In the garden

Evie

Active member
I/We (Adam) got sooo much done today and as I type he's actually still unloading firewood from the delivery guy. We also spontaneously bought some beautiful, art deco, solid wood bedside cabinets with HUGE drawers. One has been partially restored, the other not at all, but it really doesn't need a lot. A clean down and oil, and handles putting back on. They were $100 the pair and honestly would fetch way more in the art deco town up the road, but I'm just going to enjoy having massive drawers for a while hehe.

So, what else... we took an old wall clock in to get mended. We got some fantastic meat from the real butcher. We got a couple of new warm tops for Adam including a possum/merino jersey. Took old sheets to a charity shop. Made apple and cinnamon muffins for lunch! I got my ears suctioned for the first time ever - and it was agreed that I have ridiculously small canals, like child size. The list is longer, but many things are more mundane, but I'm thrilled with how these holidays are going. I'm in the process of applying for a mortgage again, this time with joint income, and I've decided I'm also going to apply for the government grant - hell, even if it just pays the conveyancing fee and for the Wills, it's worth it. I might get lucky and it might cover half a year of Council rates, too. Either way, it's money for just a headache of paperwork, but not actual work, and I'm good with that.

I spoke with Puck this morning. It was wonderful, leisurely, fun. Although I'm struggling a little with the fact we should be planning our second visit by now, not not knowing when our first will be. I'm envious of local partners - not in a destructive way, just wishing I could touch him, hang out for a night (which will actually be more like 10 when I get there), simply enjoy being present with each other in person. Hugging, holding hands, cooking and eating together. And sex. I'm so ready for that LOL. So again, fuck Covid. Fuck 2020. And fuck your elections (USA) which will likely be a total shit show no matter which way they go. Renée and Puck are talking about the possibility of moving countries if there's a second Trump term. It will irreparably destroy their local polycule, especially Iris who has issues with Puck going a couple of States away to visit Charli for a weekend, but if that's what Renée and Puck want, well, a trip to Europe is as far as a trip to the US for me, so no issues here lol. Easier to visit Lance in the same month, too lol. Yes, I'm talking with Lance again, although we're making no plans. I want to go to England for family reasons sometime so two birds, one jetlag from hell.

So that's about it right now. I am in the second and final week of my midyear holiday and I know I'll be going back ready to teach again. I just hope the kids come back ready to learn :)
 

Magdlyn

Active member
I am so fucking jealous of NZ and Europe!!! Korea, etc. I am screaming in my heart, as the Japanese say.

I am living vicariously through your posts. I never ever in my wildest dreams imagined the US could have such an evil president. I long for the days of the chimp, whom I hated at the time, George W Bush.

tRump finally put on a fucking mask last week. He'd been afraid he'd look stupid. He and his SS actually looked kinda cool in their black masks, like desperadoes or ninjas. So, yay? I guess. I hope this finally sets an example for all the scary stupid people in the US

Your art deco nightstands sound wonderful! Congrats! What do you mean, there's an art deco town up the road???

I am totally into vintage. My house looks like an antique mall. Besides all my dishes and vintage Barbies and other dolls and toys, I have my grandmother's bedroom and guest room nightstands and dressers, her vanity with a big round mirror, and one bedstead. Also her china cabinet and low boy hutch. And a "Hoosier" of hers, if you know what they are. Baking station/storage cabinets. I have my ex in law's Formica 1950s dinette set. I love them all so much.
 

Evie

Active member
I've been meaning to ask you what NZ's immigration policy is like lol.

Ah shit, I'd originally written that we desperately need truck drivers, and then I read your blog. I'm so sorry, Vin.
 
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Evie

Active member
I am so fucking jealous of NZ and Europe!!! Korea, etc. I am screaming in my heart, as the Japanese say.

I am living vicariously through your posts. I never ever in my wildest dreams imagined the US could have such an evil president. I long for the days of the chimp, whom I hated at the time, George W Bush.

tRump finally put on a fucking mask last week. He'd been afraid he'd look stupid. He and his SS actually looked kinda cool in their black masks, like desperadoes or ninjas. So, yay? I guess. I hope this finally sets an example for all the scary stupid people in the US

Your art deco nightstands sound wonderful! Congrats! What do you mean, there's an art deco town up the road???

