Ari's Blog - Beginning
- Thread starter Ariakas
- Start date
haha...reminds me of something one of the AA conveners says
"Stay sober for the next 24, see ya next meeting or you're fucked..."
short and sweet but says it all.
Lots of worries about ... being honest about this. How will people look at me. Even those closest to me. Will they ever be able to see "Ariakas" or will it always be "recovering Ariakas"...Its an amazingly powerful label I have created in my life. Tough call, as I come out to people. From people who know me, everyone is happy for me. But that thoughts always in my head now. Its going to be an interesting journey. I came out to a ... friend...and she admits to wanting to try out NA...so one down, many more to go.
Sorry not much poly to report. Lots of hopes and dreams for the future of course, but lets see how this pans out first. So far getting sober been "easy"...but as Sourgirl always says, I seem to always wait for the other shoe to drop....
thanks again guys.
Ariakas.
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Derbylicious
New member
For what it's worth you're still just you as far as I'm concerned.
IndieSolo
Active member
The people who love you will be happy you are getting back to yourself and rediscovering who you are, not becoming someone different -- which is what the drinking did.
And if anyone judges you, fuck 'em! It's your life, not theirs, and you are doing this for you. You're embarking on an adventure that will not always be easy but will give you very sweet rewards far greater than anything you could get from booze. Stay close to those who support you, avoid the triggers, just take care of TODAY, and you'll be all right.
And if anyone judges you, fuck 'em! It's your life, not theirs, and you are doing this for you. You're embarking on an adventure that will not always be easy but will give you very sweet rewards far greater than anything you could get from booze. Stay close to those who support you, avoid the triggers, just take care of TODAY, and you'll be all right.
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LovingRadiance
Active member
Yeah, what they said.
Except to me you are "Ari the long distance hugger".
SOOOOOOOOOOOo-hopefully that works ok for you too!!!
XOXOXOX
Except to me you are "Ari the long distance hugger".
SOOOOOOOOOOOo-hopefully that works ok for you too!!!
XOXOXOX
redpepper
Active member
I don't think of you any differently Ari. But there was a time I would of. Only because I didn't know about alcoholism. Its important to remember that people just don't know about it or are scared that you are different than you were before. You aren't different. Just more aware of who you are so you can now be more yourself and better for it.
TruckerPete
New member
Carma
New member
12 steps
Been involved in 12 step work for about 14 years. This of course makes me no expert -- I end up back at step one every so often! It's been one of the best things that ever happened to me. Helped me become a more authentic person. The courage to change -- wow. The serenity to accept things. And all the wisdom that comes along with it. I am so excited you have begun this journey!
Been involved in 12 step work for about 14 years. This of course makes me no expert -- I end up back at step one every so often! It's been one of the best things that ever happened to me. Helped me become a more authentic person. The courage to change -- wow. The serenity to accept things. And all the wisdom that comes along with it. I am so excited you have begun this journey!
Thank you, I have to agree, its been amazing. Although I have my problems with certain steps (being an agnostic will do that to you) I am making progress.
Honesty...in AA...is just plain crazy. I thought communication and honesty were important in poly. AA opens you up in a whole other way. I have lots of thoughts I am processing in regards to this, and plan to post my...results.
You can't be honest with anyone until you can be honest with yourself.
Going through AA is teaching me some things about myself. Regardless of the step I am on, it is making me look inwards, a lot. While I am a truthful person, I hid the things I disliked in a bottle.
Don't worry this isn't an AA rant or push. But it has helped me realize my potential for honesty. I was never inherently dishonest, but there are things I did without realizing that were...unintentionally dishonest.
I got into patterns that allowed me to protect my wife. She is a reactionary person sometimes, and in order to protect me from her extreme reactions I would let her have information as *I* saw fit. She knew I was doing it and why, and together we allowed this pattern to occur.
I brought this pattern with me into future relationships. As sourgirl calls it, I was writing the script on everything I said. Alcohol in my life didn't help this as it created its own layer of worry and depression. Combined, I was always telling the truth but not the complete truth.
So one of the first things i have begun to do is trying to be more honest with myself and in turn Pengrah and Sourgirl. Anyone I am close to, I am trying to be more honest. This is a big risk, or feels like it, because it leaves me heavily exposed and vulnerable. Not something I am used to, and it activates a lot of insecurity...
The point of this babble, I had myself fooled into believing I was being honest. In the end I wasn't...completely. I always had a small filter in front of what I was saying.
Don't worry this isn't an AA rant or push. But it has helped me realize my potential for honesty. I was never inherently dishonest, but there are things I did without realizing that were...unintentionally dishonest.
