Predator Poly Couples

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BrigidsDaughter

New member
I guess my biggest beef with all of this is the idea that because males typically are the more dominant gender, they can't be raped, because rape is about power and obviously women are never in power over men. . . In December, I had to remove one of my clients from his home, detain him until his service coordinator could arrive to help him go to the police because his girlfriend had assaulted him at knife point because she felt threatened by the idea that his female social workers were helping him get food, clothing, employment, and a place to live independently of her. This same client was sexually assaulted. When he went into court, the judge granted him only a partial restraining order (she could come near him, as long has she didn't verbally or physically abuse him) and told him that as a man, he should have been able to stop her. A 19 year old kid moderately mentally retarded (actual diagnosis), try to stop his female younger girlfriend who was holding a knife to his throat, without hurting her or worse, killing her defending himself? I don't get it. . . a few months later, this kid was arrested and had to take a plea b/c his friend brought underage girls into his home and when he protested and had his mom come over to help get them out, the girls retaliated by saying he'd touched them inappropriately.
 

bookbug

New member
I almost always disagree with Marcus and it's no different this time. I also clearly saw the irony in the black belt turning the tables on her attacker, and saw the (admittedly sick) humor in the situation. So did many of my friends and family of all genders. Since rape is so much more common male on female, and women are generally so much weaker physically, it's kinda cool she knew self defense and was able to take him down and restrain him. Did raping him a few times go too far? Yes, of course. Still, there's something interesting there-- for myself, as a woman who basically lives in fear of rape every day (as all women must), it's a bit of a thrill. Street justice, if you will.

(And some won't, and that's OK.)

BTW, I was sexually molested twice: one guy attacked me on the street and only circumstances saved me. The other was date rape. Not even a date. An acquaintance offered to drive me home from a party and thought it would be cool to first drive me to an unfamiliar area and force himself on me. These incidents both happened when I was young, 19.

Who knows... maybe this woman was raped repeatedly and horrifically and many times in her past, and learned self defense just because of that! The guy who invaded her space may have paid for the crimes of someone else. Fair? No. But he was a shithead criminal himself!

Everything else aside, a guy breaks into my house, and he's going to get dead. Period.
 

Natja

New member
A 19 year old kid moderately mentally retarded (actual diagnosis), try to stop his female younger girlfriend who was holding a knife to his throat, without hurting her or worse, killing her defending himself? I don't get it. . . .


That's really sad, my mum works with vulnerable adults too :(
 

Vixtoria

New member
I'm sorry I typically do NOT agree with Marcus on many things. I often even skip posts because I know I won't agree and don't feel like arguing it.

This I agree with. I am so sick and tired of the bullshit. You can NOT have it both ways. You can not say that gender doesn't matter, women are people too, and then say it is okay for women to do things men can not. It's utter bullshit. The same people who get PISSED when a man is not threatened by two women having sex, bitch about how it is not seen as 'real sex', then go off on how if a man breaks into a house and gets caught then raped it's funny. Someone actually says, positions were reversed and a man did it to a woman, well then it's NOT funny.

Nope sorry. You either take it all, you are treated different because you are a woman, you aren't as strong, as smart, as capable and you freakin' deal. Or you get treated like EVERYONE ELSE!!!!! Which means you think it's okay to not only defend yourself but go above and beyond, then you get prosecuted like you deserve.

Boggles my mind that the loudest voices for, "Treat us equal we are all humans!" Are the ones that want to take advantage of the "But I'm just a girl!" Bull shit!

/rant
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Wasn't a house, he broke into the hairdressers.

Right. It was her place of business, seemingly attached to her living space. He didn't even break in, he just strolled right in, POINTING A GUN.

I am so sick and tired of the bullshit. You can NOT have it both ways. You can not say that gender doesn't matter, women are people too, and then say it is okay for women to do things men can not.

You must not be addressing me, but using a general "you?" Because I did not say it was "OK" for anyone ever to rape. In fact, the articles I reread said BOTH people were being arrested and prosecuted, and I think that is proper.

