Stop The Vinsanity...

vinsanity0

Active member
I found it odd that my first wife was acting all nostalgic yesterday. I also found it odd that she seemed overly disappointed that I don't travel to her area much at all. Today she told me she is going through a divorce. It turns out her soon-to-be ex has been carrying on an affair for three years.

I won't lie...it did make me feel good that she said that if she could relive any part of her life it would be the period where we first got together. No way I'm going there though. If I start writing like I want to, please, someone, come on here and give me a virtual slap....
 

vinsanity0

Active member
It has not been a very good weekend...

Saturday night I went out with Elle. I feel us slipping more and more into the friend zone. No benefits again. I do enjoy her company, but I really miss the intimacy we had.

Then Sunday morning Sprite texts me that she is not feeling well and needs to cancel. Bummer...now I'm starting to feel rejected all around (it gets worse in a minute...lol).I told Sprite that it was ok and I would see her soon. Maybe I should have offered to come over...I'm not sure. I didn't because she said she was going to try and sleep most of the day. I decided to leave her alone, since I don't really like anyone around me when I'm sick. Tonight she texted that she missed me today. I find myself wishing we could spend more time together...a lot more. Sometimes I feel like I'm less than secondary, especially like earlier this week when she asked me to a play party IF she wasn't going with someone else. I kind of wish she hadn't asked me before knowing for sure that she could go with me.

After getting the cancellation text from Sprite, I noticed I had a bunch of texts from a number I didn't recognize. I also had a phone call and voice mail from yet another number I didn't recognize. It turned out the phone call was from Mary's son. The texts were from her husband apologizing for the call from the son. There was no usual good morning text from Mary.

Apparently Mary's husband had been in denial that their marriage was over. I guess her spending last weekend with me got his attention. Now she is giving him a chance to work things out. She did tell him that she loves me. She also told him that she would still be talking to me every day and seeing me whenever she wants. He agreed to that but asked that she not have sex with me, which she agreed to.

The son had listened in on their initial conversation and he was angry. I told her not to worry about him calling me. I will just ignore it.

From the husband's text I got that they had worked something out. From the lack of communication from Mary I thought that maybe she was no longer talking to me. She finally called and explained what happened.

I love Mary and I truly hope she can be happy with him. I don't really see him changing though. I think if I was the monogamous type she would not have agreed to give him another chance. In a way she views it as I don't want her because I don't want a mono relationship with her. I had a feeling she might go back to him, so I was prepared to hear it.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
OK...so I started feeling a little sorry for myself...and then cool stuff happened.

Today (it is still today because I haven't been to bed yet) was my birthday. I casually mentioned that to Sprite this morning. She actually changed her plans and invited me to dinner. It had to be an early dinner because she has to get up at 5am, but dinner none the less. That made me feel like a million bucks.

After that I was out so...I ran into Elle and had a great night with her as well.

Earlier I was talking to Cat. I mentioned that I was starting to feel old. She told me I should feel lucky because not many men my age have a "harem"...LOL.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
I have had a lot to think about...and lots of time to do it in. Too much time really. I have always enjoyed my Me Time, but I'm finding that I get lonely when I have too much of it.

A lot of it has to do with my living situation. Right now I am sharing an apartment with a 20-something lesbian, her ex that sometimes stays over, her 3 month old baby and a cat. All the makings of a sitcom. I really need to find different living arrangements. Because of the kid, she doesn't really want me to have people over. She said it would probably be cool if she met them first, but then there is the problem of privacy. What we do in the bedroom is not exactly quiet. Besides, this isn't the greatest place and I would be a little embarrassed to have someone over anyway.

So now I am on a mission to find a room in a kink and poly friendly house or apartment. Should be easy, right? :rolleyes:

Part of the reason for doing this is Sprite. I am putting too much on her to schedule her time for me (I think). She has to provide the place because I can't. Her life is going to get a little more complicated in the near future...or maybe simpler for her, but more complicated for us. She has been splitting her time between a house with her kids and an apartment she shares with one of her boyfriends. I think I've mentioned that they have separate bedrooms because they both use the place to spend time with other people. Well now they are giving up that apartment to his older kids, one of which already lives there in the third bedroom. She is moving into a room at his house, which she describes as a "full poly house". I know he has a wife. I'm not sure on what else is going on there. Should be a new and interesting experience for me.

