Vicki's Journey Continues...

Vicki, you celebrated your third anniversaries with both your guys just one month apart? I didn't realize you met both of them almost simultaneously!

I'm glad you're feeling so much better emotionally now that Covid is getting under control.
Vicki, you celebrated your third anniversaries with both your guys just one month apart? I didn't realize you met both of them almost simultaneously!

I'm glad you're feeling so much better emotionally now that Covid is getting under control.
Oh, I didn't meet them simultaneously... third wedding anniversary with Henry, 7 years this August. But I was pretty quick to get back in the dating pool after the wedding! After nearly two years of mostly-monogamy so we could focus on ourselves and the wedding planning, I was looking to meet someone and got lucky on the first try. My first new date was Charles :)

It's actually still quite bad here in terms of covid. I'm still not seeing people. My region in particular is spiking new cases.
Oh, I didn't meet them simultaneously... third wedding anniversary with Henry, 7 years this August. But I was pretty quick to get back in the dating pool after the wedding! After nearly two years of mostly-monogamy so we could focus on ourselves and the wedding planning, I was looking to meet someone and got lucky on the first try. My first new date was Charles :)

It's actually still quite bad here in terms of covid. I'm still not seeing people. My region in particular is spiking new cases.
Oh OK, I thought you'd been with Henry much longer! Now I see your sig says 6 years. So I guess you need to update to 7 and 3 for your relationships. It was the 3 year anniversary you mentioned that confused me, since that is just your wedding anniv.

It's too bad you live in a place where new cases are spiking. Did your family all get vaxxed?
Oh OK, I thought you'd been with Henry much longer! Now I see your sig says 6 years. So I guess you need to update to 7 and 3 for your relationships. It was the 3 year anniversary you mentioned that confused me, since that is just your wedding anniv.

It's too bad you live in a place where new cases are spiking. Did your family all get vaxxed?

Yes, I do need to update my signature. I'll do that! Henry and I don't really celebrate the # of years together since we got married. It's just nice to know :)

Vaccine is still in short supply here. It's a long time to get vaccinated. They were doing them 16 weeks apart instead of as per manufacturer. They're starting to move them up but no, we're definitely not done yet unfortunately and Delta is surging here.
OK, I was thinking you were in the US, where vaxes are pretty much everywhere (although too many people are actually refusing to get them).
OK, I was thinking you were in the US, where vaxes are pretty much everywhere (although too many people are actually refusing to get them).
Yeah, I find that beyond disgusting. The privilege in throwing away so much vaccine every day so that people don't even have to be bothered to make an appointment while the bodies pile up in the rest of the world because of not enough vaccine. The entitlement in that is just horrifying, and I'm still living in a pretty privileged country. I can only imagine what the rest of the world thinks.
I agree. I think we should stick to requiring appointments and ship all the excess to countries where cases are surging. I also think it's insanity that some states are doing lotteries for vaccinated residents, giving away scholarships and millions of $$. We are an entitled lot here in the US.
So Henry and I have mostly been on the mono/open side of things since we got together. We have both had casual sex, either at clubs or with friends and acquaintances, but he hasn't really been dating at all. I mean, obviously because covid, but even before that. He said he felt like his life was too busy to give time to another partner.

Recently, a friend of a friend of his moved to town and was looking to meet similar minded people- she has several hobbies and interests in common with Henry. Our current covid boundaries are that it's OK to hang out with fully vaccinated people outside- we sat down as a family and negotiated that together between the three of us (me and Charles and Henry). So this woman will get her second shot this coming week so in three weeks will be considered fully vaccinated. I suggested he invite her over for hot tub and maybe a BBQ since Henry has been enjoying playing with his smoker. Then I suddenly asked him OMG she's not vegan is she, since so many of the people that share this particular hobby of his are vegan. #polylaughs when you see your husband enjoying a conversation and crossing all his fingers and chanting hopefully "not vegan"! I hope she's not! It would be nice to see him be social and have fun. (I should add that we're not anti-vegan, because I think this joke doesn't translate well without the background. It was hilariously funny to the two of us because most of the vegans we know in this particular hobby are militant vegan types and that's really what we were making fun of. I suspect it didn't translate well into text though and now feel slightly awkward/embarrassed about sharing the funny that sparked all the thinking).

