Who thinks dating apps/sites are a bust?

polytheparrot

polytheparrot

Member
By dating apps/sites, I mean those that cater to open relationships or are open-relationship friendly.

I think they're still a bust, even if you pay for features. Honestly, what I read about dating apps/sites is true-- it's mostly used for validation and casual encounters for the few.

I'm not into casual encounters and care less about validation. It seems like any effort I make is a shot in the dark.

So, I'm just wondering, what are some good methods for meeting new people, besides going to a bar? I tried that and my anxiety level was critically high.
 
Yep, apps are bullshit.
 
Dating apps used to be much better. Now they are designed to make you stay there and keep giving them money. I don't think any is good even for monogamous people. The only one I found that's decent is Feeld, although I now live in a small town so it doesn't really work for me either. The problem has started since Tinder introduced the concept of swiping profiles. It's terrible because they can decide who they want to show you and it's no longer based on criteria you decide.

Here there's a Facebook group for singles that I'll join soon. I'll probably need to explain what polyamory is about when I talk to people in that group because I'm sure there's a lot of misunderstanding about it. But I'm like you and I've wondered where else I could meet potential partners.
 
Where I've met people I've dated and mentioned in my blog, short or long term:

- Work (not current job) (3)
- University social group (2)
- Poly meetup in person (2)
- FetLife group discussion (and consequently DMs) (1)
- When I was volunteering (2)
- Online games (2)
- Feeld (1)
 
Evie said:
Where I've met people I've dated and mentioned in my blog, short or long term:

- Work (not current job) (3)
- University social group (2)
- Poly meetup in person (2)
- FetLife group discussion (and consequently DMs) (1)
- When I was volunteering (2)
- Online games (2)
- Feeld (1)
Click to expand...
Haha yeah workplaces are often the hotspot for meeting people constantly and seeing what they're about (personality, interests, and work-ethic).

I've never been the one to date coworkers, but I'll see about other alternatives. 😅
 
Hello polytheparrot,

From posts I have read, dating apps/sites seem to work for some, not so much for others. Personally I am not a fan, plus I have stopped looking in general. I tried OKCupid for a while, but it was a dead end.

Meeting people in real life is a better approach, however you must be very patient, content with platonic friendships at first, and willing to have a friendship grow into something more over time, without forcing it. Taking a class, or joining a club, something you're interested in, is a good place to start. Also you can try fringe events such as indie concerts, BDSM munches, Ren Faires, sci fi cons, things of that nature, to meet people who are more likely to be familiar with poly and accepting of it.

Just my 2¢,
Kevin T.
 
@kdt26417

Very good suggestions. I'm also thinking that meeting people based on an interest is the way to go (classes, conventions, concerts, expos, clubs, etc.). For meetups, there's that awkward factor but sometimes platonic relationships or friendships can come out of it.

I did some livestreaming before... same deal with the awkward factor, but not as much. Sometimes it can be an interesting experience meeting people while livestreaming.
 
I believe you have the right idea.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello polytheparrot,

From posts I have read, dating apps/sites seem to work for some, not so much for others. Personally I am not a fan, plus I have stopped looking in general. I tried OKCupid for a while, but it was a dead end.

Meeting people in real life is a better approach, however you must be very patient, content with platonic friendships at first, and willing to have a friendship grow into something more over time, without forcing it. Taking a class, or joining a club, something you're interested in, is a good place to start. Also you can try fringe events such as indie concerts, BDSM munches, Ren Faires, sci fi cons, things of that nature, to meet people who are more likely to be familiar with poly and accepting of it.

Just my 2¢,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...
This is a great piece of advice. I like the way you describe how to slowly let the relationships grow without forcing them. Thank you.
 
polytheparrot said:
Haha yeah workplaces are often the hotspot for meeting people constantly and seeing what they're about (personality, interests, and work-ethic).

I've never been the one to date coworkers, but I'll see about other alternatives. 😅
Click to expand...

