There's been a lot going on, and I've felt a bit overwhelmed to try write it all down, but the longer I put it off the more I have to write about.
Although it is many months away, I got a deposit put in for mine and Josie's first dress-altering appointment. I emailed back and forth with the place asking some questions. i believe it was the owner who was messaging. She seemed very excited at the prospect of having both of us in with our dresses at the same time. It was supposed to be a £25 deposit per appointment, but she just let me pay one set of that and booked it was a double appointment. So that's nice. The website gives a breakdown of prices, but I don't really understand what exactly will be needing done to the dresses except for a hem lift. The website does say, on average, dress alternations cost about £300-£500, so to keep that aside. I currently have this budgeted at £800 for us both. As far as I know, I should only need maybe one more thing done to my dress, other than the hem lift.
I literally was organising all this while I was travelling with Alex to visit her parents, which omg it took up 9 hours to do a like 5 hour drive! traffic was absolutely insane. we agreed next year when we visit we're not going to go on that weekend, as everyone had the same idea and it was horrendous. We were prepared for it to be terrible on the way back, but we actually got back way quicker than expected. so... yeah, just on the way there was crazy busy, for some reason. It was nice as usual to see her parents. Alex's sister also came over to visit, so we did some days out all together. it was really good fun.
Now for a crazy thing. I know I've lost a lot of weight, but omg, these are a year apart, same spot, still loving the cows. Looking back, I'm honestly really freaked out how much weight I had on me. I'm so much happier with how I look now. It's made my self confidence issues so much better.

A few days after we got back from visiting her parents, Alex and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary! I had said previously that what I really wanted from her was a card, as she'd never given me one, because in her eyes, you only send someone a card when you can't see them in person. I fully expected her just to go out and buy like a cheap card from a card shop. Well, this was waiting for me when I got to hers that day.
Of course, I teased her about the fact that she used a jiffy bag instead of an envelope. Then it became very apartment why she'd done that!


She made me a card! I told her I really wanted a bracelet that tracked a manatee (I've bought her a bunch of them for different animals), and not only did she get me that, but she drew my manatees that are in love! It's an inside joke, I guess? Whenever we shoot arrows that are right next to each other, I say they're in love. I was so blown away by this card. it was so sweet. And then, omg, I had sent her the link to my wish list a few weeks before, just to send her it, and she not only bought me something off it, but she bought me the BIGGEST available size!

Her name is Strudel (named by Ash) and she is quite possibly the softest cow I own. She's currently staying at Alex's and although Alex won't admit it, I keep finding Strudel in the bed when I come over. so she's definitely been cuddling her for me, which is soooo cute! My plushie pile at Alex's is now overflowing from beside the bed to on the bed, but there's no complaints... yet.
The other week Alex and I took Josie on a surprise aquarium date. We've been talking about wanting to go for ages, but it's a pain to get to by public transport, but luckily Alex was up for it. So we all went there for the day. We all had lots of fun seeing all the creatures, and then afterwards went back to Alex's, where we played rockband, and yeah, just had a really nice day.
Onto the main sad event, I guess. Josie's granddad sadly passed away about a few weeks ago. we attended his funeral on Tuesday and yeah, it's hit Josie pretty hard. It's her first loss in the family, which honestly, she's done pretty well to get to 30 before losing anyone. He hasn't been good for a long time, and then had a stroke 5 years ago, so it's just been slowly going downhill from there. I'm really struggling with how to be there and be supportive just now, honestly, because I just keep myself busy and get on with things, whereas Josie has not been to work for like the last 2 weeks, basically. I'm worried about her job security and, of course, just about her. but yeah, I'm struggling to relate at all, because I never needed time off. I just got on with it and had moments where I allowed myself to grieve in private.
I have had a lot of very irrational anxiety and all the people dying thing hasn't helped. I was really triggered by something this week and I am so upset at myself for feeling like this. Basically, a few weeks ago Alex was supposed to go on a date with Ellie, which is no big deal, as I go on 'dates' with Ellie sometimes. I guess the main difference is I'm always respectful and cautious and treat it as friend time, unless Ellie makes a move first to, like, hold hands or whatever.
Alex always like kiss first and ask questions later, and she set this out that she's taking Ellie out because she wants her to know that she likes her more than just as someone to fuck. like she likes to be around her as friends too. I asked if it was a proper date, if she wanted to start dating, you know, just so we could be on the same page. and Alex yet again assured me she doesn't have the time or energy and she just wants to do things like I do with Ellie. So then, I am very confused when Alex starts talking about how she's going to bring Ellie back to hers to fuck her. I understand that they both like sex, but it just does not compute in my brain that you want to take someone out as a friend, then cross that line??? It's not that I have an issue with it, it just seems, idk, a bit weird. but whatever, not my place to say.
Anyway, Alex was very peopled out and canceled the other week so she could have a self-care day. I was texting both her and Ellie that day and they both had said it's fine, they'll rearrange for some other time. This is where this week with everything going on I get very overwhelmed and yeah... triggered is the correct word here. On, like, Thursday, Alex was texting me, asking me if I wanted to make plans for a thing and I suggested we could do it on Sunday, as we already had stuff to do on Saturday. and that's when she tells me she already has plans on Sunday with Ellie. This would have been totally okay if I hadn't been texting Ellie this week asking to make plans, which obviously did not end up happening. I got really freaked out why they would hide this from me, and why they both just didn't tell me they had planned this, when I was trying to make plans with either of them. Obviously, looking at it now, I can see it isn't a big deal. But in the moment, it brought back all those horrible feelings of betrayal of Alex not telling me her plans and traveling to see that person. I was upset, and really irrationally anxious about their date now, because I had all those feelings of hurt attached to it, and the worry that they were both hiding it from me, for some reason.
Today they're spending the day together and like, it's fine. I don't feel bad about it. Just have a little FOMO, as I wanna go out and do fun things with people I like. I guess it also just felt extra crappy because I was trying to make plans with both of them to do fun things this week, but none of the plans worked out, and instead I've spent the week having to deal with grief and sad feelings in my household, and just haven't had a break from that.
Hoping next week is a better week. I have some exciting stuff happening in the next weeks, so hopefully that will make everything seem a bit brighter.