In the garden

awww, thanks guys, you're so amazing!

Today was much better, work training was more structured which made for higher confidence levels.

I went to the gym yesterday, so I mixed it up and went swimming today. My poor heart isn't going to know what's hit it!

And if I can still move, karate starts again tomorrow for the term (school semester). I'll make another attempt. The sensei is a really kind person (big compliment in my books).

I think I'll need a rest day by Thursday!

The cat here is called Romeo, but really he's just an attention whore. Or food. If he's awake it's one or the other.

Goodnight moon.
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Karate, tick.
Thursday, rest day (and a restaurant dinner)
Tonight swimming.
But I'm also drinking tonight, so calories meh.

It's just occurred to me that I'm suddenly surrounded by people, near and far.

A new penpal (hiya xx), I met a couple of girls at what I call "not church" last Sunday - one of which I was instantly drawn to, I was sms-ing Trask a lot tonight, and a couple of others coming to the fore in recent days. My life is suddenly flooded with my old, newer and my potential people, and I'm in my version of heaven.

My only sadness is that I can't share absolutely every detail with Adam. I'm doing everything I can to assure him that he is primary in my life, I actually don't feel right now that I could possibly experience life any other way than him being my primary, but I want all these other relationship to be everything they possibly can be.

(But I feel I need to wait until we're no longer LDR to express that because I don't want him to conjure up images of me out fucking randoms every time I get the chance, that's not healthy for him and not what I'm about anyway.)

I'm so close to being on top of the world.
So after I posted this, I ended up Skyping with Adam and starting the conversation about being fully open with extramarital relationships, but more importantly to me, being able to talk about them a significant amount more.

And I think it went really well.
It is less than one month before Adam is coming to visit!!!!! I am soooo happy in anticipation!!! I should get to see him two weekends - the first he is visiting me, the second he's visiting other friends but I can go and hang out with them all on the Friday night before they start camping on Saturday. One has traveled from the States for this trip and I'm looking forward to meeting him. The other I know well anyway.

And in the meantime I have a distraction - next weekend, Best Friend and I are meeting in the middle-ish for a girly weekend. There will be drinking, chatting, some sight seeing and watching the Rugby World Cup final (Australia vs NZ - oh it's all on).

Only thing that's a real struggle right now is my tinnitus is particularly loud at the moment.

Oh, and I'm still exercising - today was just a 20 min bush walk, yesterday was an hour at the gym, the day before was swimming. Tomorrow night is Karate (must remember that - it's only on Tuesdays on the 4th week of the month).

ka kite ano
Girly weekend was a blast. So much talking, so much drinking, some sight seeing - it has been years since I went to watch the dam opening and fill the rapids at Aratiatia. I was able to tell her a lot about what I've learned here. She got her head around the idea of cordial metamours by likening it to the relationship she has with her (hubby's) kids' mother (hubby's ex). Sweet, yep, that's a good enough analogy for me :) Of course, the kids are in a 50% custody situation, and I don't really see that in my future, but life is full of surprises. She asked me about, if this is what I want, would I allow the same openness for Adam. Gosh, of course, I guess it's a fair question, but to me it's never actually been a question. This isn't what I *want* exactly, it's who I *am* - but I'll get better at articulating it over time too.

We talked about how she (and her hubby) have made the conscious decision to walk away from any potential new connections. She doesn't deny they might happen, but that she'd actively reject them. I am the opposite. We are best friends, and can respect each other's choices without condemnation.

So we headed in our own directions (she lives north, I live south) on Sunday morning after watching our national rugby team (the All Blacks) win the World Cup over our arch nemeses, the Wallabies (Australia). It was an intensively defensive game most of the time with only really a couple of thrilling moments when someone got away and scored. But we won, and made history by being the first team to defend the Cup successfully.

And so I went to some mineral pools for a soak, and oh how lovely that was. I came away with an almost physical high from just floating in the hot water. Then I comparatively slowly, and with sightseeing stops and detours, made my way back down the country and home. Bliss.

Tonight my plans were cancelled, so I went to the gym. 40 mins solid on the bike. I want stamina damnit lol. I can't run with a bad back/hips, but I can cycle, and the cycling I think loosens and strengthens the hips so I'm finding I can walk at least, after I cycle. But today I just cycled. I'm going to turn that 40 mins into an hour, then into 2 hours. Well, ok, perhaps stick to the 20 min increments. But I want stamina. There is a "race" or just an "I bloody did it" ride that starts and finishes where I was this past weekend. I'll need a year to train at least, it's looooong. But there are lots of different categories, so I can always pick a shorter ride. Sadly I don't think I'll be able to convince UniverseFan (my online PT) and his sporty lady to switch codes and come and do it as a team thing. And Adam is even less likely to want to spend that much time on a bike. I'll need a support crew anyway :p

Adam arrives for a visit in less than 3 weeks. I am bursting at the seams!!!!
This time tomorrow I will be in Adam's arms :D

That is all.
I have now seen Adam for two weekends in a row, it's been fantastic.

