Kitty's journey into all things poly

I've been putting off writing an update since i've been having some really hardcore anxiety but maybe writing it out will make me feel better. Only one way to test that theory.

I was feeling really really good about stuff with Alex and this week the good fuzy feeling has just been replaced with such anxiety and dread. She's been replying to me loads in the past like 2 weeks and even had me stay over last wednesday and spend like all of thursday there so we saw each other twice in one week. I loved it, and we did a similar thing the week before and then this week she's barely replying and like she came over to play dnd with me last night and was her usual affectionate self and I didn't feel any bad vibes from her but I asked if maybe I could stay over at hers like I did last week and she said she'd rather have time to herself but she's happy to see me on saturday,

I know loggically she's an introvert whos probably just a bit burnt out and wants some time to recover and have some alone time, But I feel like logic is not working with my brain this week and I just feel so disconnected and so shit about it. I have a suspsicion it's because my perod is due (and it's late! but is have PCOS and never have had a reggular cycle...I also tested for pregnancy just in case but its super negative) so I'm like horny as hell and you'd think out of having 3 partners one of them would help with that but nope! I think I might just be feeling a bit dejected on all fronts and my one partner who I'm like really focused on just now not talking as much as I'd like is making everything seem terrible.

They have replied a little but more today and I've had a busy day so i've not been staring at my phone waiting for texts so I feel kinda okay today but ugh I hate feeling like this. I'm honestly scared to voice these emotions and ask her if everythings okay because I did that the other week and I know how annoying it is to have to constantly reassure someone that everything is okay over and over again. Anxiety is like the most unnatractive trait and I'm really in my own head about this all and i'm just so annoyed at myself that I can't just get a grip!

Okay writing it out did help, onto happier and healthier things!

I've been discussing valentines day plans with my partners (Because yes I am that prepared bitch who gets stuff a month before haha) Alex basically said they've never really done valentines day and they're happy to do stuff if I want but it's not a big deal to them. Like I assumed everyone did at least a date or a present or something but apparently nope she has never done valentines presents ever!

My mum is coming to visit me so we can see a concert together on the 7th of feb, so Alex is going to have breakfast with us and meet her for a few hours before my mum gets her train home again on the 8th. I've asked them to get the 8th and 9th off so we can do stuff both days, not sure what we're going to do apart from brekfast on the 7th but on the 8th I have a silly crazy golf thing booked and I'll prob book somewhere nice for us to eat. Although she said she doesn't do presents I've sort of accidentally bought her a present...oops! I've gotten her a personalised guitar pick as she plays guitar A LOT, and I'm going to make her a cute like keychain for her keys!

With Ash we're doing a ring making class on the 13th that i've been wanting to do for ages! not sure on presents for her yet or if I will get her anything but I might book somewhere for us to eat and call the class and dinner the gift honestly.

With Josie we don't have plans just now but I told her I want a cute plushie we saw when shopping the other week, if she remembers that is. I have 2 plushies on preorder that are technically her presents but it feels a bit crap not giving anything on the actual day so I'm not sure what to do. I'll see how the last keychain I made her is holding up and go from there I guess haha
So after my last big anxiety rant here I talked to Alex and actually showd her what I'd written here and she reassured me all is good. She was really good about it all and its really really eased all my anxiety and I've been doing a lot better honestly. Nothing has really changed valentines day plans wise but this week is going to be SOOOO busy for me!

I'm seeing my mum tomorrow for a concert, then having a botomless brunch with Alex wednesday, staying at hers that night, then having a fun shopping trip and playing crazy golf on thursday and then I think I'm staying at hers again on Thursday but not totally sure. Then on Sunday I'm having another bottomless brunch with Josie and Ash Sunday, and then the ring making class with Ash on Monday. Between all the time out and work stuff I'm gonna have no time this week, but I'm very excited for it all <3

I gave Alex her valentines presents early because I was just too excited to give her them. I ended up getting her the personalised guitar pick which they hated the pun but really loved it and keeps refering to it as her special pick. She aslo broke it in by serenading me in german haha. I also got her a load of cute new sparkly nail polish which she loves, two cute sweatshirt/jumpers as we just couldn't find any good ones in the local shops, the keychain I mentioned before AND I bought her another one of those bracelets where you track an animal! I got her a penguin one and she LOVES penguins so she was very excited about it!

