In the garden

[Evie]

I like "Bad Orange Man" - even kids know who you are talking about.

Hahaha, well I'm sorry I disparaged cheetos, we don't have them over here but Puck sent me a picture of some. We have twisties that have the same kind of orange powered cheese on them but they only come in one flavour. Hard for my brain to call either snack food wholesome, but they hit the taste bud spot once in a while.

Damn, my appetite has returned with a vengeance these past few days. I was doing just fine only eating dinner during the past few weeks but now I want to eat all the things.

NZ has done well restricting the spread of covid-19 although there are unfortunately a couple of rest home clusters. Still, there's the suggestion that our 4 week level 4 (shelter in place) restrictions will be lifted a little - home delivery food will open again and we can go to the beach/parks again. I'll have to wait and see what this means for work. Shops won't be open yet and to be honest, I'm really keen to go buy myself a "treat" aka winter work shoes that have a bit of style. I did all of the first term in sneakers because of my damaged ankle, which is not flash right now after sending an inordinate amount of time lying in bed, but I'm thinking boots with some ankle support and a low chunky heel. I'm not a Dr Marten's person, but hopefully there will be something suitable in shops this year.

And slippers. I really want new slippers. It's time for a new puffer jacket, too, since Winter here gets a bit chilly. It seems like retail therapy talking about it, but days of shopping for myself have caused stress and tears before. I'm happy to save money, too, as Adam and I would love to go to the city for a weekend of culture and amazing restaurants. All in good time. Waiting is.

 

[Magdlyn]

I hate it when people call It a Cheeto. Cheetos are delicious and wholesome.

Delicious, yes. Wholesome/nutritious, no fucking way!

Then again, finding something to call It is tough because almost EVERYTHING looks better by comparison.

Can we refrain from calling anyone, even the lowest of the low, "It" though?

All too often that pronoun is used for transfolk, gender non-binary people (aka yours truly and my partner), etc. It's really terrible to dehumanize anyone like that. I understand the motivation, but it's just a step too far.

 

[Evie]

Almost every time I talk with Puck I end up with tears about something. Not a lot of tears, but I'm just really emotional at the moment, about things that have nothing to do with me! Like facilitating fairness in balancing isolation with maintaining the ability to be with partners. I'm envious there's even contact available, and I think that the one who is kicking off about having a small hiatus in visits so another metamour can see their partner is being unreasonable. I get a little impatient with grown women who cannot manage their unfounded insecurities. Two weeks with only video contact will not a relationship break for god's sake. What the hell drama will she pull when I do go and visit? (This has always been a fear I have even though Puck is pretty sure she'll back off and let us have the visit time, just so long as she knows when I'm getting on the plane and going away again).

But I digress. Even as a non-nesting partner, she's been seeing him daily, in person. Hell, I can't see my husband right now. Admittedly, that is a choice I made when lockdown began here, and I thought it wouldn't be a lot different to me simply being in work town for work. But it is, because at the moment I *can't* go home on the weekend to see him, where as normally I can make that decision. I certainly don't have a problem with the measures our government has put in place to attempt to eliminate the virus from our shores, but not being able to see Adam is taking it's toll on me. And although my employer has suggested they are interested in helping us with our well-being, god help me if I actually let any weakness show. But no, I haven't been okay, I have moments every day where I'm not okay, and I suspect it will get worse before it gets better because I suspect it might be July before I can go home.

I have no doubt that I won't be able to travel to the States until at least December/January, and if there's a mandatory self-isolation period still in place on return then I'm doubly screwed. Hell, even if there isn't, I'm sure my Principal will have a school policy in place. The only possible way would be to get vaccinated, but I doubt I'll fall into a category that would be eligible by then, if it even reaches our shores this year.

And so I wait, and I try to do my job, for what it's worth. But there are the kids who are happy to see me on a conference call, or get an email, and that's all that really matters.

 

[SenatorBinks27]

Can we refrain from calling anyone, even the lowest of the low, "It" though?

All too often that pronoun is used for transfolk, gender non-binary people (aka yours truly and my partner), etc. It's really terrible to dehumanize anyone like that. I understand the motivation, but it's just a step too far.

I understand. I feel the same way, generally speaking. I even try to use proper pronouns for other species.

