In the garden

Evie

Well-known member
So, cute supermarket guy messaged me telling me that he'd asked to not do overtime in Wednesday and Thursday so we could go out in a traditional "after work" timeframe, and which day did I prefer. I messaged back thank you, and that Thursday was better for me (I went back to yoga on Wednesday night). He replied he'd get back to me with a plan.

That was the last I heard from him.

In other news, so... I'm adopted. I actually board with my birth mother in worktown. I was cleaning up the garage on Saturday, mostly disposing of empty cardboard boxes, of which there were an awful lot. But I also found old family albums in a cupboard. I'm not not allowed to poke around, it's my family after all, so I enjoyed albums of my birth mother and aunts in all their teenage 70s glory. As well as some lovely pages of my grandma, grandpa and oma.

Then, I found me. The album of my childhood starting when I was born. This family holding me...and my full birth name. I always knew the first and last, but I didn't know that I had a middle name. So at 42 years old, I learned something brand new about my first days.

I tried to power through the tidying up but after a while felt so ill I put out an SOS to Puck. He was able to take my call and I cried on him. I'm not grieving that identity, I was just shocked. I told Adam a little later in the day, and Mike because he popped up on WhatsApp just after I'd spoken to Puck. Today, I'm okay, I'm still reciting my full original name to myself and I'm even considering deed poll to add it in to my legal name, along with my original surname. My initials would be RPJMCFvL. The M is the newest bit. The C I've known about, but isn't officially in my name right now. But if I'm adding the M, I'd add the C, too.
 
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Evie

Well-known member
Well, fuck.

I'm absolutely drowning at work at the moment, and it's going to get worse before it gets better.

I have another year here, but this time next year I'm definitely job hunting. I want to move home.

Adam visited last weekend and it was perfect. We had sex like we haven't in years, and then we talked, and talked and drank and talked and ate and talked and absolutely none of it was about mundane shit or house buying shit or day to day shit. We were truly happy for a day. He stayed until after brunch the next day and even though we had to do house buying shit that morning, we were both chilled out about it and got it done with no stress. I was supposed to go to work the next day but I collapsed in an exhausted heap. It was so relaxing having the house to myself (housemate away all weekend) so I simply lay in bed all afternoon dozing and calm. I even emailed my bff, something I had been putting off for weeks because I feel like such a failure right now and I wasn't brave enough to put that in an email, until Sunday. (In response she listed all the things she's failed at this year and suggested we start to make plans for that long overdue girls' weekend we had to cancel in March.)

And so, it's quarter to 7 in the evening and I'm back at work for a couple of hours. Same yesterday, same tomorrow. I'm truly not paid enough for this, which is one of the first times I've thought that.

I've been texting with a guy in hometown and he's a real gentleman. Sounds like he could be able to travel to visit once a month or so, too.

I'm talking with Puck almost every day, although I won't see him this weekend as he's celebrating another anniversary. But I'll plan to write him a nice long email on Sunday.

Right, time to go tutor.
 

Evie

Well-known member
Saturday was a good day.

I spoke with Puck briefly before he started his anniversary weekend with Selena.

Then I spoke with Lance for aaaages. It's been a wee while since we last spoke so the conversation was animated and meandering. For the UK peeps, he's funny in the same way Joe Wilkinson is funny. When I drew the comparison he said he's been told that before. We also talked about his work and how busy it is, and how he's a bit worried about seeing his parents again since they have retired abroad and although they have avoided Covid so far... Yeah. Scary times.

Then I went to West-of-here town and briefly saw Golf when I wandered into his shop (it was planned).

The afternoon was spent rigging stage lighting for the Junior Prom (I'm using American speak because our year levels are a little confusing. But basically, these girls are 16-17. I was back this morning (Sunday) to finish off hanging the fairy lights and draped fabric. Now to get some last minute supplies and do a night or two before the actual gig on Friday. I'll go along and operate the lights and see them all happy.

Lastly on Friday, I had a nice text chat with Mike for probably about an hour all up.

I've talked with Adam a few times during the weekend, we're likely to have a date for settlement of buying our house this week. Finally.

