Ari's Blog - Beginning

Lost Love

Ok this isn't really a poly post. Just something that I had forgotten about. Up until last spring I was an avid bike rider. i enjoy downhill, xc, dirtjumping. Basically anything with pedals and two rubber tires and Iw ould give it a try.

Last year I fell into a funk. My passion was gone and I couldn't find my groove to want to ride anymroe. So I stopped. Every month or so I would go out for a ride and get more annoyed. With diminishing skills and my cardio getting worse, my ability to ride on trails I enjoy was quickly becoming annoying. Its beyond difficult to ride a trail you know you used to be able to destroy and not be able to ride it to that ability anymore.

Anyways this morning, SJ for some reason told me to go ride. With Pengrah not home and no one around to interfere with me getting ready, I went out. I rode trails I normally dislike. Double tracks with no real skill required and then hit single tracks. Its amazingly freeing to be out there flying around the back side of a mountain, not caring about why you "could" do but only caring about what you are doing. I feel like I found my flow again and while I had no real rhythm in my skillset anymore, it was still a blast. Besides, near the end I went onto an old single track and scared the crap out of myself a few times. Even had a healthy crash into a tree...

Oh boy how I have missed you.

On the poly side of things, everything is good. Pengrah is continuing to build her connection with Wellington. I need to spend some time trying to reconnect with Pengrah. She has been very occupied with Wellington and I feel like our connection is waning a bit. Hoping to have a date night tonight or maybe tomorrow to get some of that connection back.

Otherwise life is amazing on my end. Vacation planned and in operation. Life is good. :)
 
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I am so glad you went out. :) I sure hope you get out more often.

You totally remind me, of myself. Was at my first horse show of the year in May and for once, alone.

Horse became a little fractious, and started bucking and pitching. Spectators whistling, because I wasnt going anywhere,..stuck to that horse like glue.

I had a riot. Big grin on my face. Just felt good to do what I love doing. Not only that, but to feel that spark and passion for it again.


Can`t wait to show you my trails, and can`t wait to see yours. Via different modes of transportation, of course. ;)
 
I am so glad you went out. :) I sure hope you get out more often.

You totally remind me, of myself. Was at my first horse show of the year in May and for once, alone.

Horse became a little fractious, and started bucking and pitching. Spectators whistling, because I wasnt going anywhere,..stuck to that horse like glue.

I had a riot. Big grin on my face. Just felt good to do what I love doing. Not only that, but to feel that spark and passion for it again.


Can`t wait to show you my trails, and can`t wait to see yours. Via different modes of transportation, of course. ;)

I can't wait to show you around. If there is no snow here, we can easily go for a ride and you can see my trails...

7 days :)...I will see your trails at least in a good season. Hope I don't make a fool of myself on a horse :D
 
Oh I am so jealous Ari. There is nothing like trail riding on a horse. I used to ride, English style. I had a horse I shared with another girl. A bay named wellington. Ha, wellington, ironic? I loved that horse. I used jump with him at competitions. I got a few first ribbons. I was young then, 10? Oh there was nothing like cantoring through the woods just me and my horse. A total bond. ...*sigh*
 
Though I won`t stick him in any of my english saddles, because Ariakas is so tall, He will be riding my 16.3 hh Hunter/Jumper mare. Lets hope he doesn`t point her at any fallen trees on the pathway. :eek:

,...Kidding Ariakas. :D
 
Oh I am so jealous Ari. There is nothing like trail riding on a horse. I used to ride, English style. I had a horse I shared with another girl. A bay named wellington. Ha, wellington, ironic? I loved that horse. I used jump with him at competitions. I got a few first ribbons. I was young then, 10? Oh there was nothing like cantoring through the woods just me and my horse. A total bond. ...*sigh*

haha @ the irony :)...I have never been on one, so it will be interesting for sure. I am excited and nervous :)

Though I won`t stick him in any of my english saddles, because Ariakas is so tall, He will be riding my 16.3 hh Hunter/Jumper mare. Lets hope he doesn`t point her at any fallen trees on the pathway. :eek:

wow...ever have one of those moments when you talk to a geek and you realize you don't understand everything that was said...

ya, that just happened to me. When I get there, just point, tell me to get on and I will ride :D..:p
 
That's what she said?? :cool:

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My Poly World

I am amazed at how love can truly expand the world we live in. The amazing people who have entered my life now astounds me. Pengrah and I couldn't be happier with how life has turned for us. Once we decided to make the plunge, the really have things falling into place.