It's funny to think about since we have always been poly and open for our entire relationship, but I certainly think that our time together as well as just extra time for me to process as a person has helped me deal with a lot of the baggage that I had with regards to open relationships. I feel like I've put in the work on myself to sort through my fears and come out the other side as a stronger person. I truly believe that Henry and I have made the choice to be life partners, and I don't worry that he's going to replace me when he does start dating. I don't worry that it will change how he feels about me because I know he loves me for who I am and no one else is me. Having my relationships with both him and Charles has really put a lot of things into clear definition for me. I just want him to be happy, and the more love he gets, the better it is for him. And I trust him that we can work through whatever obstacles will arise, because of course they will at some point. But it will be okay because we have the tools and the desire to work through it.

It's a good feeling. I've spent so much time on various relationship forums reading people's stories and kind of "trying them out" in my head just to see how I'd feel or process things, and I feel like that has helped me a great deal to figure out who I am and what I want. Not only has it been interesting, but I feel like it's been good for me.

My partners bring me so much love and happiness. I just want the same for them.
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So I think that Henry may have drawn a winning lottery ticket, although this has yet to be seen. He's still been chatting with this friend of a friend (I won't give her a name just yet), and he found out today that we had actually met her before at a femdom BDSM party where he and I were giving a workshop. I don't remember her but it does make sense that she remembered us.

So not only does she have similar hobbies and interests, but she's also kinky and she's a Top or Domme! I mean, that's a pretty narrow target for someone he happened to get introduced to as a friend of a friend!

I am glad to find that I'm feeling happy and excited for him. She got her second vaccine yesterday, so they won't be meeting up for two weeks at minimum. I told him just to let me know what I need to know, and that I'm happy to listen if he wants to talk and share things. This is kind of new ground for me with him... and maybe I'll feel some icky feelings as time goes on (probably will at some point) but at least it's a pleasant surprise and relief to see that I'm feeling very positive for him.

We also finally did a little tiny bit of socializing, after seventeen months. Charles and Henry and I went to visit a friend's house where they are all double-vaxxed. I'm pretty sure the name I used for my ex boyfriend in here was John. We dated for I think about six months and we are still close friends, and I'm also friends with his sister (he lives with his sister, her husband, and their kids). They're all poly so it was nice to be able to go over to my ex-bf's house and bring my husband and my boyfriend and have a nice day hanging out. We still mostly distanced but didn't worry overmuch since we were outside the entire time.

I miss people... but I'm wondering how things will go over the next while. Too many people aren't getting vaccinated, new strains are still spreading, and Kiddo can't be vaccinated until October. I'm really unhappy about sending him back to school in-person since it's very clear in the news that they expect covid to spread through schools once they reopen. But I've been told you must pick for the full year, so we just bought him his own reusable N95 mask to wear to school and I guess he's coming home for lunch. I can't keep him home for a whole year when he'll be fully vaccinated by mid November. It just sucks all around.

I booked a haircut today... it's been well over a year since I had a haircut and I desperately want one. I'm not sure about venturing out much but I really do think I need it. At least my stylist is vaccinated and of course masks are still required here I think until the end of the year in all indoor spaces. Our vaccination rates as a country are starting to catch up but we'll never get to herd immunity until we can vaccinate the kids. I just want this nightmare over so we can start picking up the pieces.

Back to the happy stuff... I just want Henry to have more things in his life that light him up. Whatever his connection ends up being with this new person, I hope he will be happy.
So Henry's lottery ticket seems to have fizzled... this woman has some issues with a capital I. There was some weirdness at first but he just kinda rolled with it until it started to get worse. So somehow she didn't mention until two outside dates and several weeks of conversation that she had a partner, which we found kind of odd, and Henry found out when he invited her over for another hot tub date and she asked if she could bring her partner. He said yes, but was kind of surprised it had never come up. Apparently they'd only been dating for a little over a month so we thought maybe that was why.

