So I am in this relationship but we seem to be having communications issues. Basically, I am mostly monogamous. However, I am not completely opposed to open sexual activity and light poly on odd occasions. I just don't want it to be too heavily involved with my life.
Anyways, when I met my gf almost two years ago, on our second date she said she was wanting an open relationship. I said in what form? And she told me on odd occasions she would like to do group activities or when she's on vacations etc. This isn't much of an issue with me. I don't like it very much but the event is spread out enough where I can get over the bad feelings I get and get back to normal life without being constantly bombarded with jealousy emotions etc.
So finally last week she says she wants to participate in a group activity, and I am welcome to come. I ask what it is, and it's 5 guys on 1 girl or 7 guys on 2 girls. I am not interested in men what so ever, and don't want to participate. She asked how I feel and I said I guess it's ok for her to go, but I don't want to go at all. I also find out one of her friends that we've met is going there. She said everyone is getting tested etc for it. We also had a little talk where I did say I remembered her telling me she wanted to do open sexual activities in the future, and I would be ok with it. She told me this was something she wanted, and that it was a contributing factor to her getting into a relationship with me.
Anyways, I am not comfortable with male fluids. Barely my own. I don't like to touch it. I always wash myself right off after. I then find out one of the activities involved is unprotected sex with all of them, plus a cream pie from one of them.
I was hit with a lot of emotions but said Ok I'll do my best to compromise. I know I am not attracted to this, and likely won't want to have sex after for a few days. We talk and discuss what will happen before and after.
However as the days get closer, I get more and more anxious. I am entirely not comfortable sleeping with her after she has unprotected sex with multiple men. I try to envision a timeline and I think I would honestly need a month off. However, I don't want to control her or make her feel ashamed or punished for what she's doing. But at the end of the day, I don't like it at all, I feel way too exposed, and I find my own bodily fluids gross enough let alone someone else's inside of her.
I told her I would probably need to take a month off.
She is upset, saying I am ruining her activity by placing such negativity on it.
We move on, but then I am just getting more anxious from it. I find that I really really don't like it, and I am finding myself upset with her for taking away my enjoyment from sex with her for so long. She asked me, well what do you want me to do?
I don't like telling her what to do. I feel like it's controlling. But at the end of the day, I am fairly upset. I asked her if there's any way she can use protection and not let anyone cum inside of her and she said she doesn't think it's possible as logistically the condoms would probably slip on and off here and there. She said if I really want to make sure the condoms don't come off I need to come myself and guide her through the experience.
But I really don't want to see what's happening, and the entire situation I find to be awful. I am trying my hardest to pretend it isn't happening, but the unprotected sex is making me feel like it's violating my body at this point and I have justifiable reason not to want to have sex for a month after she gets tested again etc.
So we had another fight today about it where she said she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She said it's too late essentially, I've consented, it's 100 percent happening, and she doesn't want to cancel on anyone. She also said I am a roller coaster in the sense that I am backing out after I previously said I would be ok, and that as the date gets closer my emotions are running more and more wild.
She again asked me what I want to do. I said I would really have a much much easier time, in orders of magnitude, if you didn't have unprotected sex. She said that defeats the purpose of a cream pie. She said she would allow only 1 male to creampie her and the rest had to cum on top. But I still don't like it. I don't like the unprotected sex at all, it's going to make me not want to have sex, and it's hurting me that she is choosing this over being intimate for me for potentially a month or longer. I said I would need 4 weeks to cool off and be comfortable again, which is true. I am fairly private with my sex life and if I knew anyone was having unprotected sex with multiple people I would stay away for a bit. I personally wouldn't do this. I don't want to expose myself to that, it's my body.
I could theoretically use a condom with her, but to be honest the choices she's making is going to make it hard for me to be interested in sex at all. I connect sex with emotion very strongly, and if I feel betrayed etc I become not interested in anything. I can't help but hold it against her that I am losing my sexual connection for so long. I also enjoy fluid bonding which I won't be able to do, unless I decide to fluid bond with the group of guys too. I don't want that, it's way way too much for me.
I am ranting at this point but I am wondering what anyone else has to say. How do I communicate this properly to her? She said she needs a strong boundary now where I can't talk about it anymore as it's a done deal. But I am feeling like it might damage our relationship now. The emotions are much stronger than I anticipated. I just wish she was using a condom.. urgh..