That...person is the only person I have EVER felt it fit outside of Pennywise. I just have no respect at all for that...person other than being a living creature, and everything else seems too kind and giving that...person the attention that...person wants.

I will restrain myself on this forum out of respect for you and others for whom it may be triggering. Trans rights are human rights.

Also, sorry for hijacking the thread Evie. Won't happen again.

 

[Evie]

Last week, I was struggling and on Sunday when I finally got to talk with Puck, my tears fell like rain. However, Monday saw a total turn around; the knot in my chest had gone, I was able to focus on work, and slowly this week even my libido has returned. I like feeling like myself again.

NZ is winning this war. Our strict lockdown measures have meant that our number of new cases is minimal and we have no - NO - community transmission now. NONE. Sure, small population, island nation, but you know what, for the most part we STAYED THE FUCK AT HOME for the last month. Yes there is financial hardship for more people than usual but food banks are doing an amazing job supporting people. There are also targeted emergency benefit payments going out in the next 48 hours (that's over and above the wage relief payments and usual social security payments). I've just contacted my local food bank and asked for a way to donate money.

Our strict conditions remain until next Monday night, then on Tuesday, some businesses can reopen. Schools are only taking students who cannot legally remain home alone. I am to keep teaching from home for at least the following two weeks. I'm actually very happy with my Principal's decision on this as I honestly feel safer here, and I'm the healthiest I've been in a very long time, probably because I've cut out an lot of variety from my diet and I'm eating more like I did when I was younger. I was a fussy youth, but although my palate expanded, I'm pretty sure that many of the foods I now do eat actually cause many of my allergy issues - like tomatoes. I hadn't had anything tomato-y in ages, then had a large serve of lasagna and boom, blocked sinuses and tight chest. In short, I've lost what little tolerance I had, and honestly, I'm happy to leave it that way. It may mean that I have pizza once or twice a year when I'm prepared for the consequences, but that's okay, too, because let's not get me started on what I've discovered yeast does to my system...

I know I could do a bunch of substitutions, but no. Then it's not even the food I'd recognise and miss.

I've lost about 5 kg since just before lockdown really began. I'd like to keep it off once we go back to normal. The trick will be consuming the right calories to be able to have enough energy for my workday. I've also lost my fitness, though, so I'll have to carefully work on that when the gym is open again.

I'm ready to help the economy by going shopping when things open up again. I need shoes and winter clothes, although some of the clothes will be solved when I finally get back home and can go through the suitcases of winter clothes. We will have missed Autumn planting by the time the gardener can start work again so come spring there'll be some savings to be able to really invest in the garden.

This is the first year in my marriage that money hasn't been the biggest stress, now that Adam is working. I'm happy to be able spend, save, invest and donate the way I have always wanted to

Edit: sorry if this all sounds too chipper in a time where there is a lot of hardship in the world. I have my days where things are overwhelming, too, but right now I'm seeing where I can help as well as where it feels like I'm finally getting somewhere and I wanted to record that, too.

 

[Evie]

Yes, I'm posting twice in one morning, but I read something that reminded me about this...

I've gotten into reddit during lockdown. Delightfully abysmal waste of time that it is, mostly. But I do follow r/books and there was a recommendation for a short story. Now, I haven't read for fun for a while, not a book, I'm more likely to be on some form of social media, much to my chagrin, but I can't seem to get into any books at the moment, and Mike and Adam have both tried at different times to gently suggest audiobooks, but I'm even more resistant to that. However, I saw a spoiler free review of Flowers for Algernon raving about how good it was. So I got the pdf and read it right then and there. Well, golly. It's so well written I can see why it got awards. How did this sneak past me in my days when I was devouring that kind of thing? I'm kinda glad it did because it meant that I got to discover it now.

 

[Evie]

A metamour went to hospital tonight with a sore chest. Imaging was unable to tell if it was Covid19, so now she waits. It's pretty bad from what Puck has told me and I'm scared for her. Also, she's the only one with children (teens) and a solo mother.

I hope they know more tomorrow and that whatever it is can be treated with efficacy and speed.

 

[fuchka]

Fingers crossed for your metamour getting a diagnosis soon, and wishing them a speedy recovery.

I'm glad you otherwise have many things to feel chipper about - there are certainly positives in all this, at least for some, or from some angles, and that's ok! In fact, to me, it is a relief that not everyone is totally crushed by this.