So they came over and we were all having a drink on the patio before I was going to excuse myself so they could hang out in the hot tub (I just wanted to say hi, again so everyone knew everything was all ok). It was such a weird dynamic. The guy just kind of sat there on his phone the whole time and didn't say much of anything (when he did it was mostly exclamations of swearing). She was all lit up and glowy into her connection with Henry and completely ignoring the guy she introduced as her partner. It was just rather peculiar. I tried to draw him in a little bit but with no success so I just excused myself to get out of the way. Henry had a nice evening but he told me after it stayed that way the whole time like that and he found it odd too.

He didn't see that as a red flag, just something to note, but it got worse. She was confiding with him in how things were going with her partner, which he was already a little leery of because he didn't want to be in the middle of her drama, and she told him that they had an agreement with the boyfriend for sex with condoms. Then at his first opportunity when he went to hang out with his (ex?) girlfriend, he had sex with her bareback and let his partner know right away. Which wouldn't have been so bad except that when she asked what was up since they had agreed to condoms, he told her it was because his ex was so much hotter than she is so he couldn't resist! Literally said that, to her face.

Cue red flag- she doesn't break up with him after that! Henry told me that if her boundaries were that bad, he didn't want to get involved in that drama. No kidding. But it's too bad- she seemed like a person he really enjoyed chatting with and spending time. They're still talking but he hasn't seen her in person since.

After that and looking at a potential fourth lockdown this fall because schools, he says he doesn't want to be looking for someone new if he can't connect with them, and I don't blame him for that. It's just so hard. We all thought it would be over by now.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Not much going on here... just taking things one day at a time with my loves. It's still just our household celebrating today because of covid- we still are not having anyone indoors at this time. But we'll have a nice dinner together, the four of us.
So Mark (ex husband) called last night to talk to Kiddo. Note that Kiddo's birthday was over a month ago. Mark did call him that night, but literally 5 minutes before bedtime which pretty much screams that he forgot. But anyway, last night he called and Kiddo says he apparently told him that he knows he isn't a great dad but he'll be sure to send something for his birthday. Or if not, something extra big for Christmas :p

I wonder what sparked that awakening.
Merry Christmas, everyone! (or whatever holiday you celebrate!)

Things were very low key here in the Vicki82 household. We did decide to have my parents visit (after taking rapid tests) because it's been so long and Kiddo wanted to see his grandparents who are triple vaxxed.

To put things in perspective, Charles and I have been dating now for 3 1/2 years, and he's been living here for a little over a year because of the pandemic (but didn't give up his apartment until last May). My mother in particular has always been a little squeamish about polyamory. She doesn't understand it because it doesn't fit into her worldview- where you date to find someone to marry. So when she found out several years ago that I was dating Charles, she thought it meant that Henry and I would split up soon. I believe it was Christmas dinner 2019 that I hosted, and she asked me if he could not come because she would be uncomfortable. I told her no, of course not. He's my partner and he would always be welcome in my home, especially for the holidays. She was awkward that year but tried to be polite even though she was obviously uncomfortable.

Then the pandemic lockdowns hit, so she didn't visit until the summer when things opened up, and even then we stayed outside so she didn't really know when he moved here, and we didn't feel the need to tell her since it's not something that should be important to her. When we started celebrating important days like Kiddo's birthday, I let her know that he was going to be here because he lives here. I guess she got used to the idea that her daughter has two men in her life who care about her and Kiddo, because for Christmas this year she brought Charles a bag of gifts just like she did for Henry, and joked around with him, too.

