Nobody's Fool
- Thread starter FeatherFool
- Start date
Hannahfluke
Member
I am so, so sorry! <hugs> You and Tails will be in my thoughts.
silencebreaking
New member
I am so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts.
starlight1
Active member
I am so sorry. This is horrible. 
You are in my thoughts.
You are in my thoughts.breathemusic
Active member
Just wanted to add my condolences. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now and am very sorry for your loss!
GirlFromTexlahoma
New member
I'm so sorry, FeatherFool. Thinking of you and your loved ones, and sending hugs.
I've been thinking of you since you wrote, and just sending loving thoughts your way, to you and poor Tails. This just isn't right. This just isn't supposed to happen to such nice people. You've only been on the board a short while, but I've enjoyed your writing, and feel I somehow know you, and feel so hurt for you!
Me too. I did not know how to express it - Magdlyn said exactly what has been going on in my mind. It feels like I know you, and I feel hurt and sad. I can't even imagine what you and Tails are going through!
(((hugs)))
Spork
Active member
Oh no
Just read...cried at my desk...I am so, so sorry. There aren't words for this.
I feel like an extended family member has spoken this news. Wish I could bring you food and hug you both, something more meaningful than just saying, "I am sorry for your loss." My heart hurts for you.
Lots of love to you and Tails.
Just read...cried at my desk...I am so, so sorry. There aren't words for this.
I feel like an extended family member has spoken this news. Wish I could bring you food and hug you both, something more meaningful than just saying, "I am sorry for your loss." My heart hurts for you.
Lots of love to you and Tails.
FeatherFool
New member
Thank you all, so very much. It means a lot to me that there are people in the world like those on this board.
It's been hell. I can't lie. I can't do much of anything right now, actually.
Last weekend was a national holiday where I live. Jaeger was heading home from a party with some friends. He crossed the street to his car, and was hit by a drunk driver. He later passed away at the hospital.
His funeral was on Thursday.
I can't believe I have to type those words. His funeral. I hate those words. Hate them. I am not by nature an angry person, but I'm so filled with rage I don't know what to do with myself. I hate that driver so much. I hate that their stupid, stupid life choices robbed me of someone I care for so much, and robbed someone else I care for of their life partner as well. My therapist said this was a "normal stage of grief", but it doesn't feel normal. I don't feel like myself and that scares me.
And Tails. Oh, Tails. What am I to do with you?
He is a hollow man. He isn't even raging like I am. His eyes are dull. He isn't showering. I have to all but force him to eat, which ends in a fight, which ends with both of us in tears. Yesterday he wouldn't even come to the door when I came by to see him, and then yelled at me when I used my key to enter anyways. I feel like I am losing them both and it hurts. And then I get mad at him, too. I need comfort, I need care. How dare he lock me out. Then the guilt and shame start. He lost his best friend, lover, and (for all intents and purposes) husband of nearly 20 years. Jaeger has been my friend for years, but we were only together for less than a year. It is not the same. And yet... and yet that anger rears it's head again and hisses that it's not fair, it's not fair...
I want to be cuddled and held. Tails can't stand for me to touch him right now, though he accepts consolation from others. I feel like we are grinding up against each other, scraping bits of our relationship away each time.
Tails' and Jaegers' family have been a huge support for him. When I go over, his fridge is full of frozen meals, and the last time someone had done his laundry.
I feel so alone. I hate this. I want him back. I want him back!
The funeral was awful, obviously. It hurt so much. It was full of people I'd never met, and Tails was surrounded by his parents and siblings. It hurt that he hadn't saved me a seat with him. I sat on the end of the row by one of Jaeger's cousins. I've never met Jaeger's or Tails' families. I knew a few of their friends, but no one really well. I tried to hold it together, but these awful coughing sobs kept escaping. I felt like everyone was staring at me. That's my anxiety talking (it's been pretty bad this past week- no shock) but I hate hate hated being all alone. I wish I'd asked my poly friend to come with me, but I was such a mess I didn't think of it. I had thought I'd be with Tails.
Tails' parents were very kind to me. Jaeger's dad gave me a hug and wouldn't let go for a long time. Jaeger looks (oh god oh god, looked) so much like him. They give the same hugs, even smell almost the same. I didn't want to let him go. Jaeger's and Tails' friends were kind but didn't seem to know what to do with me.