When I was younger, I worked in a highly specialized industry with some crazy hours. And it was predominantly freelancing work, so coworkers came and went. We socialized together because it was more a community than a job. It was a fantastic time of life. These days, I work in a school and although I'm out as poly, I'm polysaturated and very, very unlikely to hook up with a coworker.
 
OKCupid is the only one where I could find wonderful connections. There's one person I briefly dated and the rest bloomed into friendship.
Majority of (ex) partners I met through dinner parties or some art/work/hobby event. As long as they don't plan to work at my office, I'm good.
 
I'm curious, when was the last time you were on OkCupid? This is where I met my wife 13 years ago and it was a great site. When I went lately it had become one of those swipe app where it keeps showing profiles more or less related to what you're looking for, very much superficial. I think it slowly went downhill after Match.com acquired them in 2011.

Maybe I'll have to give it another try if I hear others still think it's great.
 
Am very late to the online dating world. Started in 2022, so I did not experience the whole transition. OKC has gone even more worse since then because they're trying to push people to the flagship apps, and a lot my longterm chats have been deleted after a big maintenance last year. I keep my profile because of all the niche personalities, and see familiar faces coming back there. It's a hit or miss, so tread at your own risk.
 
I also met my wife/NP on OkCupid in 2013 and my other partner in 2021. It is definitely one of the better apps out there for polyamory.

The more you invest in establishing a good conversation before meeting in person has been the difference. Also, patience. It took a long while to find my other partner.
 
polytheparrot said:
By dating apps/sites I mean those that catered to open relationships or are open-relationship friendly.

I think they're still a bust, even if you pay for features. Honestly, what I read about dating apps/sites is true-- it's mostly used for validation and casual encounters for the few.

I'm not into casual encounters and care less about validation. It seems like any effort I make is a shot in the dark.

So, I'm just wondering, what are some good methods for meeting new people? Besides going to the bar. I tried it and my anxiety level was critically high.
Click to expand...
The issue we have is the cost of them.
 
Back in the day OKC was at least a fun place to be. Haven't been there in a while though (since it changed, I bet). Signed up for a few apps for a while but it felt like a chore, like job-hunting. I think meeting "in the wild" is ideal, but it requires leaving my house! (Still...never know when striking up a convo at a concert or festival might strike gold!)
 
I met my partner and a guy I’ve just started dating on Feeld so I’m a believer! I definitely had to wade through a bunch of not quite right people to find them though. I think the variables have to be just right. Some areas are better than others for apps.
 
My bf Aries began being polyamorous when we met. He was in a mono relationship when he started chatting to me on Fetlife. We kept things quite platonic for three years of talking, only occasionally doing some mild flirting. (I don't date cheaters, and he didn't want to cheat.) He just loves to talk. I tell him it's his "feminine" side. After his mono relationship ended (they'd been happy, she tragically passed away young), and vaccines became available for covid, we finally met. Sparks flew. And he lived right in my town. It was Kismet!

So, I am all for just talking to people as friends on Fetlife. Make sure they're local. Maybe go to some local events too. It helps if you're kinky, but you don't have to be super kinky, actually, to be Fetlife material. The thing is, Fet isn't set up as a dating site, but more a networking/information site. Kind of like polyamory.com is. But it's much much bigger, and you can search for local friends.

Now, Aries has gone to Feeld a lot and met some women that way. It took him three yrs to find his current gf of one year. Trying to find just the right poly person takes ages, even for a handsome, friendly, outgoing, chill, smart guy like my Aries. Like I said, he loves to talk, in messages or in person.

Aries is also on a FB group for people (which his gf introduced him to), some of whom are swingers and some of whom are polyamorous. I wouldn't go there, because I am definitely not a swinger, nor am I interested in just hanging out with any. But it seems to work for him. He and his current gf Sadie go to a swingers club once a month, but they just socialize, and then go to a private room and have sex with each other there (one on one, no one else). She used to swing some with her husband, though, I guess. Anyway, that's one more option for meeting people.
 
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