Kitty's journey into all things poly

I've been putting off writing an update since i've been having some really hardcore anxiety but maybe writing it out will make me feel better. Only one way to test that theory.

I was feeling really really good about stuff with Alex and this week the good fuzy feeling has just been replaced with such anxiety and dread. She's been replying to me loads in the past like 2 weeks and even had me stay over last wednesday and spend like all of thursday there so we saw each other twice in one week. I loved it, and we did a similar thing the week before and then this week she's barely replying and like she came over to play dnd with me last night and was her usual affectionate self and I didn't feel any bad vibes from her but I asked if maybe I could stay over at hers like I did last week and she said she'd rather have time to herself but she's happy to see me on saturday,

I know loggically she's an introvert whos probably just a bit burnt out and wants some time to recover and have some alone time, But I feel like logic is not working with my brain this week and I just feel so disconnected and so shit about it. I have a suspsicion it's because my perod is due (and it's late! but is have PCOS and never have had a reggular cycle...I also tested for pregnancy just in case but its super negative) so I'm like horny as hell and you'd think out of having 3 partners one of them would help with that but nope! I think I might just be feeling a bit dejected on all fronts and my one partner who I'm like really focused on just now not talking as much as I'd like is making everything seem terrible.

They have replied a little but more today and I've had a busy day so i've not been staring at my phone waiting for texts so I feel kinda okay today but ugh I hate feeling like this. I'm honestly scared to voice these emotions and ask her if everythings okay because I did that the other week and I know how annoying it is to have to constantly reassure someone that everything is okay over and over again. Anxiety is like the most unnatractive trait and I'm really in my own head about this all and i'm just so annoyed at myself that I can't just get a grip!

Okay writing it out did help, onto happier and healthier things!

I've been discussing valentines day plans with my partners (Because yes I am that prepared bitch who gets stuff a month before haha) Alex basically said they've never really done valentines day and they're happy to do stuff if I want but it's not a big deal to them. Like I assumed everyone did at least a date or a present or something but apparently nope she has never done valentines presents ever!

My mum is coming to visit me so we can see a concert together on the 7th of feb, so Alex is going to have breakfast with us and meet her for a few hours before my mum gets her train home again on the 8th. I've asked them to get the 8th and 9th off so we can do stuff both days, not sure what we're going to do apart from brekfast on the 7th but on the 8th I have a silly crazy golf thing booked and I'll prob book somewhere nice for us to eat. Although she said she doesn't do presents I've sort of accidentally bought her a present...oops! I've gotten her a personalised guitar pick as she plays guitar A LOT, and I'm going to make her a cute like keychain for her keys!

With Ash we're doing a ring making class on the 13th that i've been wanting to do for ages! not sure on presents for her yet or if I will get her anything but I might book somewhere for us to eat and call the class and dinner the gift honestly.

With Josie we don't have plans just now but I told her I want a cute plushie we saw when shopping the other week, if she remembers that is. I have 2 plushies on preorder that are technically her presents but it feels a bit crap not giving anything on the actual day so I'm not sure what to do. I'll see how the last keychain I made her is holding up and go from there I guess haha
So after my last big anxiety rant here I talked to Alex and actually showd her what I'd written here and she reassured me all is good. She was really good about it all and its really really eased all my anxiety and I've been doing a lot better honestly. Nothing has really changed valentines day plans wise but this week is going to be SOOOO busy for me!

I'm seeing my mum tomorrow for a concert, then having a botomless brunch with Alex wednesday, staying at hers that night, then having a fun shopping trip and playing crazy golf on thursday and then I think I'm staying at hers again on Thursday but not totally sure. Then on Sunday I'm having another bottomless brunch with Josie and Ash Sunday, and then the ring making class with Ash on Monday. Between all the time out and work stuff I'm gonna have no time this week, but I'm very excited for it all <3

I gave Alex her valentines presents early because I was just too excited to give her them. I ended up getting her the personalised guitar pick which they hated the pun but really loved it and keeps refering to it as her special pick. She aslo broke it in by serenading me in german haha. I also got her a load of cute new sparkly nail polish which she loves, two cute sweatshirt/jumpers as we just couldn't find any good ones in the local shops, the keychain I mentioned before AND I bought her another one of those bracelets where you track an animal! I got her a penguin one and she LOVES penguins so she was very excited about it!

She seemed a little nervous because she didn't have any presents for me and I told her she didn't need to get me anything but she said she is going to get me something I have no clue what it is or if she'll have it for wednesday but I'm excited to see what she has in mind. I'm sure there's a load more I haven't said but I'm falling asleep writign this so i'll leave it there for now!
I'll do another big update in the next few days depending on how crazy things are about to get here (might be buying a house?! it's a very scary adult feeling!) In the mean time, here are some pictures from my last week of valentines plans!

Alex and I at our bottomless brunch last Wednesday (I think this is the first picture I've ever shared of myself on here!)
View attachment 327357572_948643136503414_7300492314356113455_n.jpg

The devil build a bear that Josie got me!
View attachment 329147330_716698559995004_2535871460551062263_n.jpg
The panda plush Ash got me!
View attachment 328274927_1264599104265426_2195160198315051795_n.jpg

And the rings Ash and I made at our ring workshop. I was so nervous for it but it was good fun and I absolutely adore my ring!
View attachment 327994579_1178116696039266_1441982063178672670_n.jpg
Things are still crazy but setled down a bit. By Thursday I'll know if the offer I've put down on a house will be accepted or not. I was basically told to put down how much I think the house is worth which is kinda crazy because the valuation of it is pretty low and the mortgage won't get approved if I try put in for more than its worth so it all feels very weird but my solicitor has assured me this is what most estate agents are doing now due to our shortage of housing crises here in the UK so I guess all is okay?

All paper work and details have been submitted for now so if the offer gets accepted everything is in place and ready to go for then. I'm nervous about it as its been sooooo stressful trying to get all this stuff together for a chance it won't even go ahead, but if it does it's gonna be a huge thing and I'm so excited to actually be buying my first house! If all goes ahead I'll definitely share some pics here!

