It's Monday and I've done bugger all. I'm actually having a mini black dog day I think because I am feeling lethargic and a little hopeless. I'm feeling the smallness of this town and how desperately I want to go away somewhere and do something to make this feel like I'm properly recharging, but I can't afford it (this statement is somewhere between perception and reality). I've been reassured by a couple of people that this is some of the adjustment to having a mortgage - we're only really 8 months in, not quite, and I feel terrible every week I can't pay a couple of hundred off the revolving credit. It's not like we're drawing on it right now, but the other half of the yet-to-be-even-in-the-country kitset new building for the back yard still has 50% owing on it, plus whatever extras the builder will need and his labour cost to put it up. I'm very worried that the damn thing needs to be paid down tout de suite or it won't get finished properly because we'll run out of money. I really wish Adam had chosen a different (yes, cheaper) building, but this is the best fit for purpose.
Puck has been crazy busy for days and we have barely seen each other, although we've just been able to touch base quickly before he goes to bed tonight. I had a brief exchange with Mike the other day. Adam has been working or out for most of the weekend and today.
I feel so useless. I so want to be creative and I am just...not. I really thought I'd overcome my tendency towards perfectionism, but today it's actually perfection paralysis. I really wonder what's going on right now, I suspect I'm entering some kind of growth phase because a number of things are getting my attention as problematic and I am guessing that's because my psyche is ready to deal with them. I wish it could be as easy as, "oh, I haven't done that in a while, how about I do that now," but I don't seem to be wired quite like that.
It'll be okay, I want balance and I'll find it. This, at least, is something I don't have to wait for.
Puck has been crazy busy for days and we have barely seen each other, although we've just been able to touch base quickly before he goes to bed tonight. I had a brief exchange with Mike the other day. Adam has been working or out for most of the weekend and today.
I feel so useless. I so want to be creative and I am just...not. I really thought I'd overcome my tendency towards perfectionism, but today it's actually perfection paralysis. I really wonder what's going on right now, I suspect I'm entering some kind of growth phase because a number of things are getting my attention as problematic and I am guessing that's because my psyche is ready to deal with them. I wish it could be as easy as, "oh, I haven't done that in a while, how about I do that now," but I don't seem to be wired quite like that.
It'll be okay, I want balance and I'll find it. This, at least, is something I don't have to wait for.