In the garden

[Evie]

Is there ever going to be a week where I'm not feeling like it's a hell week? Am I that bad at my job that I need to be "on" this much and feel guilty when I'm "off"? I am curious for the change of workplace and find out just how different it will be. More students, more marking, but will there be less stress? Importantly, will being back at home (oh god, how long will it take to feel actually like home?) make a difference to how I relax? I feel like I'm so worn out that I'm wasting my personal time I could be getting fit, learning something new for myself, creating something, contributing something to another part of the world, not just my classroom. But I come home and stare at a screen. I actually remember my own high school days and it was exactly the same when I was a student. I'd use all my energy during the day, but back then I was better at doing my homework and meeting deadlines after a few hours of down time. Now, I can do that if I go back to my classroom and work there, but if I "take the night off" then I take it off everything. I need a truly fulfilling "hobby" - and that's never been my forte. Am I in the wrong job?

 

[Magdlyn]

Well, you know how I feel about how overworked you are at your current job! I hope the next school does not expect as much. My parents who were schoolteachers had much more free time than you did. They entertained, they went away for weekends, they maintained close relationships with friends and family (irl, not virtual). They had the entire summer off every year (2 months) and we'd all take off in a camper and explore the US and Canada!

I homeschooled my kids, and once the youngest was 5 or so, I also gained more time to pursue my own hobbies and interests. Of course, as parents, we are on duty 24/7, but still, I was not exhausted all the time, especially when they were ready for babysitters or a week at grandma's or aunt's house.

 

[Evie]

I guess I was actually wondering if I'm in the wrong career. Am I overwhelmed because I'm just not cut out for this? I must admit, sometimes I wonder if it's something fundamentally physiological (ADHD?) that means I struggle so much, and have struggled to maintain any career throughout my life. The thing is, I LOVE teaching teens. They are generally wonderful. What I struggle with is colleague relationships, especially with women. My new head of department is also a woman, but there are a LOT more men on staff here and some that I already know from my time as a student teacher. I'm hoping to make friends, collegially, with them. And make friends in the community in general, god knows I've felt lonely in worktown a lot.

Speaking of worktown, I am going to put in the effort to stay friends with my current landlord and lady. They are simply wonderful people. And I'd like to head back to visit Ayin sometimes, too. He's lost his licence for 6 months so he can't come visit me anytime soon, but by the time he does the house should be renovated enough to make a spare room (in hometown).

So, being Easter weekend, I'm visiting Adam but we're heading up country for a couple of nights to go to a Magick Earth festival. It's my first one, so I don't quite know what to expect. I'm giving a talk tomorrow on the Tarot on the Cube of Space with correspondences to colour and sound. Adam is a little concerned that I'm pitching it too high, but we'll be able to talk about it on the 5 hour drive there. I have visual aides to help explain what I mean. It's my original work, reworked from Case (mainly) with a nod to Wescott's and Hall's translations of the Sepher Yetzirah. If this means anything to you, feel free to slide into my dms.

Puck is used to festivals, he's part of a place that holds them regularly when there's not a pandemic going on. He's talked about drumming and dancing around the fire, something which I will get to experience tonight!!! I'm rather excited. They're largely Adam's old friends, so I'm going to ask him if we're going to be "out" as poly there (and so if I can flirt or more with anyone if I find an attraction). I've run it past Puck and he's cool with me doing so. If Adam's feeling a little more conservative because it's a bunch of his old friends, then I'll respect that, of course, and that's if there's even anyone there that sparks my interest. I get them impression it's not going to be a very large festival.

So, Adam is on his way home from work and I need to go pack a bag of clothes and whatnot.

I'll let you all know how it went!

 

[Petunia]

Have fun!

 

[Magdlyn]

A well-needed break. Have a great time!

 

[Evie]

Well, the weekend had it's challenges, particularly child sized ones that made a lot of noise during times where I'd have preferred to be asleep. The location was a very rustic Scout camp with very simple amenities, but despite maybe 3 hours sleep on the first night and only double that on the second, it was lovely to see Adam around his old friends, and we both made some new acquaintances who could become friends in time. My talk was appreciated, and I learned the very basics of how to play a djembe AND I got to borrow one for the next year until the next festival. I am looking forward to spending some time learning from YouTube this school holidays. Not that it will be much of a holiday since I will be transitioning my life back to hometown and spending some time at my new workplace getting ready to start for real at the beginning of the next term.

So, in that vein, I have just now applied for my full certification as a teacher. My current principal may end up refusing to endorse it, but that will be a different battle. I have also read the website of the professional registration body, and I am not actually required to have a massive portfolio, nor will it be audited. So really, it comes down to how rigorous the principal is going to be on principle. However, even better is that if she states that I am not meeting the professional standards, it is up to her to provide evidence of this! And it would have had to have been brought to my attention and a plan made to address it (e.g. professional development).