House stuff aside, I had a date with Alex on Saturday and she surprised me with more valnetines day presents! she got me a very cute little deer plushie and some really nice chocolates, bought me lunch and paid for the movie we were going to see (I totaled it all up and she definitely spent A LOT more money on me than I did on them, I just got her more presents with it haha) We went to see the new Puss in boots film and it was actually really really good, much better than disneys newest one that we went to see a few weeks ago.

After lunch and the cinema we went back to hers and made some homemade cocktails together and baked a cake while just vibing to some music. It was so nice and domestc and cosy. AND we played so much rock band that I can now do some songs on hard on the drums on it! It's definitely just an anxiety thing but every time we go on a date and we don't talk all the time I start to panic a bit and compare it to our first date where we literally sat in a restaurant for 4 hours and chatted shit.

I have to keep reminding myself its been 6 months since then and like we've told each other a lot of stuff in that time and like its a good thing we can have silences it means we're comfortable. I guess I still feel a bit like its too good to be true and I'm waiting for it all to fall down around me and I really do have days where I feel like everything is going to do that but like I think we're all good just now anyway <3
We didn't get the house sadly, but we may have found something even better! I'm going to view this new one on saturday which looking at the floorplan the lounge is smaller than the previous one, but it has 2 decent sized bedrooms, a bigger office for me and the kitchen is really big and really nice. Its over 3 floors and is literally around the corner from where I am now so heres hoping it looks as good in person.

The estate agents wouldn't let me know about the place we lost on how much it went for, but they mentioend it was susbstanially more which I'm pretty annoyed about because we were told you shouldn't go loads above the asking price due to the valuation and everything but obviously whoever did it did go quite a bit above the asking price. Oh well, heres to hoping the next place we find is better and we don't get so messed about!
Update on the house situation! The one I viewed on Saturday is really nice so I put an offer on it for 15k more than the asking price. Since last time we only went 5k over the asking price and got beaten misrerably I decided to go up a load. We got an update on Tuesday that the last viewing is this saturday and by Monday its going to best offers. I was filled with anxiety at this and phoned the estate agents to up our offer even more. The estate agent was an asbolute angel and not only warned me the property isn't worth what I wanted to up the offer to but also let me know I was the highest offer so far and is going to try his hardest to help me out with this. So on Monday I should hear back from that and hopefully its good news. I'm a bit worried about people drastically uping their offers but at least we seem to have an estate agent that is helpful unlike the last one. Will update when I hear back!
So I've been putting off making this update until everything was sorted but I'm learning with buying a house it is constant stress and anxiety about everything! So on monday it went to best offers and I stuck with my original offerand then on thursday we found out we got it! however, and this is where the stress starts, theres a complication of course. The estate agent only accept passports or full driving license as ID, josie's passport and documents have been away with the passport office for the last few weeks because there are massive delays in processing just now. Ash thought her passport was in date for another year, it expired in January. Cue my huge anixety spiral and freak out.

So we've had to go the paperwork route of ID which emans we need a letter from the goverment with their name and adress on, which yeah you guessed it who tf has that? I managed to print out something with their national insurance numbers on that has their name and addresses on and have sent Josie to to estate agents today with those and 3 other proof of addresses in the form of bank statements, payslips, and a letter from our solicitor. I am hoping it'll be enough and get accepted, if not i'm not sure what will happen. I'd hate to lose out on this house because our ID is being redone just now but theres delays.

I have a meeting on Tuesday with our I guess mortgage broker? I don't think I mentioend it but there's a company here that helps with first mortages and basically does everything for you and gives you advice and they've been really helpeful. On Tuesday we're going through the mortgage application together, and that brings us to the MOST stressful thing!

So until this point I hadn't seen Josie's bank statements at all. I had to send over 3 months worth of them in preperation for the appointment on Tuesday and as soon as I saw them I lost my shit. She has been in minus money for the last 3 months. I dont just mean a little wither, I mean she was -£700 in January! The absoute idiot was putting money asdie into her savings account, and then using her overdraft and just catching back up when she got paid. But because the staement shows a summary of before she gets paid every single one is minus. The latest one she's only in -£20 and her one that we'll get ina fe weeks will show she isn't in it at all. When she was unemployed she basically had to live out of her overdraft and although she told me this I had no idea it was that bad.

So i'm stressed as hell that we won't get a mortage because of that but the mrotage we're going for is with her bank so hopefully they'll be able to see this was just a real unfortunate time. It also didn't help that she was buying stuff on her credit card to keep her credit score up and that's where most the money went on paying that back ugh.

Josie just got back from the estate agents just now and turns out we were given wrong information and they can only accept the passport as photo ID! I'm so mad I've spent the last 2 days freaking out trying to find documents for this oh my god! Apparetnly they don't need it immediately though so I shouldn't worry. I'm going to pay the like £200 to fast track ash's one so we at least get one quickly, once 6 weeks have passed of them having Josie's stuff we can pay them to speed it up, which is ridiculous but i guess we'll just have to do it. I'm very frustarted and stressed, but I'm seeing Alex today so hoping being out of the house with them will take my mind of things a bit
House stuff is a still a bit of a mess but It's going to be for a while tbh. A fun thing happened yesterday while we were submitting our mortgage application with our broker that I just had to write about here.

We were going through the usual questions and then the fact that I'm giving the deposit for the house but won't be on the mortgage came up. So she asks what my relationship to both Josie and Ash is and me and Ash just look at each other like uh oh here we go. So I very carefully am like oh well you see I'm in a relationship with both of them as in I have a relationship with Josie, and then also with Ash. Our broker was like oh thats really great actually because they're more liekly to accept the mortgage and gift money if you're partners! like she didn't even pause or stutter or anything at the polyam stuff.

