I came here to ask about mono/poly dynamic, and if it can work or not. I am solo poly Getting close to 10 years now. The one I am falling in love with is mono, and is also quite in love with me.
It’s already causing a lot of friction, and I am feeling like I cannot meet his needs at all, for the secure attachment he seems to require. I am solo poly, and don’t have a primary/secondary structure because I don’t want one, however I do have solo poly partner of 8 years.
I have been super upfront about my lovestyle, what works for me and what doesn’t so there’s no guesswork or wondering on his behalf. I pointed out that we aren’t really very relationship compatible with such opposite lovestyles, but he says he’s open to trying something new...
He is quite persistent about us “giving it a shot”, even though he clearly isn’t comfortable with poly... he says he is “open to Exploring this”, and “wants to see where this could lead”, even though he has issues around me having sex with my current long term poly partner.
To me it sounds really confusing, on the one hand he isn’t comfortable with my lovestyle, and on the other he still wants to push forward into a relationship and “deal with things as they come up”.
For me, the first thing has already come up, and that’s the fact that he isn’t poly, and I am no mono, and that if he wants to be in a relationship, then all I have to offer is a solo poly, non-hierarchical love relationship. He seems to be pivoting between really wanting to be with me, and resenting me, saying things like “it’s all on your terms”, and “I am having to really stretch myself to meet you, and you aren’t meeting me.”
The thing is, I can’t meet him in that mono way, there’s no question for me around that, and I have admitted that I cannot honour his need for that kind of relationship. Still, he wants to try??
Does anyone have any wisdom, or can see through the bullshit here?
I am a bit blinded by falling for this man, but we haven’t even fucked yet, and it’s feeling a little hopeless to me, or am I just being the asshole??
It’s already causing a lot of friction, and I am feeling like I cannot meet his needs at all, for the secure attachment he seems to require. I am solo poly, and don’t have a primary/secondary structure because I don’t want one, however I do have solo poly partner of 8 years.
I have been super upfront about my lovestyle, what works for me and what doesn’t so there’s no guesswork or wondering on his behalf. I pointed out that we aren’t really very relationship compatible with such opposite lovestyles, but he says he’s open to trying something new...
He is quite persistent about us “giving it a shot”, even though he clearly isn’t comfortable with poly... he says he is “open to Exploring this”, and “wants to see where this could lead”, even though he has issues around me having sex with my current long term poly partner.
To me it sounds really confusing, on the one hand he isn’t comfortable with my lovestyle, and on the other he still wants to push forward into a relationship and “deal with things as they come up”.
For me, the first thing has already come up, and that’s the fact that he isn’t poly, and I am no mono, and that if he wants to be in a relationship, then all I have to offer is a solo poly, non-hierarchical love relationship. He seems to be pivoting between really wanting to be with me, and resenting me, saying things like “it’s all on your terms”, and “I am having to really stretch myself to meet you, and you aren’t meeting me.”
The thing is, I can’t meet him in that mono way, there’s no question for me around that, and I have admitted that I cannot honour his need for that kind of relationship. Still, he wants to try??
Does anyone have any wisdom, or can see through the bullshit here?
I am a bit blinded by falling for this man, but we haven’t even fucked yet, and it’s feeling a little hopeless to me, or am I just being the asshole??