Weekend one was really all about us, about reconnecting after so long apart. It was pretty damn close to perfect (Saturday's restaurant dinner excluded).

Then last night was hanging out with him and his friends. One is visiting from the States, so I learnt a couple of things I didn't know, like most butter there is white, not yellow like ours. And the closest thing to what I know as a pie would be a hot pocket, but then a google image search still doesn't really give a picture I would equate to a pie. So friend James had already been in NZ a couple of days, and they'd been shoving all sorts of NZ food into him hehe. It's a national sport with tourists here. Feeding them local "delicacies".

But now they've all gone camping and are out of cellphone coverage for a number of days. So this will actually be the longest time I've been without talking with Adam since I moved north. And straight after two weekends on the trot. I've been in somewhat of a drop again this afternoon :(

But on a completely different note, I had a surprise grading at karate last week and now I have my yellow belt! We were told it was a mock grading to help those who had inter-club grading today, but then three of us were given our yellow belts. It was a pretty special moment. I remember getting a wave of anticipatory anxiety at the beginning of the night basically with the thought that if this is what you have to do during grading, I'll never do one because I couldn't be "on stage" like this under performance examination conditions. I don't know how I'll ever do an inter-club one. But I want to keep training. I'll become the most skilled yellow belt ever haha.

Work is generally much better now I do know what I'm doing. Except we had major computer problems this week so there was a lot of unproductive time. But our team had caught up on our work by Friday afternoon. A local job has just come up that my karate sensei actually put me on to. I'm going to apply as it would be nice to stay in this area for a while, and it's another rung back up the ladder. So we'll see if it's meant to be :)

So yeah, everything is up and down. But it's interesting.

Now to get super serious about this fitness bizzo. Universe Fan is going to have his work cut out for him ;) Starlight, nudge me if I'm not forthcoming enough about how it's working out for me.
Adam's been away before for a night, hiking. Not two. Not the four or five it will end up being (I'm not even exactly sure). And I've been feeling it, physically; missing him is a literal ache in my heart.

We will hopefully be living together again within 8 weeks. Right now, it feels like an eternity.
Adam got back from camping a couple of days earlier than expected, so I had contact and perked up quite a lot. It now feels very real that we are on serious count down to living together again. There is both relief and excitement. I'm sure my new friends and colleagues are beginning to wonder if he's actually real haha. I can't wait to show him off!!!

The scales are finally starting to join in the party with how good my body has begun to feel. I'm still struggling with injuries caused by trying to lug this mass around :( But I'm feeling better overall.

This morning I went to the markets, walked past the fried food and just the thought of it made my stomach turn a little. I'm getting over wanting it. Pretty amazing stuff for someone who used to nearly live on french fries.

Right, time to get moving again, I'm going to go be in the local Christmas parade with the ZenDoKai club. I don't have Gi yet, so I'm borrowing a club tee shirt to fit in. It's blowing something dreadful out there, so thank goodness this is a two horse town.

Dear Ladies, Gentlemen, and Non-Cis peeps who I don't want to just call "others" but don't know what you'd prefer yet, please meet my husband, Adam, aka Boaz, because Adam was already in use.

I am really, really happy to welcome him to the forum.

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Well, thank goodness xmas is over. I have no idea what I'm doing for New Years. Every year I have had a fantasy of having the perfect way of welcoming in the New Years (these fantasies change regularly) and I still don't feel like I've completely nailed it. This year will be different because I have given myself no expectations, and right now, no plans. I do like spending New Years with people in person (although I had a pretty alright online one many years ago now) so I've been asking around. But not attempting to place any real investment into it. Adam and I will celebrate when he moves back to me 2 weeks afterwards (15 Jan). I'm sure anyone who has moved back from LDR to living together again will appreciate the emotion that goes with knowing there is a set date. Relief is well up there.

