The butterfly diaries

And this morning I woke up with Covid, sigh. I have a telehealth appointment this morning and I'm going to ask if I can get the antivirals this time because I always get hit so hard.

I've spent the morning largely getting a bunch of work stuff sorted. I am a teacher, so I have to set relief lessons/notes for all my classes. Fortunately, at this school, the older students are very self-directed in my subject. My younger ones are studying towards national exams in a couple of weeks so I've just thrown extra resources at them. I still have to finish writing reports by tomorrow morning. That shouldn't be too hard as we use pre-written comment banks for this round of reports.

I'm frustrated, I didn't see this coming at all. I had no idea I'd been exposed, and worse, I visited my parents on Tuesday evening (it's now Thursday morning and I'm symptomatic and testing positive). They haven't had Covid and I'm super worried as I would have been contagious then.

I can feel myself getting sleepy already, so after my telehealth appointment I'll probably try and nap already. Damnit, I hate Covid, I always feel so wretched.

I said goodbye to Nevyn last night while he gets his wife sorted out, but then texted him this morning to give him the heads up about the positive test. Sigh. When it rains, it pours.
 
Well, I don't qualify for the antivirals unfortunately, so I'm surviving on inhalers, paracetamol, ibuprofen, and tramadol. Someone may bring me some pseudoephedrine later today.

So I'm trying to keep on top of work emails today whilst being grateful that tomorrow is the weekend and the barrage will cease.

Puck may have Lyme again. His campground is rife with ticks, sigh, and even though he does tick checks, it just takes one sneaky bastard. At least over here he'll get respite from reinfection. He's hoping to liquidate the old cars in the next week or so and then he can buy tickets to come over and do job interviews. That should be around August.

Adam's back at work (after a mandatory break). He's a first responder so they get rostered mental health holidays (we don't generally say vacation over here). We have been talking about the other work that needs doing around the house and there is one potentially really expensive job. As in 'talk to the bank about a loan' expensive, and it will be some significant time. It could be a case of getting Puck to help when he gets here. I don't know. Adam has enough experience to get the job started, possibly finished. And his brother could also come down to help. It serves us right for not doing R&M earlier. But then, Adam could have gotten this sorted as soon as we knew my job was permanent and he would be moving, so the delays are very much on him.

This is probably famous last words, but I'm feeling surprisingly okay for day two of COVID, so fingers crossed that the last vaccine I had in December means this could actually be a milder case.
 
Although it was bar far the easiest ride I've had through COVID, probably largely in part to the tramadol, the last couple of days has been rough just getting through the final bit of recovery without the heavy meds. But I met my new doctor yesterday and he was great. Gave me everything I asked for and talked about actively monitoring a real try of ADHD meds. I have had a pill this morning and I'm not sleepy, yay!

Puck is offline at the moment so I've done stuff like gone for a mile gentle walk (21 mins, not great, but let's see how low I can get that over the next couple of months shall we), I've got laundry on, I have a mission to do when I finish writing, and basically, I feel capable again. I don't know right now if that's because I've had a "restful" week with COVID (my underlying stress levels must be insane as I have been grinding my teeth for three days now) or if the ADHD meds are actually working. The real trick will be to see if they work tomorrow. One thing about ADHD is there can be a highly productive day followed by an insane crash. Like, a whole day of doom scrolling unable to do the simplest things.

Adam and I are hoping to have the house on the market in about 7 weeks. It partly depends on the painter getting around to it. It's mates rates for a sort of flexible schedule. The paint is bought, and we've secured a bank loan for other sale related costs (because I don't have big savings since I was throwing everything at the mortgage for a while there).

Aaand I've finally heard from Puck. He was at the campground with a flat phone. His new phone has arrived but its case hasn't yet and we both know him well enough that that new phone is not being unboxed without a case lol.

So, I'm going to head out to do some chores that won't take long and will cost too much money.
 
Wow, is this just a placebo effect from the new ADHD meds, or has it really made a difference? It's not a hugely fair test since I wasn't recovering from a week of work and full on people-ing, young people at that. But I got SO much done today! (Importantly, I got a task I've been meaning to do done, which was not easy and I would likely have noped out part way through it.) I can't believe the massive difference between how I felt on the slow release rubifen versus the quick release. Slow release made me sleepy, quick release made me capable.

Tomorrow will be the real test, because sure, I do have days when I can do all the things, but the next day I pay in spades; can't get out of bed, doom scroll all day pay for it. So we'll see if meds help me through tomorrow as well.

If this stuff works like this whenever I take it, it will be life changing. It's basically like running the dishwasher a couple of times a day - the one with all the spoons in it...yeah, to extend the metaphor, I didn't even know there was a working dishwasher and now, spoons!!! I've had them all day, it's incredible.
 