She seemed a little nervous because she didn't have any presents for me and I told her she didn't need to get me anything but she said she is going to get me something I have no clue what it is or if she'll have it for wednesday but I'm excited to see what she has in mind. I'm sure there's a load more I haven't said but I'm falling asleep writign this so i'll leave it there for now!
I'll do another big update in the next few days depending on how crazy things are about to get here (might be buying a house?! it's a very scary adult feeling!) In the mean time, here are some pictures from my last week of valentines plans!

Alex and I at our bottomless brunch last Wednesday (I think this is the first picture I've ever shared of myself on here!)
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The devil build a bear that Josie got me!
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The panda plush Ash got me!
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And the rings Ash and I made at our ring workshop. I was so nervous for it but it was good fun and I absolutely adore my ring!
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Things are still crazy but setled down a bit. By Thursday I'll know if the offer I've put down on a house will be accepted or not. I was basically told to put down how much I think the house is worth which is kinda crazy because the valuation of it is pretty low and the mortgage won't get approved if I try put in for more than its worth so it all feels very weird but my solicitor has assured me this is what most estate agents are doing now due to our shortage of housing crises here in the UK so I guess all is okay?

All paper work and details have been submitted for now so if the offer gets accepted everything is in place and ready to go for then. I'm nervous about it as its been sooooo stressful trying to get all this stuff together for a chance it won't even go ahead, but if it does it's gonna be a huge thing and I'm so excited to actually be buying my first house! If all goes ahead I'll definitely share some pics here!

House stuff aside, I had a date with Alex on Saturday and she surprised me with more valnetines day presents! she got me a very cute little deer plushie and some really nice chocolates, bought me lunch and paid for the movie we were going to see (I totaled it all up and she definitely spent A LOT more money on me than I did on them, I just got her more presents with it haha) We went to see the new Puss in boots film and it was actually really really good, much better than disneys newest one that we went to see a few weeks ago.

After lunch and the cinema we went back to hers and made some homemade cocktails together and baked a cake while just vibing to some music. It was so nice and domestc and cosy. AND we played so much rock band that I can now do some songs on hard on the drums on it! It's definitely just an anxiety thing but every time we go on a date and we don't talk all the time I start to panic a bit and compare it to our first date where we literally sat in a restaurant for 4 hours and chatted shit.

I have to keep reminding myself its been 6 months since then and like we've told each other a lot of stuff in that time and like its a good thing we can have silences it means we're comfortable. I guess I still feel a bit like its too good to be true and I'm waiting for it all to fall down around me and I really do have days where I feel like everything is going to do that but like I think we're all good just now anyway <3
We didn't get the house sadly, but we may have found something even better! I'm going to view this new one on saturday which looking at the floorplan the lounge is smaller than the previous one, but it has 2 decent sized bedrooms, a bigger office for me and the kitchen is really big and really nice. Its over 3 floors and is literally around the corner from where I am now so heres hoping it looks as good in person.

