NEW - Seeking Advice

TheMightyFionn

New member
Hello and Happy Holidays to all.
My reason for posting here is to have people challenge and entice my thoughts, perhaps give me some critical advice and help me formulate my thoughts and emotions.

A little about me. 65, widowed, from NJ, grown children, grandchildren. I am in good health, active and yet have not had a relationship post-pandemic. I have had dates, but no one has really grabbed my interest. I am an innately happy person, BUT I also feel that I would be a better man with a partner/woman in my life. My belief system is that I am NOT a promiscuous person, and although I may not go to church very often, my faith is important to me. I believe in my heart of hearts that the physical aspects of intimacy are in fact part of the spiritual, emotional, and intellectual aspects of intimacy. "I" feel you cannot have one without the rest.

So, all that said... recently I have been thinking long about who/what is my team for getting older.
Would it be better to have two women in my life to build something for later together?
Should I consider having children again? (My grandfather was having kids at 65.)
Does anyone know of older gentlemen starting a new family steeped in faith with more than one woman?
What are your experiences that could assist me with my MOST SINCERE ideas?

Please know that I am not naive to think that this is easy. I understand adult relations are very complicated for two people who possess ego, pride, trust issues, and that adding a 3rd probably grows that exponentially. I understand that. I understand that 92% of poly relationships fail. But I also believe a STRONG faith, clear communications and managing expectations better your chances in life.

So... anyone feel like taking a shot at this?

Kindest regards,
TMF
 
Greetings TheMightyFionn,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Every individual is unique, and thus, every relationship is unique. Polyamory is right for some, monogamy is right for others. What you have to figure out, is whether polyamory is right for you. I see that you have been a member here since 2011, and so even though this was your first and only post so far, you may have done a lot of reading and research about poly over the years. If this isn't the case, do invest some time reading and posting here, there is a lot of research to be done before you'll know if poly is right for you.

It sounds like siring children late in life is something that runs in your family, so maybe having kids at this time is right for you. You are in good health and active, so maybe you could keep up with newborns and toddlers. You had kids when you were younger, so you know how much hard work it is to take care of babies and young children. Whether you're still up to that challenge now, is a call you'll have to make for yourself.

There are all kinds of poly relationships out there. Certainly there are older gentlemen steeped in faith and partnered with multiple women. I will be sixty next year, and I am in an MFM V. I abandoned the faith of my youth, though, over twenty years ago. I am an atheist now. My partner is still a believer, but none of us are affiliated with any church. All this just to show you that there is a wide range of poly relationships.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Hello and Happy Holidays to all.
My reason for posting here is to have people challenge and entice my thoughts, perhaps give me some critical advise and help me formulate my thoughts and emotions.

A little about me. 65, widowed, from NJ, grown children, grandchildren. I am in good health, active and yet have not had a relationship post-pandemic. I have had dates, but no one has really grabbed my interest. I am an innately happy person, BUT I also feel that I would be a better man with a partner/woman in my life. My belief system is that I am NOT a promiscuous person, and although I may not go to church very often, my faith is important to me. I believe in my heart of hearts that the physical aspects of intimacy are in fact part of the spiritual, emotional, and intellectual aspects of intimacy. "I" feel you cannot have one without the rest.

So all that said... I recently I have been thinking long about who/what is my team for getting older.
Would it be better to have two women in my life to build something for later together?
Should I consider having children again? (My grandfather was having kids at 65.)
Does anyone know of older gentlemen starting a new family steeped in faith with more than one woman?

What are your experiences that could assist me with my MOST SINCERE ideas? Please know that I am not naive to think that this is easy. I understand adult relations are very complicated for two people who possess ego, pride, trust issues, and that adding a 3rd probably grows that exponentially. I understand that. I understand that 92% of poly relationships fail. But I also believe a STRONG faith, clear communications and managing expectations better your chances in life.
There's so much here, so let me repeat what jumped out to me.

You are 65, so in your prime retirement years.

Your faith is strong, but you didn't say if you are religious and how that might add or take away from your experience. Many religions would not find this acceptable. Are you seeking women from your faith? What is the likelihood you'll find faithful women who also want polyamory?

You'd like more children. You didn't say whether they would be biological or not, But assuming they are, you are then looking to date women at least 30 years younger than you. This may pose a big problem when you actually retire and want to live a retired life, but your partner is in her prime years for career and building her own vision, not ready to have a retired life, especially with children.

Are you prepared to not be at their HS graduation or wedding or to meet grandkids? Will your partners be prepared to be a caregiver to you and take care of kids, if it comes to that? Will they be ready to be single parents if something happens?

It's one thing to figure out what you want, but it's another to find someone that fits your ideal. Add poly, kids, and the chances of finding the partners for you become way harder than the dating game you've been doing without success so far.

Nothing is impossible, and if it's what you want, go in with that up front. But you need to be okay with it not happening or it will consume you. Find what you'd be happy with and start there. If the dream happens, then bonus!
 
Thank you for responding. I am not subscribing to have children. I am not. My position is that I am not opposed to it. I would prefer age appropriate.

My faith is strong, but I believe that the relationship between man and woman is a union of spirit, and as such, the belief system that we create in the eyes of God. Anything done with sincere acts of love are wholesome acts. I hope that clarifies my position.
 
Again, no assumptions about what religion you are, but if you're from the US or Canada, and you believe in a monotheistic "God," chances are you're Christian. There are some churches that are more open to polyamory than others. Even though there was polygyny in the Hebrew Bible, the attitude towards it in Christianity, at least "orthodox" Christianity, has not been very positive. People tend toward the one man/one woman model, based on Adam and Eve.

We do have a Religion and Spirituality forum, and at least one recent thread on how poly and Chrisitianity mix. Check it out!


Leaving religion out of it, the best way to start practicing polyamory is to do some research. We have a great list of resources, articles, books and a podcast, which will give you a good foundation, so you can avoid making common mistakes and have a better chance at success.


And, as Kevin noted, the Golden Nuggets forum here also has a wealth of information in the form of older merged threads on our most common poly topics.

 
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