I am totally into vintage. My house looks like an antique mall. Besides all my dishes and vintage Barbies and other dolls and toys, I have my grandmother's bedroom and guest room nightstands and dressers, her vanity with a big round mirror, and one bedstead. Also her china cabinet and low boy hutch. And a "Hoosier" of hers, if you know what they are. Baking station/storage cabinets. I have my ex in law's Formica 1950s dinette set. I love them all so much.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napier,_New_Zealand

Napier was flattened in an earthquake in 1931. It all got rebuilt in the style of the day. It embraces the identity now.

You'd love this: https://www.artdeconapier.com/Events.html

For a little more info about it: https://www.hawkesbaynz.com/see-and.../the-art-deco-guide/napier-art-deco-festival/

FYI, we have elections this year, too, in 67 days. I will be voting for our current leadership. We had a new leader of the opposition today, 53 days after the last new leader of the opposition. He resigned yesterday citing mental health... i.e. he realised he was totally out of his depth and was the fall guy. Now they've put a battle axe in instead. She's terrible, too, and went straight for partisan politics.

I tried to restore the second bedside table today as the seller described (cloudy ammonia). It didn't work. It certainly did made a huge difference to the colour - cleaned it right up - but he has already taken the other one much further back, so I guess I'm going to be out with the sander tomorrow. Really, the feet and drawer handles are the only notable art deco part. I see much cooler (and way more expensive) furniture regularly in the second hand shops. But I'll make these similar enough and then enjoy using them. That's really what it's about for me.

You'd love it here, Mags, you really would.
 
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Magdlyn

Active member
Thanks for those links to the Art Deco weekend! I love how everyone dressed up 1920s/30s style, and the car parade, and the Maori dancers to boot.

I actually had a NZ penpal long ago when I was 12-13ish. It eventually led to a lifelong long distance relationship for my mom. My penpal had 2 young women teachers who were friends and were coming to visit the US. They came by ship for the last leg of their trip! We met them as they disembarked from the Queen Mary in NYC. We hosted them around our area on Long Island.

My mom, who was a great letter writer back then, kept in touch with these women all her life. She and my dad, and another couple, finally visited NZ as their last big trip, a few years before Mom died in the early 2000s. They went to the farm of one of the women. She and her husband had sheep and cattle, and grew flowers for the flower shop that she ran on the premises. She had beautiful gardens. She hosted them for several days. I think I held on to my mom's photo album from that trip.

So, I've always felt this little connection to NZ. :) It sounds like a great place to live.
 

Evie

Active member
Thanks for sharing that part of your history, Mags! That's so cool your parents got to visit our tiny corner of the world.

The Art Deco weekend happens every year, so there's time to plan for a future trip for you and Pixi!

Well, I'm still in the hurry-up-and-wait phase of the mortgage application. Because I left my passport in worktown I can't do a bunch of stuff until I go back there. I have four days left of the holidays but my mind is already veering back into work mode. I have plans to keep doing holiday things this week, though and will visit friends on Friday night for a few hours while Adam is at his own function in Napier. I finally slept properly again last night so I can get on with fun chores today such as those bedside cabinets, as well as dull ones like laundry.

I'm beginning to suspect that Lance has been seeing someone but it's ended, ergo his upturn in conversation. Or he's just completely bored out of his mind because so much is still shut down. I saw something really positive about a vaccine the other day, but I'm wondering if there will honestly be a permanent shift in how society operates. How long will our country have managed isolation centres you have to go to when arriving from abroad? Will masks in the street become the norm? We don't wear them here because we have zero community transmission right now, but can we really keep our borders this tight for years perhaps? Pandemics tend to run their course in what... Two years? I'm good at long distance relationships, but I really want to visit Puck.

Part of me hopes he and Renée do move to another country, just so long as it's easier to get to lol. One way or another it will be safer. Your elections are going to be scary this year.

