In the garden

I was briefly friends at school with a girl who said that her dad called her "princess" - and we were young enough that she thought that that was just what happened to everyone. We were both surprised at each other's different descriptions of parental interactions.

I mentioned a while ago I started HRT. It comes in two parts, an oestrogen patch and a progesterone pill. I'm supposed to take the pills two weeks on, two weeks off. That might work if my cycle had settled into 4 weeks, but it hasn't. What I did notice what when I'm taking the pills, I sleep better. I don't need two to do that, I just need consistency. Hello nightly progesterone pill and my god what a difference. I've been getting 8-9 hours sleep again. I've been falling back asleep if I wake up (this has always been the most difficult part). And the estrogen - well now, I have significantly less joint inflammation (hands are the most noticable). Sure, there's still a lot wrong with my body, I have other pain, I've gotten very heavy (around 215lb/97kg) and I need to get mobile, fit and strong again, but getting enough sleep is an amazing first step.
You mean taking the pill at night has forced you into a better consistent nighttime routine and bedtime, never mind the hormones?
You mean taking the pill at night has forced you into a better consistent nighttime routine and bedtime, never mind the hormones?
No, I've always been taking something at night and have had a consistent and comparatively early bedtime routine for a long time. Falling asleep hasn't usually been the issue. Staying asleep has been. Now it's not and I'm loving the 9 hours a night sleep rather than 4-5.
I saw Ayin again yesterday. Last night. I didn't get a lot of sleep 😁
I saw Ayin again yesterday. Last night. I didn't get a lot of sleep 😁
On August 19 you mentioned you'd be seeing Ayin in October. I don't have time to go back further. We need a recap of who this person is! What did you do that kept you awake all night?
He's a young friend from another town so I comet. I was originally concerned he was too young for me, but I figure if he's managed to buy a house this year he's "grown up" enough lol.

I still stayed in a hotel and I was awake a lot because the bed and pillow were just awful. But between not sleeping, there was also turning the relationship physical. I was in the hotel because I wasn't sure that the relationship would progress to sexual after keeping it platonic for quite a while, but it did and I'm happy.
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It's Puck and my third anniversary today and we've gotten to speak more than I thought we would, which is bliss. He's had a festival all weekend and so we haven't talked in days, so we've been making up for it this morning. I'm skipping the morning of the conference I'm attending this week and will head in for the 2:30 keynote and the 4pm workshop and the after 5 socialising.

Last night, I arrived in the small city that the conference is in and met my billet and my online friend who teed up the billet. It was a really cool evening and great conversations were had. My online friend and I made eye contact at one point and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who felt the attraction, but it'll never get acted upon since he's in a mono relationship. I got the feeling that both of us felt it, thought "uh oh" and deliberately won't do that ever again hahaha.

Ugh, it's 1pm and it's time for me to go do essential things before getting to the conference. I'm sure I'll get into it when I get there, I just really didn't want to go to the first two advertised sessions.

p.s. 11 weeks today and I'll be on a plane winging my way to Puck!
Happy Anniversary!

I'm so glad you took your relationship with Ayin to the next level. :) I hope the next time you're in a more comfy bed!
I wish I could have seen Ayin one more time on this trip, but it wasn't meant to be. The conference was good, much learned, many friendly colleagues caught up with, and now I'm visiting family in ex-work-town. I'm spending an extra night and was going to use today to be productive. HA. But I did manage to finally replace my sneakers (gym shoes) despite not going to the gym at the moment. I actually tried to go to my favourite old gym this morning but they were unstaffed today so I couldn't go in as a casual (booo). I was bummed about that, so the shoes were a consolation prize. I also got my favourite cheese scones for morning tea (well, my only meal of the day so far as I'm still very full from conference food. It's weird that I was there just yesterday, it already feels like it was aaaages ago.

Adam has popped to the capital for the evening and might arrive here rather than go all the way home tonight after his meeting. Either way, I'm good. I just chose to stay here because it's like being on holiday from all the chores that nag me around home when I'm there. I'm supposed to be talking with Puck right now but he said hello then disappeared then reappeared just to say he needed 15 mins. I can't help but have uncharitable thoughts about certain members of the polycule when that happens, but it could be something work related just as easily.

And he's back :) So I'll sign off here and go have a drink with him.
"Met my billet and my friend who teed up the billet." This is Greek to me. I had to Google. I guess it's like an Airbnb... lol

So Ayin lives in the city where your conference is, I guess. Or not? Is his town just on the way to where you were going, or did you make a special trip? Either way, I'm glad you've had a bit of a change with visiting him and going to the con. You deserve some R&R.
Ayin lives on the way to where the conference was :) But I've made a special trip before, and will again. And there's no formal cost associated with a billet, it's probably more akin to couch surfing with the usual measures of hospitality tending to be exchanged.