It just made me happy that we could just be, without worrying about dealing with other people's issues. That, and I'll admit it felt pretty awesome to have the boys do most of the work for Christmas so that I had more time to work on the very special Christmas gifts that I made for them that took way longer than I thought they would! I see all the whiners on the internet complaining that their husbands didn't help with the shopping or the cooking or any part of the holidays, which I don't understand- if they don't help, then don't marry them! No one wants to deal with an adult child. This year Henry did most of Christmas dinner by himself since I was busy, and Charles did most of the cleanup. I am SO lucky to have two such amazing men in my life!

And this morning I came downstairs to see the two of them sitting at the dining room table with the liquor advent calendar that I gave them both, with little shot glasses, sharing the liquors that each of them got this morning. It was the perfect gift since they get to be social and share them and discuss the flavours with each other. Warm, happy feels seeing my men hanging out together enjoying themselves, even if it means they were ignoring me LOL!

I'm super proud of the (after) advent calendars I made for them, though. They were way more work than I thought they would be! I thought, gee I can just slap a few coats of paint on them and they'll be done, right? But something seemed to go wrong every step of the way and I had to keep coming up with new plans! I ordered the liquor minis from a craft distillery so I knew they'd be new to both of them, and I know they enjoy sitting down together and sharing drinks and chatting- they've done that with beer before too. So I thought it was the perfect gift. I made one for Kiddo too, although his just had candy and small treats in it. Well and all three of them got a little note every day too. The first one said 25 reasons why I love you and each day got a new note, personalized for each of them of course.

I don't usually share pics here but I wanted to share these since I worked so hard on them. You can see how they started, as basic wooden drawers. It took much, much more time than I thought it would!


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I've been dealing with waves of depression lately. I really thought that we were on the way out of this pandemic. We had started seeing people again outside, I finally sent Kiddo back to school in September after being off since March 2020, we were all double vaxxed and cases were relatively low.

Then Omicron.

It's been really, really bad here. To put it in context, at the peak of the third wave we had about 4000 cases a day. They were getting about 20,000 around New Year's and saying that it wasn't accurate because they couldn't get through the tests... and then they stopped PCR testing except in very specific cases. There were estimates that we might have had 50-100,000 cases a day.

I know so many people who tested positive, some after letting their guard down just once, some because they're still wearing cloth masks rather than something better. Some who have just been out and about because they think it's no big deal :p People's workplaces were shutting down because all the employees were sick or in isolation.

We're back into pretty strict ivory tower mode. The idea of long covid terrifies me because of all my related fatigue and health issues; it would destroy what's left of my quality of life. Charles didn't go to work for two weeks because he told his boss he wasn't going to work directly with the other staff, since so many of them had been testing positive, and Henry and I stayed home as well. Kiddo misses being at school in person (which is a change from last year when he said he liked remote!) but he's going to stay home until this wave recedes a bit more. They're not learning much in schools right now anyway, that's for sure.

I'm trying to get back on track with losing weight again, but it's really hard with the depression. I hate being this fat but there isn't much else fun to do but eat. No one has much of a sex drive, either.

Sometimes it's hard to believe that we're back here again, and it's much worse than it was before because it's literally everywhere now. I don't know how people can just decide to accept that they're going to get it when there's still so much we don't know, plus the issues of long covid.

I miss my friends, and I miss going out to restaurants, and having parties, and traveling, and all kinds of things. The universe doesn't listen when you call Red.
I'm terrified of long covid, too, and I expect I'll end up with Omicron since I'm a teacher. Strict isolation sucks, but it's the safest option and I just hope Omicron will burn itself out in a few months.
We haven't had people over to our home, inside, since March 2020, nor have we gone inside other people's homes (with the exception of my parents at Christmas, after testing). We've tried to limit ANY indoor time at all, anywhere, for any reason except in our own home. I've had my hair cut twice, once a year when cases were low-ish in the summer. We try to get all out stuff delivered but there has been a very occasional trip inside a store, always with an N95 back to the beginning of the pandemic. Kiddo was homeschooled from March 2020 to September 2021. I did let him go back in September with an N95 but now that Omicron is here he's back on temporary remote learning.

