Not Dead Yet!

Awwwwww! Your last post was so joyful - hard not to smile after reading that! :)
 
Aaw, I'm so happy to read about your happiness! :) :)

opalescent said:
I still have some worries. Glow is transgender, and transitioning from male to female. I fully support her in this. She is so much happier expressing her real gender identity. (I met her just before she started living life full-time as a woman. While I liked her when she was presenting as a man, the difference is palpable.)

However, I have heard that starting hormones can really do a number on sexual desire and function. Our sexual connection is amazing. I would be terribly sad to lose that. On the other hand, this may not happen. Everyone is different. I expect her sexuality may change and I'm ok with that. But I've been in a sexless marriage - where I was the one who lost all sexual drive and interest - and I never want to be in such a relationship again. Sex is important to me. So I'm just fearful. She is worried about losing sexual desire too but feels hormones are her natural next step. (She's really looking forward to boobs!) I am just going to have to see how things evolve and change. I can't know what will happen. I'm mostly just trying to acknowledge my fears both to myself and to her and not allow those fears to determine my actions.
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This is something I can relate to, rory being transgender and being in the middle of transitioning right now. Feel free to send me a private message if you ever want to talk more about these things with someone who is in the same situation!
 
Thanks everyone for the well wishes! :D

Yesterday I added Glow on my social networks - such a simple thing but felt very meaningful to me. I don't update relationship status on social media unless it's truly significant. This relationship feels significant.
 
opalescent said:
... Glow is transgender, and transitioning from male to female. I fully support her in this. She is so much happier expressing her real gender identity. (I met her just before she started living life full-time as a woman. While I liked her when she was presenting as a man, the difference is palpable.)

However, I have heard that starting hormones can really do a number on sexual desire and function. Our sexual connection is amazing. I would be terribly sad to lose that. On the other hand, this may not happen. Everyone is different. I expect her sexuality may change and I'm ok with that. But I've been in a sexless marriage - where I was the one who lost all sexual drive and interest - and I never want to be in such a relationship again. Sex is important to me. So I'm just fearful. She is worried about losing sexual desire too but feels hormones are her natural next step. (She's really looking forward to boobs!) I am just going to have to see how things evolve and change. I can't know what will happen. I'm mostly just trying to acknowledge my fears both to myself and to her and not allow those fears to determine my actions.
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Your fears are well founded. Having been in a long term relationship with miss pixi for nearly 7 years now, we've been through the gamut. She also started hormones and talk therapy just before we met.

Her desire had been very high before hormones, almost overwhelming. The stories she told me about the crazy kinky things she'd done in the past really turned me on, in fact. However, soon after her NRE for me wore off, her libido really dropped, as her feminine physical characteristics increased. All that estrogen and progesterone, so little testosterone! Really damps down desire. And it's all the time, not even predictably cyclical, like a cis-woman. Add in, she suffers from anxiety disorder, and of course, just the gender dysphoria itself can make her feel unattractive and therefore, not sexy or sexual, sometimes.

So sometimes we go 2 or 2 1/2 weeks with no sex. Sometimes she is anxious, sometimes she just gets busy with fun projects and seems to forget sex exists.

But then she rallies and we might have very good frequent sex for a week or two. However, her low libdio (and my very high libido) is a large part of why I am poly, and seek men with dependably high libidos like my own.
And the sex is amazing. Very connected, very hot. I have often felt that I had to present how I have sex in certain ways. Fit into certain boxes and not show all I am sexually. Don't be as aggressive as I would like sometimes. Don't be as receptive as I can be sometimes. Be one thing or the other but not both and no switching back and forth! Laugh but not too loudly. Take sex seriously. Casual sex is problematic until it isn't. No giggling. Don't mock gender norms. Be submissive. Be vanilla. Don't be kinky. Be dominant. Don't get attached. Get attached but only in certain ways.

But so far everything I have put out there Glow just accepts. Whatever sexual vibe I am putting out there, she explores, sees how she likes it. And even if it's not her thing, she accepts it and me. That is so rare and precious.