We waited until the meeting ended before both Ash and I were like polyamory win! you're polyam relationship is going to help you buy a house haha
House stuff update!

We got our mortgage approval letter through today so in the next few days that's all being handled by our solicitor and then starts like 12 weeks of conveyencing or something like that. We're still having ID issues with the estate agents which is honestly just ridiculous now! Josie got her passport back finally so they at least have her ID but we're still waiting on Ash's one.

Basically, Ash already put in the passport application and once you apply for one you can't do the fast track option and her documents only got sent off to the office on Friday due to having to wait for a letter to basically say she needs a female passport as that is her gender (yay for stupid trans bullshit) and OF COURSE the office decided to go on strike so passports can now apparently take up to 10 weks to arrive.

At this point though, the state agents are the only one we're having ID issies with as the bank for the mortgage, the solicitor, our mortgage broker, literally EVERYONE else has accepted the ID we have, it's just them who are refusing to mark the house as properly sold until they get this. As far as I understand though this is literally only a paperwork thing and our next actual house step is to get the survey done to confirm the valuation for the mortgage and the esate agents, even if it isn't marked as 'sold' (it's mark sold STC just now which is differently apprently?) can't do anything to stop that. I felt so stressed and like I was losing my mind over all of this but the more people I talk to I'm finding out apparently the ID issue thing literally takes people months and it's always the estate agents that are the issue so I feel a little better now.

Outside of house stuff, things are pretty good. When I was at Alex's house on saturday Messy and her girlfriend came over and cooked dinner and ended up staying until like 2am playing rockband with us which was so much fun! They then drove back to her gfs house where Messy is basically living as she litterally comes home to Alex's house like once or twice a week to normally cook food and then leaves again. I haven't seen messy in weeks as she's never home at the weekend so it was nice to see her, and even nicer than she walked in the room and got so distracted by my tits in the dress I was wearing that she forgot what she was saying haha.

I think I've mentioned it before by due to only seeing Alex once a week we always have A LOT of sex when I stay over. When I first started seeing them they said they weren't really that kinky and prefered cuddles over all that stuff, but omg I think they're kinkier than me now! Ash joked that i corrupt people I date and make them super kinky and really it isn't a joke anymore! Although, I can't complain too much, Alex so far is turning out to be the perfect switch for switchy self :p

Ash and I had not really a fight but a bit of a hard talk the other day. I'm always really big on use your words and say how you're feeling so there's no miscommunications and if there are issues to have them out on the table so they can be worked on. This is all great until you don't know how to put things into words and we definitely had one of those moments. Ash had been making loads of jokes about just wanting to get railed and like teasing me a lot and like I understood she was trying to hint that she wanted that kind of I dom her and she gets to be a cute sub kind of sex. With all the stress of the estate agents phoning me EVERYDAY asking for updates on ID I was so stressed and definitely not in the headspace to have that kind of sex.

This all came to head when I was sleeping in her bed and she asked me if our relationship was okay because she thought I was trying my hardest to avoid sex with her. The night before I very plainly asked her if she actually wanted to have sex or if she was just joking around and she was like oh you've made it weird now so no. So I stayed up late and got work done and when I got into bed she alseep so nothing happened. I hoped maybe we'd have sex the next morning but she got up early so nope. So yeah that night she springs this on me and says she feels like I don't appreciate sex with her and that she feels like I don't find her attractive anymore because it's not that I don't want sex because I have sex with Alex every weekend.

I really struggled to get across that point that I was just really stressed and didn't want the kind of kinky sex she wanted because I didn't want to have to not be in the headspace and have it feel not authentic and then feel like bad sex to her. Josie has explained to me a few times the reason we don't have sex often is because she has anxiety about it and worries it won't be good and gets really in ehr own head about it. I never understood that until it happened to me like I normally love sex and will jump at the oppertunity but I just felt so out of it and wanted to just be looked after that the idea of having to be this cool sexy dom that has to be a certain way had me so put off the idea.

She got up and did some cleaning and watched some videos in the living room for a bit to get some energy out and then when she came back to bed she didn't apologise but the energy was definitely different and she just cuddled me and told me she loved me and that it was okay and appreciated me telling her how I was feeling. I felt terrible in that time she was out the room because I knew how she felt, being rejected sucks and it's so hard not to take it personally. But things are okay, I don't sleep in her bed until wednesday, although she said earlier Josie is at work and she doesn't start work until later tomrorow so who knows what will happen during the day :p

I also visited a cat cafe with Alex on Saturday, but this is long enough already so I'll share pics of that another time!
Last edited:
I was gonna wait to write an update but I'm just feeling a bit bleh so maybe writing it out will help.

House stuff is so against me and I just feel like its impossible now. The seller is putting the house back on the market on the 11th which of course is just before 4 whole days of bank holidays so no one is working. Last thursday we were told this and that the passport office need more documentation to process Ash's passport. I sent the docs off on friday on a next day delivery. It's not showing as delivered yet so i sent them off again today on a tracked every step of the way guareteed delivery so i'm praying to every god there is it actually gets there. The chance of us getting the passport back before the 11th is pretty much impossible due to the bank holidays but the estate agents have said the sale isn't being canceled and we have until a new buyer is choosen for the house. They spent basically 3 weeks doing viewings and best offers last time so I'm hoping we have another 3 weeks but I honestly don't know.

If the seller is smart she'll stick with us though as I had a look today and the house prices have dropped signifiicantly so she wont get anywhere near what we're offering to pay her. I'm trying to not stress about it but I feel the universe is trying to make sure I dont have nice things at this point and like these documents getting lost/delayed in the post is the cherry on top.

As always, there are happier things happening. It's Ash's birthday on saturday so tomorrow the whole friend group is going for a quiz and food thing which should be fun honestly. Then on Saturday for ehr actual birthday we're having a polycule dinner out at a tepenyaki place we've been to before. Alex has never been to anywhere like that before and I've been wanting to take them so I'm really glad Ash wanted to invite her along. With saturday being my usual date day with Alex I wasn't sure what was going to happen but we're basically going to have dinner, I got back to hers thne we spend sunday as our proper date day together instead so I can spens most of saturday with Ash for her birthday.

