Yes, of course each of your partners' journeys will be unique. We are all unique.
Since I'm non-binary, I'll try to explain, at least how it feels to me. It's like a grey area. On one end is super masculine and on the other is super feminine.
So, Arnold Schwartzenegger on one side, Marilyn Monroe on the other. In between those types are more masculine women, like say, a tough rugby player, and then more femme men, like Mr Rogers or Kurt Cobain. And more in the middle are people who might like to wear a dress and a beard, or some who have a vagina and are slight and slender but dress in hoodies and have real short hair, feel very uncomfortable in dresses and refuse to wear them.
But there are so many ways of gender expressions. There are some people who ID as men but like to wear skirts. There are some people who ID as women but always wear a polo shirt and their shorts are always knee length.
Sometimes those butch lesbians realize they're men. And the femme men realize, oh wow, I am actually a woman. But sometimes they don't!
As for me, I wear dresses sometimes and other times I wear jeans and a button down and sneakers.
Of course, women can get away with wearing men's clothes, and that's been pretty acceptable since the 1940s. (It was a big no-no and often illegal until the 1930s.) But I've been known to wear an actual men's suit, tie, and shoes to formal events like weddings (mostly to queer weddings). However, I like to do that with a red lip and mascara.
But here's the thing for me. Sexually: I have a very strong sex drive. Greater than that of most women, I'd venture to say. And... I feel like I have an invisible penis. I use toys or fingers on my partners as if they are my penis. My partners can "feel" my penis. I'm versatile, a pitcher and a catcher.
And I'm pansexual and I can be very attracted to people who are in that grey area (although it's colorful
), that androgynous area. It feels familiar to me. It feels comfy. I don't love the clear cut binary. Well, I especially don't like hyper masc men. I can be very attracted to like stereotypical pinup girls, burlesque queens, drag queens. So femme to the point they are almost mocking femininity. For athletic men, I like dancers, so strong and fit, but flexible, able to use their bodies in an artistic poetic emotional expressive way.
I remember reading about a certain European explorer who went to a Pacific Island back in the 17th century, and reported there weren't just men and women there. There were 36 genders. And I think that's natural and something our Western Christian culture has worked hard to suppress by force. We want it to be black and white. But it isn't. Pixi however, doesn't want to be seen as transfemme, or as androgynous. She wants to be firmly on the femme/female/woman end. And some transmen are always at the gym and so masc you would never ever guess they weren't born with a penis.
Then again, there are intersexed people who are born with ambiguous genitalia and they themselves don't know until they've done some growing if they feel more femme or more masc, or remain somewhere in between.
