Edit: I've thought more on the situation and find that I was, in my opinion at least, expecting too much. Communication is paramount with everyone in you're life. I'll leave the post up in case someone has a similar situation.
TRIGGER WARNING, I WILL LIGHTLY REFERENCE MY OWN SEXUAL ASSAULT.
Some background of my trauma to hopefully shed light on my perspective. I was r***d by my first girlfriend at the age of 15. Because of my past trauma I have psychological need for physical contact in a relationship but I cannot be made to feel safe in said relationship without complete transparency of information, she knows this and we've been together for 5 years.
My wife have been polyam for a while. We've taken breaks from seeing other people to concentrate on home health before. While on walk, my wife brings up that she's seeing a friend two weeks from now. At the time, Im under the belief that it is just visiting a friend, she later brings polyamory on the same walk. Close to home I ask of the friend is more than just visiting and if it's a date. She says no. I only asked because in terms of emotional processing I have to do it slowly so it doesn't overwhelm me.
Fast forward to two days from her visiting the friend. She tells me that her visit is actually a date. I'm posting this the day before the date and was told that she's gonna be at his house for 7 hrs until pretty late at night.
This is the first date she's had in a year and during that time I was under the belief that we were not actually practicing an open lifestyle die to other conversations.
I feel dirty, and used. I feel like I was lied to and I hope I was not. I have talked to her about it but when I try to talk about concerns and whether something feels wrong or right, she frames the conversation as of shes in trouble and coming after her. I don't care that we are open I felt am relief when we identified as polyam because it felt like I knew who I was. But with everything combined this feels super rushed and I find myself in a dark headspace.
I've tried to be nominated in my post but I know it's still only my perspective. My actual question though: Am I just paranoid and insecure?, Or am I right to feel hurt.
P.S. I don't expect to hear back before this particular ship sales, I am more posting this to say what I need to say in a vacuum. Advice is welcome, but please be respectful.
Edit:I am a bit of a lunkhead when it come to social subtleties and often fail to pick up signals and underlying intention although, I have very good memory when recalling literal events.
TRIGGER WARNING, I WILL LIGHTLY REFERENCE MY OWN SEXUAL ASSAULT.
Some background of my trauma to hopefully shed light on my perspective. I was r***d by my first girlfriend at the age of 15. Because of my past trauma I have psychological need for physical contact in a relationship but I cannot be made to feel safe in said relationship without complete transparency of information, she knows this and we've been together for 5 years.
My wife have been polyam for a while. We've taken breaks from seeing other people to concentrate on home health before. While on walk, my wife brings up that she's seeing a friend two weeks from now. At the time, Im under the belief that it is just visiting a friend, she later brings polyamory on the same walk. Close to home I ask of the friend is more than just visiting and if it's a date. She says no. I only asked because in terms of emotional processing I have to do it slowly so it doesn't overwhelm me.
Fast forward to two days from her visiting the friend. She tells me that her visit is actually a date. I'm posting this the day before the date and was told that she's gonna be at his house for 7 hrs until pretty late at night.
This is the first date she's had in a year and during that time I was under the belief that we were not actually practicing an open lifestyle die to other conversations.
I feel dirty, and used. I feel like I was lied to and I hope I was not. I have talked to her about it but when I try to talk about concerns and whether something feels wrong or right, she frames the conversation as of shes in trouble and coming after her. I don't care that we are open I felt am relief when we identified as polyam because it felt like I knew who I was. But with everything combined this feels super rushed and I find myself in a dark headspace.
I've tried to be nominated in my post but I know it's still only my perspective. My actual question though: Am I just paranoid and insecure?, Or am I right to feel hurt.
P.S. I don't expect to hear back before this particular ship sales, I am more posting this to say what I need to say in a vacuum. Advice is welcome, but please be respectful.
Edit:I am a bit of a lunkhead when it come to social subtleties and often fail to pick up signals and underlying intention although, I have very good memory when recalling literal events.
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