In the garden

It's so cute!!
Well Shit. Puck has been seriously exposed to Covid. Now, we wait.
Oh crap. I assume he's fully vaxxed? Pixi was exposed at camp late this summer. She actually cleaned up the vomit of the girl who was infected. The cabin girls were isolated from the rest of camp for the remainder of the week. Everyone was tested at camp, but no one but the one girl had it yet. When they got home, they all tested positive, including the other counselor (who was not vaxxed despite being eligible!). But Pixi did not have it! So I hope the same for Puck.
Your cabin is so adorable! I can just see it with flowers planted all around the edge. It's like the Seven Dwarves cabin.
Puck is fully vaxxed and has recently had a booster. So best possible odds.
Your cabin is so adorable! I can just see it with flowers planted all around the edge. It's like the Seven Dwarves cabin.
It's actually mostly Adam's cabin so I he's got first dibs on the planting.

Once it's finished inside, I'll post a pic of that, too. In return, I get the room that was his office inside the house. I've already decorated it and have been using it well!
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I hope Puck stays well!
I hope Puck stays well!
It's looking good! He's just waiting on a PCR test, but all home based tests have been negative. This is day 5. Delta is likely to show up by now.

Considering the time he unknowingly spent around infected people, this is a huge win for vaccination and his vitamin/amino acid regime.

I've started my own regime and I think it's making a difference. I had a good week at work. Like, a really good one, feeling like I was on top of most of it, and even when I got something mixed up, I just rolled with it and improvised well. Admittedly, today was a bit wobbly, but I realised that could have been because - being a Saturday - I didn't get straight up and take my morning pills. So, that tells me they are working and I will have to do that early on non-work days, too.

So, I haven't got a lot done today, but I'm not going to beat myself up about that. Adam is working tomorrow and I can get up, have my pills early, and use the entire day home alone to do ALL THE THINGS again ☺️

God I miss Allie Brosh.

Okay, it's been a while so roll call:

I'm talking sporadically to a couple of people who occasionally visit my region when we aren't in travel restrictions. I'll send the more interesting one a longer message tomorrow. I found him on the alt site. And I'm talking to a Pakistani, also from there.

Gaze is still in the throes of Covid despite being vaxxed.

Lance is quiet mostly these days, busy with work and being a Covid hermit.

Mike is also not a part of my daily life anymore. But with Mike, we know each other so well we can just pick up wherever we left off whenever we want.

Oh, and Cheese has reappeared on the alt site (not where I met him) and I'm beginning to consider visiting him this summer.

I haven't been in touch with Ayin for ages. I'm sure we could go out for a beer if I visited his town.

That's about it right now. Well, other than a work enigma, but I'm pretty sure we both want and DON'T want that conversation.
Puck didn't get Covid!

My week is ticking along, work occupying my days, binge watching Locke & Key consuming my evenings. It was my Dad's birthday on Tuesday so I spoke with him and it made me really miss visiting them. They are too far away for a weekend trip, and have said that they won't be available before Xmas. I mentioned January when I spoke with him and then he hemmed and hawed on that. I'm beginning to wonder what's going on. I'm a little afraid they might be hiding something from me (I'm fearing some kind of deterioration in Mum's health that they are trying to get under control with medication, but then that is purely speculation).

We were having a lovely spring for a while, but with November came our 5th season, affectionately known as "Shit" - it's cold, wet and miserable. It's actually a little late this year, it usually starts in October and finishes early-mid December after some massive winds. Then we have a little bit of "spring 2" before summer arrives by Xmas, at least in this part of the country. Further south, high summer is more in February.

I had a bad morning at work the other day and went to visit Enigma in his classroom at lunchtime for a bit of a moral support. As I walked in he addressed me with a particular Absolutely Not Suitable For Work nickname that he's used once before, around late March when I was just visiting for the day before I started this job. I let it slide, again, because honestly, I don't mind the little flirtation. Then, during the conversation he told me he was resigning that afternoon since he has a different job offer next year. I'm happy for him, he's clearly ready for the change. I'd like to continue to cultivate a friendship with him and his wife (who shares my first name lol). I really like her from when I met her the other weekend.

I gave my number to one of the visits-my-region-sometimes alt guys I've been chatting with so we could move the conversation to WhatsApp. He currently has no idea when he'll next be visiting, though.

Right, time to get on with today. P.s. new vitamin regime seems to be helping.
This morning, Puck and I talked about moving towards reinstating our dynamic and what that will look like. We've agreed to take it in stages, not even going back to where we were before straight away, but potentially taking it further than last time, in due course. Of course, this is all negotiable at any time, but I think we both really want to have things in place that we can easily adhere to (the expectations go in both directions, of course) so we don't feel like we need to renegotiate in order to remove anything. We can grow the dynamic from there.

