In the garden

I've been off work sick for a few days now. Not with Covid, but with a virus (probably) that means I do actually need toilet paper. Whilst a part of me appreciates the weight loss, I'm really struggling with energy levels. I am feeling heaps better today than yesterday so I will have to go back to work tomorrow, but it will be an easy day with only two classes, one of which is taking a test and the other revising for a test next week. Tomorrow is the quiet day of my fortnight, most other days I have all 5 lessons in front of students, although this will ease off next term as I hand off two classes to the co-teachers for a term.

We have 3 1/2 weeks until the end of term at Easter. I'm not sure what's going to happen in that time - NZ may remain comparatively unaffected by Covid, but we may still go on break early, it's just a guessing game right now. I'm so far down the food chain, I have no input into it - I will simply do as I'm told, and if that's "go home until further notice" at least I'll get to live with Adam again for a while. Right now, though, I'm just trying to recover from whatever bug got me this time.

Adam has a short week at work himself having had booked leave for a trip (within country) this weekend, but that trip is cancelled so he's going to get a very long weekend. I don't want him to get whatever I've got, so I don't want him to visit. His immune system is actually way better than mine, so he avoids all sorts of things that I get, but still, let's lower the risk shall we...

It's almost 2pm and I'm exhausted. I might end up having an afternoon nap. Doesn't really bode well for going back to work tomorrow, but considering how much I improved since yesterday, I'm sure I'll be really fine by tomorrow.

I've been enjoying being able to talk with Puck every day, though #silverlinings.
 
I made it through my work day.

My country, New Zealand, shut it's borders to all non residents as of midnight local time tonight. We have students already in self isolation due to either having been overseas or family members having been overseas.

Nothing else is shut, though. Schools, restaurants, bars, etc are open but gatherings over 100 are prohibited.

Except schools....

We are enrolling students in online resources which have been made free until May 1. Hopefully longer if our curve is pretty flat because we're always going to have some away. It's going to make our assessment schedule difficult - we don't just have end of year national exams, we also have "internals" which are administered at school throughout the year. We've already got kids missing these. Ones who are away right now can get a headstart on learning content for the exams, though.

Away from work I'm kinda isolated anyway lol. Long distance relationships do that. Really, I just need to ride the financial disaster out which will be embarrassingly easy as a salaried permanent employee. I'm looking for ways to donate to others. We don't have a blessing box in town per se, but there are some other options where you can donate goods or money.

I'll also be sending some money to Puck, since it's "already spent" (money I'll be refunded, eventually, from my flights) because there are other people in the polycule who aren't in the same position I'm in. I can save up again in the next 6 months.
 
In my capacity as a Science teacher today, I taught sexual reproduction to a class of 13 (ish) year old girls. One of them asked if I felt awkward at all telling them about this stuff. I honestly replied, no. I'm so glad I'm a sex positive, "patient expert" (as my equivalent of a gyno tells me) who has been around enough blocks that I can describe any function without concern. We haven't finished the topic, we still need to cover childbirth, but honestly, I'm going to rewind a little and reiterate all the things that are normal that I was never told. Like, what are now known as "breast buds" hurt, that labia grow, that periods can be heavy as a teenager and those tiny little tampons marketed to "virgins" are nonsense. That women can ejaculate. That the clitoris isn't just a tiny nub. That sex can be quick or slow.

My sex ed was a book, which although was age appropriate at the time was never followed up later with anything other than morality teachings. I've already told my class that we are approaching sex from a scientific lens and other subjects (Media Studies, Religious Ed, Phys Ed) will use different lenses. Yes, we have RE - we are an Anglican school. But I'm gonna make damn sure that these kids see an adult who is not ashamed of discussion sex in context but bringing in some humanity.
 
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I have a new online friend, in Wisconsin. As we get to know each other, she's trying to understand my relationships, who they are, when they started, when they ended, and so on. Today I suggested I make a timeline. I would welcome software/app recommendations for this lol.

