Ari's Blog - Beginning

Awesome Ari!!!

I've been in Al-Anon for 14 years. We practice the same 12 steps, ourselves. It is hard work! But soooo worth it! Oooh, that personal inventory, intense, huh? I did a ton of journaling. I guess this forum is probably a big help, as well. You definitely have a lot of support here.
 
Ariakas said:
In reality, this last year has seen a huge hiatus of friends leave town, in this world, that means they are gone. I have become so accustomed to people leaving my life, that friendship has become disposable... what a mind fuck eh?
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After reading some comments and people asking questions, I feel I need to be clearer. Apparently I left this open to multiple kinds of interpretation.

I DO NOT believe friendship is disposable. At all. However I have gotten used to the fact that people that have been in my life in the past who do believe that. It has become a part of what I have had to get used to.

If I make a friend, I try to make it for life. Good friends, the serious ones that have time and energy in my life, I treasure and put the time into.

This town, in its ability to roll through people, creates a layer of... dirt surrounding meeting people. I have met and "befriended" almost 1500 people in 10 years (actually I think more than that), these were people I would party with, dinner or go out with. I keep in touch with a handful of them. Well less than. Its unfortunately something I have gotten used to and learned to expect :(. It bled over into a part of my life I hadn't expected it (hence why this was a poly post). I heard friend, I panicked and became scared. This was/is a serious dysfunction on my part. Its hard to be a good friend when ... well ya... I suck... Its a dysfunction and one I am working on thanks to people who have remained close through some tough times.

I hope that clears up confusion. I have lost one dear friend in part because of this fucked up view and its resulting insanity. I know its something I need to work on... This also relates to why I have a screwed up time with the concept of friends becoming lovers...its a hard thing for me to compute. (and visa versa)...

Anyways, thats my self admittance for the day. Yay me... :eek::eek::eek:
 
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Carma said:
Awesome Ari!!!

I've been in Al-Anon for 14 years. We practice the same 12 steps, ourselves. It is hard work! But soooo worth it! Oooh, that personal inventory, intense, huh? I did a ton of journaling. I guess this forum is probably a big help, as well. You definitely have a lot of support here.
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Ya, its a tough stage, its easy to fall into beating yourself up. I have to keep remembering to make a list as I go of the good qualities in me. Help keep me centered.

I wouldn't be able to post everything here thats for sure. Its far to raw and honest. Its amazingly powerful but can be very destructive too. :) Thanks for the support.
 
I am thinking it might be time to start a real blog. I have so much shit going on in my life, and most of it isn't poly. With all the intertwining dimensions of my life, its feeling one dimensional to blog on a poly board. Between my fetishes, my evolving viewpoints on being open/poly, my friendships blooming, my alcoholism/AA, stress at work. Woooo... ya life is far more complicated than simple relationship structure challenges (or simple kink desires etc) no one site I am currently on hits all of my important points...so I need to create a space of my own .. maybe ... Onwards though,I was in a babbling mood last night (I wrote this last night, and decided not to post), so you get some of my mental spew ;) You don't have to read if ya don't want to :)

Life is.. good. As weird as it is to write that. I had a break through yesterday morning in regards to something that ... would have been very painful to endure... I was honestly scared of what was going to happen. Scared of what could be lost. Thinking about what could have been... vs the potential of what might be.. makes me smile.. A big thing I am learning, is to enjoy what I have in the now, vs what might be (good or bad, I spend too much time in predictive mode). I appreciate what I have a chance at doing with my life and pray that this all works out. Well thats one of the things I am learning...haha

I got my 30 day chip... and a special chip that represents our town. So many big things, that I want to share, but this isn't the place. I need to vent and get stuff out, blogging and letting things out is the best way I know how. Journaling is too one dimensional. I like feedback and the ability to read other peoples thoughts, even in disagreement. Especially outside the specific circles. The outside perspective is always good to get as a reference point... :)

Here is some poly/relationship stuff. I decided in my current state... I have dropped the okc account. Ya ya.. 2 days and I already flipped. I am going to spend some time focusing on Pengrah, take some time to ourselves and heal... As strong as we were .. its time for a little refresher between us. Instead of pushing on with poly right now, we are doing what we need to, to restrengthen a bit. Someone I care for dearly has been beating me over the head with that thought, and in my stubbornness, it took some time to figure out. ;) Time to wine and dine the woman I married for a bit. Besides, I am not nearly as fluid with my feelings as some people can be. My heart and brain are still with Sourgirl. It wouldn't be fair to anyone to bring someone in to my life right now.

So ya, there is my virtually polyless post about my life.
 
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Ariakas said:
I am thinking it might be time to start a real blog.
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Let us know, we'd love to read it and keep up.