I am so happy!
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I hope that continues! I must say that miss pixi is entirely accepting of all the facets of my sexuality, even if she can't always entirely fulfill me. She is even more attracted to me when she knows I've got another partner or two who are sexing me up good. It takes the pressure off her to satisfy me, and therefore, paradoxically, makes her want sex with me more, as it comes from her true desire, and not some kind of duty.
 
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@Magdlyn,

Thanks for taking the time to write about your and miss pixi's experiences. It's actually helpful to hear how other folks have managed that situation.

I'm still concerned about the lack of desire. Glow is too. However, we recently acknowledged that we are both scared about her starting hormones. She's scared of losing desire and function, I'm scared about her losing desire (function I can think of many sexy alternatives). She's worried about hormones fundamentally changing her personality. I don't think this is likely, at least for the long term but hormones are terribly powerful things. Still, she is going forward, as she should. She's ok with living with the irreversible consequences if she starts hormones and then decides to stop.

It was really good just to tell her that I am scared about the consequences of hormone therapy, both for her and for how it could impact our relationship. I found that just telling her about my fears was very releasing. The consequences are still there, still possible. But acknowledging fear makes it more manageable for me.
 
It's always good to air out the fears. Then you know what you are dealing with, specifically, and are better prepared to find solutions for any problem.
 
My relationship with Glow continues to go well. We spent Thanksgiving together which was great. It turned into an impromptu multi-day stay. That wasn't planned but it was great to spend that much time with her. Normally people get on my nerves spending that much time with someone. But Glow doesn't drain me, doesn't feel all up in my space.

Sex continues to be amazing. :D

She also met my parents. It's early for such a step but she is already important to me. My parents have not brought up Glow being transgender and I am not sure if they will. They tend to not talk about potentially difficult things. So we will see how that develops.

Things with Willow and Bean continue to be low key and enjoyable. I'm content with that connection.
 
Oh I am glad you had your long weekend date! Sounds like miss pixi and me. Our first date lasted 3 days lol

Did Glow start hormones yet? I am glad the sex was great, whether she did start on them already or not.
 
@Magdyln, no HRT yet. She is having trouble getting a response from the endocrinologist recommended by her therapist.
 
Being ignored is a a trigger for me

I've noticed an odd pattern in some of the threads I've posted on. I write something, the conversion continues but what I write is just ignored. No response, no quoting, nothing. My words are not acknowledged at all, even if the ideas I bought up are being discussed. Mostly it's the OP not responding to me but sometimes it's other posters in the thread too. It's happens often enough recently that it's bothering me. I don't expect a reply. I'm not entitled to one and people decide want they want to discuss. But I do wonder if I am not communicating well. I think I am communicating fine but perhaps I am not? I don't believe I am just saying what everyone else is saying either.

Thoughts and ideas are welcome. I would like to know if I am presenting in such a way that does not encourage engagement with me.

I'm really puzzled and rather hurt which is frustrating as I usually don't allow online stuff to be that meaningful to me. And as I mention in the title, I have few triggers. But being ignored is definitely one of them.
 
Oh, you communicate very well, and very compassionately. In fact, Opalescent, what I have usually seen with your posts is that your insights are frequently very perceptive and "on the money" regarding people's problems/issues/bullshit, etc. My guess is that you don't get responses because, perhaps, to acknowledge or engage with you would mean that those folks would have to get their heads out of their asses and look at reality, and that might be something they'd rather avoid!
 
Hi opalescent,

My response rate has become thinner lately, I don't respond to stuff in threads as often. I do apologize for my part of the crickets you've been hearing. I don't like to be ignored either so I can sympathize with what you're experiencing.

I think that your recent posts (the ones I've read) have all been of perfectly good quality, and I don't understand why you're not getting many (any?) responses. I can only speak for myself. I've had a hard time thinking of what to post lately. D'oh.
 
I have had this too on the couple of forums I frequent. It is disconcerting. I am pretty new to forum life so I don't know the conventions but I have decided that they must of necessity be slightly different from conversational conventions where one expects to get a head nod or a "yeah" at least, before people move on. Since people posting immediately after are likely replying to an earlier post without having seen yours and people posting after them may or may not see your post at all but might be replying to the later posts there is always a chance no one will take note of what you said. I generally try to hope that the OP, or someone, will get some value out of what I posted. I don't know if it is kosher to bring ideas up again later if you are really wanting to get feedback.