It's going to become an interesting year. We don't know how long we'll be here because my current contract finishes in early March and right now prospects are slim. I expect we might have to move for me to find work, but of course we don't know where to yet. I don't actually want to leave. I've taken up a local hobby (karate), and made friends with the sensei, and to a much lesser extent so far, his wife, who insists on basically treating me like a metamour, because I have boobs. But it appears to be doing the world of good for their relationship (communication has started again).

And I've dropped a dress size.
Congratulations on the weight loss!
And also the reunions with your partner, and welcome to the forum Adam/Boaz. :)

The karate sounds like a lot of fun! I am really happy for you Evie! You sounds really happy and grounded, even if you do get uprooted. Which I hope you dont. Xx

Merry Christmas and happy new years :)
Thank you, Starlight! I guess I am rather grounded right now. I still have moments of being very fearful about the not too distant future and work, or lack thereof, but my body is a lot less injured than it was so I might be more eligible for physical work again soon, so that is another avenue.


Rather than New Year's resolutions, I've been doing a word of the year thing (sometimes they don't need to last a whole year and I've moved on to a new word part way through) and the list doesn't get totally abandoned, or totally perfected, every year.

My first one was Tidy, it was about doing the housework and getting a bit better at taking care of myself - I've never been a girly girl so sometimes hair and makeup don't really feature on a daily basis.

Next was Finish (I was writing my thesis at the time).

After that was Momentum. Still working on that lol.

Then Faith (in other people in this instance; we were getting married and I was having a hard time trusting the myriad of people that you need to make it happen. The makeup artist, caterer and dj still let us down but by then I just didn't care any more. The ceremony was the highlight of my day, not the getting ready or socialising afterwards.)

And the last one was Active. It's not something I necessarily throw myself into, but it slowly permeates. And I have become more active.

This year the word that came to me is Multifaceted. This is the year to really, really develop a multifaceted life. Or perhaps get better at perceiving that it already is :)

I know there are "tribes" out there that join up around their word of the year. I don't belong to any, it's more a personal thing. This is the only community space that I've shared them in.
Hi. So Adam/Boaz will be with you soon. I don't know why you've been living apart for so long, in such a young marriage.

He wanted a DADT thing with you in regards to your other relationships, but now he's more open to information. I assume that is why he joined here? It's always a little strange when 2 partners are both on the board. Is he reading your blog?

You listed many lovers (or former lovers) in your OP. Chalk, Cheese, Golf, Trask, a couple others. But you don't actually get to be with many in person? NZ is a comparatively small country. Is it that hard to see friends? Is everyone just so busy?

Finally, are you Maori? You sign off sometimes with a couple phrases of which I do not know the meaning.
Hi Mags

I moved North last April because I struggled with the colder climate down south. He had commitments there that he had to see through.

Yes, he's reading my blog. Yes, we've moved beyond what I described as dadt in my OP. It wasn't that was what was wanted precisely, it was more about me attempting to be sensitive/circumspect with language use. I'd always told him I "kissed and cuddled" my friends (most of whom he has met and does hear about in daily life contexts);he didn't ask me to elaborate but knew it wasn't simply platonic. And in this young marriage I had pulled back on how far those kisses and cuddles went. But now we've talked about not always pulling back.

Yes, it's a little weird being partners on the forum after I started here as a space to express some NRE around Golf (who I'd lost contact with for a while but reappeared in my life, so Adam has never met him), which ended up going not very far, but others make it work so I suggested we give it a try.

Yes, NZ is a small country, but we tend to drive around it because domestic flights are insanely expensive. But then petrol isn't much better, and our budget is tight. And for me to go visit Chalk and Cheese or Siege, it's about a 5 hour drive and almost $200 in petrol. And Chalk and Siege have different weekends to me. So, yes, it is that difficult to see my friends right now. I cherish any visits when they do happen. But they are also the type of friendships where we don't need to be in daily, weekly or even monthly contact.

No, I'm not Maori, but it is acceptable here for a pakeha (non-Maori) to use te reo (the language) even if not fluent. It's actually encouraged. And I think some of the phrases are quite lovely. Arohanui - aroha=love, nui=big. Kia kaha is more like "stay strong".

I hope that clears some things up.

Yes, it sure does, thanks! I sure wish you and Boaz the best when you're reunited! Won't that be wonderful.

Aroha, like aloha!
Hi Mags

Yep, I sure do read Evie's blog :) It took me a bit of while to come onto the forum, and one of the reasons is because I know from past experiences that you sometimes need to have a place to vent. Both of us being here makes ranting, blowing off steam, or even just being (deliberately and cathartically) unreasonable a lot more complicated. However, Evie and I enjoy fantastic communication so I am sure its nothing that we won't be able to handle, and the forum has already helped us improve on an already very good thing.

