In the garden

Well, you know how I feel about how overworked you are at your current job! I hope the next school does not expect as much. My parents who were schoolteachers had much more free time than you did. They entertained, they went away for weekends, they maintained close relationships with friends and family (irl, not virtual). They had the entire summer off every year (2 months) and we'd all take off in a camper and explore the US and Canada!

I homeschooled my kids, and once the youngest was 5 or so, I also gained more time to pursue my own hobbies and interests. Of course, as parents, we are on duty 24/7, but still, I was not exhausted all the time, especially when they were ready for babysitters or a week at grandma's or aunt's house.
 
I guess I was actually wondering if I'm in the wrong career. Am I overwhelmed because I'm just not cut out for this? I must admit, sometimes I wonder if it's something fundamentally physiological (ADHD?) that means I struggle so much, and have struggled to maintain any career throughout my life. The thing is, I LOVE teaching teens. They are generally wonderful. What I struggle with is colleague relationships, especially with women. My new head of department is also a woman, but there are a LOT more men on staff here and some that I already know from my time as a student teacher. I'm hoping to make friends, collegially, with them. And make friends in the community in general, god knows I've felt lonely in worktown a lot.

Speaking of worktown, I am going to put in the effort to stay friends with my current landlord and lady. They are simply wonderful people. And I'd like to head back to visit Ayin sometimes, too. He's lost his licence for 6 months so he can't come visit me anytime soon, but by the time he does the house should be renovated enough to make a spare room (in hometown).

So, being Easter weekend, I'm visiting Adam but we're heading up country for a couple of nights to go to a Magick Earth festival. It's my first one, so I don't quite know what to expect. I'm giving a talk tomorrow on the Tarot on the Cube of Space with correspondences to colour and sound. Adam is a little concerned that I'm pitching it too high, but we'll be able to talk about it on the 5 hour drive there. I have visual aides to help explain what I mean. It's my original work, reworked from Case (mainly) with a nod to Wescott's and Hall's translations of the Sepher Yetzirah. If this means anything to you, feel free to slide into my dms.

Puck is used to festivals, he's part of a place that holds them regularly when there's not a pandemic going on. He's talked about drumming and dancing around the fire, something which I will get to experience tonight!!! I'm rather excited. They're largely Adam's old friends, so I'm going to ask him if we're going to be "out" as poly there (and so if I can flirt or more with anyone if I find an attraction). I've run it past Puck and he's cool with me doing so. If Adam's feeling a little more conservative because it's a bunch of his old friends, then I'll respect that, of course, and that's if there's even anyone there that sparks my interest. I get them impression it's not going to be a very large festival.

So, Adam is on his way home from work and I need to go pack a bag of clothes and whatnot.

I'll let you all know how it went!
 
Have fun!
 
A well-needed break. Have a great time!
 
Well, the weekend had it's challenges, particularly child sized ones that made a lot of noise during times where I'd have preferred to be asleep. The location was a very rustic Scout camp with very simple amenities, but despite maybe 3 hours sleep on the first night and only double that on the second, it was lovely to see Adam around his old friends, and we both made some new acquaintances who could become friends in time. My talk was appreciated, and I learned the very basics of how to play a djembe AND I got to borrow one for the next year until the next festival. I am looking forward to spending some time learning from YouTube this school holidays. Not that it will be much of a holiday since I will be transitioning my life back to hometown and spending some time at my new workplace getting ready to start for real at the beginning of the next term.

So, in that vein, I have just now applied for my full certification as a teacher. My current principal may end up refusing to endorse it, but that will be a different battle. I have also read the website of the professional registration body, and I am not actually required to have a massive portfolio, nor will it be audited. So really, it comes down to how rigorous the principal is going to be on principle. However, even better is that if she states that I am not meeting the professional standards, it is up to her to provide evidence of this! And it would have had to have been brought to my attention and a plan made to address it (e.g. professional development).

