In the garden

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Yep, we'd actually talked about deliberately doing just that! The reason why I described Friday's meal as spontaneous was we'd abandoned those plans earlier that day due to me feeling pretty yucky from the vaccine, but as I started to feel better in the evening, inspiration hit and our dinner plans just came together 😊
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Hello Monday (yep, I know, I'm a day ahead of most of you).

Honestly, the whole of my weekend was a bit meh. Adam was working yesterday and I had a lot of good intentions to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS, but I ended up sitting on the couch doing almost nothing all day. Today, in contrast, is much better. I've been active on my distance learning platforms, I've vacuumed the kitchen, lounge and hallway, and after I talk with Puck shortly, I'm eyeing up the linen cupboard for a once over.
Yesterday, I did actually enjoy a Netflix ramble from "the minimalists" or whatever they market themselves as. There's no way in hell I'm ever turning Adam into a minimalist, but I reckon I can pare back some of my things.

Last time I was living away from home, I deliberately only took 5 "entertainment" things with me. I didn't even use all 5. So now's my time to try and dive deeper into just a couple of things. I've also deleted a number of apps off my phone, which means if I'm really looking for a distraction, I have to download a thing (which I then delete after I've finished the binge - case in point being Farm Heroes yesterday) or, god forbid, Kindle. Yes, I'm starting to learning to read books again.

Way back at the beginning of this blog, I introduced two of my fwbs (as they were then), Chalk and Cheese. Cheese posted yesterday that his beloved cat had passed away. I tried to contact him yesterday but he wasn't taking messages. He's been in touch today, so hopefully in his grief he didn't do anything terribly silly. He has a lot of problems with authority, alcohol, anger, etc. to the point that I don't actually want to spend time with him anymore, but I definitely wanted to offer him aroha over the passing of his cat. That cat was my hugest comfort when I met them, since I'd just left (moved out after 4.5+ years) my significant ex and his cat. Cheese's cat was so affectionate and helped me immensely. So hopefully I can have a wee chat with Cheese later today.
 
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Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
I did get to speak with Cheese, and I also returned to in person work. Both went better than I feared.

Also, the builder started the foundations for the new detached building in the back yard. It will be mostly Adam's study/library although I'll finally be able to unpack my books onto shelves, too. The waiting for this is almost over, yay!

Um, what else. Honestly, very little. Life is ticking along. I need to lose the lockdown weight. I hope there's enough money left over after the library is built that I can book tickets as soon as possible. But then, I doubt our borders will be opening any time soon so it's barely an issue. Hell, I'll probably get more things done around the property before I get to go to the States. This is a terrible time in modern history to be in a long distance relationship.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Yesterday didn't really turn out so well but today is ticking along alright, well, except for wanting to cleanse my eyeballs from that utter rubbish in the spirituality and polyamory thread right now.

I should really go to work and have some quality time with the photocopier. Sigh.

This morning, I was able to touch base with Puck (our phrase for a short video call) and he had a lot more energy than yesterday. That's a good thing since he has some pretty big meetings today as well as his anniversary with Iris. He's noted that all his anniversaries are in autumn (ours is in just under a month) and actually, I believe the main 4 are in order of meeting people, too. I think.

I'm just incredibly ready for him to really return to having the energy for our dynamic. I got a glimpse of it for a couple of weekends, but then it has disappeared again for the last two as life has gotten in the way. Each thing is certainly understandable, but I'm a little over it always impacting us. Still, I tell myself that I'm the one he wants to unload to about that rest of life stuff. That also has value in a relationship where communication IS the relationship. I listen to him, and he listens to me whenever I have big stuff going on, so it's not just a one way thing.

Right, photocopier time. Uuuuggggghhhhh.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
So, I got sick. Dunno with what, but not Covid because there is no Covid in my community and whatever it is, it's responding very well to broad spectrum antibiotics. I was off work yesterday and am today. Might be for the rest of the week just to really get over whatever it is. Sometimes, I really just have to put my health truly first.
 

under_moonlight

New member
Feel better!
 

Petunia

Moderator
Staff member
So, I got sick. Dunno with what, but not Covid because there is no Covid in my community and whatever it is, it's responding very well to broad spectrum antibiotics. I was off work yesterday and am today. Might be for the rest of the week just to really get over whatever it is. Sometimes, I really just have to put my health truly first.
I hope you are on the mend.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Thank you both! I did take the whole week off and I was well enough come Saturday that I wanted to get out of the house. So I enlisted Adam and we drove an hour north to the nicer of the near twin cities. We ended up doing a bit of a progressive eating and drinking thing and about 6pm decided that we actually really didn't want to go home. So we booked a room and continued eating and drinking until about 8:30 when we were exhausted and full to burst. It was a total spontaneous splurge and just the right medicine for the soul. I was expecting a wee hangover, but nope, I guess our pacing and nigh on constant eating stopped that from happening. I didn't sleep very well, though, because the bed was insanely hot (the kind of mattress and pillow that radiates your own heat back at you) so I am sure I'll catch up on that tonight.