Guess I'll update about the house no matter what happens, just trying to stay optimistic until then
Not had conformation from the estate agents yet but I THINK our nightmare with them is finally over! Ash's passport finally arrived this morning and I got it sent over to the estate agents. I know the woman dealign with our case isn't in on Fridays but I'm hoping someone else picks it up and gets this sorted. Hopefully now they'll get the memorandum sent over to the solicitors and we can get searches underway.

On Tuesday I messaged the estate agents to ask what was going on with the seller but they just said they hadn't heard anything back from them on how they wanted to proceed (if they still wanted to put the house back on the market or not) I also meesaged yesterday but didn't get a reply so I'm really hoping its just the seller giving us more time and not anything more sinister like them going back on selling the house. Fingers crosed this all gets resolved soon.

We still have a long way to go, but I honestly don't really care how long it takes I just want to know this is all finally going ahead!
All is quiet on the house front just now but we got confirmation all is finally sorted with the estae agents, we're just waiting for slicitors so get paperwork done to do the mortgage valuation search then after that's all come through we're going to have a level 2 search done. I've been goign back and forth on if I should have it done as its another £450 and the costs are really piling up but its better to be safe than sorry and know if theres anything wrong with the house going into it.

On Sunday I was out with Alex and we were talking about the house, she looked it up on maps and saved it as 'Kitty's new house' which made this all very real and like that's so cute! She was lookign at it on street view and I just sort of glanced at the screen and was like oh look the picture they took 4 years ago the house next door is for sale! and Alex was it the one on the corner I thought it was that one? I looked again and sure enough maps not being super accurate have labeled next door as the house and the oen for sale is the one we're currently buying!

When we got the seller details sent through to us I did notice that the seller lived on like the other side of the country to us but didn't think much about it. I thought maybe she had to move and that's why she's seeling the house, but seeing it was for sale 4 years ago make me think she was renting it out. I looked it up to try see if I could find any infor on the previous sale but the only thing I could find is that it sold for 125k in 2004, which is crazy but that's what we're going to be paying for it now and the seller was asking for offers above 110k!

House stuff aside, I think i'm gling to be meeting Alex's paretns on Saturday which is exciting! She already met my mum and like didn't see that as a big deal and like is only seeing her parents coming to visit as a bit of a stress as they have to make the house tidy and look nice. I mentioend meeting their parents and she was just sort like idk why you'd wanna do that, and in a sense she is right like you don't need to meet someones parents it isn't a requirement but I feel its a bit different because Alex tells her family and friends very little about their personal life and I'm not majorly worried but I do feel a bit hidden.

My main concern and I told her this was irrational because oh boy I know it is but anxiety be like that, is that Messy is going to be around and going on day trips and spending time with the parents, and like I know that they know Messy isn't Alex's partner anymore but I was just hit with this horrible feeling that they could keep up this like whole ruse that they never broke up and everything is fine and I'd always be hidden. I brought this up and Alex always really surprises me with how well they deal with me emotions when I say stupid stuff like this. She reassured me nothing like that is going on she just isn't the type of person that tells her family everything but if I want to meet them then we can do like a day trip together.

Alex is deifnitely not hiding me from their friends either. In fact there's a bog thing of everyone in a discord server playing games for the next two weeks and the whole polycule is in there interacting with her friends. They barely know about Alex being non binary so I didn't introduce them to the polycule as they were struggling enough with Josie's pronouns when we played a game together, but they're all a nice bunch. I just wish I played more videos games so I could interact with them more lol.

I'm going to stay at Alex's house tonight as I have a hospital appointment on Monday and I'm not allowed to have sex 24 hours before it and I don't trust myself to be able to not do that around Alex just now. I don't think I mentioned it before but I went for my first ever smear test and because I'm the unluckiest person in the world of course theres stuff won't that they want to check out further. I'm trying not to worry about anything to do with it because if it is bad news worrying about it now achieves nothing. I'm just gonna enjoy myself, and potentiallu get to go to a cool zoo that's sort of nearby on the weekend with Alex's parents, I don't know if that's the definite plan but I'd like it to be haha
I just read over my last update and omg the typos! This one may be the same as it's currently 11pm and I've been traveling back from a holiday with my friends today so I am super tired, but wanted to at least write a little something!

So most importantly, I'm not dying, yay! the hospital appointment showed not much and they were really nice to me. I took my build a bear strawberry cow plush with me because she smells like strawberries and she helps keep me calm in anxiety times. I have huge trauma with hospitals so I was terrified and they were an hour late to the appointment. It was so horrific and anxiety inducing because all the signs in the waiting room were about how to live with cancer and I was freaking out so hard. If I didn't have my cow I would have lost my shit completely but I survived and the nurses were so lovely. They asked the cows name and then kept complicmentign ym outfit, bag, shoes, literally anything to keep me talking and keep me calm. It was deifnitely more painful than the smear test which I basically didn't feel but I'll hold that to the freaking out my body was doing. Anyway yeah, turns out I'm all good and just have to go back for another test in a year to check its all fine and has gone away on it's own.

Onto happier things: I met Alex's parents and I immediately clicked with them so well I saw them several times over the few days they were here!

So basically we agreed we'd all go for some food then play some mini golf at our local place. I thought this meant I'd see them for a few hours but oh boy I was wrong. We met up at like one and I very awkwardly said hi and was like ah do I do a handshake or hug you? so in reponse her mum high fived me and so did her dad. I was a little mortified but also found the whole thing hilarious and so did they, so much so it became a running joke. We had food and started chatting and turns out we have A LOT in common and they were just so eassy to talk to and so knowledable and I just really really vibed with them. Like my first date with Alex (which was at the same food place!) we sat and talked for literally 2 hours until we needed to go or we'd miss our reservation at the golf.