I got into patterns that allowed me to protect my wife. She is a reactionary person sometimes, and in order to protect me from her extreme reactions I would let her have information as *I* saw fit. She knew I was doing it and why, and together we allowed this pattern to occur.
I brought this pattern with me into future relationships. As sourgirl calls it, I was writing the script on everything I said. Alcohol in my life didn't help this as it created its own layer of worry and depression. Combined, I was always telling the truth but not the complete truth.
So one of the first things i have begun to do is trying to be more honest with myself and in turn Pengrah and Sourgirl. Anyone I am close to, I am trying to be more honest. This is a big risk, or feels like it, because it leaves me heavily exposed and vulnerable. Not something I am used to, and it activates a lot of insecurity...
The point of this babble, I had myself fooled into believing I was being honest. In the end I wasn't...completely. I always had a small filter in front of what I was saying.
sage
New member
Hi Ari
I haven't read much of your blog but from your other posts that I've read I always felt like you and Pengrah were one of the the most on-to-it couples on the board. I'm sure you still are but this revelation is interesting for me and maybe also part of you becoming more honest. Honesty is also a very interesting concept; the more you get into it the more vulnerable you become and the more courageous you need to be.
I've learned about AA because my daughter has recently joined and is encouraging me to follow her. Although reading the material I don't think she's supposed to do this. I've given up the booze on my own and I'm doing ok so far, but it's good to know it's there if I need it.
The twelve step program looks as if it would benefit anyone and everyone.
I haven't read much of your blog but from your other posts that I've read I always felt like you and Pengrah were one of the the most on-to-it couples on the board. I'm sure you still are but this revelation is interesting for me and maybe also part of you becoming more honest. Honesty is also a very interesting concept; the more you get into it the more vulnerable you become and the more courageous you need to be.
I've learned about AA because my daughter has recently joined and is encouraging me to follow her. Although reading the material I don't think she's supposed to do this. I've given up the booze on my own and I'm doing ok so far, but it's good to know it's there if I need it.
The twelve step program looks as if it would benefit anyone and everyone.
We are.
...lets just say this ads a polish to the material. We have our faults too, no need to hide behind them. It's amazing how new relationships let you realize what may be falling behind in others. It happens, the reflecting isn't a bad thing.
Definitely not for everyone. The drop out rate is nuts. But the...camaraderie and stories helps. Thats the big thing for me, letting me hear stories of the road I was heading down. Its humbling to be so lucky to get out while I did (at a point when alcohol hadn't come close to destroying my life).
oh and...each group is different. I am limited, There is one small group, but in bigger cities there are many options with different...dialects. Vancouver has over 500 12 step groups.
I would agree.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Ari-
I totally understand.
That's precisely the issue Maca and I have been struggling with. I did it for years, protecting him from "the whole truth" by only telling "enough".
But it was killing me from the inside out.
I changed my methodology and perspective on September 25th, 2009. But, he didn't.
This whole last year has been a mess of one time after another the WHOLE TRUTH popping out after he gave me 1/2 truths and it's been a devastating disaster.
This last run through the "1/2 truth mill" seems to have "clicked" for him. Realizing that he's been doing it the whole time we've been married and that this 1/2 truth stuff is precisely what keeps us from being as close as we could be.
I haven't had THAT issue with GG. I don't know why-but we've always been brutally, creepily honest with each other.
I hope that Maca and I can get to that point too.
Hugs to you both! It's hard work, but it's good work!
I totally understand.
That's precisely the issue Maca and I have been struggling with. I did it for years, protecting him from "the whole truth" by only telling "enough".
But it was killing me from the inside out.
I changed my methodology and perspective on September 25th, 2009. But, he didn't.
This whole last year has been a mess of one time after another the WHOLE TRUTH popping out after he gave me 1/2 truths and it's been a devastating disaster.
This last run through the "1/2 truth mill" seems to have "clicked" for him. Realizing that he's been doing it the whole time we've been married and that this 1/2 truth stuff is precisely what keeps us from being as close as we could be.
I haven't had THAT issue with GG. I don't know why-but we've always been brutally, creepily honest with each other.
I hope that Maca and I can get to that point too.
Hugs to you both! It's hard work, but it's good work!
SNeacail
New member
Oh, the lies by ommission and 1/2 truths is one of our biggest struggles too. My husband thinks he is "sparing" me from being upset(really sparing himself - not really anything to do with me), but I can't seem to get through to him, that it is 100 times more devastating if I find out later and it looks like he was hiding it. This is a hard habit to break.
6ft 4 - YUMMM!
Opps, said that out loud, crawling back into hole now.