I'm an adult child, too. Do you have ACOA meetings or Al-Anon meetings in your area? There are a lot of adult children in al-anon meetings, too. It's a cheap form of group therapy.
I don't know; I never thought of that. My father is dead, and I don't currently have any alcoholics in my life. I monitor myself pretty hardcore for signs of it since I was told as a child I was at higher risk of addictive behaviour and alcoholism. I try really hard not to use alcohol as a crutch but I will admit that it occasionally happens. Henry tells me I have nothing to worry about at this point because I'm so hyperaware of the risk.
I don't have any useful advice here - I feel this so hard (not an ACOA but between adoption trauma and ADHD-caused rejection sensitivity dysphoria) I've definitely walked the path of "I'm not talking to you because I'm upset you didn't talk to me" FAR too many times.
I think the only way through it is time - like you Knight doesn't press than button with me anymore, 22 years in, but Artist still _occasionally_ does... But at 4.5 years in I've finally taught myself to mostly self soothe where he's concerned.
Virtual hugs and good luck wishes.
icesong- what did/do you do when Artist hits those buttons? Before you were able to manage it on your own? How did you solve the issue?
Right now I just feel so vulnerable telling him what's going on and I worry he won't really understand anyway. Last time I had a panic attack (when we were on vacation), it took several conversations to get through to him on what the issue was and I'm still not 100% sure he understood it the way I meant it.
And that little voice in my head says maybe I shouldn't continue to be vulnerable and I should continue to withdraw because maybe he doesn't want to invest like that anyway in me. I don't know. I'm still feeling pretty messed up.