The estate agents wouldn't let me know about the place we lost on how much it went for, but they mentioend it was susbstanially more which I'm pretty annoyed about because we were told you shouldn't go loads above the asking price due to the valuation and everything but obviously whoever did it did go quite a bit above the asking price. Oh well, heres to hoping the next place we find is better and we don't get so messed about!
Update on the house situation! The one I viewed on Saturday is really nice so I put an offer on it for 15k more than the asking price. Since last time we only went 5k over the asking price and got beaten misrerably I decided to go up a load. We got an update on Tuesday that the last viewing is this saturday and by Monday its going to best offers. I was filled with anxiety at this and phoned the estate agents to up our offer even more. The estate agent was an asbolute angel and not only warned me the property isn't worth what I wanted to up the offer to but also let me know I was the highest offer so far and is going to try his hardest to help me out with this. So on Monday I should hear back from that and hopefully its good news. I'm a bit worried about people drastically uping their offers but at least we seem to have an estate agent that is helpful unlike the last one. Will update when I hear back!
So I've been putting off making this update until everything was sorted but I'm learning with buying a house it is constant stress and anxiety about everything! So on monday it went to best offers and I stuck with my original offerand then on thursday we found out we got it! however, and this is where the stress starts, theres a complication of course. The estate agent only accept passports or full driving license as ID, josie's passport and documents have been away with the passport office for the last few weeks because there are massive delays in processing just now. Ash thought her passport was in date for another year, it expired in January. Cue my huge anixety spiral and freak out.

So we've had to go the paperwork route of ID which emans we need a letter from the goverment with their name and adress on, which yeah you guessed it who tf has that? I managed to print out something with their national insurance numbers on that has their name and addresses on and have sent Josie to to estate agents today with those and 3 other proof of addresses in the form of bank statements, payslips, and a letter from our solicitor. I am hoping it'll be enough and get accepted, if not i'm not sure what will happen. I'd hate to lose out on this house because our ID is being redone just now but theres delays.

I have a meeting on Tuesday with our I guess mortgage broker? I don't think I mentioend it but there's a company here that helps with first mortages and basically does everything for you and gives you advice and they've been really helpeful. On Tuesday we're going through the mortgage application together, and that brings us to the MOST stressful thing!

So until this point I hadn't seen Josie's bank statements at all. I had to send over 3 months worth of them in preperation for the appointment on Tuesday and as soon as I saw them I lost my shit. She has been in minus money for the last 3 months. I dont just mean a little wither, I mean she was -£700 in January! The absoute idiot was putting money asdie into her savings account, and then using her overdraft and just catching back up when she got paid. But because the staement shows a summary of before she gets paid every single one is minus. The latest one she's only in -£20 and her one that we'll get ina fe weeks will show she isn't in it at all. When she was unemployed she basically had to live out of her overdraft and although she told me this I had no idea it was that bad.

So i'm stressed as hell that we won't get a mortage because of that but the mrotage we're going for is with her bank so hopefully they'll be able to see this was just a real unfortunate time. It also didn't help that she was buying stuff on her credit card to keep her credit score up and that's where most the money went on paying that back ugh.

Josie just got back from the estate agents just now and turns out we were given wrong information and they can only accept the passport as photo ID! I'm so mad I've spent the last 2 days freaking out trying to find documents for this oh my god! Apparetnly they don't need it immediately though so I shouldn't worry. I'm going to pay the like £200 to fast track ash's one so we at least get one quickly, once 6 weeks have passed of them having Josie's stuff we can pay them to speed it up, which is ridiculous but i guess we'll just have to do it. I'm very frustarted and stressed, but I'm seeing Alex today so hoping being out of the house with them will take my mind of things a bit
House stuff is a still a bit of a mess but It's going to be for a while tbh. A fun thing happened yesterday while we were submitting our mortgage application with our broker that I just had to write about here.

We were going through the usual questions and then the fact that I'm giving the deposit for the house but won't be on the mortgage came up. So she asks what my relationship to both Josie and Ash is and me and Ash just look at each other like uh oh here we go. So I very carefully am like oh well you see I'm in a relationship with both of them as in I have a relationship with Josie, and then also with Ash. Our broker was like oh thats really great actually because they're more liekly to accept the mortgage and gift money if you're partners! like she didn't even pause or stutter or anything at the polyam stuff.

We waited until the meeting ended before both Ash and I were like polyamory win! you're polyam relationship is going to help you buy a house haha
House stuff update!