I really hope I can get back to telling you about my love life soon. It's my happy place, after all. In short, everything is well. Admittedly, I have had some nerves about moving back home and learning to live with Adam again. I am afraid that I won't have physical space in the house that I feel is my haven until the renovations are sufficiently progressed to enable that. But at least the flatmate will be moving on so we won't be trying to share the lounge. I'll probably end up in the lounge a lot when he's not parked in there 24/7 like last weekend, especially since it's getting colder and that's where the heat pump will be installed lol.

Right, time to try and get some sleep. Goodnight Moon.
 
I'll be thinking positive thoughts about your certification. I'm glad you had a nice getaway. :)
 
I exchanged a few message with Golf last night. He knows I'm moving out of the region and even though he hasn't had the time for me that he said he would have last year, he's clearly feeling it that I'll actually not just be half an hour down the road. He was asking me about Puck and Mike and I'm pretty sure he didn't actually understand that they are real friends (plus relationship partner for Puck), not just "online Doms." Honestly, my respect for him fell a couple of notches during that conversation.

I really hope I can see Mike again this holidays. We managed to catch up at the pub last Summer for about an hour and half, which was lovely, but we've been a little sporadic in communication this year as we've both been full on at work. There's no doubt that we'll see each other a bit more now I'm moving home, but it's still a good 45 mins each way in light traffic.

I've just had our weekly long call with Puck although the internet kept dropping out so I had to switch to phone. Sigh. Hopefully that will be something that won't be so bad when I'm back home.

Adam has burnt a finger and thumb really badly. Like, probably lose a fingerprint on his finger and may on his thumb, badly.

I just wanna go home.
 
Ouch, poor Adam.
 
I'm being granted my full teacher certification! (Graduating from provisional).
 
Puck got his second Covid vaccine yesterday and is feeling like hell about now.

I have just today left with students at my current job and I feel like crying. I'm going to miss so many of these kids.
 
Well, I cried yesterday.

At least today is Saturday and I'm taking time for myself, hanging out here and actually, finally, on a laptop. I am waiting for Puck to get home from a job out of town so we can finally have a decent conversation - this week has not been amenable to that - but I'm actually using that waiting time well. I went to brunch with a woman I went to high school with and we had a chat about life in general. She's feeling the restlessness of the early-mid 40s, like my female bff has. They've both had real careers and long term jobs (unlike me) so are starting to get itchy for change. I've been through so much change I don't really feel restless right now, but I remember when life was feeling unfulfilling. Then I became a teacher. Wouldn't suit most, but I know it give me a real purpose, admittedly to the detriment of my health this term.

But my life is about to change again, in what I am sure will be a good way. Especially once we can finally get the tradesmen showing up to install the heat pump and build the external study and this and that and something else. This may yet become the year of renovations, if they actually show up. Sigh.

Just got a message from Puck, he's home but it's quite late so he's having dinner with Renee straight away and can call me in an hour or so (I know full well that this means at least 90 mins, more likely 2 hours). So I'll head out to the supermarket soon and get a few things.

I bought cigarettes for the first time in years last night thinking I'd be home alone and I would just relax and quietly have a few as I wound down from the term, but my landlady was unexpectedly home so we spent the night talking, sharing dinner, having a few drinks and I didn't even get around to opening the packet. Oh well. For anyone who is interested, the 20 pack of Marlboro Lights cost $37.40. When I first started smoking, they cost $4.95. But before there's too much shock and horror at the cost of something optional, let me point out that 3 months worth of insulin costs $5 dispensary fee.

Right, time to head to the supermarket. I'm actually quite excited that in the very near future, I'll be doing groceries and weekly meal planning for two! I'll be home-home in 3 days. And, knock on wood, I'll also get to see Mike in the next short while!
 
It's Sunday and I'm accomplishing almost nothing. And I'm not concerned about running out of time for everything I need to do. Adam will be here tomorrow and we'll get it all done. Today, I am physically and, by now, mentally, fatigued.