I cried quite a lot during that conversation. That's largely because I lost trust in him as I had to take the lead last time on suspending it because he wasn't able to do so explicitly as his mental health had taken so many hits that he was struggling to find his way back. I now know the signs a little better so I can bring it up earlier if need be, but I'm really hoping that he would be able to call a time out properly, if there is a next time. Honestly, it's a little more difficult to trust this time around, but I want to so I'm going to do so albeit lightly at first. Ergo the stages, for both of us. I just can't go all in again right now despite how much I really, really want our dynamic.
It's Tuesday evening. I've been home long enough to down a much needed gin or three since my last hour at work was a 1-1 professional development session with an expert in the Microsoft suite. Yes, we are an MS school, and as such, Teams reigns supreme. However, I got a lesson in PowerPoint add-ins and now my brain hurts, because let's face it, MS isn't great, but it's my school's weapon of choice, so I should get as good as possible at wielding it.

I've just been talking to Puck and comparing food names - yes, a slightly silly conversation, but fun and light-hearted. Words that definitely don't match up or even exist include scone (I don't even know what he means but I mean something with jam and cream), muffin (actually, I think we agree about the difference between a muffin and an English muffin), biscuit (not quite a cookie and there may be oats or cornflakes involved over here), pikelet (silver dollar pancake, apparently, but made with sugar), sausage roll (puff dog?), pie (meat pie better than you've ever had) and probably the worst mismatch of all - cheerios.


Mine are the little red barely-deserving-of-the-name sausages. And those prices, btw, are what I could order online in NZ Dollars.

I'm so ready to come to America. I need to eat the food I see on the interwebs. I've read that I will never understand chicken and waffles until I've tasted it. I Believe You.
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Damn, that was a long week.

Although Adam has the weekend off, he's got it chocked full with plans that don't include me, so I'm going to probably have a lazy Saturday and finally get around to doing some work on Sunday. I talked with Puck this morning but he's also away for the rest of the weekend so now I won't see him until my Monday evening.

As such, I've been wishing I still had a "local" (like, within an hour's drive) someone who I could go and spend the weekend with, get out of this town, go be somewhere different. I had a boyfriend in 2017 who I generally spent every other weekend with. That didn't work out in the long run, but I really enjoyed having somewhere else to go quite regularly, I'd happily do that setup again.

Thing is, I've spent a year now putting on weight (10kg since this time last year) and between that and aging, I have zero confidence with meeting new people. I've tried meeting people through the other site, but I arrange a coffee date and they either don't show up, or if they do, the take one look and bolt without me ever knowing they were there. I know the advice is generally to meet people through shared interests, but I'm actually not sure what I want to do. I used to love being involved in theatre, but now it just frustrates me. Honestly, even watching theatre is frustrating since I am used to such high quality productions. And anyway, too many staff and students from work are involved with the local am dram.

I guess I need to start the kind of social club I want to be involved with. I'm getting better at having energy and mental clarity left over on the weekends now I take supplements, so the next phase is finding ways to make use of those things.

Did anyone else go to "youth group" as a kid? Mine was church related, but on Saturday afternoons there was always just a group fun activity such as 10 pin bowling, or going to a swimming pool complex, or watching a rented movie projected on the wall (be kind, rewind). I want something sort of like that, which basically means putting together a list of cool activities and then putting out some advertising. I guess I can do that after I've spoken with Puck since it's a rainy day so I'm not likely to go out and do stuff today, well, other than get a few groceries.

It was a good call with Puck - finding some vulnerability once again, and consequently confidence on the other side. He really is a great partner.
Lots of people gained about that much weight during the pandemic! I've seen your pix and you're attractive. Anyone who would only peek at you and depart from your date venue is definitely a loser and not worthy of your time. Dating is so hard.

I'm glad the supplements are helping.
Thanks Mags ☺️

Today I woke up remembering I have enrolments in an online conference. I watched about 4 sessions before I get the wall. I will be able to log on and watch recordings later. Some were already recorded and just the participants' chat window was live.

