You could save yourself a shit ton of trouble if you went to parallel poly instead of this painful attempt at kitchen table poly. Really.
Block the social media of your metamours. You don't need to be friends with them. You don't need to hang out with them. You say you don't want to see them, but you keep relating instances of hangouts, movies and dinner now, stress over seating arrangements.
Let those 3 in their triad be.
And you really really don't need to be DAG's sounding board for what may go on between his/their relationships with one or the other of his/their partners.
There are so many dyads here, and every single one of those dyads should mind their own business. It would save so much trouble, prevent so many issues, rest those tired eyes that keep rolling to the backs of heads.
You mind the DAG+you dyad. And let DAG air out their grievances to other friends or their counselor. Time with you should be time with you. Not an ongoing counseling session of the awkwardness DAG is having trying to date a couple. Honestly, dating a couple is a ton of trouble. DAG chose it; DAG can deal with it.
I don't wonder at you emotionally distancing yourself from DAG. I broke up with a bf of 2 1/2 years to a large extent because he began to date a married couple, and they were all being so stupid, and he was being so annoying with me with his exaggerated elations one week and his deep depressions the next week, with those 2. The married couple began doing all kinds of shady things in jockeying for his attention, and honestly, my bf was narcissistic enough to enjoy being the bone (pun intended) the two dogs were pulling on. I just got sick of that real fast. It showed me a very ugly side of the bf I thought I knew.
Mags, thank you very much for your insight and sharing your experience. Your advice is a welcomed slap in the face. I sincerely mean that in the best possible light. It helps tremendously.
Please know I have tried to be as open and transparent as possible in relaying my experiences in the overall situation. I have been no saint, but others in this haven't come out clean either.
The advice about dyads minding their own business is golden. All I want to know at this point is if overarching issues are resolved, or are ongoing. I don't even want to know who is involved in those issues. Again, he implemented his own version of DADT to protect himself from my emotional strain. How he visits one of his 'friends', without involving the other, is beyond me. I don't even know how that works.
As far as the hangouts, these were back in November, December and January, before I decided to not have anything to do with those two. I cut ties the week of Valentines Day this year. Since then, I haven't heard 'boo' from either of them. While I did issue an apology to Bruiser, they have not responded to the apology. At this point, I don't care if they do or not.
Social media. You're absolutely right. I have no business in their public lives. No more access for me. I unfriended FistiCuffs on FB back in February. Bruiser never accepted my FB friend request, so I deleted it. No more visits to Bruiser's twitter account. Lesson learned
DAG wants kitchen table poly. At this point, I doubt that will ever happen. I am up for parallel poly, but more discussions need to be had before moving down that road.
Your feedback is very welcome, and lands on an open mind. Thank you very much for taking time to comment!!!