I talked to Puck this morning, but he was having computer problems, so we didn't get to have our usual style of long call. We found a work around, but we've also made a plan for a midweek long call.

I haven't spoken to Mike for a few days, but that's okay, we will pick up where we left off when we can.

I asked a newer (and yes, yet again, geographically distant) friend to consider a regular call time but have left him to figure out some suitable times. I am too brain fugged to think of a cool name yet, but I'll get there.

So, for those also over on Fet, I entered the JadeRope comp and got into the rope modeling long short list. I have the mid shot with the really aqua background. I don't expect to make it onto the finalists short list, but I'm stoked at being on the long short list. So unexpected.

I think I'll go make some dinner and actually pack up some of my room here in no-longer-work-town. Home in 2 days.

Update: my bedroom is 95% packed up.
 
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I guess I was the token something in the JadeRope thing as my final mark was so far below everyone else it seems ludicrous I was even in the top 12, but it was fun while it lasted.

Adam is back at work today for a few days before he goes on one of his annual leave breaks, so I'm home alone and have a heap of fun things to do! I'm going to a block printing workshop for an hour, and there's a brand new gym opening at 3pm that I'm going to go check out. I was really sad about not having a good gym here, but this one is 24 hour so I'm hoping like hell it's going to have my favourite equipment. It's more expensive than my last one, but goodness knows I need to get back into self care mode.

Adam and I have been spending up large on creature comforts. A new t.v. since flatmate took his one, and we're going to wall mount. It's going to take some time to get here, but I can wait. We've been playing records of an evening and that's really cool. And the heat pump was finally installed, yay! And I got a new laptop. We also got new crockery and glassware because it was definitely time, and went through the kitchen in general to do a massive spring clean, albeit autumn. Today, I'm sorting my clothes and personal stuff to determine what I want to hand. And I'm aiming to get some firewood stacked and put the bulbs in the ground. I'm having such a great time nesting now I'm back home!! We've rearranged the lounge, too, but it's a work in progress. We really want new curtains but I need to see the total debt level first.

I messaged with the newer friend a little this morning, I'm going to call him Solomon, Sol for short. And I'm sporadically in touch with Universe Fan. He's nearly an empty nester, so I hope I can share a little more of his time once he is. I'm hoping to see Mike soon, too, since I'm now less than an hour away.

In short, I'm hopeful and energized again :)
 
Thank god, you deserve it!
 
My holidays are ticking along without much excitement, which is actually a good thing. I'm resting up. I had my first day at my new job yesterday to collect my laptop and pop some stuff in my classroom. I must admit, I'm feeling a little daunted by the whole thing right at this moment, but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. I know that I care about students and their success, both in the curriculum and in their well-being, so I'm already a good teacher.

I want to watch Bad Teacher again, and then see what behaviours I spot amongst the staff lol.
 
6:40am, day 1 of my new job. I'm nervous, but in a good way. The best part so far is I've woken up next to Adam, and already had a video call with Puck. Mike texted me good luck last night. I feel like I have so much support 🥰

I'll try and edit this post with updates during the day.


6pm edit - well, during the day filled up fast! I didn't have the downtime I thought I would, but I liked feeling like I knew what I needed to be doing admin wise. The day wasn't terrible. I hope at least two of my classes (of four I had today) can already tell I'm "on their side" as in teaching them how to pass well. Just like anywhere, we teach to the test, sigh. My last school taught me to be very good at teaching for results.

Of the other two classes, one shows promise that I can build trust with them pretty quickly. The other is going to be a huge challenge because they are the ones who find maths really difficult. We go slowly, but they are still uncomfortable putting pen to paper.

I meet my youngest class tomorrow. They are the 13 year olds, give or take a year depending on when their birthdays are. The 16 year olds called them "feral" 😂 (I remember being on teaching practice here when the 16 year olds were 13, and they were hard work, too.)

Adam is cooking dinner. I'm so happy to be home 😊
 
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Good luck. Looking forward to hearing how it went.
 
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