I'm beyond exhausted. I really hope I get a decent sleep tonight.

On another note, I regularly read the newbie posts in the advice section. I'm reminded of how much angst there was for at least the first year as Adam and I opened up our relationship again after being closed for a number of years. I'm so glad we got to the point where it's just normal. Our "old relationship dying" really wasn't the biggy it is made out to be quite a bit, at least not for me. Adam struggled a little more with the loss of sexual exclusivity, but now, we really are marriage-as-usual (for our unusual working lives). Yes, we're heirerchical for our financial commitments and medical/end of life decisions, but emotionally I can't claim the same. I lean on and support everyone depending on how each relationship has evolved. I don't get to spend in person time with anyone much, Adam a little more so by default, but I'd easily prioritise someone else if there was an opportunity to actually see them.

2022 will probably look a little different, but I doubt 2021 will change in any significant way from now (which is breaking my heart in many ways). But this time next year I should have a new job secured and there's a chance I might even have a new travel date. Fingers crossed.
 

Evie

Well-known member
(That should have been "lastly on Saturday" that I was messaging with Mike.)

It's almost half 9 on Sunday night. I not long got home from work again, just preparing for tomorrow. The Moonrise and brighter stars are incredible tonight. Mars especially.
 

Evie

Well-known member
Whew, another week of exhaustion, stress and a lot of feeling like a failure at work.

In positive news, we had the Junior Prom on Friday and it was beautiful. I really did transform the space into "not just a school hall". I had a lot of fun that night, too. We have one more week of classes for the older years until they go on exam leave. I'll still have classes for those who don't have exams, but some of the pressure will be off. Sort of.

I was going to take sick leave next Tuesday/Wednesday to visit my husband and go to the lawyer to sign the mortgage loan documents, but it turns out I can't because all my senior classes have exams at the end of that week. Even though they're not in timetabled classes, they can, and are expected to, come and use classrooms as study rooms, and I'm expected to be available for them to ask questions. It certainly frees up the next couple of weeks, but ugh, timing.

Puck and I had our date call this morning. We didn't play at all, just talked and I cried a bit. I strongly suspect it will be 13 months before I can visit him, and he reckons he could visit here 5 months later. But because he's now wanting to travel, he has to travel with Iris first (they've been talking about it for years) and then have a solid plan in place to travel with Renée (she's not so precious about that being first, but it needs to be locked in) so financially...yeah, it's not like he's rich or anything. He will need to save up after those are both sorted, so 18 months is even generously close. We're also subject to when my country's borders open again without quarantine requirements (I truly can't afford the time or money on that). So really, it's all a non issue right now because we can't plan anything at all, just speculate. I still cried. Long distance is hard, I'll never lie about that, and it's even harder right now. But Covid won't rule the world forever and my financial position will also keep getting stronger, even with the pending mortgage. I'm not going to someone who never travels because I have a mortgage, although it will be psychologically difficult because I've never traveled (beyond Australia) because I've been afraid of being broke or indebted (Australia didn't end well). I'd just turned that around in January and booked tickets for April 2020 and then... global pandemic. FML.

In other news, Golf took me out on Saturday for an actual afternoon beer. A friend date so to speak. He's still in his relationship, but he's decided to not let his partner's jealousy dictate his friendships. He's lost quite a few friends because she's been so awful about him having female friends but he told me a while ago he decided he was not going to live like that anymore, that he'd really thought about it when I said that I deserve better than he'd been treating me. At first I thought he'd broken their engagement (not for me/our friendship, but because he'd realised he didn't want to live with such restrictions and on eggshells anymore) but no, they're still together so I can't see this becoming the kind of friendship where I can pop over for dinner or go crash overnight when I need a change of scenery. Still, there has been improvement, and he's absolutely determined that we'll be friends for life. I'm still in doubt that he can offer the style of friendship I actually want, but he knows that if he can't treat me like an actual friend that I'll never put anything else on the table, regardless if he actually eventually has an even more open relationship.

