In the garden

BrokenArrow

Member
Hey, congrats! 7kg is a lot to lose and it sounds like you're really putting in the effort to get into shape. Everyone keeps reminding me that form is key. I guess you're probably hearing that a lot too. Hope that the workouts can help you with the depression. I find that a good run or a round of calisthenics tends to make me feel real good about myself and cuts into the doom and gloom that's smothering me. Wishing you luck!
 

Evie

Active member
As usual, things didn't go to plan with Mike. I accept that well enough, and most of me believes there'll be another opportunity. Of course, I always thought I'd see Trask again, too, but then he died quite suddenly. Mike better bloody not.

I'm enjoying this weekend with Adam, but it's not long enough. I honestly don't know how I'm going to do this again next year, living apart is no fun, but I am not ready to look for a new job, either. And so I condemn myself to the current situation, another type of waiting, this time to be ready to apply elsewhere. I really need my full certification before I move on.

And then with Puck, I wait for Covid to pass/vaccination to be widespread so travel may happen. I wait for that day I can throw my arms around him. He's got a kitten. The kitten will be full grown by the time I get there.

I talked with Lance the other day. His business is booming, he very much made the right decision with that, and he's looking to get a new premises when his lease is up. Somewhere bigger. He's feeling blue over isolation measures, though. He has very little social interaction from what I'm gathering, and misses his friends.

In contrast, I have as much social interaction as I always have, even under "level 2." I could well be meeting a potential new fuck buddy next weekend. I actually did the dating site thing just to meet someone local, available and appropriate. I'm still trying to figure out if cute gym guy is available, but we have a tentative intention for a training session next weekend. Maybe something will come to light then.

Dating app guy is still basically a sure thing, though, so there's that to look forward to.

I'm hiring a cleaner today for Adam and flatmate, or more to the point, for me to not come home to a dirty house.
 

Evie

Active member
Well this is going to take some getting used to...

But, in the vein of updates:
The cleaner stood me up so I've said that Adam will be in touch to make a new time for the consultation.
Dating app guy is starting to get slightly annoying but we'll see. I won't meet him next weekend as he has his kid. It's entirely possibly that my annoyance is that my mood is a disaster this week.
Cute gym guy is likely to be just a gym buddy. While this is a pity, he's also being very helpful at the gym, so that's nice.
I'm in a terrible state at work. I am spending the entire time feeling incompetent and am not feeling like I'm getting helpful support.
It's the one area of my life where I should feel in control because it's my actions that make a direct impact on many of my outcomes (rather than waiting for others to do something) but I don't feel competent to perform many of those actions. I've asked for help, I've gotten some. Really, now I just need to do something and then get it checked, then do the next thing and get it checked.
Oh, and I got a haircut. I'd attach a picture by I can't figure out how (it's a size thing). But I got bangs and I've been told it's "cute" way too many times today.
 

Evie

Active member

icesong

Member
Ha! I've finally grown my bangs OUT far enough to tuck behind my ear, at least when I'm not showing off current hair color.

(Ya'll inspired me to put a picture up, though I may or may not keep it up as this was/is my somewhat more anonymous presence in the world, compared to the FB poly groups where it's too easy to link any actual relationship things I talk about back to real people...)
 

Evie

Active member
Ha! I've finally grown my bangs OUT far enough to tuck behind my ear, at least when I'm not showing off current hair color.

(Ya'll inspired me to put a picture up, though I may or may not keep it up as this was/is my somewhat more anonymous presence in the world, compared to the FB poly groups where it's too easy to link any actual relationship things I talk about back to real people...)

Ooo, that's a gorgeous red!
Bh, I know what you mean about anonymity and I will likely change pics too, soon even though it's a slim to none chance that this would be used against me. But I like being mostly anonymous.
 

Evie

Active member
With the advent of the new forum, I made the mistake of reading back over a lot of my early blog posts and it was dreadfully obvious that my ability to write eloquently or pen anything of substance has taken a nose dive over the years. Partly, I think it's because I retrained into a job that requires so much of me that I don't really have a lot of energy left to reflect on my romantic life here. Partly, it's because my romantic life isn't very exciting right now. And largely, I'm more likely to be on here on my phone than on computer, and the small screen doesn't really encourage verbosity.