It also got my mind off Puck and the strain I'm feeling since he's still having to focus on his wellbeing. I do believe him when he is saying this is temporary, though.

Today, I'm quite motivated. Adam and I had some good chats over our spontaneous date night and although I honestly don't remember all of it, I'm hopeful for our 10 year plans, even if the 5 year ones seem a little bleak. In the short term, however, we both want to lose the lockdown pounds so we are banning empty calories (junk food and booze) from the house. If we want a drink, we have to go out, which will also make us socialise more.

This afternoon, I'm working on writing unit plans for next year, laundry and sorting some Spring clothes out, and I strongly suspect I'm going to clean the outdoor grill off since the weather is just begging for us to use it.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
I'm glad you're doing more with Adam. As you know, I have chatted with him a bit and found him to be a very interesting guy.

There's this saying that a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush. Oh god, that sounds so sexual when I type it! Maybe I'm just horny haha.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Equilux has passed, equinox is in just a couple of hours as I write, and daylight saving time begins this weekend. I love this part of spring as I find myself, this year at least, with more energy to do longer hours at work and therefore reduce my stress levels. I also love the more hours of light as it means I can do more things outside after work, even if I stay late.

Cycling is this year's goal!

The frame is all built for the new outdoor study, we're just waiting on the shipping company to deliver. At least, that's the supplier's story. I stopped trusting their communication months ago, but this is Adam's project and he's looking after it. I will definitely upload a photo once it's done.

Puck is turning his own corner with the change of seasons, also for the better. Perhaps we also are seeing just a glimpse of the end of the pandemic 18 months after it began its global domination. We've always known that our relationship would survive, but that hasn't stopped it being difficult. It could be over a year before I get to go there given my restrictions on when I can travel during the year and how often that coincides with his prior commitments, but January '23 looks very promising.

Mike and I are pretty quiet these days, but that's likely because we are getting to know other people in whatever capacity. For me, it's Gaze, who isn't a romantic interest but is an interesting person who I can talk with about work as well as poly relationships and kink.

Time to get this day underway and go enjoy getting better and better at my job :)
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
My bike needs repairs. The back wheel seized up on Thursday afternoon.

The shipping company have apparently had the kitset in their yard 40 mins away all week after trying just once to contact Adam (and not getting through).

I have some marking (grading) to do this weekend - about 8 hours worth at a guess, sigh - but I also want to do some gardening since the weather is lovely.

I'll have our usual longer call with Puck this morning (Saturday) and I'm in the process of redefining what I want from him. He doesn't know it yet. But the pandemic has definitely taken its toll and with no end in sight to travel restrictions, I can't continue to live believing in a future that simply won't happen. I get so sad about this, and a sad partner is not a good partner. So, as I work through changing my expectations, I am also looking to remove the barriers to unconditional love. That will probably, in time, mean removing the romantic and dynamic aspects of our relationship, but needs must.

I now suspect it will be years before I can travel without some form of quarantine upon return. When I talked with Adam about this, he invited me to seek work overseas so I can travel more freely around the northern hemisphere. I honestly can't imagine that right now. Perhaps once my student loan is paid off (another 3 and a bit years should do that). I'm not sure I could get a high enough paying job to both live overseas and send money home to help support our mortgage and pay SL. Even without the student loan, it's a stretch.

Last night, Adam agreed I could date locally. It's such a small town, we've been hesitant because of gossip. But it's so far from the big towns that I can't actually meet new people elsewhere. So, gossip be blowed, at least now I feel I have the option.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
I wasn't expecting it to happen this soon, but when I talked with Puck today, it got honest and raw although calm and positive, and I asked to remove my day collar. We're both hurting, but are being kind with it. It actually changes nothing about our day to day interactions, it simply changes the sense of need - his need to become healthy again in a hurry (quicker than his mind and body's natural timeline would allow) and my need for things from him he just can't even think of right now, let alone manifest. So we believe that we're doing the right thing. It can go back on when we're both ready.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
This week is going remarkably well on the relationship front. Puck and I are relaxed and enjoying our daily touching base calls. We get another go at a long call/all day date call in the holidays but I'll talk with him before then about managing his dinner time in a less intrusive way. Also, Adam is being a wonderful domestic partner since I'm working but he's on leave right now. He's been making dinner a lot, but he's out tonight so I need to go figure out what I have the energy to cook and eat.

The weather is up and down and the down days aren't getting the external study built, but it's fine today and the builder is here and I can hear him tapping away.

I came home from work early as I was absolutely exhausted. I'm not sleeping well, again, and even half a sleeping tablet last night couldn't get me to drop off. I know I'm still getting a "reasonable" amount of sleep (5-6 hours a night) but it's simply not enough for my body. My bike broke and the earliest I can actually deal with it is next week, so my exercise is limited right now, which won't be helping. I don't want to go to the doctor if all I actually need is more physical exercise. No, I can't go for a walk/run because of my hips. And I'm actually in that vicious cycle of too tired to exercise right now. I wish I was an afternoon nap person. I envy Puck and Mike and ANYONE who can fall asleep whenever they need. I've really been trying to learn to relax my muscles at bedtime. I know I carry a stupid amount of tension in my neck and shoulders and I actively have to let that go, often more than once, before I can fall asleep.