And again back to work things. I've committed to one more year here, but I'm barely coping with living apart from Adam and from not living in the house I'm about to own, alongside the bank. I haven't been coping since July, really, but I'm a little stuck here, or else "career suicide".

Still, there will be brightness in the future again. There always has been before.
 

fuchka

Member
I grew up in Aotearoa / NZ and I don't remember junior proms being a thing! Is this a recent trend? I mean I remember school discos and formals and such, but I always thought of high school proms as something else that only happened in the US
 

Evie

Well-known member
I grew up in Aotearoa / NZ and I don't remember junior proms being a thing! Is this a recent trend? I mean I remember school discos and formals and such, but I always thought of high school proms as something else that only happened in the US
I'm using American speak. You'd probably remember the 6th form ball 😁 (now known as the Y12 formal, but our kids have adopted a few American traditions like voting for King and Queen.)
 

Evie

Well-known member
The end of the school year is inching ever closer. There's still a ton to do, but it will get done, it simply has to.

I finally got back to the gym today, it's been almost 3 weeks. I could barely cycle and stopped after 10 minutes, so that's telling me there's going to be some pretty good improvement pretty quickly. I had some strange heart palpitations and tightness in my chest about a week ago so I'm still recovering from that. I saw cute gym guy there and we got talking like we sometimes do. I actually asked him specifically what his job was today (after he said he'd met with my principal about something) so he told me. Honestly, I'm sorry I asked as I'll never be truly comfortable around him again as he's really rather high profile and power; I mean, sure, I'll never have anything to do with him professionally myself, but still.

My usual relationships are as good as long distance allows.

Adam and I have yet another hurdle in buying the house and I'm beginning to truly wonder if we'll settle before Xmas. Settlement is currently 4th of December, but there's problems with the paperwork and I can't take a day off this week to go there and sort it out. I'm being told that my conveyancing solicitor will make an appointment for me with a solicitor here in worktown, but I honestly have no confidence in the process at all anymore. Maybe, just maybe, by the time I get home for summer this will all be over and we can truly make plans for the work we want to do, but I'm pretty much at the end of my hope. I am beginning to expect that there's going to be a Deed Poll requirement for Adam because a fuck up in infancy regarding his legal name. In short, he has two and it's never been sorted out before.

Puck and I are both struggling with being unable to travel. We're starting to hope and make tentative verbal only plans, but I'm a lot more pessimistic than he is about vaccinations and open borders. I'm pretty certain it will be at least a year from now before NZ drops its quarantine requirements upon arrival. Also, he's still in the process of replying to an email I sent him awhile ago - I'm getting his responses in installments as there are different themes - and it's shown a small mismatch in communication styles. I did bring this up to him, once I already adjusted my own perspective on it, and he acknowledged my hurt and that he'd be aware of it for future emails in case there was a different way of phrasing something that didn't enhance the fact that I'm "over there". We both know that's the reality but that small turns of phrase can make all the difference and not place me solely in the position of audience member rather than participant.

Mike has been wonderfully understanding that I simply don't have the energy for our usual daily chats at the moment (and haven't for a while). But both of us have put in the work over the last four and a bit years and we're tight, we'll pick up where we left off whenever we can. This isn't a friendship that needs constant nurturing which makes me super secure in it.

I'm going to try and talk to Lance again by the end of this week, probably my Saturday morning. That *is* a friendship that still needs nurturing after the turbulence of last year. But we're generally doing okay at it.

Ugh, time for lights out (and I've totally not done the grading I should have, but there's always tomorrow morning). I'll hit the gym again tomorrow and aim to cycle more than 10 bloody minutes this time, sigh.
 

Evie

Well-known member
My fitness has come back but that's about the only thing that feels good right now.

Adam and I buying our house is still a paperwork nightmare as the lawyer insisted that the bank reissue the loan documents without my maiden name as a middle name. My passport doesn't show it because it had no provision for it on the forms I did last January to renew my passport so there's that. And I got my passport so I could go to the States and now I can't do that either, so I'm just hating everything right now.

And my mother in law has thrown another spanner in the works with house insurance, so Adam telling me about that this morning and me pointing out my issues with it was another round of stress.