So, in a small attempt to remedy bite/byte sized journal entries, I'll ramble a little now. A reintroduction of sorts.

My living situation is where I should probably start as it's slightly unusual. I have a house with Adam, my husband, in one part of my little country (New Zealand) and that house is soon to be actually ours as we are buying it from his family's property company (aka, my mother in law's company). But I work two hours drive away so I board in what I refer to as "worktown." I board with a family member here and we also work together now, since I retrained into secondary teaching. It's generally an easy environment to live and work in and I have committed to one more year here. After that, I'll be looking for an opportunity closer to home, although I'll also be a bit picky about where I go as I want to be somewhere where my other skills can really be used. Still, that's a while away.

Adam and I have been married 6 1/2 years, together just over 8. He has grown kids, I've never wanted my own. We spent a little of that time monogamous, but it wasn't working for me, so I suggested we open back up. Since then, we've both had other relationships although right now he's more career and hobby focused and isn't dating. I met Puck (online) in February 2018 and we gradually go to know one another, first in long emails, then in calls. By the time we were talking daily, we realised that we really were in a committed relationship. I was going to visit him last Easter, but Covid happened, so I'm really not a huge fan of this year. I'm desperately hoping I can go next April - that we can both be vaccinated by then, that international flights will be readily available again, and that NZ no longer has a two week quarantine period upon (re)entry.

Today is Saturday, one I've been looking forward to because I have a lovely day planned, when I finally get out of bed. I'll head to the gym straight away, and then to the garden centre to get a few herbs and some potting mix. It's that time of year (Spring) and I really want some fresh herbs for cooking. It's been a few years since I had some in here - where I board in worktown - and since I'm on a health kick right now, I want to make my meals more interesting with fresh herbs. I've lost about 9kg since January and have another 10 to go until I'd be happy. Not sure I can do it, to be honest, but I'm making better choices around food most of the time now.

This afternoon, I will go to work for a few hours and do a variety of things I don't get the chance to do during the week. This evening, I'm not even sure about what I'll do. I don't have friends around here to go hang out with on a Saturday night because - to be blunt - I'm really only interested in being friends with people I can flirt with or more, and finding those kind of friends is a lot harder in one's 40s. Finding them in this tiny backwater of a town is nigh on impossible (population ~5000). There are two small cities 40 minutes away, one East, one West, and I have a few acquaintances in the West one, but no one who is a current sexual relationship for various reasons.

I miss sex. Adam hasn't been interested in sex for close to three years (I've recently asked him to get his testosterone levels checked but he hasn't mentioned that he's followed through), and even with a couple of other casual partners, I can count on one hand the number of times I've had sex in the last 12 months. I miss the passion that being physically with another person evokes. I really miss making love to my husband.

No, we didn't open up because of that. Not in the slightest. And I still don't feel like I'm dating (or could) to find someone to "meet my needs" - I could be proactive about visiting those friends I already have who would. I guess my real wish is for a local friend that I can see spontaneously. That rather rules out most age appropriate people since they have wives and/or kids. I'd started chatting through a dating app to a guy to the West, but since he has at least every other weekend with his kids, and I work most weeknights (as well as, of course, days), actually getting to meet hasn't yet been forthcoming and so the conversation has waned.

Right, time to go to the gym. At least I can work on having a body that I can enjoy touching :LOL:
 

Evie

Active member
I've just been speaking with Lance and we're re-establishing the fuzzy space nicely. No plans, just fantasies, and a lot of friendship again.

Puck has been incredibly busy on a work project but the deadline was about 12 hours ago, so he's gone to spend tonight with Iris. I'm looking forward to seeing him in my tomorrow morning (about 10.5 hours from now, much of which I will spend asleep).