We played 2 of the courses and had a lot of fun. I came last, but I always do because I suck haha. At this point I thought we'd part ways but their dad suggested we grab a coffee somewhere and they seemed impressed I could lead them to a cute little indipendent coffee shop nearby. We then sat in there and talked for another few hours until the place shut, i thought now for sure they're gonna go but nope they wanted me to go back to Alex's so we could continue hanging out more! I looked to Alex's like that's okay right?? I thought maybe she'd say no but she was fine with it and actually seemed worried I felt I was being forced into it.

Back at Alex's we then continued to just talk about life and past experiences (I got a good few cute childhood sotries about Alex :p) and to my surpised they stayed for another 4 hours! It was 10pm by the time they eventually decdided they betetr head back to their hotel for the night. I was definitely not expecting to spend 9 hours with them but it was such a lovely time. They offered me a lift home but Alex surprised me by letting me know I could stay the night if I wanted which normally it's a one night a week deal only so i was very surpised but happy.

When they left, Alex literally locked the door, looked at me with the tiredest eyes and was like omg you kepy up with my dad with talking no one can do that! she then warned me She was happy for me to stay but she ran out of social spoons like 6 hours ago so was just ready to chill in bed which I had no complaints about. We had some really nice sex and then passed tf out, but had lots of cuddles so I was very happy.

The next morning they came back to Alex's house to go out for the day. They invited me along for the trip saying they'd love to spend more time together and I was sort of like oh no I think Alex might kill me if I spend anymore time here and she was like no I don't mind you should come with us. At this point I'm like wtf is going on and what sort of robot has replaced my usually very intoroverted not wanting to see me lots girlfriend! I ended up not going because I sadly had a load of work to get through but they gave me a left home and said they'd like to see me again.

I did end up seeing them again the day they were leaving. We got food once again then went back to Alex's house to play some board games. Messy and her gf were there so it was nice to see them. After Alex's parents left I got a load of gossip and a life update from Messy about whats going on in her life which was certainly eye opening. Messy and her gf left to go to gfs house so Alex and I then spent the rest of that day in bed but sadly I didn't get to stay over, which honestly was totally fair because poor Alex was so ready to just be alone after spending the week doing so much.

So meeting the parents went well, and I've also now meet her oldest childhood best friend as he came to stay over last weekend. He was really nice and cool, we had a jam session together where Alex played guitar, friend was on drums, and I sang. We had a lot of run and honestly it was another day where I was supposed to stay for a few hours and ended up staying there until like 11pm. I offered to leave in the afternoon but she told me to stay and that she wanted to hang out for a while longer. When Alex was walking me to the bus stop at the end of the day I sort of apologised for staying too long and she was just like I was socialising with friend anyway so it's not like it's a big deal.

Alex had a pretty bad few days of mental health stuff at the start of that week when I was staying over and I literally coudn't get her out of bed and I had a massive anxiety spiral about it. I was feeling really bad and unsure about our whoke relationship from the aspect of she nkows she needs to manage her depression but isn't and what does that mean for us. I ended up messaging Messy and asking her to check up on Alex and make sure she's eating and stuff. Messy was absolutely fantastic and not only did that but basically reassured me that I'm doing the right thing and being so caring for worrying about this and that it's nothing personal sometimes Alex just has a bad couple of days but bounces back. She was right, Alex did bounce back totally fine and when I stayed over and spent time with her visiting friend I was feeling really good about stuff.

We also had possibly the best sex we've ever had last friday, I was so blown away by it and it's all i've been able to think about! I had jokingly said that vanilla sex is boring and I need kinky sex to get the most out of it, turns out I was actually right and when Alex tops me properly it is amazingggggg. I was on holiday with my friends this week and we did a load of fun things, it's alwasy nice getting away with my girls and my friends, but I've really missed Alex this week. I'm not sure if Alex is ever going to want to come on these group holidays but if she does agree to one I will truly be in heaven.

If there's typos, sorry but I'm tired and I am now ready to pass tf out. Peace out like a trout :p
Things have been pretty crazy in life so haven't really had a moment to write here. I read everyone elses stuff and then always forget to write an update and then oops it's been a whole month. Let's start with a negatives and move onto the happy stuff.

So house stuff was finally looking up as we got all paperwork for slicitors done, everything was progressing nicely, and then we got the home report survey for the new house back. It's...well bad doesn't begin to explain it. When I went to view it in March I was looking for damp and mould as its really common in the houses around here due to their age and our climate. I didn't see any so was happy and that's why we went ahead with it. The report came back saying there's significant damp due to ventilation issues to do with the roof and damp proofing towards the rear of the property. The pictures attached were really grim, and it's so obvious the seller just painted over everything to make it look good for the viewing.

I'm now at a point where depending on what happens next we might have to walk away and I am beyond upset because it has been 3 MONTHS! I paid £450 for the survey, which obviously highlighted the issues. Have now had to pay £250 for a damp specialist to check the property and give us a cost projection for how much the work to fix this will be. I also need to get quotes from a builder for repointing some external walls, and a roofer for quotes on redoing the flashing and installing vents on the roof to help with ventilation. This is all going to be out of pocket for me until we have full cost on everything then I have to renegociate with the seller.

I'm honestly really worried about all of this because the seller so far as been very pushy and wanting to get this sold quickly, it's very obvious now she knew about these issues and she wanted us to buy it quick so she was no longer liable. I'm hoping that she's going to drop the price significantly, or pay for the work herself. Either way it'll need to be done before we move in.

I've been beyond stressed with all this, but there have been some good things too so onto them before I end up in another anxiety spiral!

So after my last update Alex and I went to an archery taster session day thing and we then signed up for a 4 week course that basically once you're finished it you can join an arachery club and shoot with them. I've been wanting to do archery foreverrrr and Alex was just natrually good at it so yup we signed up for the course together! This means I've been staying over at hers on friday nights, we then go to archery on Saturday and spend the rest of the day together. Alex seems to be enjoying this musch better than our old Saturday plans because she geta a full day off to herself.