I also need to mark 4 papers for seniors, make a PowerPoint for my end of year theme for juniors (I'll do the same with both years since I'm not actually teaching curriculum content at the end of the year), do some printing (might have to pop to work for that one, which is good because it will get me out of the house) and do something resembling exercise (which will be inside, with aircon, because it's 27°C outside). I'm motivated today, so why not do a heap of things 😁

I may even have a little more success on putting together a list of fun things to do today.
Gahhhhhhh. I was looking forward to a nice "long" chat (maybe 45 mins if we're lucky) with Puck this morning before work. I joked last night that a work emergency would probably come up and he said that it's highly unlikely and pointed out that the times I've actually worried about that, it doesn't happen. I grinned and agreed that I'll give it a little worry just to make sure it doesn't happen.

It didn't happen. No work emergency.

But...Iris had another go at breaking up with him by leaving him a heap of messages overnight. So he went to actually talk with her. I know they won't, but I'm seriously thinking it would be long term kinder on both if they did.

I'm sick to death of her neediness impacting my tiny bit of time with him. I know that it's a hinge problem, not a metamour problem, but I couldn't possibly expect him to *not* go see her when it is only impacting a morning "touch base" call that isn't an actual date call.

Sadly, I'm the one who can't do our date call this weekend as I will be required to go to a work conference this Saturday. I'm sure we'll reconnect again properly sooner or later, I just needed a little rant today.

There's at least a whole nother year before I will (probably) be able to travel. Fucking pandemic. I seriously hope I get a second go at NRE when we can finally visit each other.
I'm sorry that happened, Evie. It does sound like it may be kinder if they would break up. I had a similar issue with Blue this weekend on my date night. The date still happened but about an hour of our time was spent dealing with meta which impacted the quality of the date. His hinge skills have improved drastically since our first date, but they could use some more work.

I hope you and Puck are able to connect some time this week. I am keeping my fingers crossed that you can meet someone closer to home, too!
Well, it's Tuesday evening again now and after a thwarted Tuesday morning, we actually had a lovely long catch up just now. Reading back, I realise it was last Tuesday evening that we did that, too, so although I'm not going to think we can plan these things, it's nice to notice that we have had a couple of spontaneous evenings recently.

Adam's at work until about 8, so I'll make myself some dinner and take the evening from there.
It's Sunday (5:30pm) and today is hard. It's not always this hard, but today I completely ran out of spoons during my long weekly call with Puck. I'd normally talk with him on a Saturday but this week, yesterday I had a work course to go on. So we spoke this morning. I struggled from nearly the word go because of envy of the time he can spend with other people. He was telling me about Charli. I don't for one second feel like any other relationship is a threat to ours, I just wish I had the chance to spend time in person, like others do. I would have already if it wasn't for this fucking pandemic.

Envy is, of course, wanting something you don't have (that somebody else has). I don't want to take time away from anyone else, and certainly not from any sense of spite or malice, so it's not envy in that type of toxic way, I just feel so sad that I can't get there (and he can't get here). I've always said I can out-stubborn the damn pandemic, but right now, I'm drowning in sadness. And then, sans spoons, I'm afraid he'll decide that this sadness is too hard for us both, and break up with me. Of course that's highly unlikely since it's not in his nature, but I'm afraid that my sadness on days like today is straining our relationship. Which becomes part of a negative feedback loop in my inner monologue. Generally, this utter breakdown is quite limited to days like today when I am clearly already very low on spoons to begin with (even if I didn't realise it at first). Usually I am an effective communicator, but today I was struggling for words. I was able to ask for some words of affirmation, and he gave them in abundance. Slowly over the day they have been sinking more deeply into my whole self, especially one phrase (that is a bit too personal to share). But it's those words that are working their way into my being and starting to find fertile ground.

Please let me sleep this misery off tonight.
Evie, I hope you wake feeling refreshed, with more spoons than yesterday, and the sadness doesn't linger.
Evie, I'm so sorry the pandemic is still screwing you over. It's normal to feel lonely and down. I think most of us can relate!

There's light at the end of the tunnel. I wish it wasn't such a long tunnel for you! *hugs*
The work week is well underway and I'm a little swamped this week so I'm glad I got the extremely sad day out of my system before things got nuts. In saying that, I really could have benefited from working on Sunday, but I'll just have to push through today and tomorrow until it's done.

Puck's been great, he made a point of catching up on the journal I share with him (not this one). He also knows I have huge days at work this week but we're still touching base with a video call, even for five minutes, at each end of the day.

Adam swapped a work shift so he can have Saturday night off this week so we can go out on a dinner date. We were going to last week but then I had to work in the city on Saturday and couldn't bear more time in the car that night (there's nowhere worth eating out in my little town).

So today is going to be a day of meetings and learning about the change to the national qualifications framework. I honestly wish I could be doing all the other things that need doing, but it will also be good to actually spend some time with my department members.

Tomorrow will be just as chaotic, but Thursday will be better.