Edit: yes this is all rambly. No, I'm not going to edit it. Entries like this remind me of the days where some things are just too hard. Like paragraph structure. I got the beside drawers cleaned up but the laundry can wait. It's really cold today and nothing would dry in the slightest.
 
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Evie

Active member
Enforcing boundaries

I've titled this one because this is exactly what I've done and I'm still dealing with my emotional response to it.

So, I was chatting with a new guy, Captain. Generally impressive. Good conversationalist, not pushy, interesting, keen on something ongoing and grounded in friendship. Tick, tick, tick.

A while ago he'd disappeared, my messages weren't getting through on Whatsapp (one grey tick) and radio silence on FL (where we met). Turns out he'd gone on a family holiday and gone into tech blackout, basically. OK, I said, if you need to go off the radar again, just drop me a quick message letting me know you'll be uncontactable for a bit. No biggy. Right...

We had daily messages for a couple of weeks, it was all going swimmingly. Then... one little grey tick. He's disappeared. Without a courtesy text. Oh, and he did pop on to FL to add a friend a few days ago, but I'm still blanked.

He appeared today. "Sorry, hectic week" blah blah.

Yeah, nah. (It's a Kiwi thing)

I'd asked for a simple courtesy. Let me know if you're going to disappear. Hell, for all I know I could have been ghosted, except previous behaviour indicated not. But this is one of my boundaries. I don't date/play with people who vanish. So I messaged back, polite but firm, that I wouldn't be continuing the conversation because of this. Then I blocked him on Whatsapp and FL. Looks like he got the hint because he hasn't tried to normal text me/call me.

I am disappointed. He seemed in all other respects, one of the decent ones. But I will not be shelved without warning. Hell, even Golf used to give me the heads up if he needed to be off the radar for a bit. So, I figure Captain really just wasn't ready for poly. At least not the way I need it - which is an open line of communication at any time or at the barest minimum a heads up when it just can't happen. I can deal with time differences, I can deal with managing other relationships even at the drop of a hat, I can even deal with a bit of warning that someone is seriously out of touch for a short while. What I can't deal with is being surprised that suddenly my messages aren't getting through, that I'm being ignored when I'm not convenient. That, ladies and gentlemen, does not a relationship with Evie make.

So venting that here has definitely cemented my resolve. I have spent a little bit of time today asking myself if I was too hasty. But then I've also told myself that I'd made the request quite clear and it was ignored. When else might he suddenly disappear... (when I'm dropping like a stone?).

And so, there goes the one potential "local" play partner that I have talked to in years. It's a shame. He had done a hell of a lot else right. A lot. But this just seems too big for me to overcome. It wasn't the second time, it was at least the third, but the first time after I'd said I needed a message if he was unable to take/respond to messages.

Boundary enforced.

Mixed feelings.

But I did the right thing.
 
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FallenAngelina

Active member
It wasn't the second time, it was at least the third, but the first time after I'd said I needed a message if he was unable to take/respond to messages.

Boundary enforced.

Mixed feelings.

But I did the right thing.

You absolutely did the right thing.

I've come to believe that even needing to say it once is a red flag. Sudden drop-off after fervent and regular communication is a definite "tell" that someone is not ready or not mature enough or conflicted or concealing important things, which always translates into a bad relationship. The "being busy" excuse for a sudden & silent drop-off is a giant red neon sign of everything just mentioned. In this age of easy, instant, multiple communication channels, there is just no excuse for "too busy to say hello." Sudden drop-offs signal one thing only: Deeper problems below.

You absolutely and positively did the right thing. No question.
 
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vinsanity0

Active member
That usually means they aren't that interested, they treat people like crap, or they are stuck in the hospital with no phone for a few days, which is what happened to me. Poor Pet thought I either ghosted on her or died lol.
 

Evie

Active member
Oh Vin, poor Pet! But I also bet you were concerned about not being able to contact her! Captain didn't open with, "I'm in/I've been in hospital," so I doubt that was his reason.

He'd made a lot of prior noises about wanting to establish something meaningful and ongoing, and so much else of the conversation was going right, but I guess he simply had a different level of value on keeping an open line of communication.