Day 2 and I'm still going strong. I've knocked off a few 5 minute jobs that have been lurking. I've baked the bread I started last night (no knead, overnight rise dough), and NOT binged it even though it's a beautiful little loaf. Seriously, not only am I not compulsively eating the entire thing in one sitting, I'm even noticeably full from the couple of slices I had. I joined the gym, even though I messed up the time and got there too soon (7:30 am) then had to go back once there was a staff member on duty so I could actually join, so I didn't end up doing a workout but that's okay. The remarkable part was that I walked there, in the rain, early and ready to go. I've filled the car, done some essential groceries, planted some seeds (literally), fixed the drying rack (seriously, it was single blob of hot glue job that's been staring at me for at least a year), and folded and put away the last sheet that came out of the dryer a little damp yesterday that would usually have just stayed draped over the chair for a week or two, until I got around to changing the sheets again.

I'm going to have to call my folks and cancel because the weather is wild and my sixth sense is telling me to not drive on the motorway today. That leaves me all afternoon to do stuff. I wish I had a friend to call and go do something with, but it really is a miserable day so I can hibernate and continue to do stuff I've need a Round Tuit for. It's soooo amazing being able to fucking DO stuff. If this lasts even a week, I suspect I'm going to need therapy to process how I feel about all the stuff I've not done in my life, but for now, I'll just make plans to do things, and even better, follow through.

Unlike the slow release stuff, I'm not sleepy. I tried a higher dosage of that and I felt totally unlike myself, like it all went silent (not the tinnitus, just the thoughts). On this quick release I can think and I can act. I feel like myself, I feel like I have executive function rather than being a slave to doom scrolling and procrastination. I don't need to binge food. Is this really what I can be now?
 
Well, that's been a week. Work has been a bit taxing and there is definitely admin stuff I am behind on. I've managed to have a bit of a life outside of work, though, even going back to the gym on Thursday night and out with a new friend last night, during which I ran into an old work colleague from night on 30 years ago. I've been a bit lazy this morning, but I also haven't had a pill yet so I'm allowing that relaxation time without judgement. I am doing a bit of a road trip today with an exchange student who has been having a hard time the past six weeks or so, so I'm just going to take her to see something different.

I've spoken with Puck this morning, but he couldn't talk for long as he had to take Renée to go get a rental car because hers needs repairs. Things are still ticking along with him getting ready to move here, he's coming for a job hunt in August/September/October, so fingers crossed something becomes available. There's high unemployment at the moment so I am hoping his qualifications and experience make him a strong candidate. He's more likely to get a job than Adam is, which scares me because although I earn pretty well, I don't like the idea of being a sole income household (with Adam), it won't leave any money for fun things. And I'm afraid that we'll never be able to buy again.
 
And after all that fun stuff, I got sick again. Just a run of the mill respiratory virus, but enough to feel terrible at work and lose the long weekend to getting better. Tomorrow is a teacher only day and I'm definitely not 100% yet so I'm very likely going to call in sick so I can feel actually better rather than just mostly better.

Puck has been extremely busy recently and it's not going to ease up as he does things that are closing out things before he comes here for the job hunt. The campground is gearing up for the summer season, and his rental is finally about to be vacated so he can do repairs and sell it. He's got quite a few people helping with those repairs so he can turn it over quickly.

In four weeks, I'll go visit Adam again to hopefully do the last push to get our place ready to list, too. I'm not sure how long it's going to take to get an offer. We may attempt a deadline sale, but the market isn't what it was when we bought, so it may take a long time. If it really isn't getting any bites, we may do more cosmetic work to it, perhaps with Puck's help. But at this stage we're planning on leaving the inside alone, let the new owners see the potential like we did.

Once it's sold, Adam can move down here. I'm a little nervous about the logistics, but we've moved before, we can do it again.
 
One week closer to the holidays, three remaining. I'm looking forward to getting back up to Adam and getting that place ready to list.

I'm struggling with PMS today, but I've been to visit my folks, and I'm doing laundry. I should be doing so much more but even with ritalin, I can't quite get there.

Puck has tickets to come back for a job hunt. Just under two months, and honestly, it can't come fast enough. Even if my house sells fast and Adam moves down here asap, the earliest would be end of August, so that would give Puck and I a month of spending most evenings, and definitely weekends, together. After basically 6 years of LDR, we're really ready for that daily time together.
 