But it's not just her I am doing this for. It's me. I need a place where I can live my life like the grown man I am. I really got lucky with Sprite on so many levels. Living like this really limits my options as far as any new relationships are concerned.

Back to Sprite...

I have been having feelings of being an afterthought with her. A lot of that is my own issues I need to deal with. Among other things, I am used to spending a lot of time with someone I like. I guess I am a little needy in that regard. Sprite does say and do things that make me feel she wants me though. Like when she dropped her plans to take me out to dinner. Or last night while we were trying to figure out how and when to get together she said she absolutely wants to make it happen. I did ask her if I was asking for too much of her time and she replied "You are so not asking for too much."

It's just that Elle and I had some issues. She declared her love for me then shut down. I guess I still have some trust issues resulting from that. And Sprite and I moved way faster than Elle and I when it came to having sex. With Elle it was months (because she was ambivalent about sleeping with a married man in an open relationship), with Sprite it was the day after we met in person. If things can take such a drastic turn after a long courtship, how easy could it be with something so whirlwind?

I feel like I am rambling. I was interrupted by a conversation with Mary and lost my train of thought. More on that conversation later.
 
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vinsanity0

Active member
Well crap, Sprite told me last night that her cold came back strong. This morning she still feels bad, and with a migraine on top of that. She says she misses me and feels awful about cancelling yet again.

Every relationship has issues that need to be dealt with. The hardest thing about poly is when you have several relationship issues to deal with simultaneously with different people at different relationship levels.

Sometimes I wonder WTF I'm doing with Mary. On one hand she is telling me she is trying to work things out with her hubby. On the other hand she is sending me info on trips to Punta Cana and telling me she'd like to take me there. Then she tells me her hubby is giving her grief about sleeping with me. Even though she told him that she was still going to talk to me and see me, he asked her yesterday if I was out of his life now. She had to remind him of their agreement.

I suggested that she tell him about me being poly. My thinking is that way he might realize I am not in competition with him. I am not out to steal his wife. She doesn't want to tell him that. She said he would worry she was contaminated with something. Seriously? Well that pissed me right the fuck off. What narrow-minded BS to think that just because I have multiple partners I would have STDs.

And then she goes on and on about how she wants a committed relationship, how they decided on having a committed relationship, etc. I had to point out that there is such a thing as a committed non-monogamous relationship. So she means monogamous. From where I sit, yeah they have been monogamous, but it's all a facade. How is the most of 34 years of unhappiness okay because, well, it's all with one person. Christ, I never thought of it like that when I was monogamous.

OK, so I get that she is monogamous and I accept that. But then, as we were winding up the conversation for the night she starts flirting with me. I said something about not having had sex since I got back in town. She said she could take care of that if I came to visit her. WTF? Apparently she doesn't think a blowjob=sex.
 

Evie

Moderator
A belated happy birthday Vince, I'm glad it turned into a good day.

Arohanui
Evie
 

Leetah

Member
In case you didn't know, oral sex not being SEX sex is a very common idea (witness a presidential testimony to that effect) especially amongst otherwise conservative religious people.

Reminds me of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY
 

vinsanity0

Active member
A belated happy birthday Vince, I'm glad it turned into a good day.

Arohanui
Evie

Thanks, Evie, I don't really celebrate them anymore, but it was great.

In case you didn't know, oral sex not being SEX sex is a very common idea (witness a presidential testimony to that effect) especially amongst otherwise conservative religious people.

Reminds me of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY

Hahaha loved that video. I was going to use the word "Clintonian" in there somewhere...

She may feel it's not sex, but I think anal and oral are even more intimate than vaginal. I'm not sure how her husband would feel about it, but I have to assume he wouldn't like it.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
I've been thinking (or overthinking) a lot lately. Right now I need to concentrate on the good things.

Monday I was feeling a little blue because Sprite was still sick over the weekend, which meant no play time for us. I was really missing her, since I hadn't seen her since my birthday at the beginning of the month. Out of the blue she asked me if I would like to go to a poly group get together on Wednesday night. Of course I said yes.