I also met their previous triad member. I'll call her Kitten. She was fabulous, honestly. Everyone else was giving me small shoulder pats and sad smiles. She all but ran up to me and she gave me the hardest hug ever. We cried together. I had no idea who she was- not until later did she introduce herself. She must have gotten my cell number from Tails, because she has been texting me throughout the week, checking in. I'm pathetically grateful.
Because... I don't know where to turn to for the support I need. Tails is a mess. The only friend or family member I have who knew I was dating Tails and Jaeger is my poly friend. How do I explain to my sisters that I've been dating a fellow for almost a year, without telling them, and now he is dead? I don't know.
And, late at night, I can't sleep because I never told Jaeger I loved him. I was such a coward. I understand now why some people choose to believe in an afterlife. It would be nice to think that he would know, somehow, how much I regret that.
Everything is shit and I hate it.
It's been hell. I can't lie. I can't do much of anything right now, actually.
Last weekend was a national holiday where I live. Jaeger was heading home from a party with some friends. He crossed the street to his car, and was hit by a drunk driver. He later passed away at the hospital.
His funeral was on Thursday.
I can't believe I have to type those words. His funeral. I hate those words. Hate them. I am not by nature an angry person, but I'm so filled with rage I don't know what to do with myself. I hate that driver so much. I hate that their stupid, stupid life choices robbed me of someone I care for so much, and robbed someone else I care for of their life partner as well. My therapist said this was a "normal stage of grief", but it doesn't feel normal. I don't feel like myself and that scares me.
And Tails. Oh, Tails. What am I to do with you?
He is a hollow man. He isn't even raging like I am. His eyes are dull. He isn't showering. I have to all but force him to eat, which ends in a fight, which ends with both of us in tears. Yesterday he wouldn't even come to the door when I came by to see him, and then yelled at me when I used my key to enter anyways. I feel like I am losing them both and it hurts. And then I get mad at him, too. I need comfort, I need care. How dare he lock me out. Then the guilt and shame start. He lost his best friend, lover, and (for all intents and purposes) husband of nearly 20 years. Jaeger has been my friend for years, but we were only together for less than a year. It is not the same. And yet... and yet that anger rears it's head again and hisses that it's not fair, it's not fair...
I want to be cuddled and held. Tails can't stand for me to touch him right now, though he accepts consolation from others. I feel like we are grinding up against each other, scraping bits of our relationship away each time.
Tails' and Jaegers' family have been a huge support for him. When I go over, his fridge is full of frozen meals, and the last time someone had done his laundry.
I feel so alone. I hate this. I want him back. I want him back!
The funeral was awful, obviously. It hurt so much. It was full of people I'd never met, and Tails was surrounded by his parents and siblings. It hurt that he hadn't saved me a seat with him. I sat on the end of the row by one of Jaeger's cousins. I've never met Jaeger's or Tails' families. I knew a few of their friends, but no one really well. I tried to hold it together, but these awful coughing sobs kept escaping. I felt like everyone was staring at me. That's my anxiety talking (it's been pretty bad this past week- no shock) but I hate hate hated being all alone. I wish I'd asked my poly friend to come with me, but I was such a mess I didn't think of it. I had thought I'd be with Tails.
Tails' parents were very kind to me. Jaeger's dad gave me a hug and wouldn't let go for a long time. Jaeger looks (oh god oh god, looked) so much like him. They give the same hugs, even smell almost the same. I didn't want to let him go. Jaeger's and Tails' friends were kind but didn't seem to know what to do with me.
I also met their previous triad member. I'll call her Kitten. She was fabulous, honestly. Everyone else was giving me small shoulder pats and sad smiles. She all but ran up to me and she gave me the hardest hug ever. We cried together. I had no idea who she was- not until later did she introduce herself. She must have gotten my cell number from Tails, because she has been texting me throughout the week, checking in. I'm pathetically grateful.
Because... I don't know where to turn to for the support I need. Tails is a mess. The only friend or family member I have who knew I was dating Tails and Jaeger is my poly friend. How do I explain to my sisters that I've been dating a fellow for almost a year, without telling them, and now he is dead? I don't know.
And, late at night, I can't sleep because I never told Jaeger I loved him. I was such a coward. I understand now why some people choose to believe in an afterlife. It would be nice to think that he would know, somehow, how much I regret that.
Everything is shit and I hate it.
