I have two poly friendly counselors
And I have an appointment next week-but I've already been in touch.
I am working hard at taking charge of myself and my issues before it "gets out of hand".
I'm not suicidal & I don't feel like I need to be in care. BUT-I am keeping that door open because I don't want to reach those points.
Depression and Anxiety are deceptive creatures and very... insidious. Easily go from "doing ok" to "holy fuck so very not ok now" in a blink.
So I have put the pieces into place for immediate action as needed. Including several people who are WELL aware of the WHOLE picture doing face to face check-ins on me several times a day.
Right now; I'm ok.
But I don't intend to not be ok & that means not letting anyone else push the boundaries of me getting the exact care I need-which includes not being dragged into someone else's drama.
As for Maca and Panther. Yes; he did apologize directly to him & from what I understand (from Panther) they remain in contact and have agreed that RIGHT NOW-any discussion about relationship changes are irrelevant and inappropriate. They have both agreed that the top priority needs to be ensuring that the kids and I aren't suffering on account of GG's drama. I don't know the details of their conversations. They don't matter.
Panther isn't avoiding me as a friend. He is just backing away from any conversation about any other possibilities because the drama and bs is just asinine. Which happens to be one of the reasons we have remained close friends for so long. We both accept that "time and place" matters and this isn't the time or the place. I need my friend.
Today was the FIRST day that GG hasn't left me some sort of message trying to real me in. I admit it was a relieving sensation to get up this morning and NOT find more letters or texts.
He has no idea how hard it is to stand my ground.
I KNOW I can't help him. I know he has to do this on his own. I even understand how and why.
But it's not easy for me to step away & its especially hard when he's kicking and screaming and begging for me to help.
When he takes it a step further and tells me "this is the cruelest you've ever been to me" & goes on and on about how heartless I am being.... Yeah-it makes me ill.
http://aafteota.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/confused-scared-heartbroken/
In this blog post-named after the subject line of his email to me; I break down his email in quotes and reply to it.
It's one big huge guilt trip.
I so get that he's heartbroken.
But DAMN.
It would go a long ways for him to ACCEPT that it is actually he who broke his own heart. That it took him so long to realize the damage was done is sad, unfortunate even; but none-the-less the choices were his. He walked out of this relationship a LONG time ago. The only reason he is even looking back is because the consequences have finally come to fruition.