I got my 30 day chip... and a special chip that represents our town.
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Yeah!!!:D

Here is some poly/relationship stuff. I decided in my current state... I have dropped the okc account. Ya ya.. 2 days and I already flipped. I am going to spend some time focusing on Pengrah, take some time to ourselves and heal... As strong as we were .. its time for a little refresher between us. Instead of pushing on with poly right now, we are doing what we need to, to restrengthen a bit. Someone I care for dearly has been beating me over the head with that thought, and in my stubbornness, it took some time to figure out. ;) Time to wine and dine the woman I married for a bit. Besides, I am not nearly as fluid with my feelings as some people can be. My heart and brain are still with Sourgirl. It wouldn't be fair to anyone to bring someone in to my life right now.
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Both of you have had a rough time recently, so... maybe it's time to do a little hibernating and stokeing of the home fires;). Let the winter cold rage outside, while you both are taking comfort in each other and in saftey. When the spring comes, the world outside may look a little more inviting and after a long winter, you may have the strength and better tools to again face new and different challenges.
 
Ariakas said:
I am thinking it might be time to start a real blog.
I got my 30 day chip... and a special chip that represents our town. So many big things, that I want to share, but this isn't the place. I need to vent and get stuff out, blogging and letting things out is the best way I know how. Journaling is too one dimensional. I like feedback and the ability to read other peoples thoughts, even in disagreement. Especially outside the specific circles. The outside perspective is always good to get as a reference point... :)

Here is some poly/relationship stuff. I decided in my current state... I have dropped the okc account. Ya ya.. 2 days and I already flipped. I am going to spend some time focusing on Pengrah, take some time to ourselves and heal... As strong as we were .. its time for a little refresher between us. Instead of pushing on with poly right now, we are doing what we need to, to restrengthen a bit. Someone I care for dearly has been beating me over the head with that thought, and in my stubbornness, it took some time to figure out. ;) Time to wine and dine the woman I married for a bit. Besides, I am not nearly as fluid with my feelings as some people can be. My heart and brain are still with Sourgirl. It wouldn't be fair to anyone to bring someone in to my life right now.

So ya, there is my virtually polyless post about my life.
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You could use wordpress, livejournal, blogspot. I use all three :).
 
Re: Starting a proper blog.

Great idea! Quite a few of us here have blogs on the outside. If you turned on the signatures you'd see. We could all be blogging buddies; I already subscribe to LRs. I use type pad for my polyamory blog because as a techno-phobe it was easier to start with. Blogspot is easy too but you're in IT (I think?) so wordpress would be a doddle. All the serious bloggers use wordpress. Have never been able to get a handle on livejournal.

Congrats on the thirty days. I've done over a month booze free too. I haven't gone to any meetings yet, but I've noticed that some of my "stuff" is starting to come up. "Stuff" that I would usually quiet with a few wines. So I may be making a trip to AA myself in the not too distant future.
 
Thanks for the suggestions guys.

I use blogspot for an IT blog I have for a local college course I tutor. I might try wordpress for this next stage. Livejournal is right up there with yahoo groups. Makes me wanna gouge my eyes out.

Funny story - when I first found poly I was terrified of what I saw in regards to tech. Between livejournal and yahoo groups it kind of showed me a small representation of what the people in "charge" would be like. *shudders* I wasn't impressed. I felt like I was going on a date with someone I might like, but she showed up in a potato sack with makeup done up like a clown.

@sage - good memory about signatures and being in IT... jeez... :) AA's goal is to get a handle on your inner turmoil that makes you drink. Its like advanced group counselling with a lot of God thrown in for help. I would recommend it, or anything, that can assist in finding healthy coping mechanisms :) Congrats on 30 days.
 
I use wordpress for my polyblog, blogspot for my D/s blog.
I don't know that I like either better, different features I like about each.
But I'm no "IT guy". I'm IT illiterate.
;)

Let us know when you start one. :)
 
I have this vague idea in the back of my mind that insomnia is a side effect of giving up alcohol. Has that been mentioned at AA?

I still haven't gone to a meeting. I get all fired up but there is never one available just when I need it and then I manage to get over whatever it was that had me unsettled. But I have noticed my sleeping is becoming very patchy.

Any progress with a blog?
 
sage said:
I still haven't gone to a meeting. I get all fired up but there is never one available just when I need it and then I manage to get over whatever it was that had me unsettled.
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Sage, you don't have to wait until you feel the need for a meeting, or are out of sorts somehow. Just go. They are a good foundation for taking care of yourself no matter what mood you're in, good or bad. Meetings can be incredibly lighthearted and full of laughter, not heavy and draining at all. Plus you make good friends that can last a lifetime. In the big cities, where meetings happen frequently, people are encouraged to make it a habit and go to a meeting every day.