I've bought a lotto ticket for tonight on the tiny off chance that I can make all of this go away entirely. And I mean entirely. If I had financial freedom, I would leave my current life behind. I'd still love and be married to and visit Adam, but I'd not want to live in the town that we're about to be tethered to indefinitely. This isn't the life I want now. I'm deeply unhappy in general but as the main income earner, I have responsibilities to maintain the residence even though I don't live there and won't for at least a year, and don't like the house in the state it's in.

I'll probably feel differently in time, but right now I hate how dated and tired it is, how cramped it is and how badly laid out it is, and I can't do anything about it. Soon we'd have the financial means to do so, but I'll be away at least another year so we still have the flatmate and consequently can't start any significant renovations.

This summer (summer holidays start in 3 weeks) I can at least do some minor cosmetic changes, but not the stuff that will make a difference to quality of living experience. Getting rid of flatmate isn't worth it right now since his rent is helpful, but if I'm not basically paying it straight back out boarding over in worktown (i.e. I change jobs and move home) then he'll be gone with the appropriate notice period. I don't feel like I can apply for jobs elsewhere yet, I need another year in this one to improve my competency. I honestly feel completely incompetent at my job and like I'm ruining my students' academic outcomes (this is imposter syndrome, most of my students would disagree).

Today is Saturday. I hope by this time next week all is rosier (mostly, that the stupid house paperwork is completed).
 

Evie

Well-known member
Later on Saturday...

I went to see a place that I could live next year. It was at most a 7/10 but easy, I could keep my gym routine and have a bit more privacy. It's the same price I pay now and with relative strangers, although the owners know Adam's uncle so I can't precisely have a variety of male partners. Although the only one who would have been likely is Golf and he told me today he's likely to be moving away from the region soon. I wasn't expecting that for another year so it threw me off a bit.

Solution:
30ml gin
20ml limoncello (artisan)
220ml (yellow) grapefruit juice
over ice (I reckon it would be great as a shaker cocktail but I don't have one.)
 

icesong

Well-known member
Ooooh, that sounds like a lovely cocktail. Maybe I should make some limoncello so I can try it sometime.
 

Evie

Well-known member
Lance called a few nights ago. He's slammed at work and about to expand the business (new premises and extra employee). I'm so pleased for him that he's so successful. If I can't travel until next Xmas then I'm thinking I'll head there first then get to Pick after 12th night, the last of his silly season committments. Honestly, going to another winter will suck, I'm not a winter person, but figure I'll be distracted enough that I won't get too down about it.

I have about two weeks left of work this year and gosh it can't come soon enough. I want to go home so very badly. By the time I get there, we should own the house. I'm so fed up of the bullshit. I was originally going to get our wills written through this lawyer but now, hell no.

I just wanna go home.
 

Evie

Well-known member
I, too, am highly suggestible so my Chess.com name is Evie40. I tipsily played a bunch of 10min beginner games last night, often very badly, and now have a rating of somewhere around 480. I honestly know nothing about strategy, so of that's you, too, and you have the ability to choose an opponent, please find me. It'd be nice to play someone I "know".

As I was writing this, Golf texted to say he has to work today. We'd pencilled in a coffee date, but he's hd staff call in sick so he's on cover.

I have a few things to do today so I'll go enjoy those, including the gym.
 

Evie

Well-known member
I arranged house and contents insurance today for settlement on Friday (oh dear god let it go through okay). I'm happy with how things are progressing and I'm pretty sure the balance on the revolving credit part of the mortgage is going to be minimal to non-existent until we can actually arrange for tradesmen to do the things we want to do "straight away." I'm pretty sure tradies are like hen's teeth at the moment, so it could be a while. Unfortunately, I doubt that means we'll have aircon or gas hot water by Christmas, but that's life. Honestly, I'll be thrilled if we can dismantle the greenhouse and enjoy the place without that monstrosity. We could get the deck extended or the library built this summer because Adam's cousin is a builder looking for a side gig.

Really, I just want to get home and put up the Christmas tree; I'll be there on the 11th of December. I want to rearrange the art, too. I want to "nest" - as I always do on the holidays. It's so hard not living at home.