Puck and I spoke this morning. Well, he spoke, and I listened. He knew he was talking a lot and so I offered to share so he could listen. I talked but I could see he was distracted. His mind is just too busy right now as he has been working with a therapist and starting to make a little order out of the chaos of his life and he simply wasn't able to listen today, to interact the way I needed. He offered to try and call me back between swapping cars with Iris and going out to see Charli. I said no and he flinched a little, but I reassured him that we're going to be okay even though I'm hurting right now (because he was simply incapable of giving me the attention that is supposed to come with Saturdays.) I'm going to renegotiate Saturdays (his Friday evening) because since he's stated going out with Charli on his Friday nights, I just feel like a brief pause between his work and their time. Be it his reality or not, I don't like how it feels to me, so I'll talk with him about changing it. We've actually been talking on my Friday after work and his end of day Thursday, which is far more relaxed. I might suggest we make that the more reliable longer weekly call.
Puck is back to normal today, apparently he accidentally doubled his meds yesterday and it messed him up all day. I told him I want my Friday only and made him listen when I explained why. He understood and was quite happy to adjust. I still feel confident about when I get there, it's a comparatively short trip, after all. I hope he can do the return journey sooner rather than later but he was catastrophizing about the state of the world yesterday. Unfortunately, he's taking a financial hit right now so it's not just a case of booking it even six months out. He needs a tenant back into his rental, but there's a smidge more work to do after the last tenant left it in a terrible condition. Selene and Charli have been pitching in with gardening and cleaning. I am frustrated that I can't be of any use at this distance, and more so that I can't up sticks and live there for a year or so. But I don't believe I'd be able to get work right there.

I'm getting through housework and about to have lunch before switching to work work - the stuff I do to be ready to go to work on Mondays. Sigh. Not paid enough. But it's a 4 day week (Friday off) so whoohoo. Then next week is even shorter for me. Monday is a national holiday and I have the following Friday off for my class reunion, so I get to visit home town. Will try to surprise my parents while I'm there 😁
We got a new flatmate (housemate) last night (he arrived after I went to bed). He's a friend who's moving up from Te Wai Ponamu (the South Island) to kickstart his life back into gear. He started work today so I've barely seen him. Originally, he was going to be home around 6, but Adam pulled a sicky and they ended up going out for dinner in town. I'm a little annoyed because I wanted this evening hanging out with flatmate and that should have started over an hour ago. I'm still home alone and feeling a bit lonely because I wasn't expecting to be alone. I love being alone when I know that's the plan, but to have it sprung on me...uh uh, not thrilled.

But I've cranked the music, eaten yummy albeit semi-unhealthy food, and swinging past here before they get home.

I have a 4 day weekend due to regional holiday on Friday and Labour Day on Monday. Crazy huh, I've only been back at work a week. But that's the way it is. This week has been mostly ok, workwise. Except for the toxic chemical exposure that left me washing my hands for half an hour, sigh. But I've had some fantastic conversations this week with the young people, including the one washing his hands along with me. Curiosity + likely high IQ + Boredom = mischief.

Right, they're home. Time to enjoy some company.
I'm home alone tonight, which would usually be completely enjoyable. But today I had a bit of a bad spell and had to chew some antihistamines. And I don't really want to be alone with that right now.
Things are ticking along here. The end of the school year is getting nearer and although there is sooo much to do before it's over, it will get done as it always does.

Adam's new roster puts him home for Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day, so we're going to actually get to spend the holiday together properly (for the first time in a few years). We've already got "presents" sorted so no stress there. Then I fly out on the 27th. Not sure how I'm getting to the airport yet, but Mike has semi confirmed that he'll pick me up and bring me home on the way back unless for some weird reason he's at work (but he usually isn't back that early, the company takes a long break at that time of year). Mike is definitely the best person for that as he'll both understand but won't let me wallow in my exhaustion and drop.

I have a few things to do before I go. Visa waiver. STI panel. Vax booster. And scrounging up some warm enough clothing for a winter more brutal than I've had before.
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New flatmate has already got a lead on an apartment in town for early December. That's much as the rent really helps, our house is really small and I miss having the privacy. Also, sans his cat we can have a Christmas tree 😁

7 weeks today until ✈️
New flatmate turned down the apartment. Good for my credit card; not so good for my privacy. But he's out a lot because of work so it's not diabolical. It does mean we have to put up with his cat though, and we're slowly training it not to jump on benches/tables. Sigh. Apparently when he was talking to Adam thought he might give up on looking for a place altogether. I've said we'll give it six months max before we start to say to him he needs to look elsewhere, but he's got some big work issues and some big personal financial expenses right now, both of which should be sorted in that time.

Today marks around 6/12 a weeks before I fly. Turns out there is a big psychological difference between saying seven and saying six (even with the half in front of it). I feel like there's a wee sense of urgency now so I'm going to try to get my visa waiver today so I get to feel like I'm doing *something.* I don't want to get my next vaccine until school has finished because my reactions have been worse and worse.

Puck is off for the weekend with Selena for their anniversary. I'm not sure quite where they're going, but I hope they have a lovely time away.