So I get there, finally. I was in a huge rush because I had to work in the north end of town, then run back through traffic to get home on the south end, shower, etc...and my car was acting up. I met her out front of the place. She was there with one of her BFs, one of his GFs and his GF's husband. I have met the BF before and he is a really nice guy. I'm probably going to have to give him a name since she will be staying at his house part time and I will be seeing her there.

I did feel a little bit like a third...or fifth wheel, but Sprite made me feel totally comfortable. We had our little moments alone. When we were all hanging out in a group she always asked me to come sit next to her if a seat opened up. I also broke off and did a little mingling of my own, but when faced with a huge crowd situation I tend to hang with people I know.

The poly group is one of the largest in Seattle. The bar the gathering was held at was quite small. I do not do well in those situations, especially when I don't know anybody and they all seem to know each other. The reason I went was twofold. Obviously I wanted to see Sprite. The second was to get my foot in the door of this poly group. In order to join you have to be invited by a member and you have had to attended an event.

Sprite invited me because she hadn't seen me and because she knew I wanted to meet more poly people. She doesn't do well in crowds either. Apparently her and BF are having some issues and one of them is that she doesn't attend as many events as he would like her to. He insisted she attend this one so she asked if she could bring me along.

I had a great time. It was very sweet of her to think of me. The last time we were together we had talked a little about our relationships. I had mentioned that Mary and Elle are pretty much mono and I thought they just tolerated me being poly. I told her that I would like to meet some poly people in the future. She made that happen. In the future I will attend some events on my own, which will force me to interact with others more.

Sprite did tell me she missed me and missed playing with me. The sex is awesome, and so is just being with her. I love the way she looks at me. At one point a guy who teaches classes at the local BDSM club joined us. A couple times I caught her smiling at me when some of the things we have done together popped up in conversation. At the end of the evening she told BF she would meet him downstairs in a minute. She and I made out a little while saying our goodbyes. I walked her out and wandered off in search of cigarettes because in my rush I had left a pack at home and only had three left. I went to the store and decided to go back for a few. As I was walking back up to the place I saw they were still standing out front. As I walked past I told BF that it was good seeing him again...and Sprite turned around and grabbed me and gave me another kiss. I can't wait to see her again.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
I'd say you're seeing a LOT of Sprite despite her polyness. I've got one wonderful Dom-type lover I've only seen 3 times in about 3 months, because he has a wife, a kid, a gf with a kid, 3 or so other casual playpartners, and a demanding job. Our chemistry is so good, I am just taking what I can get, but it's hard.

I am not denying your experience of missing her, just wanted to offer another perspective.

It feels to me like you're wasting your time with Mary. She's got some weird shit going on with her husband. Plus she's long distance anyway. I am over trying to have LDRs. I only date local people now, 20 miles max.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
I'd say you're seeing a LOT of Sprite despite her polyness. I've got one wonderful Dom-type lover I've only seen 3 times in about 3 months, because he has a wife, a kid, a gf with a kid, 3 or so other casual playpartners, and a demanding job. Our chemistry is so good, I am just taking what I can get, but it's hard.

I am not denying your experience of missing her, just wanted to offer another perspective.

It feels to me like you're wasting your time with Mary. She's got some weird shit going on with her husband. Plus she's long distance anyway. I am over trying to have LDRs. I only date local people now, 20 miles max.

Thanks for the perspective. I do think I am lucky to see her as much as I am. A lot of it is NRE. I can get a little carried away. It's been a long time since I've had a "full package" kind of girl. It doesn't help that I don't have any other kink partners at the moment.

We were supposed to play this past Sunday, but she misunderstood the time for a date with someone else so that did not work out. Instead I went to her new place last night. Since it was a weeknight we didn't have a full on session. It was more of a vanilla kink night...and it was definitely different, but great. But it just added more fuel to the feelings I already have for her that I'm trying to not have because she is very saturated.