If we get covid now, after taking all these precautions... I am really, really going to be unhappy.
Wow. I didn't realize it's been so long since I've written. Depression's a bitch, y'all.

We did get covid, despite all our precautions. Twice. It fucking sucked. The second time around was just recently and lasted over six weeks, and we're still having reduced energy levels. Kiddo brought it home from school both times, and there's just not a whole heck of a lot that we can do about it. I'm not liking the studies I've read demonstrating long term cognitive deficits and changes because I think that we're prime candidates for that sort of thing and it worries me.

I got some not great medical diagnoses recently, and since I'm about to turn 40 I figure it's time that I start taking care of myself or I'm going to wind up in an early grave. I had been losing weight when covid hit and then it kind of all fell apart. I regained everything I'd lost. In April I started focusing on losing weight by counting calories, and I lost 30lbs on my own, which was a great start. But I started to stall in the fall and being sick made it harder to keep going. My doctor prescribed Ozempic, although I couldn't start until I was totally recovered, and I just took my third injection this week. So far it's pretty close to being that miracle drug they talk about- I'm seeing improvements everywhere from blood glucose to blood pressure to on the scale, with very few side effects. I am starting to believe that a lot of people who have the side effects just aren't noticing the signs your body gives you to stop eating- I can imagine if you overeat that it's not a lot of fun. But I've eaten quite a variety of things over the past two weeks and still losing with nothing more than the occasional headache, so it's working for me at least.

Henry finally reactivated his OKC profile a few months back, and almost immediately was inundated with attention! It was pretty awesome to see. Yup, he's married and overweight but quality shines through lol. He's only met up with a couple of them, and has been dating (seeing? it's vague) Kaci for four months now. She's married, and she and her husband have been swingers for ten years. They only recently (just before Henry) decided to be poly, which was a little concerning for Henry because he doesn't really know what the changes were about. Also, Kaci's husband is generally monogamous himself and they don't even sleep together often? It sounds a little potentially messy, but hey it's not my circus. Henry isn't putting any labels on anything but he enjoys hanging out with Kaci and they have a good sexual connection so that's awesome anyway.

Really though, not a whole lot has happened in the past year. Things are still going smoothly at home with my loves. It really does feel like we all pull together to make things work around the house, and we support each other when we need help. Life can be a lot easier with a third adult around!

Kiddo turned 13, and just found out that the current person he has a crush on reciprocates that, so I guess we'll be navigating teenage love drama! I hope that we'll be able to help him with a better foundation of how relationships should be than I had growing up.
We celebrated Henry's birthday just before Christmas, and Kaci joined us (me, Charles, Henry, and Kiddo) for dinner. Kiddo knows we're poly, so to him it wasn't a big deal at all to bring Kaci. We all had a nice time and they went out afterwards. They'd had a couple more dates since, too.

New Year's was quiet, just our family. Charles had to work for part of it and it was a fight to stay up till midnight! Guess that's what happens as we get older lol.

And then last week poor Henry got a nasty surprise. Looks like Kaci's husband pulled the plug because he was uncomfortable that their relationship was more than just physical, despite the fact that they had discussed this from the beginning as something they both wanted.

People; DO NOT PLAY WITH OTHERS' HEARTS. Seriously. Kaci had said they recently moved from swinging to polyamory. She never mentioned anything to Henry about issues or anything like that. They hadn't even said ILY or anything like that- just having fun and going out on dates that were more than just sex. It's not okay to string someone along and then veto them out of the blue like this. He is crushed, because of course he has some kind of feelings for her.

I understand why people have vetos; but that doesn't mean I think they're ethical ways to treat people. And I hate that when people don't do their own emotional management that they're not the ones who get hurt- someone else is collateral damage.

It's hard watching him hurt. He doesn't really want to talk about it but I'm trying to be there for him as much as possible.