So, no need to wait. :)
 
sage said:
I have this vague idea in the back of my mind that insomnia is a side effect of giving up alcohol. Has that been mentioned at AA?
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Insomnia is a symptom of other things going on. AA itself isn't based around the symptoms of alcohol, its based around your core values and fixing the "why" of why you drink. It doesn't really deal much with the drink itself. If your insomnia is caused by challenges in your life, that may have caused you to bury them by drinking, then yes that comes up.

Most alcoholics I have encountered also sleep poorly. There is something that is bugging them and keeps them up, alcohol is an easy way to self medicate. Ideally in AA, most people begin to deal with and learn coping skills for their inner problems in step 4, 5 and 6. I know for me, my sleeping has greatly improved since step 4. Even with all the tumultuous activity in my life with love and career. I am sleeping better than ever.

Alcohol also gives the masked affect of sleeping well because you are passed out. Well, you aren't sleeping well, you are just unconscious. :)... I had a lot of problems learning that waking up periodically is a part of sleeping. My idea of sound sleep was badly skewed because of alcohol and in turn affected my perception of sleep after I quit drinking.

Feel free to PM if you have other questions. Insomnia is a life long problem with me (well before alcohol), and .. I might be close to dealing with it for the first time in 25 years.

And no, I won't tell you to drink warm milk...hahaha

I still haven't gone to a meeting. I get all fired up but there is never one available just when I need it and then I manage to get over whatever it was that had me unsettled. But I have noticed my sleeping is becoming very patchy.
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Don't go when you feel you need it or when you are fired up. AA is in part learning to cope and see real life examples. Go when you get a chance. I would actually recommend for anyone to go. Step 4 would be an incredible step for anyone with any problem anywhere.

Its like poly too, you might want to try different meetings too. Each has its own..."air"... you might find one better suits you than others. Or you might like to mix it up.

There are also different types. Excluding Gender and sexuality specifics you can also chose based on the type of meeting. I like the topical based open discussions. Pick a couple of topics and then people talk about them (this suits the discussion freak in me). I find "step discussion" daunting because I may not be on, or near that step.

And... I guess ask yourself this. Do the smaller problems that have you unsettled have their roots in something deeper? Could the small continuous challenges be fixed if you had a better grasp of the core of your problems. I know for me, I could deal with the small things, but diving into the root of the problem really helps put things into perspective.

Ooops... that was a lot longer than I intended.

Ariakas :)
 
Ariakas said:
Insomnia is a symptom of other things going on.
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I have also had this problem all my life. I get fixated on something, usually something I'm worried about or stressing about and my brain will not shut off enough for me to sleep. I have found that I have to make the conscious effort to think of something else. Usually it has to be some made up feel good fantasy with very little base in reality - to my surprise, it works.

The warm milk works for me, but only if I can't sleep due to an upset stomach (for those with milk allergies, this will make NO sense).:p
 
What is step 4?

Actually things are going along beautifully at the moment. Insomnia is definitely associated with menopause. My doc gave me sleeping pills but I don't really want to go back to using those. I was just curious about the association with giving up alcohol, it's probably a combination of the heat and the fact that we're sleeping in less than favourable conditions awaiting our beautiful bed to be delivered from storage.

One benefit from of being at the bottom of the world is that everything internet northern hemisphere is really humming at 3am here. Probably another contributing factor:p
 
Ariakas said:
Step 4 would be an incredible step for anyone with any problem anywhere.

It's like poly. You might want to try different meetings too. Each has its own..."air." You might find one better suits you than others.

And, I guess, ask yourself this. Do the smaller problems that have you unsettled have their roots in something deeper? Could the small continuous challenges be fixed if you had a better grasp of the core of your problems? I know for me, I could deal with the small things, but diving into the root of the problem really helps put things into perspective.

Oops... that was a lot longer than I intended.
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Yes and yes and yes, Ari!

I wish step four was a requirement to graduate each grade in school! Seriously, wouldn't it be amazing if we just learned that it was a "normal" part of daily life to do step four every night before bed? Fuck. Oh dear. Imagine the shit that would be resolved.

In Anchorage there is an "AA Dance Club," and on Friday nights they have a dance, the same hours the bars are open.

A number of my friends in the program hit a meeting daily, and almost always it's a different meeting each day. They have one that they prefer on Monday, another for Tuesday, etc. Commonly it depends on where they usually are that day of the week. The meeting will be in that area of town. But sometimes it's based upon what the topic is or who else attends, because after 20 years in the program, still living in the same town, you get to having a lot of friends. ;)
 
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