.

Scared her? How? She left with no explanation, and you really have no idea why?

If my wife's bf gets any more fucking perfect, I may just pull the pin on this whole deal.

Isn't Tess worth the best? You wouldn't want a less-than-great guy for your best beloved, one who didn't treat her right, surely?

 

[Carma]

Freetime, I guess your wife knows how to pick a winner. She chose you.

 

[IndieSolo]

Head up. Put your helmet on, cup on. This is full-contact love. Get back in the game. Go have some fun.

Isn't Tess worth the best? You wouldn't want a less-than-great guy for your best beloved, surely?

This and this!

Life's just a great big fucking adventure, dear. Roll with it. It doesn't do anyone any good to pull up short and screech to a halt. That's how you get whiplash.

 

[Freetime]

FUCK! Nothing makes sense. Then again, I'm not sure it was ever meant to.

We now return to our regularly-scheduled program.

 

[Feedhercandy]

There's me, and then there's the forum me

I haven't had the time to keep up with the forum for the past few weeks, and it has been an interesting experience to come back and read posts that mention moments and emotions involving me. I've never had the experience (I think I will use this word a lot in this post, sorry) of reading a review of a date someone has had with me, followed by advice and questions regarding it. So very, very interesting. Both my husband and boyfriend are very private people, and I, though a talker, tend to keep my most personal experiences quite private.

I decided to add to this thread, instead of starting my own, because I seem to exist most tangibly (on this forum, at least) through it.

Someone questioned Freetime recently regarding his choice to use the word gf to describe the non-marital women in his life. Funnily enough, he and I had the same conversation today, since this term, for me, denotes commitment and a certain depth of potential expectations. It is not a term that I would use easily, and its use, after a very short period of time, makes me, frankly, twitchy.

One of the things I love about the poly experience is the amount and depth of communication that needs to take place for any actual relationship progress to be made. (Did I say progress? I meant continuance.) I wonder if that is true for the majority of poly relationships. The popular book advice seems to suggest so, but I wonder if actual human reality matches it, the way it has for me.

And this forum, even more so when having your "people" participating in it, makes at least some of the communication that much more transparent and referencable.

 

[Freetime]

I remember you talking about getting a motorcycle, didn't know you had. That was perfectly played. What kind of bike did you get? I'd start with a day or weekend trip first.

As far as these relationship stumbles, learning-curve issues, just figure out what happened and make the appropriate corrections. You could be overthinking everything. Blame it on NRE and move on.

Head up. Put your helmet and cup on. This is full-contact love. Get back in the game. Go have some fun.

Sorry, brother, no bike yet, just the desire and will to have it. To have all of it. Thanks for the thought, though. The bike isn't that far off, and neither is the rest of it.

 

[Freetime]

I haven't had the time to keep up with the forum for the past few weeks, and it has been an interesting experience to come back and read posts that mention moments / emotions involving me. I've never had the experience (I think I will use this word a lot in this post - sorry) of reading a review of a date someone has had with me, followed by advice and questions regarding it. So very, very interesting. Both my husband and boyfriend are very private people and I, though a talker, tend to keep my most personal experiences quite private.

I decided to add to this thread instead of starting my own because I seem to exist most tangibly (on this forum at least) through it. Someone questioned Freetime regarding his choice to use the word gf to describe the non-marital women in his life. He and I had the same conversation today, since this term, for me, denotes commitment, and a certain depth of potential expectations. It is not a term that I would use easily, and its use - after a very short period of time, makes me twitchy.

One of the things that I love about the poly experience, is the amount and depth of communication that needs to take place for any actual relationship progress to be made. I wonder if that is true for the majority of poly relationships. I wonder if actual human reality matches it.

And this forum, even more so when having your "people" participating in it, makes at least some of the communication that much more transparent and referencable.

Hello, Beautiful. Glad you're back. Thinking about you.

I can no more slow down then you can speed up, and that's all good. And the cool thing about it is neither of us has to.

Talk to you tomorrow. Sleep well, M. Say hi to C for me.

Freetime

All the time, every time.

 

[Freetime]

Life's funny.

I had an epiphany tonight while at a poly meet-up. I don't fit, and I'm never going to. Life's short. I've got shit to do and no time for pretense.

I'm in this because I chose to be, but I have ground rules as to how I treat others, and how I'll allow others to treat me.

I worked very hard tonight to make contacts, reach out and make others feel welcome, set up coffee dates, movies dates and other such nonsense, when it occurred to me... what the fuck am I doing here? Most of these people have no interest in me, my life or why I'm here. None. And that was the moment I relaxed and decided to pull the plug on being a social butterfly and get back to what I enjoy-- guns, girls, fast cars and other such goofiness. Love my life.

I'm a social chameleon. I can adjust to just about any arena, but I don't want to, not even a little bit. I got lost trying to be something I wasn't, and I'll be fucked if I'm going to start that noise again, just to fit in with polyamory.

I've met some very very cool people along the way, and I met more tonight. I'm definitely looking forward to spending time with those who had a real interest in my life, and moving on from those who don't.

When you don't drink, it's interesting what you see happening around you. As a trained observer, I miss very little, and tonight I saw more then I know some folks would have wished.

Motorcycle... open road... soon. So very very soon.

 

[Freetime]

Love and Kindness

Polyamorous relationships.

In my very short time along this walk, it has become apparent that it takes a very special person to successfully navigate the polyamorous experience. I've been both spectator and player in this dance, and I am quickly coming to realize that "poly" is used as a descriptor for a wide variety of relationships, some of which look a lot more like swinging than poly.

I don't get the "Let's date everybody" attitude. I just don't. It puzzles me, because it ends up limiting the time we have with those who we already have relationships with, and/or are just developing. I'm watching those around me in hot pursuit of new/different /more, while barely spending time with those they've just started getting involved with. Weird. But what do I know? I'm new to this. Maybe I'm wrong, and this is what it's supposed to look like. But I don't think so.

I'm a simple man. All I want is to love, be loved, and have fun along the way. Oh, and a Harley 1200cc Nightster.

Anyway, as I sit here, I find myself focusing on what I really want, and what I'm willing to give, and it still comes back to some very basic concepts--

Love and kindness.

I'm an imperfect creature, and I must remember, so are the people I'm involved with. I'm going to keep my circle fairly small right now. I want to build on the relationships I have before I go out seeking new ones. Probably best for everyone, really.

Hope y'all have a good day. I know I plan to.

Freetime

 

[opalescent]

I had an epiphany tonight while at a poly meet up. I don't fit. And I'm never going to. life's short, I've got shit to do and no time for pretense.

I'm in this because I chose to be, but I have ground rules as to how I treat others and as to how I'll allow others to treat me.

Freetime,

I'm just curious. Feel free to ignore my questions.

Naturally, you shouldn't force yourself to fit in where you don't want to.

I often wonder about who feels comfortable and welcome at organized poly functions, and who doesn't. Did you have nothing in common with the folks at the meet-up? Were there political or social differences? Weird vibes? I think the poly groups I've gone to do a decent job welcoming people, and reaching out to new folks. But, of course, people who do not feel included don't return, and don't offer feedback on why they move on.

What ground-rule breakage triggered this post? Was booze a factor?

Thanks!