I have had a lot to think about...and lots of time to do it in. Too much time really. I have always enjoyed my Me Time, but I'm finding that I get lonely when I have too much of it.
A lot of it has to do with my living situation. Right now I am sharing an apartment with a 20-something lesbian, her ex that sometimes stays over, her 3 month old baby and a cat. All the makings of a sitcom. I really need to find different living arrangements. Because of the kid, she doesn't really want me to have people over. She said it would probably be cool if she met them first, but then there is the problem of privacy. What we do in the bedroom is not exactly quiet. Besides, this isn't the greatest place and I would be a little embarrassed to have someone over anyway.
So now I am on a mission to find a room in a kink and poly friendly house or apartment. Should be easy, right?
Part of the reason for doing this is Sprite. I am putting too much on her to schedule her time for me (I think). She has to provide the place because I can't. Her life is going to get a little more complicated in the near future...or maybe simpler for her, but more complicated for us. She has been splitting her time between a house with her kids and an apartment she shares with one of her boyfriends. I think I've mentioned that they have separate bedrooms because they both use the place to spend time with other people. Well now they are giving up that apartment to his older kids, one of which already lives there in the third bedroom. She is moving into a room at his house, which she describes as a "full poly house". I know he has a wife. I'm not sure on what else is going on there. Should be a new and interesting experience for me.
But it's not just her I am doing this for. It's me. I need a place where I can live my life like the grown man I am. I really got lucky with Sprite on so many levels. Living like this really limits my options as far as any new relationships are concerned.
Back to Sprite...
I have been having feelings of being an afterthought with her. A lot of that is my own issues I need to deal with. Among other things, I am used to spending a lot of time with someone I like. I guess I am a little needy in that regard. Sprite does say and do things that make me feel she wants me though. Like when she dropped her plans to take me out to dinner. Or last night while we were trying to figure out how and when to get together she said she absolutely wants to make it happen. I did ask her if I was asking for too much of her time and she replied "You are so not asking for too much."
It's just that Elle and I had some issues. She declared her love for me then shut down. I guess I still have some trust issues resulting from that. And Sprite and I moved way faster than Elle and I when it came to having sex. With Elle it was months (because she was ambivalent about sleeping with a married man in an open relationship), with Sprite it was the day after we met in person. If things can take such a drastic turn after a long courtship, how easy could it be with something so whirlwind?
I feel like I am rambling. I was interrupted by a conversation with Mary and lost my train of thought. More on that conversation later.