Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

MonoVCPHG

New member
Tonight Redpepper had a movie date night at her place with a friend and Polynedist's original plans got screwed up so, to my benefit, he and I went for a beer and chat at the pub by my place. We chatted about everything from finances to how he and RP met. We covered the immense changes that occurred in 2009 and what we would like to see in 2010. We both felt that 2009 was pouring the foundation of this relationship and 2010 will be about letting it cure so we can start on the first floor.

I'm not a person who makes friends of any depth easily and Polynerdist is among the people I trust most in this world. It was great to share ideas with each other and there is no doubt in my mind that Redpepper has captured the devotion of two very lucky men. It is as natural to be with him as it is to be with Redpepper.

Definitely the right combination for success in my opinion :)

Peace and Love
Mono
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
Mono-that is awesome. :)
I'm glad to hear it. :)
I told the guys I hope that 2010 is our "foundation making" year. ;)
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
I think we started a new weekly tradition last night. I went over to watch Redpepper's son while she and Polynerdist went to the gym to work out. They do their own thing and finish at different times so, after Polynerdist came home, I picked Redpepper up from the pool and we went for a late night tea. We discuss the forums, our community and what is going on for each of us. We just hang out...a pair of best friends amongst a set of three...we get to have more than one best friend..how un-mono of me:).

We spent a good deal of time discussing how to proceed with finding a safe and healthy way for her to take on a non-sexual submissive male. We discussed controls and protocols to achieve this in a fulfilling manner for us and the potential sub. It was freeing for me and of course we will all sit down as a family and discuss it further to make sure that everyone is happy and safe in this.

Earlier in the day I wrote Redpepper a pretty complete e-mail detailing my deepest concerns; the impact of my life within theirs and questions about the sustainability of a relationship with such different people in some ways. It was not all happy but there was success in the opportunity to communicate so completely. We met for a brief period during lunch and again after work for an hour or so.
During these times we lay it all out in a way. It is these times that we almost give each other a graceful "out" and a reminder that what we have will always exist in one form or another. The result is always the same; this "check in" is nothing new but it is approached with much more certainty and confidence now.

**There is never any doubt in my mind or heart that Redpepper will always love me and desire me no matter what influences come into her life.
The only thing that I believe can change the nature of our dynamic is the result of my own connection towards her being influenced. Redpepper and Polynerdist understand this I think as I have taken the time to explain it to them visually. I can actual draw this.

Jump back a bit LOL!

Last Tuesday before Redpepper and I left for our weekly sleep over at my place (yippee for me!!) I wanted to have a "family meeting". It was actually just Polynerdist, Redpepper and me. I was concerned that Polynerdist was not feeling welcome at BDSM events that we have been attending. I explained to him that his presence in all social atmospheres makes me more comfortable and validates my involvement with Redeppper. I prefer it when we are all together at these times. I enjoy his company and am proud of how close a friendship we have. This is the first time I think I have actively asked for a group time where I can voice my concerns and I think this will be a basic requirement as we move towards an arrangement of even more integration.

Jump back to yesterday!

Last night I slept without concern or perceveration. I felt something I haven't in a long time; a sense of total calm and peace in the moment.
 
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CielDuMatin

New member
Jump back to yesterday!

Last night I slept without concern or perceveration. I felt something I haven't in a long time; a sense of total calm and peace in the moment.
How truly wonderful - so glad you have a dynamic that allows you to communicate and get yourself to a peace of mind.
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Busy busy!

Lately our lives have become a little hectic. Redpepper has always been quite a presence in our community through the example she sets and that is showing signs of blossoming! She has begun co-developing workshops about sexuality and sexual safety and is gearing up for another poly woman's meet which she conceptualized and started in January. She recently organized a poly get-together at a local pool hall which turned out to be a great success.

The atmosphere she is generating is one of social ease and comfortability. This has proven to be particularly effective in welcoming new and curious people who need gentleness and a relaxed entry into the community. Our community of friends is becoming strong and natural. It is starting to give me a sense of something I used to feel a long time ago; just relaxed fun...and if it works for me there is hope for anyone!!

Of course, her becoming busy did spark some issues for me...big surprise right? :rolleyes:
I took some time to figure out what was happening for me and realized I had seen the same type of situation develop in my past relationships. Usually the person I was with would embrace something with passion and I allowed myself to be left behind somewhat. I valued what they were building for themselves more than what I thought they valued me. I therefore did not communicate and simply let our paths diverge.

Redpepper and I had a long talk about this because, although the direction her passions take her do threaten me in some ways, it is the bigger issue of possible divergent paths that was causing me to pull back and to accept the inevitable fate of my previous relationships. I actually drew the idea out because imagery is a very effective way for me to convey ideas to her.

picture.php


But we are different. Our communication is extreme although sometimes forced. She wants me as part of this path and I am embracing the supporting role she has asked for. She wants all three of us to own the future. She doesn't want anyone falling behind and dropping off the path.

We are not a family that lives separate lives. We accept the responsibility of our own emotions and the responsibility of each others' as well. This is why we move forward.

Excitement and forward momentum!!

