I don't think I have ever known anyone who was HAPPY doing an endless NRE quest. And relationships built on the high of NRE do NOT tend to last and last. Honestly, lasting relationships, like those you hold dear are rare, and special, and precious. If you try and try, and if you let new connections into your, life often only one out of many will be ABLE to last for a long time, let alone "forever."
Having a happy, healthy relationship that lasts a very long time (or life) is something, that if you are lucky, you may get that once. It's like lightening striking, I think. Most of the "for life" relationships I have seen really have not been that healthy, or happy. For me, and for many, quality IS more important than quantity (or longevity, rather). I would rather have one amazing year than 50 grey, blah ones with someone. We should all get to experience "amazing," whether it lasts or not. But chasing it all the time would drive you crazy.
I think that what is needful is balance. And balance, like anything, is in the eye of the beholder.
In the scenario you describe--
Humans A and B believe in relationships as permanent things. They will only date others who believe the same. They find more who do, and bring them in, but because NRE is temporary and they want that, too, they bring on humans C, D, E, F, etc., to keep the NRE flowing. But they don't want to ever do a break-up, so the clan just keeps growing until no one has time for anyone anymore.
That's like saying, as a god, "I think babies are great, so people should definitely reproduce, but death is rather unpleasant, let's get rid of that bit," and then see what happens.
It isn't sustainable and it doesn't work. Also, it's not realistic, unless you're building a CULT, where people just can't leave. That's pretty much the only scenario I can think of that looks remotely like what you describe, and I think we can agree that's not very healthy, yes?
I am illustrating from the place of "girl who has had many partners, in and out of relationships" to "person who has had one lover, one partner, one wife." You can't just photocopy that relationship into many. What you have done is rare. You might, if you are incredibly fortunate, find ONE other person, or two, who can do a very long-term relationship as a polycule with you. But the more you add, the more potential instability enters the program. Keep adding more, and eventually, you either drink the Kool-Aid, or the cart wobbles till the wheels fall off.
OK, now I'm just getting silly with the metaphors... No, let me keep adding more. In a realistic poly situation, you/your wife WILL experience break-ups. It WILL happen. But that is not the end of the world.
Freedom/autonomy, means accepting that relationships can evolve, change, or end, when that is their organic path. Personally, I like to morph them into friendships. This works well for me, because I'm a very community-based creature, so it's likely my former lovers will be part of my social sphere and I don't want massive drama to cause fractures. So I continue to behave in loving ways to them as friends, and just gently drift a little further apart until we are not in "Relationships" anymore. I don't like hurting others, or being hurt, if I can avoid that. I'm very conflict averse.
But we all manage our lives differently. I know many people who don't even want to see the face of a former lover, and think that a healthy breakup happens in a storm of tears and fury, and my way is "sociopathic."
You do you. (Just... try not to drink the Kool-Aid, huh?
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