This Saturday is week 4 of our course, and I've had fun but there's so much to remember and I feel i'm getting worse somehow. The main issue is I'm right handed by left eye dominated which means I need to close my left eye to train my right to be the dominating one, or shoot left handed. We've been learning so much over the weeks that all that was totally pushed to the back of my brain. So far back that I quite literally had a post nut clarity moment after some great sex with Alex and I was like omg I'm using my left eye, that's why my shots are inconsistant! And Alex was like, is it affecting it that much, you're still using the string and the sight to aim aren't you? and I was like...FUCK I haven't been using the string because I cant see it with my left eye! So basically I forgot like the most important step in actually aiming! so on saturday I'm going to try closing my eye like I'm supposed to and if I do well it's proof I was just being an idiot all along haha

Apart from archery there's not been anything too exciting happening, although everything feels very overshadowed by house stuff just now but I'm trying not to let it overwhelm me. I'm sure i've missed stuff as usual but it's late adn we're having a heatwave here just now so everything is a bit fuzzy brain!
Just a quick update! The damp specialist report basically says that the damp is mostly likely from the rotten lintel above the back door, and the ventilation issues with the roof and as long as those get fixed asap any damp damage will resolve itself which is a huge relief honestly.

Trying to get those issues sorted is proving to be hardest as I asked Ash and Josie to contact a builder and a roofer so I wasn't dealing with it all, the builder basically said they'd read the report and get back to us with a quote, this was on Tuesday and we haven't heard anything so on Thursday I called them to chase it up and the woman on the phone sounded very confused and was like oh my collegue is dealing with it i'll leave a message for ehr to say you called. I've worked in customer service for a long time, I know that means nothing has been done yet. So i'm hoping I hear something back from them tomorrow.

The company Josie contacted about the roof wanted to charge us £270 for them to come look at the roof just to give a quote so I was like um fuck no and found another company who will do it for £90. What they're saying is the call out to acess it would be free but since we're not the owners of the house yet it's charged and taken off the total for the work at the end? that seems really weird, but I guess it's what we have to deal with. The last I heard from them is they'd be booking in access with the state agents on Friday for sometimes next week (this week coming) I haven't recieved an invoice or anything from them yet so yet again I'm gonna have to try chase that up tomorrow.

Archery yesterday with Alex was soooo much better with closing my left eye, I didn't do great but my shots were more consistant, the targets were also further away and due to the bow I was using the string on it isn't aligned proerly so I was having issues with my shots arching when they shouldn't. We're going to do a last week under the training insurance with the club next saturday and then after that it's going to be proper club sessions.

Alex doesn't want to buy a bow yet as its gonna be expensive so is going to hire equipment from the club. I sort of want to get my own equipment but the shop they suggest going to is a 2 hour bus ride away and honestly I dont really want to go alone. Alex is taking her driving test in July and I think we wants to wait until she gets a car before we go to the shop since it'll be so much easier to get there by driving. We'll see how it goes though, I've sent in my application for the club so just need to wait to hear back from them and pay the fees to join properly!

Oh, and also just in time for pride month I finally came to the realisation I'm not cis! I mean, I've known for a while but I was pretty unbothered about it all. I'm going with the label demigirl, which I keeo refering to as girl aligned, or a woman but little bit to the left haha. I've spent YEARS feeling so uncofmrotable about being cis but thinking I could never be non-binary because I only like she-her pronouns. I've for like the last year been saying I could be nb but that's too much effort to esplain because I'm happy with my pronouns staying the same. Demigirl feels right though, I think I've finally found something that's good for me!
I have an exciting and also terrifying update! Our contracts are beign exchanged on Thursday and completion will be on Tuesday! It doesn't feel real, we've spent 5 months dealing with constant issues and setbacks but oh my god it's finally happening! Due to us needing to get work done to the roof we wont be moving in straight away but as soon as we've completed I'm going to try get a roofer and builder in to get the work then I don't really want to be in here (current place) for more than a month because paying rent and a mortgage is going to suck up allll my savings.

More exciting things happening are Alex's parents bought her a car so fingers crossed she passes her test in like 2 weeks. The plan is if she passes her test her dad is going to drive it up a few weeks into August. We'd planned to wait until she got a car to go to the archery shop to get our equipment, butttt her parents are actually visiting this weekend and I suggested if they wanted to drive us we could do that then do something in the next town together as its somwhere I've been told is really nice but have never been. Alex ran the idea by her parents and they were really into the idea and reminded her they had offered to do this already if we wanted to so omg I'm going to get my own bow this Saturday I'm so excited!

I have a million things to do for the house but I have my own checklist for that, instead heres some pictures of risers I want for my bow. I really want pink or purple and they're either out of stock or rediculously expensive soooo lets see what happens haha

Finding purple and pink ones is so hard, I just want a cute looking bow is that too much to ask!
So the archery update is I didn't get a purple or pink riser, but I did get a nice blue oen so I've gone for a blue and pink theme which I'm not superrrr in love with but I think i'll like it the more I use it. Alex was adament she wasn;t gonna get an organge one and then went completely on board witht he orange theem, her bow looks great and omg she is so much stronger than me! I have small arms and am only pulling back 17lbs, where as Alex has such long arms and is pulling back a weight of 27lbs! thats's crazy because we both have tiny noodle arms!

I don't have a super good picture of of it but Alex did take a picture of me while I was shooting in the shop so here you can vaguely see my bow, it has a pink string!


Our exchnage of contracts went through fine and then yesterday...WE FINALLY COMPLETED AND GOT THE KEYS!