Things are going really well with the Ozempic. My A1C is no longer diabetic, and I've lost over 45lbs since my diagnosis, 18 of those with the help of Ozempic. I've also started working out with a friend who lives in another country; ah, the wonders of the internet! We just set up a Facetime Audio call (because we're not that masochistic lol) and then put on the same workout video synced up, and chat while we're doing it. It makes exercising much less awful. I still don't like it, but I hate it a whole lot less with another person.

Other than that, things are pretty much same old same old here. Just taking it one day at a time.
So, Henry met someone new organically, which is nice, since he hadn't planned on investing energy into the dating app thing again. I haven't met her yet but it's good that they have stuff in common. I'm a little surprised they hadn't met before since apparently he knows one of his metas from the BDSM community, and he's also attended several camping events where his new partner had also attended. Weird how things can be like that sometimes!

I really like how at least she's been practicing poly for quite some time so no training wheels, and maybe we won't have the issues that have cropped up with his partners in the past. What I really don't love is that she smokes cigarettes. Henry mostly gave up smoking when he moved in with me because I thoroughly despise it, and I have a pretty sensitive sense of smell so having that odor on clothing or even on his face is beyond repellant. He knows that mouthwash isn't going to mask it- it's gotta be a full hazmat situation lol throw clothes directly in the washer, shower, and brush teeth/mouthwash. He only really smokes now socially when he has visited old friends in another city who smoke, maybe 1-2 times a year. That being said, when we had a mutual friend who was a heavy smoker, when she came over for visits and popped out for a smoke he would often go with her and have one as a social thing, and I didn't love that. A partner? I'm a little more concerned about him falling back into his old social smoking habits.

But, there really isn't much I can do about it. I voiced my concerns that I don't want the car or the house smelling like smoke and that he's gotta shower before he comes near me because the stink repulses me so much. Beyond that? He's going to do what he's going to do, so while I hate the idea that a new partner is the catalyst to him damaging his health, it's not her fault, it's his choice. Guess we'll see how it goes.

They haven't had a whole lot of time to see each other because our summers get really busy with Kiddo's activities and Henry also has a new job that is eating a lot of his energy. But that's life sometimes!

Henry and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary this weekend. Kiddo has a baseball practice that day, so we are planning to take him with us to a restaurant that we like and he has wanted to try so we can include him in our celebrations. He was our ring bearer after all :) Charles is working so he won't be around for it. Normally we have a "family" celebration and include everyone and a personal one for just the two of us.

Life has just been stressful lately. I think I've been having some hormonal issues (likely perimenopause?) because I've not only been disinterested in sex but I haven't even wanted to be touched. I've been angry all the time and very low frustration tolerance. I'm exhausted and not sleeping well. I think I might finally be pulling out of it, but it's been maybe 6 weeks? Not a whole lot of fun. Kiddo has been acting up lately too and that's eating everyone's spoons.

I can't wait for the school year to be over. I'll be broke lol since I don't get paid in the summer but I could use the down time!
Funny that I was worried about things when apparently Kiddo doesn't care lol. In health class at school they were going over the sexual health curriculum, and one sentence in the handout said that a healthy relationship was monogamous. My kid put up his hand and argued the point and announced that his parents were poly!

To the health teacher's credit, apparently he immediately retracted that comment. Kiddo didn't give further details but he said his health teacher is good, so I'm glad he was listened to and not shut down. Also, apparently the kids in his class didn't even really understand what it was. Not sure how much more detail he gave but that's his choice. I just told him I didn't want him catching flack from our choices. Honestly though? He get exposed to mostly the benefits of polyamory. I love that he gets to see a lot of healthy relationship habits modeled in terms of communication and negotiation, and that he basically has an extra adult around who loves him and spends time with him. I think the only negative for him is that there is one more person to remind him to do his chores!

Charles hasn't made it out to a baseball game yet because he's had to work extra hours but he's planning to come tomorrow.

My anniversary with Henry was lovely. We picked up some treats from a local bakery and had a nice dinner out. Hoping to get some more quality time in soon but it's been busy!

Henry hasn't had much time to spend with his new partner, but he did see her this past weekend and they went for a hike. Life has just been hectic.