Leetah
 
being ignored is one of my main triggers too, and it's one of the main reasons I have such a love/hate relationship with online forums. Communication is not the same as IRL, and I constantly have to remind myself of the fact that I often read something that really clicks with me but yet I don't write a response... so who can tell how many people read my posts and get something out of them without commenting?

FWIW, I always love your posts both here on the blog and on other threads. Like nycindie said I always feel they are insightful and respectful. So it's not you, it's us :)

(also, I will often type out a response and then delete because I am not happy with either the English or how i have expressed things. The last time I actively participated in a thread I felt I could not really get my point across)
 
Sometimes what happens to me is I plan on writing a response but then shelve doing so until a later time, usually because I'm either on my phone (and posting from it kinda sucks) or I need to be doing other things. Then I come back to the thread, and the conversation has shifted so what I had to say isn't as relevant anymore, so I decide not to add it.
 
A lot of times I read the forum while using my daylight lamp before work, so I don't reply because I often either don't have time before I need to go or I'm still not 100% awake yet so I'm not incredibly articulate (witness using the word feelings instead of perception on River's thread, he totally ignored my point to argue semantics of the word I used). I'm sorry you're feeling ignored. I always enjoy reading your posts and feel you are articulate and caring in them. It's obvious to me that you put a lot of time and energy into your posts, so that probably adds another layer, feeling like maybe you wasted your time. I'm mostly a lurker, but I'll try to comment when I find your posts helpful or informative. I like you and feel bad that this is triggering you and I'd hate to see you stop posting because of it, because I, for one, would miss you and your wonderful posts. Sorry about spelling your handle wrong in River's thread!
 
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Opalescent, you're one of my faves. Your posts are always worth a read. I think the "being ignored" thing happens to pretty much everyone at various times. I know that my posts get ignored left, right and center!

There's a current thread in which you're referenced quite a few times as having added essential contributions to the discussion. :)
 
opalescent said:
I've noticed an odd pattern in some of the threads I've posted on. I write something, the conversion continues but what I write is just ignored. No response, no quoting, nothing. My words are not acknowledged at all, even if the ideas I bought up are being discussed. Mostly it's the OP not responding to me but sometimes it's other posters in the thread too. It's happens often enough recently that it's bothering me. I don't expect a reply. I'm not entitled to one and people decide want they want to discuss. But I do wonder if I am not communicating well. I think I am communicating fine but perhaps I am not? I don't believe I am just saying what everyone else is saying either.

Thoughts and ideas are welcome. I would like to know if I am presenting in such a way that does not encourage engagement with me.

I'm really puzzled and rather hurt which is frustrating as I usually don't allow online stuff to be that meaningful to me. And as I mention in the title, I have few triggers. But being ignored is definitely one of them.
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((Hugs)) you are not ignored. I read your posts on forums but I tend not to comment there much at all, and very selective about posting in peoples blogs unless I see other people post just because I feel It's like walking into a house uninvited!

Like NYCindie, I also don't reply often because I am reading on my phone and when I do make a post to my blog, or to others blogs, I am on my laptop only then. So it's nothing personal from me either! I love reading your blog.
 
I'm with NYC in that I often intend to reply to a post but when I get around to it the point has often already been made and the conversation has moved on. I tend to (not always, but usually) read the entire thread before I answer, so I will be going along and formulating a reply and then come across a post (like yours) that says what I would have said (and likely better) so I don't tend to add "What they said..." posts.

I used to get offended when it seemed like my post was the "thread-killer" (the final post in a thread) - now I just tell myself to assume that I made my point and there was no rebuttal necessary :p.
 
Thank you all for chiming in! I wasn't thinking of anyone specifically. Please don't think I was upset at any one in particular. I just wanted to check if I was communicating in an off putting manner and didn't realize it. It is really nice to receive your reassurances - nice feels inadequate but will have to do. Thank you. The kindness and thoughtfulness is why I stick around these parts.

And I appreciate everyone's thoughts in when and how we post. I do all those things too (too tired, on phone, people already said helpful stuff, conversation has moved on, etc.) I will respond in more detail later on - as its late, I'm tired and I'm on my phone! (Lol, as the kids say)
 
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