Photosynthesis
New member
Hello!
My partner (let's call him Jake) and I have been together for ten years; we have a very good relationship. We bought a house last year and are thinking to start a family fairly soon.
I've thought about poly before and it did appeal but it didn't seem worth the risk to our relationship. This was pretty much his opinion too (I think?) but we barely spoke about it really. This was years ago.
I've thought about it again recently because I have been caught off guard by feelings for someone at work. I don't know if the feeling would be reciprocated but that's not the point - I'm not thinking about being poly so that I could be with that specific person, it's just that the experience has reminded me that I can have serious feelings for more than one person.
Basically, I'd like not to feel like a terrible person if or when I develop feelings for someone else. I'd also like the same for Jake if the same happened to him.
I think we might be a good fit for polyamory. I don't think we're insecure in our relationship. We don't have secrets and we're not the jealous type. Actually it's that 'don't have secrets' part that is another motivator for considering going poly. I haven't told Jake about my aforementioned feelings, because I wouldn't want him to think I felt any different about my relationship with him. I absolutely hate not being able to tell Jake how I feel.
So bizarrely, I am of two minds about the whole thing. On the one hand, I think it would be awesome. I'd be free to develop new deep connections with people. If Jake wanted to meet other people, our relationship would be forever immune to the damage that seems to cause traditional couples. On the other hand, it's terrifying. I don't know what to expect. Would things change between me and Jake for better or for worse? What about children? Maybe I'm kidding myself and we would become jealous unhappy people? Is this whole thing just a crazy idea?
Neither of us have been in any other relationship before so it could be a big change for us.
I'm wondering how I can bring up the topic so we can discuss it. I want him to be reassured that if it's not something he would be comfortable with, then I'm not either. But how can you bring up this topic without the other person feeling inadequate, doubting if they're enough for you, worrying that you're only suggesting this because something is wrong?
My partner (let's call him Jake) and I have been together for ten years; we have a very good relationship. We bought a house last year and are thinking to start a family fairly soon.
I've thought about poly before and it did appeal but it didn't seem worth the risk to our relationship. This was pretty much his opinion too (I think?) but we barely spoke about it really. This was years ago.
I've thought about it again recently because I have been caught off guard by feelings for someone at work. I don't know if the feeling would be reciprocated but that's not the point - I'm not thinking about being poly so that I could be with that specific person, it's just that the experience has reminded me that I can have serious feelings for more than one person.
Basically, I'd like not to feel like a terrible person if or when I develop feelings for someone else. I'd also like the same for Jake if the same happened to him.
I think we might be a good fit for polyamory. I don't think we're insecure in our relationship. We don't have secrets and we're not the jealous type. Actually it's that 'don't have secrets' part that is another motivator for considering going poly. I haven't told Jake about my aforementioned feelings, because I wouldn't want him to think I felt any different about my relationship with him. I absolutely hate not being able to tell Jake how I feel.
So bizarrely, I am of two minds about the whole thing. On the one hand, I think it would be awesome. I'd be free to develop new deep connections with people. If Jake wanted to meet other people, our relationship would be forever immune to the damage that seems to cause traditional couples. On the other hand, it's terrifying. I don't know what to expect. Would things change between me and Jake for better or for worse? What about children? Maybe I'm kidding myself and we would become jealous unhappy people? Is this whole thing just a crazy idea?
Neither of us have been in any other relationship before so it could be a big change for us.
I'm wondering how I can bring up the topic so we can discuss it. I want him to be reassured that if it's not something he would be comfortable with, then I'm not either. But how can you bring up this topic without the other person feeling inadequate, doubting if they're enough for you, worrying that you're only suggesting this because something is wrong?