It will be so sweet when you eventually manage your long-awaited meeting with Puck, too.

 

[Evie]

Thanks fuchka!

So, it's not Covid and she's got an oncology appointment. I haven't heard from Puck yet this morning for an update.

After much deliberation, I'm going home tomorrow to spend "level 3" with Adam. It's a lot lower risk than it was because of the number of active cases in NZ significantly dwindling and new ones being attached to known clusters. He's unlikely to get a Covid exposure at work now, and actually hasn't the whole time.

The internet is much worse at home but I've talked with Puck about that and we'll be fine. As for work, if the internet is so bad I can't effectively do my job, I'll have to come back here to work town, but I think it should be okay.

I haven't heard from Adam yet this morning either. I'll try him again though, since it's his birthday. Hopefully I'll be up for a celebration tomorrow after I do the drive. Only thing is I have to get the flu shot today and I will likely have a shitty weekend of "mild" symptoms, so I just hope that holds off until Saturday. Last time I got the flu shot I ended up having to have two days off work plus a weekend to get over it since my immune system is so crap. At least in this work environment I don't need to take sick leave lol.

Let it be tomorrow afternoon already so I can go home.

 

[Magdlyn]

I'm so glad you'll finally get to see your husband again!

It's great the NZ has gotten Covid kind of under control. Of course, according to our illustrious orange devil, it's been under control here all along too, and is "washing through" just fine, as long as we all keep drinking our Lysol and shoving lightbulbs up our asses.

 

[Evie]

Thanks Mags, and it's fantastic being home with him. I have at least another week here, which will include another one of his weekends (he works 4 on 4 off), so I'm really happy about that. My internet connection isn't as bad as I feared, so I can still do all my online video calls for work and to Puck.

As I write this, NZ has had two days of no new cases. God I hope we make that three today.

But to keep it that way, I'm sure our borders will be closed for a very long time so I don't hold out as much hope as Puck does of me getting to the States later this year. I'm guessing January at the earliest. At least that gives me a lot of time to save up money. Adam and I have a lot of plans for the house, too, starting with a bit of leveling of the section out the back. I'd like to stick a cabin out there for an outdoor library within the next financial year (April). I've been looking at kitsets this morning and I reckon we can do it by then, even though we'll need to hire a builder. I've seen reviews say it can be built in four days, so the labour shouldn't be excessive.

I've said I'll do at least one more year at my current workplace, but I'll likely start looking after that. At the moment I'm paying $300 a fortnight to board in that town (utilities usually included, except while we've been working at home and I've been using a heap more power since it's getting colder), and although I'd be swapping that for a commute if I get a job in this region, it will still be only about half that in petrol.

Big dreams right now, whilst there is little to do but dream. I'm not embracing this online shopping thing, I want to go to a shop and pick out something off the shelf, try it on for size and comfort if that's the case - I know, so old fashioned - but I can't right now so I'm saving a few extra pennies for when I can. I need work shoes and I have the most ridiculously wide feet I really do have to try on anything before I buy.

There's not much news on the sick metamour front yet, they haven't figured out what's wrong with her (although they've ruled out a variety of infections) so she has a biopsy later this week. That's definitely pointing more towards cancer

Life really can turn on a dime, so I'm going to do whatever the hell I can to make mine good right now.

 

[Evie]

I got a random message on Fet today from a 6 hour old account. I've been feeling contrary today so I answered him and exchanged messages for a while. I might actually throw this guy a bone once the pubs open again. He's clearly not into power exchange, which would be good since I have that with Puck and occasionally, Mike. And honestly, my money is on him being a builder. I won't be interested in him for his brains, not judging by his typing. He better be hot, I could do with a local fuck buddy. Puck and I have talked about that a few times and it's on the post Covid agenda lol.

Speaking of which, it's entirely likely I'll go back to work on the 18th unless something extraordinary happens. That's okay, I might get in a weekend of shopping before then.

We've booked the landscaping contractor! And found the perfect out building although can't afford it until we buy the house from the family property company and free up the cash, but it will be so worth it. Unfortunately, we'll need a builder for the foundations since that's well outside our skill set. I've also realised from trying to cook in this kitchen just once here, we desperately need at least a temporary work around for more bench space. I'm thinking floating island. I've been spoiled where I board in work town.