It doesn't feel real still, Corn and Sqeak came over after work yesterday to help us run over a few boxes in the car and they both like the place. We're currently packing like mad as we have movers booked for Tuesday as we want to get in there asap. I have a busy few days as tomorrow I'm having a new mattress and a desk chair delivered to the new house, then on Friday the council are coming to fix our reclycling bin as we found the lid broken off when we looked at it yesterday. I'm then spending Friday night and satuday day with Alex, and Josie's mum is gonna help move a few thigns by car and give the new house a clean. On Monday hopefully Alex is gonna take the day off work to help us pack/move a few small things over. I'm also getting an arm chair delivered for the living room on Monday.

And then that brings us to moving day! we're making good progress with packing but it also feels like we're just not getting anywhere at the same time omg. Anyway, stress of moving aside, it felt fucking fantastic to get to post this <3

Congratulations on getting the keys!!!!!
And love the bow :-D
Congratulations on getting the keys!!!!!
And love the bow :-D
Thank you Evie!

Been meaning to write an update but been busy getting settled in. I have quite the story to tell thats for sure!

Moving day was great, it was done in like 2 hours, Jelly (my cat) absolutely hated it, but he's really enjoying going from living in an upstairs flat to having 3 floors to run between. We've just slowly been getting things done and we're now finally completely unpacked and I managed to also finally get rid of all the moving boxes this morning. Im in love with how my office is looking, it's not done yet but its looking really cute, I've never been able to deocate my own space like this, it is so theraputhetic and feels so great to have somewhere that feels so mine and safe!


Now this is the fun part. Last wednesday Ash sat me down and told me she wants to ask out this personn at work she's had a drink with a few times. It was pretty obvious to me that she liked them but she was trying to hold off. Sadly her timing for realising all this sucks as the person is cuurently in the US visiting one of thier partners. I was okay with it until she showed me a picture of what they look like and the anxiety hit hard. I'm not Ash's type at all, I'm short and chubby and very pastel and cute with my looks. This person is skinny and goth, literally her type.

After the initial anxiety I was okay, then Alex messaged me like 2 hours later saying she wanted to hook up with this girl which like is fine, our agreement is she lets me know and uses protection. I was feeling very overwhelmed and like I was being replaced, had some horrible horrible feelings about it and Alex was trying her hardest to talk me through it and then she was like oh yeah I was quiet this evening because I slept with that girl she was amazing in bed.

I had a panic attack, which was hilarious because I moved downstairs so I didn't disturb anyone so I was sitting on the couch shaking struggling to breath, but also Alex was sending me pictures form her hook up and they were so hot so I was like freaking the fuck out but really enjoying the pictures haha. I had no reason to but the net few days I was still feeling not enough and super bad about the fact I'm not skinny and cute, so on friday morning I did some self care and actually shaved me legs and stuff and oh my god! I was cured, I felt amazing.

When I saw Alex that night we also had some really nice sex and we were talking about look hook ups and stuff and I was saying I didn't have anywhere to do that as we have a rule for my nesting partners that we won't sleep with other people in the house because it's a shared space and unfair on other people. We were then talking about how she's gonna have a car and she was like oh I know what I can do with my car, I can pick you up and you can invite people over here to hook up. At first I was like what no thats weird this is your house, but she convinced me it was totally fine. I thought on it a lot more and decided what the hell I'll sign up to tinder and the likes and just see what happens.

Ya'll know whats coming next if you were reading this time last year when I did this. I looked around a bit, funnily found the girl Alex slept with and sent her a message, we had a lovely back and forth about how good Alex is in bed and arranged for a threesome! (She'd already pre agreeed to this when she slept with Alex last week tbh when she was shown a pic of me)

There's 2 girls who really stuck out, one whos a a top dom, very interested in me and loves dnd so we just get on really well and have plans to sleep together. I think its going somehwere, so the other gets a name, Abi. We matched on tinder at like 1am and immediately just vibed together so well. By 5am we've spent the whole night talking and arranged to meet up for a date. I know I move fast but this was crazy even for me! I was trying to do just hook ups but she's so cute and so adorable, I had afrranged with her and Alex that we'd have the date then go back to Alex's to sleep together. We did, it was very comfy and lovely, it was like we'd known each other for ages. I went to go check on Alex and well she heard us and was definitely into it (which i'd said was fine earlier, yes my kink list is endless) I told her she was welcome to come cuddle with us when she was finished work. She came in to see us a bit to just introduce herself and Abi immediately told her how pretty she is and they seemed to get on.

After work Alex came to cuddle and I was in the middle of a nice cuddle puddle, I didn't exactly plan for a threesome to happen butttttt Abi expressed interest and so did Alex and yup thats how we spent the next 5 hours. It was incredible, best sex i've ever had in my life omg. Abi definitely likes me a lot, it's only been a few days but oh boy theres a lot more than lust there thats for sure. Not sure exactly where its going to go but a lot more than a one time thing because I've already arranged a date for next week with her.

My schedule for next week is so full up already! Monday dnd, Tuesday work day, Wednesday threesome, Thursday date with Abi and her staying over, Friday staying over with Alex, Saturday date day with Alex Sunday maybe a day off?
Well it's been over a month so better do an update, oops! Life was very very hectic for awhile but its started to calm down a little now, guess I'll start from where I left off last time.

So I met this girl Alex hooked up with, Emilia, and I was sooooooo nervous because Alex had said she was great in bed and fucked her and I was like oh that's a scary top oh no. Abaolutely not, she was the cutest most cuddly person I've ever met. The sex with both of them was great, it was a little weird though.

So agesssss ago last year I ended up sleeping with Alex and her friend Messy, it was fun, but I felt a bit out of place as these two had cute nicknames and like you could just tell they both cared about each other a lot. It didn't really bother me because I knew they'd been living together and sleeping together for a few years so even though they weren't tpgether romantically anymore of course there would still be that bond. I bring this up because I got that same sort of vibe with Alex and Emilia and it honestly freaked me out a little. Alex was just so soft and loving and how she is with me sometimes and I guess seeing that with someone else was just strange. However once the foreplay was over that sort of disappeared because well we're all kinky and I had A LOT of fun ganging up with Alex to dom Emilia. Switches really do have to the most fun haha.

