Vicki's Journey Continues...

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Vicki, you celebrated your third anniversaries with both your guys just one month apart? I didn't realize you met both of them almost simultaneously!

I'm glad you're feeling so much better emotionally now that Covid is getting under control.
 

Vicki82

Member
Vicki, you celebrated your third anniversaries with both your guys just one month apart? I didn't realize you met both of them almost simultaneously!

I'm glad you're feeling so much better emotionally now that Covid is getting under control.
Oh, I didn't meet them simultaneously... third wedding anniversary with Henry, 7 years this August. But I was pretty quick to get back in the dating pool after the wedding! After nearly two years of mostly-monogamy so we could focus on ourselves and the wedding planning, I was looking to meet someone and got lucky on the first try. My first new date was Charles :)

It's actually still quite bad here in terms of covid. I'm still not seeing people. My region in particular is spiking new cases.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Oh, I didn't meet them simultaneously... third wedding anniversary with Henry, 7 years this August. But I was pretty quick to get back in the dating pool after the wedding! After nearly two years of mostly-monogamy so we could focus on ourselves and the wedding planning, I was looking to meet someone and got lucky on the first try. My first new date was Charles :)

It's actually still quite bad here in terms of covid. I'm still not seeing people. My region in particular is spiking new cases.
Oh OK, I thought you'd been with Henry much longer! Now I see your sig says 6 years. So I guess you need to update to 7 and 3 for your relationships. It was the 3 year anniversary you mentioned that confused me, since that is just your wedding anniv.

It's too bad you live in a place where new cases are spiking. Did your family all get vaxxed?
 

Vicki82

Member
Oh OK, I thought you'd been with Henry much longer! Now I see your sig says 6 years. So I guess you need to update to 7 and 3 for your relationships. It was the 3 year anniversary you mentioned that confused me, since that is just your wedding anniv.

It's too bad you live in a place where new cases are spiking. Did your family all get vaxxed?

Yes, I do need to update my signature. I'll do that! Henry and I don't really celebrate the # of years together since we got married. It's just nice to know :)

Vaccine is still in short supply here. It's a long time to get vaccinated. They were doing them 16 weeks apart instead of as per manufacturer. They're starting to move them up but no, we're definitely not done yet unfortunately and Delta is surging here.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
OK, I was thinking you were in the US, where vaxes are pretty much everywhere (although too many people are actually refusing to get them).
 

Vicki82

Member
OK, I was thinking you were in the US, where vaxes are pretty much everywhere (although too many people are actually refusing to get them).
Yeah, I find that beyond disgusting. The privilege in throwing away so much vaccine every day so that people don't even have to be bothered to make an appointment while the bodies pile up in the rest of the world because of not enough vaccine. The entitlement in that is just horrifying, and I'm still living in a pretty privileged country. I can only imagine what the rest of the world thinks.
 

PinkPig

Active member
I agree. I think we should stick to requiring appointments and ship all the excess to countries where cases are surging. I also think it's insanity that some states are doing lotteries for vaccinated residents, giving away scholarships and millions of $$. We are an entitled lot here in the US.
 

Vicki82

Member
So Henry and I have mostly been on the mono/open side of things since we got together. We have both had casual sex, either at clubs or with friends and acquaintances, but he hasn't really been dating at all. I mean, obviously because covid, but even before that. He said he felt like his life was too busy to give time to another partner.

Recently, a friend of a friend of his moved to town and was looking to meet similar minded people- she has several hobbies and interests in common with Henry. Our current covid boundaries are that it's OK to hang out with fully vaccinated people outside- we sat down as a family and negotiated that together between the three of us (me and Charles and Henry). So this woman will get her second shot this coming week so in three weeks will be considered fully vaccinated. I suggested he invite her over for hot tub and maybe a BBQ since Henry has been enjoying playing with his smoker. Then I suddenly asked him OMG she's not vegan is she, since so many of the people that share this particular hobby of his are vegan. #polylaughs when you see your husband enjoying a conversation and crossing all his fingers and chanting hopefully "not vegan"! I hope she's not! It would be nice to see him be social and have fun. (I should add that we're not anti-vegan, because I think this joke doesn't translate well without the background. It was hilariously funny to the two of us because most of the vegans we know in this particular hobby are militant vegan types and that's really what we were making fun of. I suspect it didn't translate well into text though and now feel slightly awkward/embarrassed about sharing the funny that sparked all the thinking).

It's funny to think about since we have always been poly and open for our entire relationship, but I certainly think that our time together as well as just extra time for me to process as a person has helped me deal with a lot of the baggage that I had with regards to open relationships. I feel like I've put in the work on myself to sort through my fears and come out the other side as a stronger person. I truly believe that Henry and I have made the choice to be life partners, and I don't worry that he's going to replace me when he does start dating. I don't worry that it will change how he feels about me because I know he loves me for who I am and no one else is me. Having my relationships with both him and Charles has really put a lot of things into clear definition for me. I just want him to be happy, and the more love he gets, the better it is for him. And I trust him that we can work through whatever obstacles will arise, because of course they will at some point. But it will be okay because we have the tools and the desire to work through it.