It's utter bullshit. The same people who get PISSED when a man is not threatened by two women having sex, bitch about how it is not seen as 'real sex', then go off on how if a man breaks into a house and gets caught then raped it's funny. Someone actually says, positions were reversed and a man did it to a woman, well then it's NOT funny.

This is true. It's because of the 3500 year of the patriarchy, where women have been the property of men until the early 20th century. Barely 100 years of the beginnings of female empowerment after 3500 years of forced submission? You bet I think a woman raping or controlling a guy in any way is DIFFERENT than a man raping or controlling a woman, sociologically speaking.

We can speak anecdotally of women raping men, but the huge majority of violent crimes in the world are perpetrated by men, against those weaker than themselves. Against smaller men, younger or older men, less well armed men, but also against women and children.

I am not saying that man got what he deserved, but it is a "tables are turned, buddy" story, which is why it got my attention when I first read about it.

Nope sorry. You either take it all, you are treated different because you are a woman, you aren't as strong, as smart, as capable and you freakin' deal. Or you get treated like EVERYONE ELSE!!!!! Which means you think it's okay to not only defend yourself but go above and beyond, then you get prosecuted like you deserve.

Boggles my mind that the loudest voices for, "Treat us equal we are all humans!" Are the ones that want to take advantage of the "But I'm just a girl!" Bull shit!

/rant

That was quite a rant.
 

london

Banned
These are the kind of people who laugh in a guy's face when he says he is being abused by his female partner. They are incapable of understanding how sick and immature that sort of mentality is and how those kind of attitudes actually make it harder for women to achieve social equality. It is mainly women who display those kind of twisted views and quite frankly, people who think that way shouldn't be allowed an equal say in society or be in a position to influence the young, impressionable and /or vulnerable people. Who the fuck would ever condone rape in any circumstances, or think it's ever acceptable? How can they be considered a decent person with a sound moral code?
 

Vixtoria

New member
This is true. It's because of the 3500 year of the patriarchy, where women have been the property of men until the early 20th century. Barely 100 years of the beginnings of female empowerment after 3500 years of forced submission? You bet I think a woman raping or controlling a guy in any way is DIFFERENT than a man raping or controlling a woman, sociologically speaking.

We can speak anecdotally of women raping men, but the huge majority of violent crimes in the world are perpetrated by men, against those weaker than themselves. Against smaller men, younger or older men, less well armed men, but also against women and children.

I am not saying that man got what he deserved, but it is a "tables are turned, buddy" story, which is why it got my attention when I first read about it.



That was quite a rant.




Oh yeah the oppression thing. Hmm well let's see. Women have been oppressed for a very long time so they should get AT LEAST three get out of jail free cards.


And well black people! Black people are oppressed! So they should get like, four.


Oh! And Jews! Jews had that whole holocaust thing! So they can have, um, seven!

Oh and Native American's, they had a kind of holocaust, and their culture taken and all that. So um, seven? Or eight?

OH! And disabled people are STILL oppressed! So they get like three.


So do those stack? Can I be a disabled woman of multi ethnic origins that converts to judaism? Do I then get like forty get out of jail free cards?

Cause you know, maybe that's what happened with those mass murderers and bombers. Their PEOPLE were oppressed and so they were just stacking up all those get out of jail free cards.


Cause that's how the world works. Not me, personally, but my PEOPLE were not treated fairly, so it's perfectly find and a little funny for me to hurt others and/or break the law. Yep. Cause I can get all intellectual with the history of MY PEOPLE.


Side note: I think I'm technically up to 14 get out of jail free cards. I'm going to save up and just hit up all my high school reunion one day.
 

Natja

New member
I have 14 too, I think I need to hurt some WASPy men who glanced at me sideways and whose ancestors oppressed my various people....watch out for the news headlines...I expect all of your support btw.
 

Marcus

Well-known member
You don't like my humor

No, I most certainly do not like your sick humor.

I do find it sadly disgusting, however, that you find my use of language to be as inappropriate as rape. THAT is funny, in the most horrific way possible.

I almost always disagree with Marcus and it's no different this time.

I'm glad to hear it. It would worry me if my ideals lined up with yours on too frequent an occasion.