Karen, I agree with you that there is no excuse for, "too busy to say hello" - and to just vanish, there is something deeper at play, which could be as simple as the wife having collie wobbles, but a quick text saying, "I need a few days without texts," shouldn't be unmanageable.

But today I had a really good day! I started the day with a chat with Puck, then I had a coffee 'date' in the mid-late morning, which was an enjoyable conversation but I have absolutely zero interest in the chap, sexually. Then I did a little shopping in that town before heading to work for a couple of hours to tidy up my desk and get some stuff planned. Then I got home, spoke with Puck again and then just chilled in my room playing a stupid phone game for a while. Soon, I'll cook some dinner and drink a little wine. Yay Saturday.
 

Evie

Active member
My week was insanely busy this past week with work, but I'm finally kinda back on top of my workload. I probably won't feel like that tomorrow and I should have spent today in the office working, but really needed a day to myself - or more to the point, a day to spend with people I wanted to spend it with. So I got to talk to Puck this morning, twice, which was brilliant. And then I had a couple of hours this afternoon at the pub with a new friend just talking about all sorts (including polyamory). He's a young friend, so both my ethics and my employment ethics quite simply prevent me from being more than friends with him, but I enjoy the conversation. Mike also popped up on WhatsApp for a few messages, so all in all, I'm in my happy place. I haven't been able to talk with Adam yet tonight, he's been at work all day and we don't tend to message much on work days. I have just remembered he has a Skype thing tonight to the UK so I probably won't actually get to talk with him until tomorrow :( But I also just got to talk with Lance.

Yep, it's been a good day.
 

Evie

Active member
So, I'm doing an 8 week thing of extremely sensible eating and drinking nothing but water. I've done it before, I can do it again. Add in some gym time and yay. Ok, so the gym time is kinda forced because the bathroom at my place in work town is being remodeled and there is no shower other than the gym right now, but that's a good way to re-form the habit. The food thing is mostly about stopping the mindless eating. I've dropped about 7 kg this year, I'll happily shed another 7. I want to dig out some old clothes I don't fit right now. One more dress size would do it; I'm in a 32 Levi jean at the moment but I can do better. I'll need to do a lot more exercise, though. Last time that was a mix of Zumba and jogging, but neither are an option right now. I'm cycling, though.

Going to the gym in the morning has meant I don't get to talk with Puck daily now. We're both finding the adjustment difficult, but the long term goals outweigh short term challenges. Still no word on when I can travel, but I'm suspecting it's more likely to be Easter than Christmas. It's bloody difficult, tbh, I was supposed to be there last Easter and now, we wait.

That waiting entails Adam and I trying to buy our house off my mother in law. It's going slowly. That's okay, I can wait her out, every fortnight is another grand in savings, after all. For new readers, Adam and I "live" two hours from my work (on a good run). I don't commute, I board in work town during the school term. It's actually been really hard coming back to work town this time. I'm almost settled, 2 1/2 weeks in, but I'm beginning to regret my decision to work here at least another year. But I have a great job, tiny classes, and would love to see the current juniors through their senior year (or as we say, the current year 12s through their year 13). After that, it's probably time to look around but honestly, I'll be picky, though. The high school in home town is awful, from the Principal down. There are some great teachers, but still major systematic problems that will only be solved with a new leadership team. My department's Head was terrible, too. He literally yelled at the year 11s every class.

And so, life is ticking along, no new people on the horizon. I miss physical relationships (especially sex!) but other than that, I'm good. I'll start going to local munches again and hope someone attractive, values compatible and ethically available shows up. I won't hold my breath.
 

Evie

Active member
Today I've realised I'm really not okay. I haven't been doing things I need to do, like laundry, dishes, paperwork...

So I went and got some 5HTP. And NoDozPlus to get through the day. I don't think I'll be on top of things by tomorrow, but by Monday the 5HTP should have made a difference. I think it's because I've had such a hard time returning to work town and although I'm actually doing pretty good on the diet and exercise front, I think I just don't have enough spoons right now and today is quite clearly crunch day.
 