We got our mortgage approval letter through today so in the next few days that's all being handled by our solicitor and then starts like 12 weeks of conveyencing or something like that. We're still having ID issues with the estate agents which is honestly just ridiculous now! Josie got her passport back finally so they at least have her ID but we're still waiting on Ash's one.

Basically, Ash already put in the passport application and once you apply for one you can't do the fast track option and her documents only got sent off to the office on Friday due to having to wait for a letter to basically say she needs a female passport as that is her gender (yay for stupid trans bullshit) and OF COURSE the office decided to go on strike so passports can now apparently take up to 10 weks to arrive.

At this point though, the state agents are the only one we're having ID issies with as the bank for the mortgage, the solicitor, our mortgage broker, literally EVERYONE else has accepted the ID we have, it's just them who are refusing to mark the house as properly sold until they get this. As far as I understand though this is literally only a paperwork thing and our next actual house step is to get the survey done to confirm the valuation for the mortgage and the esate agents, even if it isn't marked as 'sold' (it's mark sold STC just now which is differently apprently?) can't do anything to stop that. I felt so stressed and like I was losing my mind over all of this but the more people I talk to I'm finding out apparently the ID issue thing literally takes people months and it's always the estate agents that are the issue so I feel a little better now.

Outside of house stuff, things are pretty good. When I was at Alex's house on saturday Messy and her girlfriend came over and cooked dinner and ended up staying until like 2am playing rockband with us which was so much fun! They then drove back to her gfs house where Messy is basically living as she litterally comes home to Alex's house like once or twice a week to normally cook food and then leaves again. I haven't seen messy in weeks as she's never home at the weekend so it was nice to see her, and even nicer than she walked in the room and got so distracted by my tits in the dress I was wearing that she forgot what she was saying haha.

I think I've mentioned it before by due to only seeing Alex once a week we always have A LOT of sex when I stay over. When I first started seeing them they said they weren't really that kinky and prefered cuddles over all that stuff, but omg I think they're kinkier than me now! Ash joked that i corrupt people I date and make them super kinky and really it isn't a joke anymore! Although, I can't complain too much, Alex so far is turning out to be the perfect switch for switchy self :p

Ash and I had not really a fight but a bit of a hard talk the other day. I'm always really big on use your words and say how you're feeling so there's no miscommunications and if there are issues to have them out on the table so they can be worked on. This is all great until you don't know how to put things into words and we definitely had one of those moments. Ash had been making loads of jokes about just wanting to get railed and like teasing me a lot and like I understood she was trying to hint that she wanted that kind of I dom her and she gets to be a cute sub kind of sex. With all the stress of the estate agents phoning me EVERYDAY asking for updates on ID I was so stressed and definitely not in the headspace to have that kind of sex.

This all came to head when I was sleeping in her bed and she asked me if our relationship was okay because she thought I was trying my hardest to avoid sex with her. The night before I very plainly asked her if she actually wanted to have sex or if she was just joking around and she was like oh you've made it weird now so no. So I stayed up late and got work done and when I got into bed she alseep so nothing happened. I hoped maybe we'd have sex the next morning but she got up early so nope. So yeah that night she springs this on me and says she feels like I don't appreciate sex with her and that she feels like I don't find her attractive anymore because it's not that I don't want sex because I have sex with Alex every weekend.

I really struggled to get across that point that I was just really stressed and didn't want the kind of kinky sex she wanted because I didn't want to have to not be in the headspace and have it feel not authentic and then feel like bad sex to her. Josie has explained to me a few times the reason we don't have sex often is because she has anxiety about it and worries it won't be good and gets really in ehr own head about it. I never understood that until it happened to me like I normally love sex and will jump at the oppertunity but I just felt so out of it and wanted to just be looked after that the idea of having to be this cool sexy dom that has to be a certain way had me so put off the idea.