It's a good feeling. I've spent so much time on various relationship forums reading people's stories and kind of "trying them out" in my head just to see how I'd feel or process things, and I feel like that has helped me a great deal to figure out who I am and what I want. Not only has it been interesting, but I feel like it's been good for me.

My partners bring me so much love and happiness. I just want the same for them.
 
Last edited:

Vicki82

Member
So I think that Henry may have drawn a winning lottery ticket, although this has yet to be seen. He's still been chatting with this friend of a friend (I won't give her a name just yet), and he found out today that we had actually met her before at a femdom BDSM party where he and I were giving a workshop. I don't remember her but it does make sense that she remembered us.

So not only does she have similar hobbies and interests, but she's also kinky and she's a Top or Domme! I mean, that's a pretty narrow target for someone he happened to get introduced to as a friend of a friend!

I am glad to find that I'm feeling happy and excited for him. She got her second vaccine yesterday, so they won't be meeting up for two weeks at minimum. I told him just to let me know what I need to know, and that I'm happy to listen if he wants to talk and share things. This is kind of new ground for me with him... and maybe I'll feel some icky feelings as time goes on (probably will at some point) but at least it's a pleasant surprise and relief to see that I'm feeling very positive for him.

We also finally did a little tiny bit of socializing, after seventeen months. Charles and Henry and I went to visit a friend's house where they are all double-vaxxed. I'm pretty sure the name I used for my ex boyfriend in here was John. We dated for I think about six months and we are still close friends, and I'm also friends with his sister (he lives with his sister, her husband, and their kids). They're all poly so it was nice to be able to go over to my ex-bf's house and bring my husband and my boyfriend and have a nice day hanging out. We still mostly distanced but didn't worry overmuch since we were outside the entire time.

I miss people... but I'm wondering how things will go over the next while. Too many people aren't getting vaccinated, new strains are still spreading, and Kiddo can't be vaccinated until October. I'm really unhappy about sending him back to school in-person since it's very clear in the news that they expect covid to spread through schools once they reopen. But I've been told you must pick for the full year, so we just bought him his own reusable N95 mask to wear to school and I guess he's coming home for lunch. I can't keep him home for a whole year when he'll be fully vaccinated by mid November. It just sucks all around.

I booked a haircut today... it's been well over a year since I had a haircut and I desperately want one. I'm not sure about venturing out much but I really do think I need it. At least my stylist is vaccinated and of course masks are still required here I think until the end of the year in all indoor spaces. Our vaccination rates as a country are starting to catch up but we'll never get to herd immunity until we can vaccinate the kids. I just want this nightmare over so we can start picking up the pieces.

Back to the happy stuff... I just want Henry to have more things in his life that light him up. Whatever his connection ends up being with this new person, I hope he will be happy.
 

Vicki82

Member
So Henry's lottery ticket seems to have fizzled... this woman has some issues with a capital I. There was some weirdness at first but he just kinda rolled with it until it started to get worse. So somehow she didn't mention until two outside dates and several weeks of conversation that she had a partner, which we found kind of odd, and Henry found out when he invited her over for another hot tub date and she asked if she could bring her partner. He said yes, but was kind of surprised it had never come up. Apparently they'd only been dating for a little over a month so we thought maybe that was why.

So they came over and we were all having a drink on the patio before I was going to excuse myself so they could hang out in the hot tub (I just wanted to say hi, again so everyone knew everything was all ok). It was such a weird dynamic. The guy just kind of sat there on his phone the whole time and didn't say much of anything (when he did it was mostly exclamations of swearing). She was all lit up and glowy into her connection with Henry and completely ignoring the guy she introduced as her partner. It was just rather peculiar. I tried to draw him in a little bit but with no success so I just excused myself to get out of the way. Henry had a nice evening but he told me after it stayed that way the whole time like that and he found it odd too.

He didn't see that as a red flag, just something to note, but it got worse. She was confiding with him in how things were going with her partner, which he was already a little leery of because he didn't want to be in the middle of her drama, and she told him that they had an agreement with the boyfriend for sex with condoms. Then at his first opportunity when he went to hang out with his (ex?) girlfriend, he had sex with her bareback and let his partner know right away. Which wouldn't have been so bad except that when she asked what was up since they had agreed to condoms, he told her it was because his ex was so much hotter than she is so he couldn't resist! Literally said that, to her face.

Cue red flag- she doesn't break up with him after that! Henry told me that if her boundaries were that bad, he didn't want to get involved in that drama. No kidding. But it's too bad- she seemed like a person he really enjoyed chatting with and spending time. They're still talking but he hasn't seen her in person since.

After that and looking at a potential fourth lockdown this fall because schools, he says he doesn't want to be looking for someone new if he can't connect with them, and I don't blame him for that. It's just so hard. We all thought it would be over by now.
 
Top