Evie

Active member
The 5HTP is working nicely, although I've now had two days with a poor night's sleep. Could be related, but the sleep will come right sooner or later, and at least I don't feel like crying all the time.

Yesterday's call with Puck was great, and I generally had a good day overall. I'm aiming to take tomorrow off, so I need to do extra today in preparation. That's the worst part of this job.

Mike has been chatty lately, which is nice. He encouraged me into a small shopping spree last night.

And Golf reappeared, apologetic, hopeful, and by the sound of it, single. Still processing that.

Desperately hoping to visit Adam next weekend.

Really wanting to talk with Puck today, but he's in meetings before I start work, so I won't get to see him until much later. Thank goodness he's a night owl.
 

Evie

Active member
I ended up taking two days off work last week and all of this weekend.
I usually do some kind of prep work on the weekend for Mondays, but this weekend I visited Adam. Leaving was horrible, as always.

I spoke to Puck both days, a little earlier today (my Sunday) than usual since he's gone to visit Selena on their Saturday night. They haven't seen each other in ages because of Covid and being very careful about quarantining. Puck hasn't indicated if this visit will put Iris into her usual huff, but it's important that he and Selena get some time together. They used to do every Friday night back before Covid. Fuck Covid. I'm sure I'll be one of the lucky ones for whom it will be just a memory in time, but I'm really frustrated at the impact it's having on life as we know it. I'm sure you all are, too.

Americans... I really fear for your elections. We have an election year this year, too. Thing is, the party in power *wants* the elections to go ahead in a timely manner because their approval rating is so high. The opposition and minor parties (we are Mixed Member Proportional, not First Past the Post) are concerned that they can't campaign well enough during anything but a Level 1 Covid alert level, and we've currently got the country split between Level 2 and Level 3.

I don't really care. It's not like I ever go to election campaign things, even public meetings. I just read the policies and choose from there. Although for me it's a no brainer this year, I want our current leader back, thank you very much. So Labour (centre left these days) will get my votes. Yes, votes, we all have two votes, one for the Party and one for our local Member of Parliament. We can split our votes between parties, like I did last time, but this time I'm all in for Labour.

But back to my immediate life... I'm not ready for work tomorrow. Taking the weekend off means I'll be bluffing most of tomorrow. Terrible, yes. And I'll be working late most of this week, too. It's the worst time of year, I swear, but I will survive, and I really hope my students will pass and feel supported in doing so.

Oh, yes, then there is buying the house fully off the family property company. It's going slowly, but that's okay, I am not in a rush. Goodness knows this year, and probably next, is going to be all about waiting for the big things and just trying to live the little ones in the meantime.

I've lost about 9kg this year, so there's that. Still 10 to go, so I better keep my enthusiasm for the gym :rolleyes:
 

Magdlyn

Active member
I wonder if your depression could be ketosis and yeast die-off.

How many cases of Covid in NZ now, after such a long stretch Covid-free? I heard y'all are in lock down?
 

Evie

Active member
I think a few days might have been ketosis, but I certainly can't claim that after the weekend lol. I need to find out more about yeast die-off, I haven't heard of that before.

Total number of active cases are 78, only 20 of those in border control facilities and 5 in hospital. So Auckland has had an outbreak and are back in level 3 (of 4) lockdown, including schools mostly closed except for children of essential worker. The rest of the country are at level 2 so I'm still teaching from the classroom, but we're "social distancing" as much as a school can. As a very small boarding school in the middle of nowhere with only a minority of day students, and far from Auckland, we're pretty safe.

I'm tired today, but emotionally stable, just not bouncy.
 

Evie

Active member
Cute gym guy corrected my form today on one of the weights machines. Hands on. Honestly, it was a non-sexual touch but it was just so nice to be touched! Yes, sure, I was home last weekend visiting Adam but... but... this was different. There was a hint of breaking a taboo since are in "Level 2" Covid alert. A strong "stranger" holding my upper arms tightly to my sides while I push down on a weight on a pulley to work my triceps... that'll do me.

I'm probably going to be able to catch up with Mike this weekend since Adam is working 2 of the 3 nights I'm visiting. He has a new art studio so I'll go visit and admire him being a real artist.
 
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