Difficulties come into play with distance. Touching and wanting to be touched. Everyone knows that (well unless you are an anti touch kind of person) Distance creates interesting dilemas. Problems I am willing to put a lot of work into figuring out.

The connection that needs to be created and maintained needs to be done verbally, orally or even on forums. The touching and more intimate things need to be delayed every time. As a very sexual person this requires creative thinking.

These "challenges" are nothing compared to what I feel and are simply that, challenges. No different than arguing over the little things in life like who should do the dishes.

NRE - that combination of words that makes everything very very fun and can at the same time be destructive. I would be kidding myself if I didn't admit to it getting to me at one point. While it was a minor attack of uncontrollable wanton need, it was still there. Coming into this new relationship as "only" one part of a couple and meeting a wonderful parent and wife in SJ. The selfish side of NRE reared its ugly head at one point for a short time. Something I had to try and beat into submission. I regretted feeling it and still do. I disliked what it ended up doing to SJ and the overall feel. Next time I plan on bringing a bigger hammer. :p

I have learned a lot this week, in the throes of lust and love and adventure. An amazing time and I look forward to much more to come with SJ :)...thanks for opening yourself to me and in the end opening up your family. I truly had an amazing time and can't wipe the grin off of my face.

Thinking of ya

Ari :)
 
While it was a bit perplexing in the moment, it was but a brief period in a fantastic week long interaction. Nothing in life is perfect, but that week was as close as it gets. :)

I very much enjoyed how we all communicated so easily together.

We will all continue to learn a lot, me thinks. :)
 
Life as a secondary

Its interesting as this is my first time as a secondary. The role being new and...everything that comes with it.

Its a dynamic that is unique when you are in it. I feel the love I am getting from SJ and know how real it is. But there is an inherent lack of control. Not in a bad way but in a faith way. I have to have faith in their relationship in order for me to feel stable in our relationship.

I know not everyone is like this, but I really want her primary relationship to be working in order for me to feel comfort in my relationship. Anything tumultuous will have a ripple affect to me.

In the same regard, I have to be there and be strong like my primary relationship. Knowing that I can't do much to fix potential problems. I can offer opinions and they can be shared or acted on. But since I am not in the situation myself, there is something very uncontrollable there.

As an alpha/dominant and in many ways, controlling of my environment (as in, if I don't like it, I don't invite it into my life...drama for example) this is a new submissive feeling for me. Not in a bad way but in a trust way. I am giving over more of my trust to SJ than I would have to in a primary relationship.

I also, in the other direction, have to realize I have someone to support me. I ... tend to turtle when confronted by adversity. I like to internalize and bounce things around in my own head before really attacking it. Its the geek in my, I like intellectualizing a problem. I have to realize and remember that I have someone to talk to about things I would normally internalize. And she has a great knack of knowing why I am in a mood and chases me on it.

This journey has been a series of interesting life lessons. I do enjoy all of the dynamics that have come into my life since realizing I am poly. This is just a new one for me. Just musing about some things totally different in my life.

Being a secondary is very unique to poly and man am I happy to be one. :)
 
Its a dynamic that is unique when you are in it. I feel the love I am getting from SJ and know how real it is. But there is an inherent lack of control. Not in a bad way but in a faith way. I have to have faith in their relationship in order for me to feel stable in our relationship.

It ain't easy! But worth it.;)
 
Gah! I thought I'd subscribed to your blog!

Really happy to hear how everything went/is going, Ari!! (And Pengraph, and SJ, and Wellington, and ... oh jeez, need my spreadsheet again! :D)
 
I think being a secondary is easiest when you have a full life already and the relationship is adding to an established sense of completion within ourselves.

Expectations ar a huge part of it as well. When we need so much of a partner to actually feel complete I think that is where being a secondary would not be healthy.


Great to hear you are doing so well Ari :)
 
I think being a secondary is easiest when you have a full life already and the relationship is adding to an established sense of completion within ourselves.

Expectations ar a huge part of it as well. When we need so much of a partner to actually feel complete I think that is where being a secondary would not be healthy.


Great to hear you are doing so well Ari :)

Yes this is true on one hand. But on the other, the relationship that your SO has with his/her primary also effects the "easiness" of a secondary's relationship both directly and indirectly. Expectations or boundaries? I think I can expect certain reciprocal things from a lover. I do not think it means it is unhealthy to expect a certain level of trust, communication, respect, attention and support. I do think I need to be self-sufficient and have my own identity, but a relationship requires a certain fraction of dependibility. Does it not?
 
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