We spent like 4 or 5 hours having sex and Emilia was pretty amazed that that happened, its becoming standard for me now :p Anyway, we all agreed it was good fun and we should do it again. Alex drove us both home because it was nearly 1am at this point and when we dropped Emilia off she kissed us both and yet again it was so strange watching Alex kiss her so nicely I guess? After she got out the car I mentioned this and Alex was just like I kiss everyone like that, and we had a little discussion about it where she reassure me Emilia is fun to have sex with but she is not looking for anything more with her or anyone else.

Since then I've been told that Alex always looks at me like they're very much in love, and they always seem very tender with me. I guess it was just something I never thought about until I saw it with her and someone else. Ash said it best which was that when she looks at me, especially if i'm not looking at her (like when we're playing dnd) she has this little little smile on her face, like she's not trying to smile it's just an unconcious reaction to seeing me. That's cute as hell, definitely something to tease her about since she hates when I bring up stuff like that.

Since it was pointed out I have noticed it though, it's really nice and definitely helps when I have stupid anxiety. In fact (and this really might be weird) since i've started having threesomes with Alex I haven't had any anxiety about her not wanting to be with me. But that might also just be because I've had so much going on I haven't had time to think about it.

Since sleeping with her I started texting Emilia and she literally said it would be nice to be friends with beenfits because I don't have many friends and I immediately was like must protect her omg you poor thing. Basically she has 2 (maybe 3, the line is a bit blurry) partners in the US and so her life is over there when she visits and she's just sort of stuck here until she gets the funds together to move to be with them. I really feel for her because i've done the whole LDR and it sucks a lot. I've seen Emilia 2 more times since our first night together, we actually managed to play rockband together last time and she seemed so happy to just get to spend time together it was so sweet. However she's been even more flaky than usual as I think she's in NRE hell with a girl she went on a date with last week so our plans to meet up (which seem to be happening ever 2 weeks) fell through this week. Guess we'll just see how that all goes.

The cool top dom who likes dnd has been a no go so far because she got ill and is having issues with gettign help from mental health and funding to live, I mean typical story of someone in the UK too ill to work honestly. I basically just told her to focus on everything and get back to me when she feels better. We've had a few messeages back and forth or the last month but I can't get any concrete plans out of her which is fine honestly but she did confirm she's still interested in sleeping with me when everything is more back to normal. Maybe she'll get a name on here if I start seeing her regularily.

The update on Abi is a little complicated because I think it really might have just been NRE. I saw her again the next week, we went to see the barbie movie at the cinima together and it was amazing I really loved it. It was a nice time, but she yet again was very nervous which like on our first date was cute but I guess with us talkign non stop for 2 weeks and this being the second time I was seeing her in person it sort of hit that it isn't just nerves she is this much of an anxiety mess all the time. I tried to just ignore that and enjoy my times with her. We went back to Alex's and I didn't even need to invite Alex to cuddle with us she just came in after work to. We had dinner, had sex, and we'd previously agreed that Abi would stay over this time. Alex got Messy's room ready for us to sleep in so we wouldn't wake up with her alarm for work and stuff.

This is where I maybe fucked up. Alex was playing drums downstiars for a bit so we went to go see that and we started talking about music and the fact Alex is stupid talented and can play so many instruments. Alex moved over onto piano and played a bit of that silly song we made up like last Decemeber (Can't remember if I mentioned it but it's literally called 'Does she like dick more than titties' that gives you an idea of how much of a joke song it is) and i mentioned we'd done another song on piano before that is really nice. So I get the chords up for Alex and she plays it while I sing it. I was just sort of wanting to show of and it be fun, until I got like 2 verses in and realised Abi was deifnitely looking at me with that same look I had given Alex when she'd first serenaded me. I didn't really think about any of this though until much later.

The next day Ash and Josie both had a day off and asked if I wanted to bring Abi over to the house to meet them which everyone agreed on. I expected to maybe just hang out there for awhile, give Abi the house tour, that kind of thing. What I didn't expect was for Ash to pull me aside and go hey she's cute, wanna help me seduce her? I mean I had no issue with it, but I definitely did not see that coming especially since Ash had made a big deal about how we have very different types we go for. I basically was just there to watch as those two fucked which yeah it's fun to watch but I still can't beleive it happened oh my god!

After that life got super crazy and busy. I ended up going to visit Alex's parents for a few days which was nice. I met her sister, and then her brother when they did a family video chat so sister could open her birthday presents. The trip basically meant we were away for 4 days and then our year anniversay was the day after we got back. We spent the 4 days at her parents house, I made a big deal about getting to come over to Alex's early before we were due to get the train so we could have sex since we wouldn't be able to for the 4 days. Well, you know what happened, I'm irresistable apparently. It very much felt like being a teenager again having quiet sex while parents are sleeping in the other room, it was good fun, but I did come on my period, not super heavy tho so it didn't ruin too much. It did make all the walking her parents wanted to do harder though, but I lived and still had a nice time!

Alex was working for our anniversary so she just picked me up after work and we had a nice dinner together and opened presents! not sure if I mentioned it but I bought her a custom teapot and she absolutey loves it! She got me a mango scented candle, a big slinky (because I have so many stairs in the new house) and a bath bomb. Here's a pictures because of course I took pics!


Because of how busy I'd been with going away and everything I hadn't seen Abi in like 2 weeks so we've arranged to go on a date that next day so I went straight from Alex's house to meet her. We went for food and then to a cat cafe which she liked a lot. I was already not really feeling super up to seeing her since I'd had such a hectic week and then I got a look at her finances when she went to see if she could afford to pay for lunch (I'd paid for everything apart from her travel for the last few dates so it was def her turn pay) she is sooooo far in her overdrfat, like thousands into it and that was such an imemediate turn off. I don't mind paying for some things but having to pay for every single date we go on? I'm not about that.