Seeking general knowledge about navigating polyamory

U

U+1FAC2

New member
Hello polyamory.com,
As mentioned in my introduction, I am relatively new to polyamory and realize there's probably a lot I don't know. I've been learning more with each ended relationship, regarding why I was incompatible with someone and that I should check for those things in the future. However I figured it would be more efficient to ask more experienced polyamorists what lessons they've learned of navigating polyamory. Thus, I ask here for any knowledge you have, please.

As examples: I have learned it is probably important to specify whether one is looking for a polyfidelitous or an open relationship; I have learned monoamorous metamours won't work well with me; I have learned to specify what acts I am or am not looking to do, out of a set of acts people frequently want to do in relationships, especially since my type of aromanticism and asexuality lead to my desired relationships not always fitting the common idea of "romance".
 
Evie said:
Have you had a browse through this thread?

https://polyamory.com/threads/most-commonly-cited-advice-articles-master-thread.155304/
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I have now browsed through this thread.
It's reinforced the importance of communication; I have always valued communication but sometimes I have hesitated to do so, and this has served as a good reminder to communicate as soon and as openly as I can.
And it seems generally good advice for me to examine any unspoken assumptions I may have; I guess I'd been finding specific cases of that without addressing it as a whole. Examples of common unspoken assumptions may help me.
I do notice a significant amount of the advice seems to be towards existing couples looking to become polyamorous. Since that doesn't describe me, I do think it might be helpful for me in particular if that advice were reworded. I am not currently part of an exclusive couple, and I think I should make it clear from the start of any future potential relationships that they will be open and not exclusive.
 
Welcome.

As examples: I have learned it is probably important to specify whether one is looking for a polyfidelitous or an open relationship; I have learned monoamorous metamours won't work well with me; I have learned to specify what acts I am or am not looking to do, out of a set of acts people frequently want to do in relationships, especially since my type of aromanticism and asexuality lead to my desired relationships not always fitting the common idea of "romance".
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Yup. Be clear about what you seek, what you are up for, and what you are NOT up for.

Since that doesn't describe me, I do think it might be helpful for me in particular if that advice were reworded.
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It might describe your future potential partner. So even if it doesn't apply to you, it may benefit you to read that material so you can see what you may deal in if you date a married or partnered person.

I am not currently part of an exclusive couple, and I think I should make it clear from the start of any future potential relationships that they will be open and not exclusive.
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Good. Make it clear from the start that you are not monogamous and will not be doing that.

As you and your potential date and get to know each other, you might go over the relationship menu.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/pwkdxp/v3_relationship_components_menu_last_update_for

Galagirl
 
It's a lot to ask members here (we all have busy lives) for "general relationship advice." Read "Opening Up." It's the basic "poly bible." Even if you're solo poly (there are a lot of us; I was recently divorced and single when I began fully practicing poly), you will find good information for your situation in the book. The blurb even says it's for both solo and partnered polyamorists. You might want to do a search on "relationship anarchy" on the web too, since you are asexual and aromantic.
 
Hello U+1FAC2,

As an aromantic and asexual, you may find the article Platonic Polyamory: exploring a unique relationship style useful. There is so much to learn about polyamory, I'm not sure where to direct you for starters. Perhaps you could see if you can think of some questions for us to answer? That might be as good a place to start as any. That and, keep us posted as your situation evolves, so that we can give you advice and feedback about that.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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