You have got to be fucking kidding me. I'm sick, again. So far, not enough to keep me off work but gahhhh. I didn't feel good today and it means that I can't do the hours outside of contracted hours that mean I can actually keep up with the workload. Usually I'd do at least one 12 hour day a week, or a couple of 10s, and I just don't have that in me today. Sure, it's only Monday, but that's the day I like to set myself up for a smooth rest of the week. I even brought a little work home, but just a very little because I can't really concentrate when I'm feeling like this.

But we're another week closer to the holidays where I can visit Adam and do another push on the house. He's sold the extra furniture as one big lot to someone trying to rebuild after a devastating house fire, so although he didn't get a lot for it, it's going to a good cause. It also opens up the floor space. I'll do some pretty touches inside, but we aren't doing a full paint or replacing the carpet. If we really get no bites, then we'll do that step. Puck will be here to help by then, too.

It's going to be so wonderful having him here. I have everything crossed he'll get a job in that first booked visit, it's a bit nerve-wracking, honestly. But he said he'll come back quickly if need be, or extend his stay if there's some real prospect after he was planning on popping back to do the next stage of things back in the US. He's getting a lot sorted at the moment so really, when he goes back, it will be to get his and Renee's house ready to Airbnb out. She'll join him here as soon as possible after he's got a job. There are a couple of cats to bring, and a couple to rehome there with people who already love them (they are a bit too old for the long flight and weeks of quarantine).

The only downside with the first job hunt trip is accommodation - Puck will likely end up staying somewhere affordable where I can't be, and he can't stay at my flat as my boarding agreement has rules about maximum guest nights. I've found a long stay Airbnb, but it's still over $500 a week. We need time to talk about this and right now we just don't have it because he's so busy. I don't want to give this room up until we know when Adam will be moving down, because then I'll need to get somewhere with him. Right now, there are just too many unknowns, including what Adam and I will get for our house and if that means we could actually consider buying (probably not).

Long distance is hard, but trying to get everyone happily and affordably to one city is a logistical nightmare.
 
Motherducking faulty smoke alarm going off in the middle of the night and I can't get back to sleep because I'm involuntarily fretting over the decision I made about accommodation for Puck (and me) when he's here. There was always going to be a compromise somewhere and I have swung towards getting the privacy, but that's at the cost of a decent kitchen. I'll likely keep my flat until Adam and I know when our house will be sold, because I don't want to have to move into an Airbnb and then to somewhere else entirely if the house hasn't sold. So we can cook here for more extravagant meals. But he can't just stay here because of my tenancy agreement.

And this is all just garbled thoughts because it's 2:30 am and I've been awake since 12:40 and I'm still recovering from bronchitis anyway and just ugh.
 
Evie said:
Motherducking faulty smoke alarm going off in the middle of the night and I can't get back to sleep because I'm involuntarily fretting over the decision I made about accommodation for Puck (and me) when he's here. There was always going to be a compromise somewhere and I have swung towards getting the privacy, but that's at the cost of a decent kitchen. I'll likely keep my flat until Adam and I know when our house will be sold, because I don't want to have to move into an Airbnb and then to somewhere else entirely if the house hasn't sold. So we can cook here for more extravagant meals. But he can't just stay here because of my tenancy agreement.

And this is all just garbled thoughts because it's 2:30 am and I've been awake since 12:40 and I'm still recovering from bronchitis anyway and just ugh.
Click to expand...
I'm not sure about the situation, but could you speak to the owner about an exception/change of agreement?
 
Tinwen said:
I'm not sure about the situation, but could you speak to the owner about an exception/change of agreement?
Click to expand...

I'm afraid not, he made it very clear when I moved in that this place was not suitable for couples. I can have a visitor for limited nights a week, but he's also catholic, and has met Adam...
 
School holidays have begun. Two week's winter break.

Today - cleaning/laundry/generally relaxing. And I am really jonesing for a great pizza. I know where from and they open at 4pm. That gives me 5 hours to do everything beforehand lol.

Tomorrow - go visit Adam for 10 days or so. We'll be doing what will hopefully be final touches on the house before listing. I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing, I think we're unlikely to get a good price. The current valuation is brutal, but it doesn't take into account the extra building at the back. So we'll see.

5 weeks from tomorrow, Puck arrives. I'll be back at work, but then that's life and we'll enjoy discovering a totally different dynamic. We spoke for about 5 hours yesterday, the old fashioned way, no video. He was driving long distance and we just kept chatting.

Yesterday I went back to the doc to review my ADHD meds. We're going to try upping it a little so I need to go pick up my new prescription today. I'm hoping it will be enough, that I won't need to up it again. I think it will be, but I have 6 weeks to find out. I'm also really hoping I don't catch any more of the viruses that are going around this winter, I'm sick of being sick!

Right, onwards with today.
 
