Wednesday night, I'm staying home and after doing work emails have just got dinner in the oven. I cancelled with Ayin, but I'm sure we'll catch up another time. I got to speak with Puck today, but Adam is yet to appear after work. His shifts are looooong and can have spontaneous overtime. Since I was aware that I'd been neglecting Mike even though I've had ample time off, I reached out for a few words today. He's not that chatty right now, either, so that works.
I've probably broached this subject before, but I still get a little mind blown when I find out that so many Americans of my generation can count the number of sexual partners
on one hand. We. Are. Definitely. Different. Cultures LOL. Honestly, being a coming of age teen in the mid 90s in Wellington (our capital) I had a very, very liberal view of sex. And plenty of access to it. Safer sex had been taught in schools, although a little badly, and although I was cool with condoms, I still remember the first guy who arrived with lube, too. Sam. I've mentioned him before here, a while ago. It was called Sylk and was a kiwi extract based thing. Warning, it was great for a day or three, but there was just enough acidity in it that when I was definitely chafed, I knew about it. Eeesh. But he was an awesome guy and I'm glad I knew him then and peripherally, now. And yes, I would have sex with him again, in a heartbeat, but he was an Aussie and that's where he is now. I think I had probably over half my sexual partners between17 and 23. Then I started university lol. I was so into study it slowed right down, but I tended to stumble into a romance each summer, often starting before exams had ended, sigh. Trevor, Mike, then Steve who eventually became my significant ex (fiancé). Then once I left Steve, I quickly met Chalk and Cheese, then Adam. Honestly, 23-36 was a bit of a dry spell. Oh wait, I cheated on Steve once with a random from a dating <cough, casual hook up> site. Steve had very, very little interest in sex, to the point that I felt quite worthless, sexually, which was very difficult for me. And I'd also lost a heap of weight through some bloody hard work and sheer will power, and really wanted to feel good about myself. And so I did. Whoever he was, he was an absolute sweetheart who admired my hard work. I honestly should have just left Steve, oh hell, a couple of years before that LOL, but I had bought into the, "we've known each other since I was 16, the way we've always looked at each other...ohh, this is love, we're soulmates, this is meant to be" fairytale bullshit. Ugh, so much wasted time. But then, it meant that Adam and I coincided at the right time and we're far more suitable marriage partners. Sometimes I think there is a grand plan.
But back to sex, because sex is fucking great. Pun intended. Honestly, if I knew then what I know now, I'd have had twice as many partners, thrice as many! I'm so, so very picky now, but I'm also simply not meeting as many new people, which sucks! It's seems like when I was late teens, early 20s, I was doing stuff that meant I kept meeting interesting and attractive people. Whoooot. WHERE DID THEY ALL GO???? Oh wait, it was me, I moved to not one, but two towns with population 5000 LOL. I need a year in a big city, before I turn...hmmmm... that's interesting, at what age do I currently have a preconceived notion that I will become unattractive? Honestly, sometimes I think I've passed that point (hell, I cut bangs to hide wrinkles! lol) but no, I'm still happy with the way I look. Peri-menopause can stay the hell away though, thank you very much. I've just gotten my waist back, I'm not going to lose it to hormone changes! (Although, considering what I've just had for dinner, I'm not that gung ho about a perfect body). But I also think that I'd like to take advantage of my mid-40s. Or I'd like them to take advantage of me <eyebrow wiggle>. One thing that totally impressed me when I signed up to Fet was the number of 40 something year old women who were totally owning their shit. I find them a little harder to come across now there's been a culture shift there, first after the demise of CraigsList, then with the advent of Onlyfans. But I know they're out there. I'd love to meet them, but I live in a 5,000 population town, in a 5,000,000 population country, a long, long way from anywhere, let alone, say, Denver, which from a distance seems like a really happening place in those circles. And then let's throw in a pandemic for good measure. But I don't need to go to Denver, I'm just trying to get to Ohio and Virginia. And the UK would be very nice, too. And I've long had a thing for Italy. OMG, fooooood.
But I digress (not surprisingly, to food). Back to sex. I've lost count. Probably somewhere around 60-70, maybe. I was going to write "physically" but I certainly consider myself in a sexual relationship with Puck although that's yet to be in person. Grrrr, Covid. So, the number climbs a little if we include online only sex, which I do.
So yeah, over here, in Middle Earth, for a late GenX city girl, sex was basically a smorgasbord. The only taboos were the ones I chose myself (and goodness knows my bff happily told me that she had very different boundaries that I raised an eyebrow about back then...now I just wanna do those things too, with the right persons), and the best part was when a guy I was really into would push my boundaries just a smidge further. I still like that. I want more of that. I'm just pickier now and, let's face it, don't get out much LOL.
And in case you're wondering, I was brought up Christian; Anglican and then Baptist (but probably not the kind of Baptist that Americans would recognise, I honestly just went there because the music and youth group were better). I even remember being maybe 15 and telling my Mother that I was going to wait until marriage to have sex (I was not long back from a bible study camp, I'm sure). She delicately told me that I might like to rethink that one hahaha. I'm pretty sure that that's what saved me from a ton of religious guilt when I discovered that sex was far, far better than church and that Sundays mornings were for waking up slowly in someone else's bed (Hermit's, back then).
Ooof, long rant for me. But please dive on in and reply with your experiences and hopes and frustrations and whatnot. Wish you'd had more? Wish you'd had less? Quite happy precisely where you're at be it 2 or 200 different partners? Does sex come after love for you, or is it a part of the getting to know you process? (I've always been in the latter camp on those two). Is sex deeply intertwined with your religious beliefs? Or your moral ones? Or is limiting partners totally a health thing for you? If it's entwined with a religious belief, is that an Abrahamic religion that tends to promote monogamy (at least for women). Or do you practice something else that has a different view? What's made you have the attitudes and values that you do? Parents, church, media, all or none of the above?
Right, it's definitely bedtime in this part of the world. I look forward to reading your comments when I wake up