She got up and did some cleaning and watched some videos in the living room for a bit to get some energy out and then when she came back to bed she didn't apologise but the energy was definitely different and she just cuddled me and told me she loved me and that it was okay and appreciated me telling her how I was feeling. I felt terrible in that time she was out the room because I knew how she felt, being rejected sucks and it's so hard not to take it personally. But things are okay, I don't sleep in her bed until wednesday, although she said earlier Josie is at work and she doesn't start work until later tomrorow so who knows what will happen during the day :p

I also visited a cat cafe with Alex on Saturday, but this is long enough already so I'll share pics of that another time!
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I was gonna wait to write an update but I'm just feeling a bit bleh so maybe writing it out will help.

House stuff is so against me and I just feel like its impossible now. The seller is putting the house back on the market on the 11th which of course is just before 4 whole days of bank holidays so no one is working. Last thursday we were told this and that the passport office need more documentation to process Ash's passport. I sent the docs off on friday on a next day delivery. It's not showing as delivered yet so i sent them off again today on a tracked every step of the way guareteed delivery so i'm praying to every god there is it actually gets there. The chance of us getting the passport back before the 11th is pretty much impossible due to the bank holidays but the estate agents have said the sale isn't being canceled and we have until a new buyer is choosen for the house. They spent basically 3 weeks doing viewings and best offers last time so I'm hoping we have another 3 weeks but I honestly don't know.

If the seller is smart she'll stick with us though as I had a look today and the house prices have dropped signifiicantly so she wont get anywhere near what we're offering to pay her. I'm trying to not stress about it but I feel the universe is trying to make sure I dont have nice things at this point and like these documents getting lost/delayed in the post is the cherry on top.

As always, there are happier things happening. It's Ash's birthday on saturday so tomorrow the whole friend group is going for a quiz and food thing which should be fun honestly. Then on Saturday for ehr actual birthday we're having a polycule dinner out at a tepenyaki place we've been to before. Alex has never been to anywhere like that before and I've been wanting to take them so I'm really glad Ash wanted to invite her along. With saturday being my usual date day with Alex I wasn't sure what was going to happen but we're basically going to have dinner, I got back to hers thne we spend sunday as our proper date day together instead so I can spens most of saturday with Ash for her birthday.

Guess I'll update about the house no matter what happens, just trying to stay optimistic until then
Not had conformation from the estate agents yet but I THINK our nightmare with them is finally over! Ash's passport finally arrived this morning and I got it sent over to the estate agents. I know the woman dealign with our case isn't in on Fridays but I'm hoping someone else picks it up and gets this sorted. Hopefully now they'll get the memorandum sent over to the solicitors and we can get searches underway.

On Tuesday I messaged the estate agents to ask what was going on with the seller but they just said they hadn't heard anything back from them on how they wanted to proceed (if they still wanted to put the house back on the market or not) I also meesaged yesterday but didn't get a reply so I'm really hoping its just the seller giving us more time and not anything more sinister like them going back on selling the house. Fingers crosed this all gets resolved soon.

We still have a long way to go, but I honestly don't really care how long it takes I just want to know this is all finally going ahead!
All is quiet on the house front just now but we got confirmation all is finally sorted with the estae agents, we're just waiting for slicitors so get paperwork done to do the mortgage valuation search then after that's all come through we're going to have a level 2 search done. I've been goign back and forth on if I should have it done as its another £450 and the costs are really piling up but its better to be safe than sorry and know if theres anything wrong with the house going into it.

On Sunday I was out with Alex and we were talking about the house, she looked it up on maps and saved it as 'Kitty's new house' which made this all very real and like that's so cute! She was lookign at it on street view and I just sort of glanced at the screen and was like oh look the picture they took 4 years ago the house next door is for sale! and Alex was it the one on the corner I thought it was that one? I looked again and sure enough maps not being super accurate have labeled next door as the house and the oen for sale is the one we're currently buying!

When we got the seller details sent through to us I did notice that the seller lived on like the other side of the country to us but didn't think much about it. I thought maybe she had to move and that's why she's seeling the house, but seeing it was for sale 4 years ago make me think she was renting it out. I looked it up to try see if I could find any infor on the previous sale but the only thing I could find is that it sold for 125k in 2004, which is crazy but that's what we're going to be paying for it now and the seller was asking for offers above 110k!