Adam is working days today and tomorrow, so I'll be able to spend evenings with him. I have a lot of work to do myself this weekend so hopefully I won't get caught up in excessive procrastination. I'm also going to do a bunch of chores today, which I'm actually quite looking forward to because some days I just like getting things in order. Maybe I'll start the process to update my driver's license, too. It expires next May and it would be kinda good to have it it my married name as a second ID before I go to the US. I need to pass an eye test, which I probably can but I have definitely noticed a change in my my vision over the past couple of years.

I've noticed that recently I haven't been able to have many of the conversations I've had before. I don't like this, I do actually enjoy people and conversations and I'd like to get back to the place where I can manage more than just talking with Adam and Puck. I've been burnt out by work all year and now the end of the academic year is in sight, I just want to collapse.
I couldn't get the visa waiver because the travel agent is on reduced hours for a couple of weeks. I rang and left a message so if she feels it's essential to get it sorted asap she can call me back.

So, with that not happening, I decided to go get a concession card for the gym. I didn't want to sign up for a whole six months in case my health takes a bad turn, but I can now go 12 times and see if my heart can cope with some careful sessions. I went this morning (Sunday) for the first time and so far no after effects.

I'm doing data entry for grading exams this afternoon. Many, many hours of this afternoon 🙄 (but I did get it all done).

So, my rather stressful but mundane life continues for the next 6 weeks before I get to tell you something interesting. Actually, I'm going to see if I can get a proper date day-night with Adam sometime in that time. I miss going out with him, feeling like I can afford to go out with him. I want to pay off the credit card as quickly as possible but then more things just pile on, and my travel will do that even more. But I don't regret it; I've waited too long already.
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Today is the first day in a wee while that I haven't had brain fog style fatigue. Working when that's happening is hard and then I get frustrated that I can't do anything after work. Today, in contrast, I've got quite a few chores done - finally - including cleaning and oiling the outdoor furniture. I honestly need to be doing it at least twice a year, but at least it's done now.

Puck is still hosting guests from Thanksgiving so I haven't seen him in a few days. He was pretty certain we could talk tonight, but I know how that can change without warning. That's okay, in a month I'll be there and we'll finally be able to actually spend the long overdue in person time. It's going to be a lot different than what we first planned (e.g. not the same NRE effect that we would have had in April 2020) but we're both looking forward to simply having the chance to do the things that we take for granted in other relationships.

But back to today. There are still a big list of chores and some work prep before tomorrow. I won't get everything done but I'm pretty stoked with being able to do as much as I have without the fatigue setting back in. I'm hoping I'm actually over this bout and will be able to see the rest of my work year out without issue.

Adam has been home today but I've not seen him much. We'll have dinner together though, so that's something.

So yeah, life ticks on. I'm surviving, but I'm looking forward to thriving again.
One step closer...

It's four weeks today until I fly out. Just got STI swabs done, have paperwork for bloods to do tomorrow (they were closed by the time I was there). I also got a pre-emptive prescription for pills to treat a UTI since I'm prone and I can't imagine anything worse than getting sick on the plane on the way back where I literally can't access meds. Honestly, I will be doing my best to avoid the need to take them, but the chances are pretty high I'll fail somewhere throughout that 10 days.

I'm finally getting the chance to have a good long chat with Puck post Thanksgiving. Yet again he's venting to me about Iris. I finally said that maybe I'm not the best person to do this with because I don't really want to have this much disdain for a metamour and I can't promise I won't say bitchy things by now, and I don't like coming across as a bitch. He said he's okay with whatever input I wish to give (which tends to be personal anecdotes about how I've dealt with something he's describing) and honestly, I really do believe him since this isn't actually a new phenomenon and nothing has ever changed between us. And no, I don't feel like the therapist now he's got one of those (who is working wonders).

We were talking about labels earlier today (because Iris had hit him up about it, and not so long ago I've gotten feisty about having something relevant showing on the other site) and how he thinks they are overall just too personally defined to be meaningful to enough people in a polycule. He likes considering everyone lovers. I prefer the term partners for people I talk with daily (him and Adam) because of the level of logistical involvement. Iris is sulking that she's just a 'friend' because they aren't exclusive (have I mentioned that she's not poly herself?)

Gah, I honestly don't care right now. I'm simply more interested in the logistics of where we are going to hang out when I'm there. His rental isn't rented right now so if he can source a bed, a sofa and just enough kitchenware, we could stay there. I've said more than once I wish I could come over for 12 months and rent it, but I couldn't work enough to pay for that and my mortgage at home. That's if I could even work in the USA legally at all.

So, that's a pipe dream, but the reality is 10 days of god knows what other than being able to hang out together. Possibly in an unfurnished rental. Sigh. Times are tough right now.

@Magdlyn I have told him about you and how I'd love to be able to visit you one trip and get to introduce him to you - kinda fun idea that I'd be able to introduce him to one of my American friends! But all in good time. The cost of a road trip isn't on the cards this time.