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InfinitePossibility
New member
This is so sad to read. Sending you hugs.
Somebody close to me lost her husband in a road traffic accident. Nobody was drunk - it was careless driving on the part of the other driver.
This was about 8 years ago now. The rage that my friend felt was incredible. I used to phone her daily to check she'd got through the night okay and she'd spend every phone call just yelling at me about the things that were making her angry - which was everything. Anger is pretty normal, I think. Certainly it seemed normal to me to be furious about a life ripped apart because of somebody else's carelessness.
Try and take support where you can from whoever can provide it and look after yourself. xxx
Somebody close to me lost her husband in a road traffic accident. Nobody was drunk - it was careless driving on the part of the other driver.
This was about 8 years ago now. The rage that my friend felt was incredible. I used to phone her daily to check she'd got through the night okay and she'd spend every phone call just yelling at me about the things that were making her angry - which was everything. Anger is pretty normal, I think. Certainly it seemed normal to me to be furious about a life ripped apart because of somebody else's carelessness.
Try and take support where you can from whoever can provide it and look after yourself. xxx
I send you hugs and sympathy in this awful time.
If you interect with your sisters regularly I think you should just tell them that you have been involved romantically with a long term friend and he has been killed. They may be surprised but I imagine they would step up to give you support. Perhaps you will find a sister you can confide the whole story to.
Kitten seems to share your grief and is willing to support you. She can probably use support herself from someone uniquely able to understand.
It is too bad that just now Tails' overwhelming pain causes him to withdraw. Many people handle traumatic pain that way. If you keep letting him know you are there for him he may reach out to you from the black hole when he is able. Do not take his lashing out too much to heart. It is his pain, not you.
My heart is sore for you both.
Leetah
If you interect with your sisters regularly I think you should just tell them that you have been involved romantically with a long term friend and he has been killed. They may be surprised but I imagine they would step up to give you support. Perhaps you will find a sister you can confide the whole story to.
Kitten seems to share your grief and is willing to support you. She can probably use support herself from someone uniquely able to understand.
It is too bad that just now Tails' overwhelming pain causes him to withdraw. Many people handle traumatic pain that way. If you keep letting him know you are there for him he may reach out to you from the black hole when he is able. Do not take his lashing out too much to heart. It is his pain, not you.
My heart is sore for you both.
Leetah
Oh Feather, my heart is breaking for you. Thank you for letting us know what happened, and how the first week went, no matter how horrible and nightmarish it has been. I am sorry Tails has withdrawn. Lots of men will do that, whereas women need to talk.
The funeral sounded terrible, but I am glad you got a hug from Jaeger's dad.
I hope Kitten and you keep supporting each other, and maybe you can tell your sisters about it. I am not sure why, if you were close with them, you didn't tell them. I guess they knew J was with Tails and you reckoned you better not come out to them. Sigh...!
I'm sorry Tails can't eat, can barely move. I hope he comes out of that initial shock place and sees you again, sooner rather than later, dear Feather.
Please keep writing here if it helps. My mom died suddenly some time ago, and I know what a shock it is to lose a dearly beloved, vibrant, healthy person. It's so unbelievable! And of course, Jaeger was so young, and huge, seemed invincible, and such a rock for you. Ach. A thousand hugs coming your way.
The funeral sounded terrible, but I am glad you got a hug from Jaeger's dad.
I hope Kitten and you keep supporting each other, and maybe you can tell your sisters about it. I am not sure why, if you were close with them, you didn't tell them. I guess they knew J was with Tails and you reckoned you better not come out to them. Sigh...!
I'm sorry Tails can't eat, can barely move. I hope he comes out of that initial shock place and sees you again, sooner rather than later, dear Feather.
Please keep writing here if it helps. My mom died suddenly some time ago, and I know what a shock it is to lose a dearly beloved, vibrant, healthy person. It's so unbelievable! And of course, Jaeger was so young, and huge, seemed invincible, and such a rock for you. Ach. A thousand hugs coming your way.
GirlFromTexlahoma
New member
I wish I had words to comfort you, but I have been there - sudden loss, overwhelming grief - and I know there's nothing anyone can say that really helps.
Rage against the world, wallow in self pity, feel whatever and however you need.
And know that everyone here is thinking of you.
Rage against the world, wallow in self pity, feel whatever and however you need.
And know that everyone here is thinking of you.