House stuff aside, I think i'm gling to be meeting Alex's paretns on Saturday which is exciting! She already met my mum and like didn't see that as a big deal and like is only seeing her parents coming to visit as a bit of a stress as they have to make the house tidy and look nice. I mentioend meeting their parents and she was just sort like idk why you'd wanna do that, and in a sense she is right like you don't need to meet someones parents it isn't a requirement but I feel its a bit different because Alex tells her family and friends very little about their personal life and I'm not majorly worried but I do feel a bit hidden.

My main concern and I told her this was irrational because oh boy I know it is but anxiety be like that, is that Messy is going to be around and going on day trips and spending time with the parents, and like I know that they know Messy isn't Alex's partner anymore but I was just hit with this horrible feeling that they could keep up this like whole ruse that they never broke up and everything is fine and I'd always be hidden. I brought this up and Alex always really surprises me with how well they deal with me emotions when I say stupid stuff like this. She reassured me nothing like that is going on she just isn't the type of person that tells her family everything but if I want to meet them then we can do like a day trip together.

Alex is deifnitely not hiding me from their friends either. In fact there's a bog thing of everyone in a discord server playing games for the next two weeks and the whole polycule is in there interacting with her friends. They barely know about Alex being non binary so I didn't introduce them to the polycule as they were struggling enough with Josie's pronouns when we played a game together, but they're all a nice bunch. I just wish I played more videos games so I could interact with them more lol.

I'm going to stay at Alex's house tonight as I have a hospital appointment on Monday and I'm not allowed to have sex 24 hours before it and I don't trust myself to be able to not do that around Alex just now. I don't think I mentioned it before but I went for my first ever smear test and because I'm the unluckiest person in the world of course theres stuff won't that they want to check out further. I'm trying not to worry about anything to do with it because if it is bad news worrying about it now achieves nothing. I'm just gonna enjoy myself, and potentiallu get to go to a cool zoo that's sort of nearby on the weekend with Alex's parents, I don't know if that's the definite plan but I'd like it to be haha
I just read over my last update and omg the typos! This one may be the same as it's currently 11pm and I've been traveling back from a holiday with my friends today so I am super tired, but wanted to at least write a little something!

So most importantly, I'm not dying, yay! the hospital appointment showed not much and they were really nice to me. I took my build a bear strawberry cow plush with me because she smells like strawberries and she helps keep me calm in anxiety times. I have huge trauma with hospitals so I was terrified and they were an hour late to the appointment. It was so horrific and anxiety inducing because all the signs in the waiting room were about how to live with cancer and I was freaking out so hard. If I didn't have my cow I would have lost my shit completely but I survived and the nurses were so lovely. They asked the cows name and then kept complicmentign ym outfit, bag, shoes, literally anything to keep me talking and keep me calm. It was deifnitely more painful than the smear test which I basically didn't feel but I'll hold that to the freaking out my body was doing. Anyway yeah, turns out I'm all good and just have to go back for another test in a year to check its all fine and has gone away on it's own.

Onto happier things: I met Alex's parents and I immediately clicked with them so well I saw them several times over the few days they were here!

So basically we agreed we'd all go for some food then play some mini golf at our local place. I thought this meant I'd see them for a few hours but oh boy I was wrong. We met up at like one and I very awkwardly said hi and was like ah do I do a handshake or hug you? so in reponse her mum high fived me and so did her dad. I was a little mortified but also found the whole thing hilarious and so did they, so much so it became a running joke. We had food and started chatting and turns out we have A LOT in common and they were just so eassy to talk to and so knowledable and I just really really vibed with them. Like my first date with Alex (which was at the same food place!) we sat and talked for literally 2 hours until we needed to go or we'd miss our reservation at the golf.