Adam is working tonight (Saturday) so I didn't even contemplate going home this weekend. I actually did was to spend a night somewhere entirely different, but decent accommodation around here at short notice is impossible.

I spoke with Golf this morning. He's single and wants me back as a fuck buddy. I want more than that, I want FWB, but have said that it's going to take some real effort on his part for me to feel that we are friends. I need to be treated as a proper friend first, coffee date included. After that, we'll see.

Today is Saturday and I took the whole day off work. I don't have that luxury tomorrow, but I'm glad I did things just for me today. And I spent a lot of it messaging with Adam. That was the best bit.
 

Evie

Active member
It's Sunday morning and I'm up early to go to the laundromat since the laundry at home is still being renovated and the washing machine is disconnected. I've gone for a cafe breakfast of all sorts of stuff I shouldn't be eating but this is an emotional self care weekend, and I'm an emotional eater so a little decadence won't kill me.

I've been sleeping heavily so I'm extremely sore today, enough so that I did the extremely rare and took a codeine this morning.

I'm reflecting this morning on yesterday's conversations. I am extremely happy to be talking comfortably with Lance, but I'm still healing from the hurt of last year. Time has helped a lot, as has his apology, and being in the middle of a pandemic means that there is zero point talking about anything resembling a visit. And let's face it, I'll be going to the States before I go to the UK. And neither is possible anytime soon.

And so, I will do what I do best it seems, and wait.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
It's Sunday morning and I'm up early to go to the laundromat since the laundry at home is still being renovated and the washing machine is disconnected. I've gone for a cafe breakfast of all sorts of stuff I shouldn't be eating but this is an emotional self care weekend, and I'm an emotional eater so a little decadence won't kill me.

I've been sleeping heavily so I'm extremely sore today, enough so that I did the extremely rare and took a codeine this morning.

I'm reflecting this morning on yesterday's conversations. I am extremely happy to be talking comfortably with Lance, but I'm still healing from the hurt of last year. Time has helped a lot, as has his apology, and being in the middle of a pandemic means that there is zero point talking about anything resembling a visit. And let's face it, I'll be going to the States before I go to the UK. And neither is possible anytime soon.

And so, I will do what I do best it seems, and wait.

I didn't mean to quote your whole post but the new format made that decision for me! lol Oh well.

I just wanted to say, congrats on the 9kg weight loss. I had to look it up. That's about 20 US pounds, which makes it sound like more! haha! Good on ya! I'm also on that journey now. I had gained extra over the past year or more, different life setbacks... I think it made me a bit depressed. I'm doing well. I've been making food choice changes since the beginning of August.

I didn't realize Adam wasn't interested in sex. 3 years is a long time. :cry:
 

Evie

Active member
I didn't mean to quote your whole post but the new format made that decision for me! lol Oh well.

I just wanted to say, congrats on the 9kg weight loss. I had to look it up. That's about 20 US pounds, which makes it sound like more! haha! Good on ya! I'm also on that journey now. I had gained extra over the past year or more, different life setbacks... I think it made me a bit depressed. I'm doing well. I've been making food choice changes since the beginning of August.

I didn't realize Adam wasn't interested in sex. 3 years is a long time. :cry:

Thanks Mags! And yeah, most of the time I honestly don't bother myself too much about Adam's disinterest in sex, it's not like we need it to be a couple who are very much in love. But right now, I'd just like to experience the joy of skin on skin sex with someone who there is a mutual desire. One day there will be international travel as an option again and I will go to the States to see Puck. I just have to wait.
 

Evie

Active member
Notes on Heirarchy

I am, by default, in a heirerchical relationship model. This is largely because my "secondary partner" lives on a different continent to me. I will never cohabit or own property with him. He has no legal bearing over me - that will always fall to my husband. I cannot see us moving to the States (although Adam was willing to consider the UK before he thought he'd establish a career here). But on all logistical fronts right now, co-primary in all ways is just not possible.

Puck and I have every intention of being partners for many, many years, but let's be honest, it's highly unlikely one of us will be at the other's deathbed. That's practically a given with Adam and I expect we'll be long retired by then.