There are many, but few. I consider myself to have few committed relationships but many friendships (Tech, Siege, Chalk, Cheese, Mike, Golf) [I think I need Whiskey, Tango and Foxtrot next...] as well as the committed relationships, Adam, [Don'tThinkIINamedHimHere], Lance, Puck, and Significant Ex.

[yes, I've just realised that it's a 50/50 split, but the friendships mostly remain but the contact with the bygone relationships don't.]

There's three "real" relationships before that, but they are "ancient history."

BTW, Lance didn't like DTINHH as he saw it all happening (and disintergrating), but when I got back here, I realised why it would never have worked as I saw someone post about an issue with their ex that was The Exact Same Thing that DTINHH put me through. Namely, going off at me on the morning of my grandmother's funeral because I was going to that rather than being available for him. That's when I started looking into BPD. Yeah, never dating anyone with that again; sorry managed BPD folks, your unmanaged brethren are wreaking too much havoc out there.

So, this post made me so pensive I just texted Tech:

"It's late, and no, I'm not drunk, truly, but I am reflective and I just want to let you know that although I'm barely in contact, that's mostly out of embarrassment that I'm barely in contact and I actually think about you every week."

Tech has been in my life over half my life. I love him deeply which is the only thing keeping me from telling his "new" wife that she's being fucking ridiculous when she makes snarky comments. On her most outrageous one, though, he got "the look" from me and I'm sure he had words to her later because she's pulled her head in a little since.

Siege, my other oldest guy friend, is at least on my facebook so we have those "like" interactions that let us reach out to each other superficially once in a while. Birthday season is coming up (he's two days after me) so we generally aim for calls around then. He's gotten a little odd in his "older than me" age (I'm not going for dotage just yet, although it's crossed my mind) and he's not actually the person I once knew. I think he's become more himself, to be honest, but I have trouble identifying with that person nowadays because I've not been close enough to get to know him. I'll always love him, but mostly, I'll love the memory of him.

I guess someone will say that about me one day. ouch.
 
Evie said:
In my capacity as a Science teacher today, I taught sexual reproduction to a class of 13 (ish) year old girls. One of them asked if I felt awkward at all telling them about this stuff. I honestly replied, no. I'm so glad I'm a sex positive, "patient expert" (as my equivalent of a gyno tells me) who has been around enough blocks that I can describe any function without concern. We haven't finished the topic, we still need to cover childbirth, but honestly, I'm going to rewind a little and reiterate all the things that are normal that I was never told. Like, what are now known as "breast buds" hurt, that labia grow, that periods can be heavy as a teenager and those tiny little tampons marketed to "virgins" are nonsense. That women can ejaculate. That the clitoris isn't just a tiny nub. That sex can be quick or slow.

My sex ed was a book, which although was age appropriate at the time was never followed up later with anything other than morality teachings. I've already told my class that we are approaching sex from a scientific lens and other subjects (Media Studies, Religious Ed, Phys Ed) will use different lenses. Yes, we have RE - we are an Anglican school. But I'm gonna make damn sure that these kids see an adult who is not ashamed of discussion sex in context but bringing in some humanity.
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You are doing Very Important Work. The world needs more like you.
 
Thanks SenatorBinks, but in my country I think this is pretty normal these days.

Oddly, when we were doing male reproductive anatomy, I had a girl ask my why they should learn this, when would they ever need it? I pointed out that they could have an important male in their lives who had medical issues that their understanding could aid, be it a family member or future partner or friend. I think next class I'll tell the story of my ex who had prostate cancer and was first alerted by a young friend who recognised a symptom his dad had. It was a camping trip and my (older) ex went out to "water a tree" and it took him a good long time. When he got back to the fire, one of the young guys commented that his dad had had the same issue and that it turned out he had prostate cancer. So my ex got a check up and yep.