Anyways, thanks for reading guys. I really appreciate it.
Anyways, when I met my gf almost two years ago, on our second date she said she was wanting an open relationship. I said in what form? And she told me on odd occasions she would like to do group activities or when she's on vacations etc. This isn't much of an issue with me. I don't like it very much but the event is spread out enough where I can get over the bad feelings I get and get back to normal life without being constantly bombarded with jealousy emotions etc.
So finally last week she says she wants to participate in a group activity, and I am welcome to come. I ask what it is, and it's 5 guys on 1 girl or 7 guys on 2 girls. I am not interested in men what so ever, and don't want to participate. She asked how I feel and I said I guess it's ok for her to go, but I don't want to go at all. I also find out one of her friends that we've met is going there. She said everyone is getting tested etc for it. We also had a little talk where I did say I remembered her telling me she wanted to do open sexual activities in the future, and I would be ok with it. She told me this was something she wanted, and that it was a contributing factor to her getting into a relationship with me.
Anyways, I am not comfortable with male fluids. Barely my own. I don't like to touch it. I always wash myself right off after. I then find out one of the activities involved is unprotected sex with all of them, plus a cream pie from one of them.
I was hit with a lot of emotions but said Ok I'll do my best to compromise. I know I am not attracted to this, and likely won't want to have sex after for a few days. We talk and discuss what will happen before and after.
However as the days get closer, I get more and more anxious. I am entirely not comfortable sleeping with her after she has unprotected sex with multiple men. I try to envision a timeline and I think I would honestly need a month off. However, I don't want to control her or make her feel ashamed or punished for what she's doing. But at the end of the day, I don't like it at all, I feel way too exposed, and I find my own bodily fluids gross enough let alone someone else's inside of her.
I told her I would probably need to take a month off.
She is upset, saying I am ruining her activity by placing such negativity on it.
We move on, but then I am just getting more anxious from it. I find that I really really don't like it, and I am finding myself upset with her for taking away my enjoyment from sex with her for so long. She asked me, well what do you want me to do?
I don't like telling her what to do. I feel like it's controlling. But at the end of the day, I am fairly upset. I asked her if there's any way she can use protection and not let anyone cum inside of her and she said she doesn't think it's possible as logistically the condoms would probably slip on and off here and there. She said if I really want to make sure the condoms don't come off I need to come myself and guide her through the experience.
But I really don't want to see what's happening, and the entire situation I find to be awful. I am trying my hardest to pretend it isn't happening, but the unprotected sex is making me feel like it's violating my body at this point and I have justifiable reason not to want to have sex for a month after she gets tested again etc.
So we had another fight today about it where she said she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She said it's too late essentially, I've consented, it's 100 percent happening, and she doesn't want to cancel on anyone. She also said I am a roller coaster in the sense that I am backing out after I previously said I would be ok, and that as the date gets closer my emotions are running more and more wild.
She again asked me what I want to do. I said I would really have a much much easier time, in orders of magnitude, if you didn't have unprotected sex. She said that defeats the purpose of a cream pie. She said she would allow only 1 male to creampie her and the rest had to cum on top. But I still don't like it. I don't like the unprotected sex at all, it's going to make me not want to have sex, and it's hurting me that she is choosing this over being intimate for me for potentially a month or longer. I said I would need 4 weeks to cool off and be comfortable again, which is true. I am fairly private with my sex life and if I knew anyone was having unprotected sex with multiple people I would stay away for a bit. I personally wouldn't do this. I don't want to expose myself to that, it's my body.
I could theoretically use a condom with her, but to be honest the choices she's making is going to make it hard for me to be interested in sex at all. I connect sex with emotion very strongly, and if I feel betrayed etc I become not interested in anything. I can't help but hold it against her that I am losing my sexual connection for so long. I also enjoy fluid bonding which I won't be able to do, unless I decide to fluid bond with the group of guys too. I don't want that, it's way way too much for me.
I am ranting at this point but I am wondering what anyone else has to say. How do I communicate this properly to her? She said she needs a strong boundary now where I can't talk about it anymore as it's a done deal. But I am feeling like it might damage our relationship now. The emotions are much stronger than I anticipated. I just wish she was using a condom.. urgh..
Anyways, thanks for reading guys. I really appreciate it.