You are right about Mary. She and I will always be close, as in life long friends, but I am slowing things way down with her in the romance department. She has been asking me back for a visit. I told her it was too soon after this whole thing with her husband. Right now he is putting her through hell and I need to step back and let her deal with that.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
Well, I haven't heard from a lady I met on OKC. Hopefully she is just busy. She did go out of town for work, but was supposed to be back yesterday.

Last night I saw Elle. I had a great time. We talked a lot about "us" and really cleared the air on a few things. I think we are closer now.

Mary's hubby cannot get past the fact that we had sex. He had promised to make some changes in his behavior. He even went to get help for his ED. He was also supposed to start getting counseling for this and other issues. Now he says he's leaving her. He told her that he didn't want to stand in the way of us. It is funny how mono people only think in terms of mono. She has already explained to him that I am not interested in a monogamous relationship with her. He is too busy playing victim to listen and own up to what caused her to want to leave in the first place. She agreed that we should take a step back from each other, mostly due to her having a big work conference she is running.

BTW, Mary drives me crazy with her terminology. She never says "monogamous relationship". She says "committed relationship". She does not understand that poly people can be in committed relationships.

Cat recently informed me that she didn't like talking with each other about the people we date/see/fuck. Last night she ended up telling me about a date she had anyway. She said she had fun, but she's not really attracted to the guy. I think maybe she just doesn't like to talk about it if things go well.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
What a week. Cat didn't talk to me for three days. She is a little depressed about her new job and of course she blames me. What finally got her talking to me was a lousy date she had. She met a guy online and he asked her out to dinner. It took her an hour to get there. He was 45 minutes late. They get to the restaurant she picked out and he headed straight for the bar. The funny thing is he doesn't drink. He told her that he wasn't feeling hungry. After ordering her a second drink he told her he had to go and make some phone calls. Naturally she was pissed and let him know it. He told her he was sorry and he would make it up to her...then tried to feel her up as she was telling him there wouldn't be a next time. So she wasn't talking to me until she wanted to unload about somebody else. There was a lot more that went on but that was the gist of it.

Elle is a little pissed at me. We went out Friday for a little bit. She asked me if I was going out for Halloween and I told her I wasn't really feeling it this year. She sort of talked me into it, but said she was going to a party and would meet me after. I did tell her I would probably meet her. But then I found out I have to move so I spent Saturday packing and did not get out and buy any costume stuff. So I told Elle I wasn't going out. She claimed she almost decided to not dress up after all, but did it for me...even though she was going to a party she did not invite me to. Personally, I think she is pissed because I never turn her down for anything and now I have.

I hadn't seen Sprite in a week and a half so I did go over there this morning. She had invited me over to watch a movie and to see the progress on her future bedroom. She plans on having a mini fridge in there to keep stuff for her partners when we visit. I say "we" because she asked me what I'd want and included me when she said partners. Probably doesn't mean a lot to most, but it does to me.

Her Apple TV thing was acting up so we ended up watching the Netflix movie on her i-pad, all cuddled together on the couch. The movie was actually pretty good. "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World". I had never heard of it, but it came out in 2012. After the movie we sat outside and talked. She was already beat from priming her walls and ceiling and all that, so I didn't beat her...lol. We might be going out on Wednesday night, if she gets her end of the quarter work done. She is going to Vegas this coming weekend so no playtime then. She says she misses it. We haven't played hard in quite awhile now. Then things will be crazy over the holidays so who knows when we shall play again.

After I left there, I headed over to pick up my friend's pickup truck that I'm borrowing to move. My brakes went out a couple miles from where it was. I ended up walking in the rain to get it...and the apartment my roommate and I are moving into isn't ready yet.

Can't wait to see how this week turns out :rolleyes:
 

vinsanity0

Active member
Sprite had too much running around to do on Wednesday so we didn't get together then. I will finally be seeing her tomorrow. Somehow I ended up volunteering to help her paint her new room. Then we get to play so I am excited about that.

I did finally move over the weekend. I don't have much, but ended up helping roomie move all her stuff because she didn't have anyone to help her. I had moved the couches and dressers on Thursday. She said she was going to move the rest on Friday while I was at work. When I got home I saw that she had not accomplished anything. Oh yeah, the best part was everything had to be out by Saturday morning. Boy did that suck.