As a follow on from the prostate gland, I'm going to introduce the Skenes and Bartholin's glands which aren't actually in the text books (but Wikipedia has prettty good articles). I had recurrent Bartholin's cysts, just a couple of times, before it was operated on. That was a surprising day for young me...
 
Well, I won't get to do any of that since today schools closed, and the Ministry of Education brought the school holidays forward to start next Monday for two weeks. We're barely going to get the kids online just to then halt it all until after Easter. Sigh.

I'm staying put in work town since Adam and flatmate will both keep working as essential services in home town. I'm the one who is most likely to get sick since my immunity sucks, and I have preexisting lung and heart conditions which generally aren't sinister but will make recovery so very much harder/longer/unlikely, so I need to stay as safe as possible. Still, I can see myself making a Will this weekend.

But for now, it's 5 o'clock and I'm going to have a bloody drink.
 
So I'm pretty sure I've determined the cause of my shortness of breath and pain mid chest. I'm having an allergic reaction. I had basically been fine for a few days and today I had some juice that I was drinking when I was "sick" before and the symptoms returned quickly. This is going to be an unpleasant night, but at least now I know what to avoid.

I hope I'm feeling better by the time I talk to Puck tomorrow :)
 
I just spent about an hour on video call with Lance just talking about what life looks like now.

It was wonderful. His eyes said it all. I'm pretty sure mine did, too.
 
Eeek, I woke up to being love bombed by Andy :(
 
I was kindly blunt with Andy and he seems to have reined it it. Slightly.

I <cough> reconnected with Mike today. About bloody time ;) thank you, lockdown.

I spoke with Puck this morning and Adam this evening.

It's my birthday next week. The "meaning of life" birthday (Douglas Adams). Adam has said he's not going to send my present as he wants to see my face in person when I open it. I'm not even sure post offices are open. If I can have a day like today, where I get the chance to talk with as many of my guys as possible, I'd be happy. And my parents, and hopefully my best friend. As much as I'd love to get everyone in the same room, honestly, they'd hate it, and I'd know it, so really, it wouldn't ever work to throw a big party. Still, I'd love to be "surrounded" somehow, in this time of isolation.
 
I'm really concerned for Puck. He takes the weight of the polycule on his shoulders and I can see it breaking him. All I can offer is an ear and an escape from the logistics of daily living in lockdown when there are three households in one bubble. Over here, we are calling them bubbles, the people who you are cohabiting with or supporting with a physical presence. My bubble is just me and my housemate since I am staying in work town rather than going home to Adam. There's some good things about that, most notably that I'm safer here since Adam and our housemate there are both essential workers.

I seem to be past the last bout of extreme resistance to do anything at all. I'm writing again in Google Docs for my personal studies (esoteric) which I honestly haven't done since sometime last year, possibly around August. It was before I had to move house, anyway. I'm stumbling through it, dusting off a bunch of old concepts I'd developed, reexamining them and committing some to figurative paper. Adam, of course, has always had access to these, but I've just shared them with Puck.

So many of my clothes are clean I had to open a new packet of hangers LOL. I am living in my preferred option... jeans... which I am not allowed to wear to work. Honestly, I'm not wearing 90% of my wardrobe right now, all that work wear that this time hammers home to me is really just a costume. I used to work somewhere with casual Friday and honestly even that was morale boosting. It wouldn't be appropriate where I work now, but I hope somewhere in the future I can find a nice balance.
 
I've had a pretty good couple of days.

On Monday, Puck and I explored erotic hypnosis (EH) and it was a really positive start. He's never topped EH before, but he's onto it enough that he gelled with it really well.

On Tuesday it was my birthday so I spoke with Lance, Adam, Puck, Bingo (yet to be introduced), had both brunch and dinner/dessert with my housemate, and did a heap of cleaning which was as symbolic as it was practical.

Today I'm back to doing a few work things without that utter resentment I had for it last week. I keep wanting to distract myself with food, though, partly because after eating a little more than usual yesterday I have more of an appetite, and partly because I still don't really want to do the work (marking - I love teaching, I hate marking).
 
