Newbie here...just learned the "polyamorous" term! I'll call myself "Jim", my wife "Allie" and our third party "Hank", who is single. Allie and I live in Chicago , and have been married 12 years. Hank used to live here, and now lives in San Francisco, Allie and I have one child, "Sam" who is now nine years old. I'm now 44, Allie is 38, Hank 37; we're all in very good physical condition.
How Hank became an "active" member of our marriage is another story for another time; suffice it to say that we get together four or five times a year, either at our home or his. Allie's parents live nearby, so son Sam stays with them when Hank visits! Hank, Allie and I do fun things together, go to plays and concerts, out to dinner...and we sleep together. Allie insists on that...all in the same bed. We've been doing this seven years now.
When this began, I had a hard time with it, Hank is a powerful performer, and I'm jealous of that. My first reaction was to want a divorce. But Allie has convinced me that...to her...sex and love are two separate and distinct things. Sex is purely recreational...she loves it, and makes it no secret. Put simply, Allie wants to have her cake, and eat it, too. She wants a "respectable" home and career life; she also wants to be a slut, and do naughty things! And having a high-output lover 2,000 miles away is the perfect way to do it!
Why have I "put up" with it? For my part, I'm content. If anything, Allie's libido is growing with age, and our sex life is certainly better than ever...and I truly love her. I believe she loves me, as well, and our life together as a family is great. I have no need...or desire...for another sex partner. We've been to sex counseling, and the consensus is that in all likelihood, Allie's over-the-top libido would probably have led her into multiple affairs, with destructive effect on our marriage. Now, our get-togethers with Hank provide her with sufficient "release" of her sexual energy. (She decides when one is "necessary") BTW, Hank believes that to be true, and reminds me occasionally of the "favor" he's doing me!
So, is this a "vee" relationship? Hank is a virile, good looking guy...and there's no doubt he entertains other women. According to him, he only sleeps with married women, to avoid marital entanglements. He intends to remain a bachelor! Allie and I know that Hank's "other" sex life adds an element of risk, but no problems so far.
How Hank became an "active" member of our marriage is another story for another time; suffice it to say that we get together four or five times a year, either at our home or his. Allie's parents live nearby, so son Sam stays with them when Hank visits! Hank, Allie and I do fun things together, go to plays and concerts, out to dinner...and we sleep together. Allie insists on that...all in the same bed. We've been doing this seven years now.
When this began, I had a hard time with it, Hank is a powerful performer, and I'm jealous of that. My first reaction was to want a divorce. But Allie has convinced me that...to her...sex and love are two separate and distinct things. Sex is purely recreational...she loves it, and makes it no secret. Put simply, Allie wants to have her cake, and eat it, too. She wants a "respectable" home and career life; she also wants to be a slut, and do naughty things! And having a high-output lover 2,000 miles away is the perfect way to do it!
Why have I "put up" with it? For my part, I'm content. If anything, Allie's libido is growing with age, and our sex life is certainly better than ever...and I truly love her. I believe she loves me, as well, and our life together as a family is great. I have no need...or desire...for another sex partner. We've been to sex counseling, and the consensus is that in all likelihood, Allie's over-the-top libido would probably have led her into multiple affairs, with destructive effect on our marriage. Now, our get-togethers with Hank provide her with sufficient "release" of her sexual energy. (She decides when one is "necessary") BTW, Hank believes that to be true, and reminds me occasionally of the "favor" he's doing me!
So, is this a "vee" relationship? Hank is a virile, good looking guy...and there's no doubt he entertains other women. According to him, he only sleeps with married women, to avoid marital entanglements. He intends to remain a bachelor! Allie and I know that Hank's "other" sex life adds an element of risk, but no problems so far.