I hadn't heard from Mary for a few days, which is odd. She finally told me today that her husband is still giving her a hard time about talking to me. I told her we should take a break from texting then. Apparently he hired someone to hack her phone so he can read all her texts. He should see that we have been just friends this whole time, but he can't get past the whole "another guy has been in my wife" thing. Basically he is blowing any chance at a reconciliation with her. I still get the feeling she is expecting me to rescue her.

I haven't seen Elle since the day before Halloween. Now that I've moved I will probably not see her that much.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
Wednesday with Sprite was great. We got a lot of the painting finished up. We also got some good playtime in. I am getting over my fears that I am just a temporary play partner in her life. We made a date for next Saturday to go to a play party. This will be my first time at this place. Usually I'm not all that comfortable in a public setting, but she really makes me feel comfortable. She also said she would like to go out to dinner on Wed. Later she said she wasn't sure if she could. She realized the reason she was free on Sat was because R was going out of town on Thurs. She said she "may have to put in a performance" on Wednesday. I can't decide if she meant that in a good or bad way.

Mary broke "radio silence" yesterday to tell me that her hubby (who I am tempted to refer to as Dumbass) was still obsessing over the wrong things and nothing has changed other than now she can't talk to me. My responses to her were really to him because I knew he would be reading them. I told her that he had an ownership mentality and didn't like that someone else used his property and that wasn't good. He has decided to make that the problem instead of the real problems that caused her to want to break up with him to begin with. In his mind everything was fine and then she cheated on him. In her mind it was not cheating because she told him the marriage was over. In my mind it's a gray area because, while she told him it was over, she hadn't actually left yet.

Cat had yet another lousy date with someone she had met at work. It's weird. Guys ask her out, but it's as if they don't know what a date is. Who asks someone to dinner then doesn't supply dinner? She also told me she has another date this coming Friday...though now she uses the phrase "in theory"...lol.

One of the perks of this new place is there is a bar about half a block away. They have 32 taps and a revolving beer selection. Mostly local craft beers. I also like the bartender. Hmmm...I wonder if she is open to poly...
 

vinsanity0

Active member
I had fun last night. I had forgotten that the place was having a band. It was nice to get out and meet new people. I didn't get a chance to talk to the girl I have a slight crush on because it was very busy in there. Of course, it is kind of stupid of me to even entertain the notion of dating someone who is most likely not poly or kinky.

Speaking of which, I never did hear from the one who wanted to go out with me.

I texted with Sprite today. She let me know she can't do dinner on Wednesday, but the play party is a go on Saturday. I am looking forward to that.

I haven't heard from Cat today, but we did talk on the phone last night. Lately I've been thinking about all the mistakes we made in the past. I may write about it here to get it off my mind. I could probably title it The Wrong Way To Do Poly.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
Well I went to my first play party in Seattle and it was pretty cool. The place was a lot different than I expected. Smaller.

First, we went out for a bite at a divey little place not far from the Center. I love places like that. I could tell that it made Sprite happy that I liked it. We kind of had to rush to get out of there because of where she parked. Parking in Seattle sucks. They block the street parking for no apparent reason. Probably were payed off by the people who own paid parking lots.

So we headed over to the place. I had to sign a bunch of paperwork to get in. I didn't even get a little tour of the place before she ran over to her favorite piece of equipment and began to set up...lol. Impact-wise this was the most intense scene yet. Wow, she is awesome. Afterwards, we hung out on a little bed for awhile. Unfortunately one of her few limits is no public sex. Overall I enjoyed it tremendously. We will definitely be doing that again.

Usually I don't experience any sort of top drop after a scene. I come down very gradually, usually over the course of a couple days. Sunday I crashed hard. I don't know why. Maybe because I knew I wasn't going to see her for awhile? I think the crappy cold weather didn't help much either. I did get a little lift when she texted me that she had some pretty bruises...but I was bummed that I wouldn't get to see them.

Monday went a little better.

Today Sprite texted me that she felt bad that she had to work late today because she would have liked to see me before the holiday blows up her schedule. This kind of sucks because I don't know anyone around here to spend Thanksgiving with. Elle and I haven't really been talking much lately.