Happy late Birthday, Evie! I'm glad you've had some decent days and you've had good connection with Puck. Is Erotic Hypnosis a new thing for you? Or just new for you and Puck?
 
PinkPig said:
Happy late Birthday, Evie! I'm glad you've had some decent days and you've had good connection with Puck. Is Erotic Hypnosis a new thing for you? Or just new for you and Puck?
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Thanks PinkPig! Yeah, we're talking as much as possible during lockdown since I was supposed to be flying over there in two days from now, so there's still some sadness surfacing over the loss of that opportunity, and uncertainty over when I'll be able to re-book.

EH is not new for me, I've done self trance EH and had a former 'tist for EH (met through Fet and connected solely for that purpose). But I've had a massive hiatus so I was pleased that I could successfully let go again. My experience means that I have to actively not analyse the dialogue but simply run with it so I'm glad that I have a good 6 months of (authority transfer) relationship with Puck behind me before attempting this.
 
Happy bday for Tuesday, Evie! Sounds like you had the nicest day possible given the lockdowns everywhere. Fingers crossed you'll be able to reschedule the travel before too long. Glad you are managing some extra connection time with Puck at this time.
 
Thank you, fuchka :)

I should have been in Columbus right now, sleeping off the flight, being in Puck's arms in just a few hours. All I can do now is wait. 😢
 
My very ordinary life is now even more extremely uninteresting. At least that's what it feels like as I'm living it. The one small mercy is that I will have a few dollars in the bank at the end of quarantine, although I'm not sure how far away my flights refund is. I emailed my travel agent this morning (I've been patient and waited a whole month) just so they don't forget about me. Update: they replied while I was writing this entry and said 12 weeks. That's an extraordinary delay, but this is an extraordinary time, and at least now I know to not bank on the money for a long time yet.

I'm definitely spending more time goofing off online than doing work, so here's a couple of my favourite things from the last day:

Violin and electric guitar jamming out to Hotel California - NZ good guys here

funniest shit I've seen in a long while

(I'm supposed to be marking 13 year olds attempts at statistics right now - which involves giving them comments like, "use a ruler when drawing graphs" because obviously saying this in class a dozen times didn't get through. I'm clearly atrocious at teaching this age group.)

After weeks of no appetite, all I want to do is eat at the moment. I will take my car for its once-a-week blat to the service station at the other end of town and get something extremely unhealthy while I'm there.

I spoke with Puck this morning, and will after I've done with the online part of classes, too. We're both feeling it that this is the week I should have been there, like right fucking now, and I'm not and we don't know when I will be and I saw Vin write something about 2022 for distancing in his blog and I'm terrified by that prospect, because there are so many factors that will affect traveling to the States, or indeed anywhere, but the States significantly since the cheeto is clearly fucking insane (I'm mostly referring to withdrawing from WHO as the most recent disastrous decision).

And so we wait. And wait. And wait. I've had ties to the tv/film industry before, who so very often have the motto "hurry up and wait" but this is taking that to the extreme.

I think we might be back in schools in a couple of weeks, at least my senior classes, so that will add more structure to my day. I like my seniors, well, most of them, and I'm seriously thinking about my next school being a senior high school only rather than full secondary school, but I need more experience teaching at those levels first. I believe it's pretty common here for new teachers to have to "do time" at junior levels before moving into seniors. So, I will do my time and hopefully in 2 1/2 years I'll have a job somewhere else.
 
I hate it when people call It a Cheeto. Cheetos are delicious and wholesome.

Then again, finding something to call It is tough because almost EVERYTHING looks better by comparison.

I'm sorry this got in the way of everything for you. My heart goes out to you, truly.
 
SenatorBinks27 said:
I hate it when people call It a Cheeto. Cheetos are delicious and wholesome.

Then again, finding something to call It is tough because almost EVERYTHING looks better by comparison.
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I like "Bad Orange Man" - even kids know who you are talking about.:cool:
 
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