I was sexually molested twice: one guy attacked me on the street and only circumstances saved me. The other was date rape. Not even a date. An acquaintance offered to drive me home from a party and thought it would be cool to first drive me to an unfamiliar area and force himself on me. These incidents both happened when I was young, 19.

That is horrible.

Is this your attempt to write yourself intellectual carte blanche through a plea to authority fallacy? Does this mean that since you have been raped that what you think "all women" live like is valid? I would say that this means you are FAR too close to the problem and maybe you are the very last person whose opinion should be considered.

And criminals = inhuman scum.

Geddit...thanks.

Right? Commit a crime and it becomes funny when you get raped? That is some dark shit going down in this thread.
 
You are still not hearing me

and I may not be able to put it into words, I am not saying that it is OK for a woman to molest a man, or rape him for any reason because yes, a woman can rape a man, I just see rape -- one of the worst crimes a person can commit -- as being an invasion of private space that they he knows the owner does not want him in there, but he does it anyway simply because he can.

It has a lot to do with no respecting sovereignty of others whom he can overpower

There is a night and day difference between a man who does not rape another person because he cannot over power another and a man who does not rape another because he acknowledges that every person deserves someplace of their own that nobody can force themselves into and do what they want. Everybody deserves a place where they are the absolute authority of what is allowed, and those who do not respect sacred spaces are not human, they are animals.

Nobody has to agree with me, but I know for a fact that the female gender is leaps and bounds ahead of the male gender in terms of being able to understand the concepts that I am speaking of, it takes a very unique male to understand how to remove the blinders, and sort out what is truth and what is testosterone influenced fictional truth.

Because MOST of the world problems, and without any doubt every problem that includes violence or homocide, if totally a completely a problem that is hands down perpetrated by men.

Yes, there are some women who commit the wrongs and these crimes, but when 99% of the crimes that take place are carried out by men, It is OK to say it is a male problem.

Females and males are different, they are not equal, it is viewing the world with an honest understanding of what is right and wrong that so very few species are ever able to understand.

And supposedly human beings are smart enough, intelligent enough that the males can be included in society and not banned as they are in the order Hymenoptera, I guess we'll found out.

and as far as your example of your friend who was traumatized Brigids, I am sorry, and knowing how hard it is to overcome that you understand why I take these topics so seriously. It isn't that i think you don't understand, what set me off was mistakenly associating the whole "males can't be raped if the woman inserts his erect penis inside of her" had something to do with arousal, and rape has nothing to do with whether or not the victim is aroused, and it has everything to do with respect of a person's authority over their personal, most private and sacred spaces.

You would know better than I, but I suspect his wife would have not engaged him in sex if she had known, sometimes the crimes are perpetrated through innocence, as being oblivious to reality is not the same as choosing to be ignorant or not caring enough to ask. When I spoke of my behavior, I mean being drunk and having sex with a drunk woman who I had already been intimate with for many years, I DID NOT and I have never taken advantage of or intentionally got a woman drunk, or even if she got was already drunk, I have never used alcohol effect of lowering inhibitions in order to have sex. What I meant was that because I am male, I am held to a higher responsibility to ensure that anytime I have sex, THAT I KNOW IT IS THE WILL OF MY PARTNER TO DECIDE TO HAVE SEX, and even though I was "seeing" a woman, it is still always the male who is ultimately responsible to make sure he is not violating his partner.

Does your friend consider his wife a rapist?

I doubt he thinks she would have followed through if she had known it was unwanted

In fact the mentality from being sexually abused probably does a better job explaining what I am talking about, and it was that damaging abuse as a child that prevented him from doing from refusing to make his own decision and not be forced against his will

The constant attitude projected at women throughout history and even during these days in 2013 DOES AFFECT THE MINDS OF WOMEN AND IT TAKES A VERY KNOWLEDGEABLE WOMAN TO BE ABLE TO UNDO THAT DAMAGE

it has also also affected the minds of men, as it baffles me that anyone could ever be so fucked up in the view of the world that educating women to recognize and avoid the situations that predators are known to take advantage of can be seen as "victim blaming"

and I can't apologize Vixtoria, but the world does not need your permission to have possession and knowledge of the TRUTH, and it if you call it having it both ways, so be it. As any name you give it that is how it is, even though you are having trouble understanding how it is right.