Elle did send me a funny Thanksgiving video. That could, or not, be a hint. She likes to do things last minute.

Tonight is a new trivia night thing for me. Saturday I am going to a local munch. Hopefully I'll meet some new people.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
I won 2nd place in the 2nd round of trivia. Yay me...

Elle texted me another funny video and we had some actual conversation tonight. I really need to get over to her part of town sometime soon. She did wish me a Happy Thanksgiving and we joked around for a bit.

Sprite also texted me for a little bit throughout the day. She started by explaining she fell asleep early last night and that is why she never texted me back. She is doing thanksgiving with the kids and the ex, then going to the other house with R and family. She asked me out to lunch on Sunday...with the caveat that it would just be lunch because both her places will be a madhouse. I am hoping my roomie will be out doing something on Sunday so we can play here. I told her it is never "just" lunch with her. It's all about seeing her. Lunch is just an excuse to do that.

My relationship with Sprite is weird for me. Not to be sexist or gender biased or whatever, but I am not used to being the one being asked out. I am used to being more in control, especially in a D/s relationship. I sort of feel more like a Service Top and there is not much in the way of power exchange. Apparently she is enjoying it though. She said she definitely wants to go to a play party with me again. She also told me she still has "lovely bruises :)". I need to talk to her about sending me pics in the future because it is driving me nuts that I don't get to see them, but I get to see the ones other people leave.

Finally talked to Cat today as well. She was surprised I wasn't doing Thanksgiving with Sprite or Elle. She is spending it at her bff's house like we did last year.

That reminds me of what I set out to write about tonight. Loneliness. I am used to being alone on some holidays because of being on the road. I think being poly can amplify the loneliness sometimes. I have two people close by that I can't spend Thanksgiving with. And two more far away. It's a little frustrating.

I forgot to mention that Mary is "allowed" to talk to me again. She shared with me the story of DA's 19 hour bout of priapasm. Holy Crap, I thought 6 hours was the limit before you got doctors involved. They were going to have to drain it surgically, but I guess the thought of getting surgery there made it subside on the way to the OR. I know that would probably do it for me too...lol.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
Had a great Sunday date with Sprite. We met up at the pub near my place. Then the stars aligned and my roomie was out and about so we came back to my place for some fun.

I am struggling a little bit. I am developing some real feelings for her, but I'm not sure I want to let her know that. I don't want her to think I want things to escalate. Would I be opposed to escalation? No, but it doesn't seem realistic. I am more or less fine with the way things are, mostly.

I had an interesting talk with Cat. She finally found a suitable date. The problem is she ended up having sex with him and he hasn't contacted her since. The interesting thing is that this was the first time she has brought someone back to our place. She was hesitant to tell me that part. I am fine with it, but that did used to be a rule I had - no guys/gals in our bed. I let her know that it was OK and I appreciated her letting me know (even though I had to drag it out of her).
 

vinsanity0

Active member
Not much happened last week. I haven't seen Sprite since my last post. I was hoping for this past Sunday but she texted me on Saturday asking about Thursday. I said sure, but Thursday was an odd day. She says her schedule is sideways due to the holidays. I saw she went skiing this weekend. Thanks Facebook.

I have been talking with Cat a lot. I fear that she is more polysexual than polyamorous. That is fine for her, but I think she wouldn't particularly like it if I told her I loved someone else. She mentioned that she wasn't sure how it would work if I was home in Florida and one of us was dating. She wasn't sure how it would work if one of us wanted/needed to bring someone home. I'm not sure how it would work either. We have a 3 bedroom townhouse. One bedroom is ours. The other is occupied by a friend. The third is set up as an office. There is not really room for a bed in the office. That would mean that whichever one of us doesn't have someone over would be sleeping on the couch. And forget about if we both end up with someone on the same night. Maybe we should just look for a unicorn. Kidding.

Even though she told me she could love more than one, I'm not sure she can. She is used to having a live-in primary and more casual relationships on the side. I think if she found an actual boyfriend she had feelings for, she would see him as a replacement. This isn't insecurity talking. I know how she thinks. We have been together a little over 20 years.
 
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