However, emotionally I have no hierarchy. Right now, I actually speak with Puck more often than with Adam. I certainly share sex with him more (yes, online).

Financially, my highest priority is buying and sustaining my home with Adam. Adam is the one that keeps reassuring me that the next thing on the list is my travel to the States. I'm pretty sure that before then I will have actioned a number of upgrades to the house (oh, we have such a long list), but I'll keep enough money earmarked for two trips (since by the time I get there the first time I would have been twice had Covid not cancelled travel).

I can't see the status quo changing significantly. That makes me a little sad - I wanted a bigger life than the one I had, but I've become what I suppose I will be for the foreseeable future. A teacher, a wife, a partner, but not someone with liberty to live a life truly by design. Too much of my life is dictated by my work, and goodness knows I need this career.

And so, I will love by design as much as I can but recognise the limitations that eventuate when I fall in love with Northern Hemisphere people.
 

Evie

Active member
I gave a stranger in the supermarket my number today. Gosh I hope he typed it in correctly, and uses it.
 

Evie

Active member
Random stranger hasn't texted. If he typed my number in wrong I just hope he didn't think I was pranking him, I'd be so sad if he thought that. Honestly, I'd rather he just didn't want to than tried and it didn't go through.
 

Evie

Active member
HE MESSAGED ME AT 7PM TONIGHT!! (Monday)

That was just a few minutes ago, so I'm currently crazy full of butterflies.
 

Evie

Active member
Puck has been away all week so we haven't spoken and won't until about this time tomorrow. I'm doing okay with that but I miss him. What I'm not doing okay with is the pain I'm in. I am not coping and although I got to the gym this morning, I had to quit after 10mins as I was simply too sore. Basically, I have a muscle spasm thing going on in my shoulder/neck. But it's so hard to get into the doctors here and I'm going home in a few days so I will just have to try and see this through until I can get an appointment there. It's always worse in the mornings and it's been about 3 weeks now. I've taken a bunch of pills this morning, but it's a work day so I can't take codeine. I would be if it was a weekend, though, it's that bad.

I won't see random guy until after the holidays. I've also had a FL dude strike up a conversation, he's moving into the area and is fishing for a fuck buddy. I've said I'll meet for coffee, again, after the holidays. There's a day and a half left of school and then glorious freedom.
 

Evie

Active member
I'm at home with Adam although his work week started on Saturday so we haven't had a lot of time together. It's taking me a while to get used to being here this time and all of Saturday I had this terrible feeling that I was really in the wrong life 😟

I was texting hot supermarket guy last night and I let him know I'm poly. I said I'd rather have had that conversation in person but considering that's not going to happen for another week plus, I didn't want to mislead him in the interim. He was kind enough to say it wasn't a deal-breaker for getting to know each other and is interested to know more about why I've made that choice. So there's a little hope for at least a friendship yet.

Puck is particularly forgetful at the moment and I'm reluctant to remind him to read my Fet blog. But I think I'm going to have to as it's weighing on me quite heavily right now.
 

Evie

Active member
Puck and I had some good big conversations over the last week. I feel seen and heard fully again. I did ask him to read my Fet journal, and he did, and I also wrote him a long 'assignment' email on a topic he requested. I like doing that, it's how we first began and it is a nice way to connect.

I got back to worktown about midday today and then went to work for a little bit just to organise my office. Now I can be (almost) sure of what I have to do tomorrow lol. Then I go to Wellington on Friday (with Adam) for two nights! Yay!

I've joined up to gopolyamorydating.com, which honestly, is less about poly and more about the same ol' same ol'. Hell of a lot of kinksters on there, tbh. Still, I have a couple of interesting conversations going on (I paid for a month to test it out but won't be continuing it) and I'll migrate them to phone or something else if I care to by then.
 

Evie

Active member
It's largely through vote counting here and we've done it. We've bucked the worldwide trend of old, white, male, right leadership. No doubt we've kept Jacinda in.

Learn from us, world.
 
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