So, I'm going to spend just enough to keep me sane, then save for a couple of months to look extra attractive to the bank, then get the ball rolling on the mortgage app. I'm in such a stronger position than last year... Double income, savings in the bank. This will be the year.

 

[DarthSidious]

Wow! That's an interesting thread. You have a real writing talent, Evie.

 

[Evie]

Wow! That's an interesting thread. You have a real writing talent, Evie.

Thank you, Darth. I think I can safely say, you are too kind

Today is the beginning of Adam's weekend and he had a quiet shift last night and won't need to sleep much today, wheee. It's going to be very like last weekend, I think. We can't go shopping yet, everything is click and collect at best (except supermarkets) so that takes away the fun of being able to go for a wander around the aisles. I've got nesting brain, for no reason at all except that I board in work town and have no real control over my living space so I want some here. But since I don't live here most of the time there's no point spending money on things that Adam and flatmate don't need fixing, or even rearranging the furniture. The house is working for them even if it drives me batty, but I'll be gone in a week. Still, we've booked the contractor for the garden so at least I'll be able to see something happen in the next month or two.

So today, Adam and I will enjoy sitting out on the deck (once the Sun has been up long enough that it's warm out there) and we will probably eat our way through the day, because that's one of the things we do together.

Tomorrow, Puck and I have an extra long call planned since we'll be doing something (NSFW) that takes time and care.

I think my self sabotage topped out yesterday. I bloody hope it did. I drank no water, too much fizzy stuff (coke, beer, gin and tonic), and ate way more than I usually do; chocolate, chippies, popcorn - all the rubbish - to the point I can now feel my body screaming for leafy greens. We're celebrating my birthday today since it happened during level 4 lockdown while I was staying in work town, so some grocery shopping is on the cards anyway. I need more tonic lol.

My cat here finally accepted me last night. I was lying on the couch (watching home renovation shows) and she came and snuggled for the first time in ages. She arrived to us probably a couple of years ago now, totally bedraggled - skinny, matted (she's long haired tabby) and had clearly been living wild, badly, for some time. She allowed us to feed her and then never left. House training wasn't an issue, she was clearly domesticated but must have run away. I actually suspect that she was the neighbour's cat as we had seen her (or a cat very like her) when they first moved in a year before that. Then we didn't see her for a long time so I guess she ran away then came back but to us, not them. They moved on a number of months later, but never came and asked for her back. She seems happy with us, even if she's not always the most affectionate thing.

 

[Magdlyn]

That's a sweet story! I've adopted several abandoned cats, back when I had cats. The orange boys are the best! My 2 orange tigers were so calm and intelligent. They actually calmed down the freakier cats. Alphas, I guess. Loaded with serotonin.

 

[Evie]

I'm being an incredibly slack teacher today. The kids all have work set so I'm leaving them to it rather than Zooming them. Sure, I'm answering emails, but I'm also tidying my room, going through stuff and culling bits and pieces, and then I also found the winter socks, thank goodness. I'll begin to pack my car soon, too. So, I'm going back to normal, with classes starting again from next week. I have to be at work on Friday for a morning meeting before we administer classes online for the rest of the day. At least I feel safe to do so since NZ has done an excellent job in finding Covid cases and containing spread. Hopefully, we've done that well enough that there isn't outbreaks of new clusters.

We are lucky, we are an island nation with the ability to strictly enforce border quarantine issues. I still think it will be a very long time before I can fly to visit Puck, and that saddens me, but then, what is a year in a lifetime. I am remarkably confident that this will be a lifetime relationship, as is he. There are definitely benefits to long distance secondary, and one of those isn't having to navigate the mundane parts of life that can eat into a nesting partnership. Finances aren't intermingled in the same way, chores don't become contentious, various irritations don't occur. Sure, we'll have to navigate things differently when we are sharing physical space, but god knows we have a very solid foundation to do that from. Emotionally, here is a man who is as into me as I am into him, not more, not less, and as such I feel completely safe expressing myself to him. I felt this way from the beginning with Adam, too.

OK, on with the mundane. I need to go do some chores around the village and pack my car.

 

[icesong]

I still think it will be a very long time before I can fly to visit Puck, and that saddens me, but then, what is a year in a lifetime. I am remarkably confident that this will be a lifetime relationship, as is he.

I wish I knew how to be so confident. I’m not going to assume it’s different because you always knew you’d be long distance, but you seem... so much chiller about the future and the length of time apart than I am, despite the longer relationship and the lack of oceans between me and Artist.

