kittyxuchiha11
Member
I've been putting off writing an update since i've been having some really hardcore anxiety but maybe writing it out will make me feel better. Only one way to test that theory.
I was feeling really really good about stuff with Alex and this week the good fuzy feeling has just been replaced with such anxiety and dread. She's been replying to me loads in the past like 2 weeks and even had me stay over last wednesday and spend like all of thursday there so we saw each other twice in one week. I loved it, and we did a similar thing the week before and then this week she's barely replying and like she came over to play dnd with me last night and was her usual affectionate self and I didn't feel any bad vibes from her but I asked if maybe I could stay over at hers like I did last week and she said she'd rather have time to herself but she's happy to see me on saturday,
I know loggically she's an introvert whos probably just a bit burnt out and wants some time to recover and have some alone time, But I feel like logic is not working with my brain this week and I just feel so disconnected and so shit about it. I have a suspsicion it's because my perod is due (and it's late! but is have PCOS and never have had a reggular cycle...I also tested for pregnancy just in case but its super negative) so I'm like horny as hell and you'd think out of having 3 partners one of them would help with that but nope! I think I might just be feeling a bit dejected on all fronts and my one partner who I'm like really focused on just now not talking as much as I'd like is making everything seem terrible.
They have replied a little but more today and I've had a busy day so i've not been staring at my phone waiting for texts so I feel kinda okay today but ugh I hate feeling like this. I'm honestly scared to voice these emotions and ask her if everythings okay because I did that the other week and I know how annoying it is to have to constantly reassure someone that everything is okay over and over again. Anxiety is like the most unnatractive trait and I'm really in my own head about this all and i'm just so annoyed at myself that I can't just get a grip!
Okay writing it out did help, onto happier and healthier things!
I've been discussing valentines day plans with my partners (Because yes I am that prepared bitch who gets stuff a month before haha) Alex basically said they've never really done valentines day and they're happy to do stuff if I want but it's not a big deal to them. Like I assumed everyone did at least a date or a present or something but apparently nope she has never done valentines presents ever!
My mum is coming to visit me so we can see a concert together on the 7th of feb, so Alex is going to have breakfast with us and meet her for a few hours before my mum gets her train home again on the 8th. I've asked them to get the 8th and 9th off so we can do stuff both days, not sure what we're going to do apart from brekfast on the 7th but on the 8th I have a silly crazy golf thing booked and I'll prob book somewhere nice for us to eat. Although she said she doesn't do presents I've sort of accidentally bought her a present...oops! I've gotten her a personalised guitar pick as she plays guitar A LOT, and I'm going to make her a cute like keychain for her keys!
With Ash we're doing a ring making class on the 13th that i've been wanting to do for ages! not sure on presents for her yet or if I will get her anything but I might book somewhere for us to eat and call the class and dinner the gift honestly.
With Josie we don't have plans just now but I told her I want a cute plushie we saw when shopping the other week, if she remembers that is. I have 2 plushies on preorder that are technically her presents but it feels a bit crap not giving anything on the actual day so I'm not sure what to do. I'll see how the last keychain I made her is holding up and go from there I guess haha
I was feeling really really good about stuff with Alex and this week the good fuzy feeling has just been replaced with such anxiety and dread. She's been replying to me loads in the past like 2 weeks and even had me stay over last wednesday and spend like all of thursday there so we saw each other twice in one week. I loved it, and we did a similar thing the week before and then this week she's barely replying and like she came over to play dnd with me last night and was her usual affectionate self and I didn't feel any bad vibes from her but I asked if maybe I could stay over at hers like I did last week and she said she'd rather have time to herself but she's happy to see me on saturday,
I know loggically she's an introvert whos probably just a bit burnt out and wants some time to recover and have some alone time, But I feel like logic is not working with my brain this week and I just feel so disconnected and so shit about it. I have a suspsicion it's because my perod is due (and it's late! but is have PCOS and never have had a reggular cycle...I also tested for pregnancy just in case but its super negative) so I'm like horny as hell and you'd think out of having 3 partners one of them would help with that but nope! I think I might just be feeling a bit dejected on all fronts and my one partner who I'm like really focused on just now not talking as much as I'd like is making everything seem terrible.
They have replied a little but more today and I've had a busy day so i've not been staring at my phone waiting for texts so I feel kinda okay today but ugh I hate feeling like this. I'm honestly scared to voice these emotions and ask her if everythings okay because I did that the other week and I know how annoying it is to have to constantly reassure someone that everything is okay over and over again. Anxiety is like the most unnatractive trait and I'm really in my own head about this all and i'm just so annoyed at myself that I can't just get a grip!
Okay writing it out did help, onto happier and healthier things!
I've been discussing valentines day plans with my partners (Because yes I am that prepared bitch who gets stuff a month before haha) Alex basically said they've never really done valentines day and they're happy to do stuff if I want but it's not a big deal to them. Like I assumed everyone did at least a date or a present or something but apparently nope she has never done valentines presents ever!
My mum is coming to visit me so we can see a concert together on the 7th of feb, so Alex is going to have breakfast with us and meet her for a few hours before my mum gets her train home again on the 8th. I've asked them to get the 8th and 9th off so we can do stuff both days, not sure what we're going to do apart from brekfast on the 7th but on the 8th I have a silly crazy golf thing booked and I'll prob book somewhere nice for us to eat. Although she said she doesn't do presents I've sort of accidentally bought her a present...oops! I've gotten her a personalised guitar pick as she plays guitar A LOT, and I'm going to make her a cute like keychain for her keys!
With Ash we're doing a ring making class on the 13th that i've been wanting to do for ages! not sure on presents for her yet or if I will get her anything but I might book somewhere for us to eat and call the class and dinner the gift honestly.
With Josie we don't have plans just now but I told her I want a cute plushie we saw when shopping the other week, if she remembers that is. I have 2 plushies on preorder that are technically her presents but it feels a bit crap not giving anything on the actual day so I'm not sure what to do. I'll see how the last keychain I made her is holding up and go from there I guess haha