I <cough> reconnected with Mike on Saturday night (last night) so I've been a bit droppy today. The thing with what we do is that something that might take half an hour in person takes about 3 hours online because it's all via WhatsApp so it's draw out as we send and receive messages. I was also only able to have a chat with Puck today (rather than our usual date call) because he's got house guests. Thanksgiving and all. It sounds like their region is about to go back into full lockdown again, wife Renee is likely to be off work for a number of weeks and Iris has already kicked off about one of the Thanksgiving guests and is insisting on another two weeks quarantine and another test (honestly, that woman sounds like such hard work). Where I live, the bedroom next to me is occupied again for the week so I can't "properly reconnect" with Puck for another week. But at least we can talk daily again, even if it's after work.

Hmm, what else. I've just had a good quick game on chess.com. I wish I understood how to use the analysis tools better, or even just remember what the hell I did right, but all in good time. I've started playing the puzzles and I quite like them.

Oh, I've just remembered... my principal did the first ever walk through (I've been there two years now) of my class on Friday - while the kids were making "slime" (glue, borax, etc). This isn't the top class, so there was organised chaos, and mess, and even glitter all over a child who didn't follow instructions. But they were having fun, and I haven't received a "please explain" email, so that's a positive.

I have a kid in class whose parents are in the early stages of divorce. On Thursday she told me she hadn't done her homework because there was a fight that night, and on Friday she was so distraught that she couldn't even participate in the lesson. I really wish I could tell these parents to get their shit together in front of the kid.

Well, that's about it for my week. All that's left to really as is... Icesong, do eeeet. Make that limoncello!!!
 

Evie

Well-known member
Adam and I bought the house today. Money has changed hands.
I'll celebrate with him when I get home next Friday 😁
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
Adam and I bought the house today. Money has changed hands.
I'll celebrate with him when I get home next Friday 😁
Thank the gods! Congrats to you both! Merry Xmas to you! I hope this helps your stress levels a bit.

And I am sorry if I sounded critical on the diet/health thread. Your weight is great. I just WISH I was under 200 lbs. lol
 

Evie

Well-known member
Golf made the effort to engage for a little social time today. I had to leave after half an hour though as I had other plans, but he congratulated me on the house purchase.

Puck had a negative Covid test after Thanksgiving so Iris agreed to see him again, so he went over there tonight. I've honestly quite liked them being in quarantine from each other as it means, given time zone differences, I've been able to speak with him every afternoon. And he's a lot happier in general when he isn't getting an in person earful about some perceived slight nearly every week.
He's still trying to compile me an email from weeks ago to answer some specific questions I asked him about himself - the email asking those questions was an "assignment" I did when we couldn't talk one Sunday, so it's really quite important that he reply, but so very much else has been happening that whilst that reply is on the list, it's regularly at the bottom of the list, sigh. But we have kept communicating about and I don't feel forgotten, I just wish things were a smidge different.

I will be home with Adam in 6 days. I really hope they pass quickly but there's some super tedious shit to get through at work first, though. Still, I'll forget that like a mother forgets labour once I'm back home.
 

Evie

Well-known member
3 days left of work for the year but I'm so mentally checked out already. It's not like I have to do much between now and then, just show up. But I so want to go home and spend time with Adam.

I'm already starting to worry about next year, work wise. I have double the classes of younger kids. Not my forte. So, I better get good at it.

I was going to start packing last night, but that didn't happen. I'll make a more concerted effort tonight; this room is more than a little messy and I don't quite know where to begin. But today, I just better begin somewhere. It's been overcast and a bit rainy for many days now and I'm feeling rather down. Gosh I hope I get a good summer.
 

Evie

Well-known member
I just had to look and see if it was available...


I don't have a spare $3K, probably USD, but if anyone does, I'm sure you could drive a lot of traffic that way LOL.
 

Evie

Well-known member
Also, LAST DAY OF TERM! whoooooohoooo.

Tomorrow, I can go home and see Adam, in the house we now own ❤️
 
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