So, things are happening around the house, although not particularly quickly as I don't have bundles of energy right now. But they are happening. It's not going to be ready to go to market next week, but we are going to be a lot closer. The painter is even here today water blasting the house (pressure washing).

I've done some gardening and hired a landscaper to look after the place better than the gardener we had. I have the charity shop booked to collect some big things next Tuesday.

There are some small frustrating things like I'm going to have to cut down the blind we bought for the small bedroom. But it's designed for that, it's just another step or three.

Adam is at work for the next few days (and yesterday) so I'm having to motivate myself, and that's not my forte in winter. And Puck is not around much at the moment since it's fireworks season and he's driving around a few southern States doing shoots.

So I'm not as productive as I could be, but everything I do is still something I don't have to pay someone else to do. And Adam has a hell of a lot to do in the detached study, so I don't feel too bad.
 
Adam ended up turning mounting the blind into his project. It didn't go so well, but it got done. The whole place is coming along well and he just let me know that he's finished packing the books in the study. It's taken a long time because he's used this opportunity to catalogue them as he goes. But it sounds like the study will be able to be staged for sale in the next day or two. Honestly, although it's not ideal, I expect I'll end up going up there for a weekend once the house is painted and everything is almost done, and just participate in the finishing touches before listing.

I've been back home and at work for two weeks, and in 8 days from now, Puck will be arriving. He's got a huge last minute push to finish fixing the rental so hopefully it will simply be ready for sale when he leaves, but he has a very competent handyman to finish anything off if there are more delays with suppliers. I'm afraid he'll desperately need a rest when he gets here but then there will also be initial logistics around being here too. I've taken two days off work (which has to be unpaid so ouch) and I've got as much organised as I can/can afford to right now.

I've spent this morning reading over my other journal that is almost exclusively about our relationship. Damn the pandemic fucked with everything. I had forgotten we were still having lockdowns and were in heavy travel restrictions throughout 2021, too. It's a blur now, thank goodness, because obviously as I was writing those my mental health was bad. Terrible jobs, perimenopause before known and on HRT, pre ADHD diagnosis and not understanding myself like I do now, and all the other things that life threw at me in that time. Largely, fear and stress. It's been a very eventful 2020s, so now we're a bit over half way through, I'm grateful for the chance to close the LDR.

I'm also a little apprehensive because it's been LDR and only two brief visits and now we will be largely learning to live together and what if we don't actually end up enjoying that. But I'm telling myself it's very reasonable to have that worry, but don't let it get too big because deep down I'm perfectly aware that it will actually become an enjoyable new normal very smoothly. We'll likely miss it when things change again and Adam moves here, too, since I'll have to find a place to rent with him.

It's going to be a big second half of the year!
 
Three sleeps.

This week has been so busy at work that at least it's going fast but damn I'm a little burnt out. It's a fraction of what Puck has been dealing with though. He's not going to finish fixing the rental – a replacement item hasn't even arrived, but he has people who will keep working until things are done. Hopefully he can get some sleep on the plane.

I have a doc appointment not this Friday but next and I need to ask for some blood work.

But first, my life will become dramatically different on Sunday. My apprehension has already disappeared. What will be will be and every indication is that it will be easy.
 
He's on the plane! The first leg. Selene took him to the airport. Less than 24 hours to go!
 
It's been an incredible two weeks and there's still lots to go. Job applications are beginning (his) and we are living together very comfortably. Nesting, albeit temporarily in and Airbnb apartment, has been just wonderful.

We'll go visit Adam next weekend and see how far along the house painting is. Not very from what I understand as the weather hasn't been very cooperative. I expect it won't be able to be listed until September. Puck is also having issues at his old rental that is slowing down the listing process. But that's okay that there are rather mirrored circumstances, I have a sneaking suspicion that the universe is doing something we won't understand until hindsight.
 
Well, plans have changed and Adam is coming to visit here given there has been so little progress on the exterior painting, so I'll stay with him tonight at my flat. The weather is stunning and you really can't beat this city on a good day so I expect that Puck will enjoy some time to himself.

Puck is well into the swing of job applications but there really is only so much out there at the moment (and not a lot at that). He's going to start applying for roles in other cities, because at least it will be NZ and that's a start. Residency is the real goal of getting work; after that, there's flexibility.

Puck and I went for a lovely long walk yesterday including along the beach, which was its own workout! The sand is extremely coarse so we were sinking with each step. I was super sore by the time we got back, but then we had a lovely evening with dinner on the grill and wine to accompany it.

Honestly, life is good right now. This is what I want from my future. In our ideal world, Puck and I would like to have our own little place as well as the homes we maintain with our spouses. We'll work towards making that happen!
 
I'm happy for you that Puck is there, at last! It's really incredible.
 
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