I really hope I can get back to telling you about my love life soon. It's my happy place, after all. In short, everything is well. Admittedly, I have had some nerves about moving back home and learning to live with Adam again. I am afraid that I won't have physical space in the house that I feel is my haven until the renovations are sufficiently progressed to enable that. But at least the flatmate will be moving on so we won't be trying to share the lounge. I'll probably end up in the lounge a lot when he's not parked in there 24/7 like last weekend, especially since it's getting colder and that's where the heat pump will be installed lol.

Right, time to try and get some sleep. Goodnight Moon.

 

[Petunia]

I'll be thinking positive thoughts about your certification. I'm glad you had a nice getaway.

 

[Evie]

I exchanged a few message with Golf last night. He knows I'm moving out of the region and even though he hasn't had the time for me that he said he would have last year, he's clearly feeling it that I'll actually not just be half an hour down the road. He was asking me about Puck and Mike and I'm pretty sure he didn't actually understand that they are real friends (plus relationship partner for Puck), not just "online Doms." Honestly, my respect for him fell a couple of notches during that conversation.

I really hope I can see Mike again this holidays. We managed to catch up at the pub last Summer for about an hour and half, which was lovely, but we've been a little sporadic in communication this year as we've both been full on at work. There's no doubt that we'll see each other a bit more now I'm moving home, but it's still a good 45 mins each way in light traffic.

I've just had our weekly long call with Puck although the internet kept dropping out so I had to switch to phone. Sigh. Hopefully that will be something that won't be so bad when I'm back home.

Adam has burnt a finger and thumb really badly. Like, probably lose a fingerprint on his finger and may on his thumb, badly.

I just wanna go home.

 

[Magdlyn]

Ouch, poor Adam.

 

[Evie]

I'm being granted my full teacher certification! (Graduating from provisional).

 

[PinkPig]

That's awesome! Congratulations, Evie!

 

[Evie]

Puck got his second Covid vaccine yesterday and is feeling like hell about now.

I have just today left with students at my current job and I feel like crying. I'm going to miss so many of these kids.

 

[Evie]

Well, I cried yesterday.

At least today is Saturday and I'm taking time for myself, hanging out here and actually, finally, on a laptop. I am waiting for Puck to get home from a job out of town so we can finally have a decent conversation - this week has not been amenable to that - but I'm actually using that waiting time well. I went to brunch with a woman I went to high school with and we had a chat about life in general. She's feeling the restlessness of the early-mid 40s, like my female bff has. They've both had real careers and long term jobs (unlike me) so are starting to get itchy for change. I've been through so much change I don't really feel restless right now, but I remember when life was feeling unfulfilling. Then I became a teacher. Wouldn't suit most, but I know it give me a real purpose, admittedly to the detriment of my health this term.

But my life is about to change again, in what I am sure will be a good way. Especially once we can finally get the tradesmen showing up to install the heat pump and build the external study and this and that and something else. This may yet become the year of renovations, if they actually show up. Sigh.

Just got a message from Puck, he's home but it's quite late so he's having dinner with Renee straight away and can call me in an hour or so (I know full well that this means at least 90 mins, more likely 2 hours). So I'll head out to the supermarket soon and get a few things.

I bought cigarettes for the first time in years last night thinking I'd be home alone and I would just relax and quietly have a few as I wound down from the term, but my landlady was unexpectedly home so we spent the night talking, sharing dinner, having a few drinks and I didn't even get around to opening the packet. Oh well. For anyone who is interested, the 20 pack of Marlboro Lights cost $37.40. When I first started smoking, they cost $4.95. But before there's too much shock and horror at the cost of something optional, let me point out that 3 months worth of insulin costs $5 dispensary fee.

Right, time to head to the supermarket. I'm actually quite excited that in the very near future, I'll be doing groceries and weekly meal planning for two! I'll be home-home in 3 days. And, knock on wood, I'll also get to see Mike in the next short while!

 

[Evie]

It's Sunday and I'm accomplishing almost nothing. And I'm not concerned about running out of time for everything I need to do. Adam will be here tomorrow and we'll get it all done. Today, I am physically and, by now, mentally, fatigued.

I talked to Puck this morning, but he was having computer problems, so we didn't get to have our usual style of long call. We found a work around, but we've also made a plan for a midweek long call.

I haven't spoken to Mike for a few days, but that's okay, we will pick up where we left off when we can.

I asked a newer (and yes, yet again, geographically distant) friend to consider a regular call time but have left him to figure out some suitable times. I am too brain fugged to think of a cool name yet, but I'll get there.

So, for those also over on Fet, I entered the JadeRope comp and got into the rope modeling long short list. I have the mid shot with the really aqua background. I don't expect to make it onto the finalists short list, but I'm stoked at being on the long short list. So unexpected.

I think I'll go make some dinner and actually pack up some of my room here in no-longer-work-town. Home in 2 days.

Update: my bedroom is 95% packed up.

 

[Evie]

OMFG, I'M TOP 12!!!!! (JadeRope)

That'll do me. I'm stoked!!!!!