There is no way twist it into something that is wrong, not without changing it. Because yes sexual assault, even lesser crimes than rape will always be wrong, but women do need get out of jail free cards because they so very rarely commit such crimes.
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
Kidnapping and rape is funny because he unsuccessfully robbed her?

If the genders were reversed does it still tickle your fucking funny bone? I'm 6'3" 260, strong, quick, and I know how to hurt someone if I need to... some chick tries to rob me, I catch her, handcuff her to the radiator, and ass fuck her until I'm done with her... that still a knee slapper? Did she have it com... comin.... gee what's the word for getting held down and raped while handcuffed to a fucking radiator?

We've got the "scream rape if you have a conversation you don't like" advocates on one side and the "tee hee, rape is a real gas" sickos on the other side.

And dirtiskillet is the problem?
No. Not funny. Doesn't matter which gender is in which role. Its fucked up. :(
 

Vixtoria

New member
The obvious point that is being missed is, if she can rape him because he's a criminal, guess what? She's raped him, that's a crime, she's now a criminal. So what, he gets to rape her? Justifications don't work. Think of it in terms of small kids, who make the best judges. If it's wrong, it's wrong. No matter who does it.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
The obvious point that is being missed is, if she can rape him because he's a criminal, guess what? She's raped him, that's a crime, she's now a criminal. So what, he gets to rape her? Justifications don't work.

I never said it was right of her to rape him. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth is a passe concept. I said it was proper they were both arrested and no doubt convicted of their respective crimes.

I said, it is an unusual story because rape and other violent crimes are usually committed by men. It's surprising. Humor is based on the element of surprise.

I am tired of this conversation because everyone is commenting in opposition to things that were not actually said. It's become a silly flame war.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
And this is what I am talking about

Because it is a fucked up situation, not because of the way you misled people and omitted specific details, and whether it is made up or not, the part that I don't understand is how when you are close to someone, you would do anything to attempt to make them feel bad of shameful about honest emotions.

There is a huge difference between malice and honesty. The is a huge difference between being honest and using that honesty as a weapon to hurt people. There is a huge difference between running with a thought that you know is not true because it is easier than dealing with the truth which is also called denial.

Your are going to have a tough time putting your marriage back together unless you figure how to deal with unhealthy viewpoints about sexuality

And I am NOT AT ALL SAYING that poly is healthy and mono is not. I don't subscribe to the theory of once the try opening up your marriage, you can never go back to be being closed

if you aren't actually going through this, you are asshole for pretending you are without saying it is an exercise.

but just in case you are not, it is going to be hard to live honestly, and it won't be fun dealing with every emotion that you wish you didn't have or that you wish you felt differently. But to be honest

and this is based soley on the details I read because those details and that each of you are actually aware of them does change how things affect you,

But it is very possible that YOU Mister Confused are the person whose actions are causing the most harm to all involved. So you might want to be a little more understanding and figure out whether or not you are confused about being able to handle the past, and whether or not you and your wife want the same things out of life that will make you happy,

it's better that you get hurt and figure out who you are and what you honestly desire out of life, so long as you can't do that honestly, and do it honestly while also being conscious of not being destructive to others lives

to truly be conscious means you don't want to even influence others' lives unless you know for sure everyone's situation

but this could be an experience that makes your lives be significantly more fulfilling,

and whether or not this experience does bring positive changes is not dependent on divorce or reconciliation, and it has nothing to do with whether or not you are open or mono, it has everything to do with learning how to be honest, and being honest consciously without hurting others with the truth.

Some people believes you need to have thick skin to be open, and the only reason that is true is because people are assholes, even on accident, but people who genuinely care about you and practice honesty, don't not require that thick skin, and frankly, people who are like that it can often be better to not be around them anyway, as it isn't healthy to be around people who do not go back and do the responsible thing when they do another person wrong.
 
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