I don't know why you've been living apart for so long, in such a young marriage.

Oh, it sucks. It will be nine months apart by the time I get back to Evie and we haven't even hit our two year wedding anniversary. As Evie mentioned in her reply, she went north to avoid the winters down here. It would be an understatement to say that Evie doesn't like to be cold and Dunedin is renown for being cold and bleak during winter. Evie soldiered through one winter at a significant cost of her physical health as well as mental well-being and I would not have wished a second year of that on anyone I just casually knew, much less the woman I love. So, as summer rolled into autumn and Evie was becoming more despondent I suggested she go north and she heartily agreed. A good move too, this winter past was the coldest anyone could remember for decades. Its been a tough time, but it was the best/only thing we could have done in the circumstances.

I couldn't move with her because I was at a critical point in my work- I am a PhD student and needed to be near my supervisors and the fantastic research library down here. Moving absolutely wasn't an option then, but it is now, so off I go! One week today and I will be home. Oh frabjious day!

He wanted a DADT thing with you in regards to your other relationships

The DADT thing is perhaps a little bit more complicated than that and in some respects Evie was maybe assuming and misunderstanding a few things. To my mind Evie has always been open and clear about the nature of her relationship with many of her friends/lovers from day one and she has been quite willing to talk about them- and that has been fine with me and I have never discouraged her from doing so and I don't think of myself as a DADT kinda guy

I suspect where the perception of DADT has come in is that I have slightly archaic and idiosyncratic ideas about the proper bounds of conversation are. Talking about intimacy (with or without sex) borders on prying into other people's lives, and as a person who values his privacy I find it difficult to feel comfortable invading others (as I see it). As Evie has said, I have met, and will continue to meet, people she has been intimate with and want to honour that space, and in particular his space. In the same way I don't like my intimate details discussed, I don't want to discuss someone elses unless there is a specific reason to do so. Consequently, I can see how my reluctance to engage in a general conversation may be seen as part of a DADT mindset. Its not meant to be and I certainly don't want her to stop talking about what is important to her- what ever it is- and I don't want to stop her talking about them whenever she wants. Just that I approach the conversation in a different way. Needless to say, I don't talk very much at all about my own previous partners either.

That being said, I did go someway down the DADT path with regards to Golf. It was middle of winter, I was feeling glum and alone and really quite bad about work and life and missing Evie dreadfully. The absolutely last thing I wanted to hear about was someone else enjoying the intimacy I was missing so badly from the woman that means so much to me. If things unfolded as Evie was hoping they would, for my own sake I just would not have wanted to know. So with Golf it would be fair to say I was DADT, but in that instance it was simply a case of specific circumstances rather than the principle of the matter.

(who is in a rambling and hasty mood today)
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Welcome Adam!

Welcome aboard, Adam!

The strength that you and Evie have shown in making it through such a long time away from one another is incredible. And to come through even stronger on the other side - magnificent! Cheers to you both!
Thank you UF <3

Well, in less thank 12 hours, this LDR will be over. Tonight he will here with me in our new home. It will be a very temporary home until we know what the next while holds for me work wise and where we might need to go for me to get that work. I have a job I interviewed for last week that I'm waiting to hear about. Either way now, he'll be here to celebrate or commiserate with :)

When I left Dunedin, I wasn't very well. I'd injured my back and couldn't work. I'd withdrawn from my Ph.D. as I realised I didn't want to do it or academia any more (rather heartbreaking to realise the career you'd been aiming at for 10 years no longer holds appeal) and don't get me started on the weather and the apartment with ****ing HRV. I despise HRV.

But I'm well again. I feel like me again. I'm warm again. I'm happy. I'm hale. And Adam and my relationship is going to reap the benefits from all of that.

So, our next chapter begins too :) I'm very excited to read it.

Since I decided to come back to polyamory I've enjoyed reading the stories in this forum. Evie, I've particularly enjoyed reading your story because of two neat coincidences.

First your screen name is the same as a song by one of my favorite bands, Eric's Trip. "Evie" doesn't have the deepest of lyrics but it did give them a chance to rock out. Based on the music you've mentioned here you might like it.

Then you and Boaz mentioned studying in Dunedin, and I was like, oh, they're Scarfies! My first sort-of-girlfriend had two degrees from Otago. I have nice memories of sitting with her on the dorm floor listening to The Chills, The Mutton Birds, and David Kilgour.

Have fun with Adam now :)