Peace and Love
Mono
 
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redpepper

New member
Had a crazy weekend of none stop processing. First with Mono, which he spoke about already (in a crazy chart!!! Wow, that is awesome love!) and then with Nerdist about our future and how we don't see eye to eye. At least we thought... turns out we are on the same page. The whole process brought up some old communication cycles we get in and we decided to change them and really examine if they are working for us any more. They weren't so we made some plans to see if next time we don't fall into the same traps and cycles. Interesting that I am making new paths with both men in the spirit of good communication, connection and so we can walk hand in hand into the future. Everything seeps into every corner of our relationships together it seems. All in the name of progress. :)
 

starlight1

Active member
I agree that chart is just amazing, thanks for keeping us all updated. Its really important about the communication. The more I learn about poly and read here the more I know that communication is the key and with out it, there is no moving forward at all.
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Thanks Starlight and Seasnail....I'm pretty sure I could draw just about every process that runs through my strange little mind LOL! Definitely helps me too.
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Parents opening up

My sister called me and told me that my mother opened up to one of her brothers about my "new" relationship (after a year LOL). I wonder where this will go with my parents. They live across the country so it's not as if meeting my chosen family is easy. If they were closer I am sure they would embrace them. That in itself fills me with warmth :)I would love to share a family supper with them sometime.
 
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Lemondrop

New member
I envy you, Mono. It would make me immensely happy if my family or Easy's family could accept Sunday and Asha and their children.
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
Mono
Love the chart.
Is there any chance you could give your feedback in terms of how to lengthen the red line-so it's not a vicious up and down in your opinion experience?
I think it's an AWESOME chart for helping people understand their relationships, but it would be COOL if it also had an explanation of how to make the red line MORE tightly up and down from spectrum to spectrum (not the goal I imagine) and LESS tightly up and down the spectrum (more the goal) and maybe even how to work towards keep that red line more in tune with the line that is "best functional" for a relationship for more amounts of time....

(and if you do that, can I borrow it for my sister? SHe's 16 and we're working on health this semester together, the section for this week and next is on relationships!)
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
My sister called me and told me that my mother opened up to one of her brothers about my "new" relationship (after a year LOL). I wonder where this will go with my parents. They live across the country so it's not as if meeting my chosen family is easy. If they were closer I am sure they would embrace them. That in itself fills me with warmth :)I would to share a family supper with them sometime.

That's awesome!! My parents (all 4) know GG and Maca.My grandparents on my mom's side also know both of them, but they know GG as a "friend", they do know he's the bio-father of our little one. My dad's parents I don't have contact with.
Maca's dad knows and is fine with everything, his wife I haven't met, but I assume she's aware since he's a motormouth like me. :) Maca's mother we don't have contact with.
GG's parents know all of us, and know we live together, know about our little one, but don't know about our "lifestyle" because we haven't had contact with them in nearly 2 years.
My blood siblings know and are all ok with it. My step siblings don't know-but I dont' see them much (we're all grown and busy lives). They KNOW GG, just not intimate details. I haven't SEEN any of them or talked to them in over a year. THe youngest-used to live here, knows the emotional relationship between GG and I-but we havent been in touch recently-when we are, I don't expect he'll care one way or another!!
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Mono
Love the chart.
Is there any chance you could give your feedback in terms of how to lengthen the red line-so it's not a vicious up and down in your opinion experience?

I wish I could LR but I don't know how to. I really just want to consistantly be in the Relaxed Calm area...I'm not there yet. I seem to skip that layer and go to Peak High. I spend most of my time in the Cautious Calm area.

The vicious up and down is my world LOL! the lenght of time for a complete cycle seems shorter though. I used to spend a lot of time in the Negative Acceptance area. I don't see a way to stay in any particular area...it's not in my nature:eek:

I'll have to think about this...feel free to use the chart for whatever value it has now though :)
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
YES SIR!!

Do you have the chart on your computer? Is there a chance RP could email it to me??? Then I could print it out. I'll even write "created by my friend Mono" on there just for you!! :)

It is awesome.
LR
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
YES SIR!!

Do you have the chart on your computer? Is there a chance RP could email it to me??? Then I could print it out. I'll even write "created by my friend Mono" on there just for you!! :)

It is awesome.
LR

I have a better copy of it at home...it gets blurry on here for some reason. I'll get it to you early tonight K?

No need for credit LOL! If and when I figure out the answer to your questions about the redline..then I'll be impressed!
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
NP Mono-
I'll be here all day! :)
THANKS!!!
keep up the good work, we can all support each other on figuring out how to stabilize that little red line. ;)
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
My best friend

Redpepper and I just had a walk and chat over coffee. We always have something to talk about and engage each other to challenge and examine our thoughts. I am blown away at how incredible a woman she is and completely touched by the purity of human connection and caring I have for our bond as friends. I rarely feel friendship like this. We are so far beyond the physical it staggers me. This is my idea of a soul mate :)

....being given the opportunity to communicate with her as a Lover is an honor and gift; a privelege, not a right, not her obligation. It is precious and not a requirement for her to have me in her life and family...that makes it even more special:)
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Yesterday Redpepper and I sat down with a couple who recently have begun exploring the idea of opening up their relationship to more people. They asked to have coffee with us and, once trust was established, they shared on a surprisingly deep level about their fears and hopes. Later that night we had dinner with many people from our community and had a talk with a friend who has a mono girlfriend and was curious about our perspective as an experienced and persevering mono/poly couple.
At the end of the night we both felt like we had made a difference, made some connections and provided a well balanced perspective on two very different situations.

I seem to be coming into a time of comfort and even greater optimism toward the future. I thrive when comfortable and so I feel healthy and happy....the future is looking much clearer to me now.
 
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