Shit, that reminds me, I have a prescription to pick up from the pharmacy (just my plain old ordinary contraceptive pill, not that I'm having sex, but it helps manage that surprise endo from a few years back).

Right, I better get on with it.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Today is hard. There are so many costs piling up around home and I'm struggling with the feeling of being swamped in debt. I see my first trip to the US slipping further and further away, both with the border restrictions and with the financial ones. Adam's car has needed so much work lately, and now he needs dental work. And my bicycle needs the rear wheel bearings replacing.

(Update: the bike shop did the bearings for all of $20. I breathed a sigh of relief.)

The new building outside has spiralling costs, too. I just can't pay it all off quickly enough.
 
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Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
This afternoon, I get my second vaccination shot. Whoohooo! I felt pretty rough for a couple of days after the first one, so I'm expecting that to happen again, so this morning I'll do some of the out and about chores I need to do.

I'm affected by the Facebook suite outages, so I'm currently trying to get hold of Puck via Hangouts - he's not used to looking for me there, but I can see he was on it just a handful of hours ago, so I'm hoping he'll see my messages before too long. We've used it before, just a very long time ago.

Yesterday, I did a little painting in the bedroom - like, painting walls - and it was really cathartic to do some home improvements around the house that I had control over. The builder is still working on the new outside building. It's a kitset and he originally said it would take him just a couple of days. Ha. I honestly don't know what the cost will end up being. As Puck pointed out, had we hired a random builder, we could have nailed down a quote, but with Adam's cousin... I dunno. It seemed like a good idea at the time since most builders are so busy right now that I don't know when we could have secured one for.

I'm on school holidays right now and enjoying the quietness of the days. I'm also on a mission to only eat out of the fridge/pantry/freezer and buy almost nothing new this week. It helps me get creative.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Goddamn my body is having a field day with the immune response to my second jab. Way better this than the real thing.

I've had some awesome people keep me company with conversation today. Thank you.
 

Ariakas

Bosun
Today is hard. There are so many costs piling up around home and I'm struggling with the feeling of being swamped in debt. I see my first trip to the US slipping further and further away, both with the border restrictions and with the financial ones. Adam's car has needed so much work lately, and now he needs dental work. And my bicycle needs the rear wheel bearings replacing.

(Update: the bike shop did the bearings for all of $20. I breathed a sigh of relief.)

The new building outside has spiralling costs, too. I just can't pay it all off quickly enough.
Pics :D.. love good bike porn. I should get some images of my bikes up since I spend so much time riding its a whole other relationship haha
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
IMG20211007092952.jpg

I know *nothing* about bikes so probably got sold something inappropriate for what I actually want to do (mid distance country road or designated bike trail riding to enjoy the scenery). And yes, the saddle is that high because my legs really are that long - my knees are still slightly bent when I am peddling. I know I need new handle bars because I get pins and needles in my hands within half an hour, so for now, short rides it is. Although sometimes I wonder if I should (eventually) cut my losses, sell this as is, and get a more suitable bike rather than replace it bit by bit. Advice welcome!
 
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Ariakas

Bosun
View attachment 3490

I know *nothing* about bikes so probably got sold something inappropriate for what I actually want to do (mid distance country road or designated bike trail riding to enjoy the scenery). And yes, the saddle is that high because my legs really are that long - my knees are still slightly bent when I am peddling. I know I need new handle bars because I get pins and needles in my hands within half an hour, so for now, short rides it is. Although sometimes I wonder if I should (eventually) cut my losses, sell this as is, and get a more suitable bike rather than replace it bit by bit. Advice welcome!
Ok, the bike itself is probably well suited for the "rails to trail" type off road you are describing.

The exceeding long seatpost (I have the same problem) implies that you are hunched over and in a "racer" position by accident (that 100mm stem also pulls you forward too, does your lower back hurt on longer rides), instead of more layed back which is more comfortable. Could of ways to lift the front. There are ergo riser bars that can get the front WAY up. Even riser stems (the thing the bar attaches to) to get it up even further. This pushes you back and takes pressure off of your hands.

those would be the basics to comfort. The stuff I described would make "proper" off roading near impossible, you effectively are turning it into a touring bike.

If you need help with fit, I might be able to help remotely. But the general and easy rule is, when you are sitting on the bike you should be heavier on the bum/feet than on the hands. Unless you are racing road bikes. :)
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
But the general and easy rule is, when you are sitting on the bike you should be heavier on the bum/feet than on the hands.
It feels like that when I first get on the bike, but it doesn't last.

I'll raise the handlebars when I've knocked out some other costs. Maybe I should forfeit a little power in the meantime and lower the seat a couple of inches. Would that do any harm to my knees?
 
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