We played 2 of the courses and had a lot of fun. I came last, but I always do because I suck haha. At this point I thought we'd part ways but their dad suggested we grab a coffee somewhere and they seemed impressed I could lead them to a cute little indipendent coffee shop nearby. We then sat in there and talked for another few hours until the place shut, i thought now for sure they're gonna go but nope they wanted me to go back to Alex's so we could continue hanging out more! I looked to Alex's like that's okay right?? I thought maybe she'd say no but she was fine with it and actually seemed worried I felt I was being forced into it.

Back at Alex's we then continued to just talk about life and past experiences (I got a good few cute childhood sotries about Alex :p) and to my surpised they stayed for another 4 hours! It was 10pm by the time they eventually decdided they betetr head back to their hotel for the night. I was definitely not expecting to spend 9 hours with them but it was such a lovely time. They offered me a lift home but Alex surprised me by letting me know I could stay the night if I wanted which normally it's a one night a week deal only so i was very surpised but happy.

When they left, Alex literally locked the door, looked at me with the tiredest eyes and was like omg you kepy up with my dad with talking no one can do that! she then warned me She was happy for me to stay but she ran out of social spoons like 6 hours ago so was just ready to chill in bed which I had no complaints about. We had some really nice sex and then passed tf out, but had lots of cuddles so I was very happy.

The next morning they came back to Alex's house to go out for the day. They invited me along for the trip saying they'd love to spend more time together and I was sort of like oh no I think Alex might kill me if I spend anymore time here and she was like no I don't mind you should come with us. At this point I'm like wtf is going on and what sort of robot has replaced my usually very intoroverted not wanting to see me lots girlfriend! I ended up not going because I sadly had a load of work to get through but they gave me a left home and said they'd like to see me again.

I did end up seeing them again the day they were leaving. We got food once again then went back to Alex's house to play some board games. Messy and her gf were there so it was nice to see them. After Alex's parents left I got a load of gossip and a life update from Messy about whats going on in her life which was certainly eye opening. Messy and her gf left to go to gfs house so Alex and I then spent the rest of that day in bed but sadly I didn't get to stay over, which honestly was totally fair because poor Alex was so ready to just be alone after spending the week doing so much.

So meeting the parents went well, and I've also now meet her oldest childhood best friend as he came to stay over last weekend. He was really nice and cool, we had a jam session together where Alex played guitar, friend was on drums, and I sang. We had a lot of run and honestly it was another day where I was supposed to stay for a few hours and ended up staying there until like 11pm. I offered to leave in the afternoon but she told me to stay and that she wanted to hang out for a while longer. When Alex was walking me to the bus stop at the end of the day I sort of apologised for staying too long and she was just like I was socialising with friend anyway so it's not like it's a big deal.

Alex had a pretty bad few days of mental health stuff at the start of that week when I was staying over and I literally coudn't get her out of bed and I had a massive anxiety spiral about it. I was feeling really bad and unsure about our whoke relationship from the aspect of she nkows she needs to manage her depression but isn't and what does that mean for us. I ended up messaging Messy and asking her to check up on Alex and make sure she's eating and stuff. Messy was absolutely fantastic and not only did that but basically reassured me that I'm doing the right thing and being so caring for worrying about this and that it's nothing personal sometimes Alex just has a bad couple of days but bounces back. She was right, Alex did bounce back totally fine and when I stayed over and spent time with her visiting friend I was feeling really good about stuff.

We also had possibly the best sex we've ever had last friday, I was so blown away by it and it's all i've been able to think about! I had jokingly said that vanilla sex is boring and I need kinky sex to get the most out of it, turns out I was actually right and when Alex tops me properly it is amazingggggg. I was on holiday with my friends this week and we did a load of fun things, it's alwasy nice getting away with my girls and my friends, but I've really missed Alex this week. I'm not sure if Alex is ever going to want to come on these group holidays but if she does agree to one I will truly be in heaven.

If there's typos, sorry but I'm tired and I am now ready to pass tf out. Peace out like a trout :p