 

[Evie]

I wish I knew how to be so confident. I’m not going to assume it’s different because you always knew you’d be long distance, but you seem... so much chiller about the future and the length of time apart than I am, despite the longer relationship and the lack of oceans between me and Artist.

Yeah, there's definitely something in knowing that it's always going to be long distance. I mean, I was less secure (with in hindsight, good reason) with Lance which was long distance but with an attempt to close the gap for a while, but obviously that didn't happen. But there are a few things different with Puck. Importantly, now I have enough disposable income that I can make the decision to go and see him - which I had done before fucking 2020 fucked it all up - isn't it remarkable how something so impersonal as a pandemic can feel so bloody personal when it screws with the best laid plans of mice and men. But although I lost some money on that, I'll get two thirds of it back eventually and be able to rebook once the borders open again/it's safe to do so.

Also, we're so very similar in many, many ways, so I don't feel like I'm ever having to guess him or refrain from asking anything or speaking/writing what I'm thinking or feeling. We fell in love at the same time (to the day, we felt it happening and acknowledged it shortly after) and we had dynamic established before that. Perhaps that helps, too, being D/s to the extent that we are. My day collar (bangle) literally never comes off (although I had to change wrists when I burnt my arm but it's back on my right arm now) and between that, the daily calls whenever possible and the more intimate ways we connect, I feel valued and cherished. Even when he's had to take some time to regain his own equilibrium, I haven't felt brushed off. A little lonely for his presence, but not insecure. I guess if there was something that was wrong between he and I, I have absolutely no doubt that we'd talk about it. So if he's not told me there's anything wrong, there's nothing wrong. Covid-19 put our plans to spend time together on hold, but it's still just a year of a lifetime and it will be a distant memory in a while, one of many we'll have made since then.

Also, in many ways I'm still in the NRE phase of this relationship - it's been less than a year since our first video call, and although we both aren't totally twitterpated on a daily basis anymore and have settled into something a lot more mundane most of the time, we still find uncanny "coincidences" between our lives to let our minds boggle over.

He's also very long term poly, well experienced and with many concurrent relationships of varying styles. Funnily enough, when we started talking we both said that we haven't been able to maintain D/s relationships two hours drive away, yet after saying that we quickly (within a couple of months) realised that we very much could. It's sometimes a little quirky how we do that and the dynamic has to work around practicalities, but we manage, and quite successfully so. Honestly, it hasn't been at the fore during lockdown, and I'm looking forward to stepping up again as life gets back to normal, after all, it's my responsibility to nurture it, too.

Well, I hope that stream of consciousness gave a little more insight into it all. I think the TLDR is that I'm secure because all my expectations are being met.

 

[Evie]

That six hour old account is now 8 days old and I blocked it last night after it started sooking at me because I cancelled today's meetup. Yesterday, my job asked us all to keep a contact diary. I really am not comfortable with that considering what my social spaces are, so I will delay social contact a while longer. Sure, I'd only need to hand the thing over if anyone actually got sick, but it's still too high of a price for me. So I got messages like, "your loss" and "I was gonna pay for everything" and "I had a big day planned for us" - whoa dude, absolutely none of that is okay. Blocked.

So, that's me absolutely done for trying to meet locals online. Looks like if I want a local fwb, I'm just gonna have to go get a hobby that means I can meet people in person in the first place. Yeah, that's not going to happen any time soon - I really do just throw myself into work.

My allergies are back with a vengeance, so I am going to simply have to give up a hell of a lot of food and drink, like I did in the middle of lockdown and felt the healthiest I had in honestly years.

Puck told me this morning that a (different that previously mentioned) metamour has lost her job today there just isn't the work to sustain her department. I'm concerned because I know you guys don't have a very good social security set up. I hope she can get some kind of financial support from somewhere because I don't know how she'll get another job in this climate.

 

[Evie]

Lance called tonight. Unplanned.
He's going to break my heart again. The way he looks at me...
But his business is booming, beyond booming, and I'm thrilled for him.
I'm so happy to be poly so I'm not asking myself ridiculous questions like, "why do I still love him?" Because it doesn't matter, I just can without angst. And when this crazy world opens up again, perhaps we will meet, after I've been to see Puck. He is my travel priority now.