Hi everyone, long time lurker here with a problem…
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 2 years. When we started dating we both talked about how we were open to other relationship configurations but we decided to keep things mono so we could get to know each other and get comfortable. Over the past few months we have started talking more about opening up to secondary relationships and discussing boundaries. We each have our own boundaries that we desire, for example my personal space is very important and I don’t want him bringing people into our home. He has responded pretty well to all of my boundaries but I am really struggling with one of his…
He doesn’t want me to have sex with someone that has a larger penis than his… I have been trying to keep an open mind about this but I just can’t get past it. Early in our relationship he did ask me about the penises of other men I have had sex with, which I found really awkward and difficult to talk about. But I basically told him that the men I have been with have all been about the same size except for one man who was particularly small. After that conversation we never talked about it again, but according to him, one of the things that made him feel secure in the relationship was the fact that I had never been with a “porno penis”…
I don't ever think about penis size, and, as a matter of fact I have a feeling I may find a "porno penis" uncomfortable. I originally agreed to the stipulation without really thinking about the consequences because I wanted to be supportive. Unfortunately I don’t really know how to enforce such a ridiculous rule… It’s not like I can know a man’s penis size before the act of sex. Furthermore I don’t really feel like it’s fair, I would hate to grow close to someone only to have to turn them away because of a physical attribute. It feels shallow and wrong. I have tried reasoning with my boyfriend and he acknowledges that he is being insecure about this but claims that it is a situation he will not subject himself to and that if I cannot respect his boundary on this issue he would rather stay monogamous or end the relationship.
This is the first dispute that he has ever been so adamant about, this is the first time we really haven’t seen eye to eye on an issue and the fact that he is willing to potentially end our relationship over it is heartbreaking and frustrating. I do not know what to do… I don’t even care about my arbitrary future lover’s penis, I just don’t want unfair restrictions placed on me.
Has anyone gone through this, or heard of this before? I am familiar with one penis policies which is all I can find in the search but I feel like this is different... It's at the point where I am wondering if I am being the unreasonable one...
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 2 years. When we started dating we both talked about how we were open to other relationship configurations but we decided to keep things mono so we could get to know each other and get comfortable. Over the past few months we have started talking more about opening up to secondary relationships and discussing boundaries. We each have our own boundaries that we desire, for example my personal space is very important and I don’t want him bringing people into our home. He has responded pretty well to all of my boundaries but I am really struggling with one of his…
He doesn’t want me to have sex with someone that has a larger penis than his… I have been trying to keep an open mind about this but I just can’t get past it. Early in our relationship he did ask me about the penises of other men I have had sex with, which I found really awkward and difficult to talk about. But I basically told him that the men I have been with have all been about the same size except for one man who was particularly small. After that conversation we never talked about it again, but according to him, one of the things that made him feel secure in the relationship was the fact that I had never been with a “porno penis”…
I don't ever think about penis size, and, as a matter of fact I have a feeling I may find a "porno penis" uncomfortable. I originally agreed to the stipulation without really thinking about the consequences because I wanted to be supportive. Unfortunately I don’t really know how to enforce such a ridiculous rule… It’s not like I can know a man’s penis size before the act of sex. Furthermore I don’t really feel like it’s fair, I would hate to grow close to someone only to have to turn them away because of a physical attribute. It feels shallow and wrong. I have tried reasoning with my boyfriend and he acknowledges that he is being insecure about this but claims that it is a situation he will not subject himself to and that if I cannot respect his boundary on this issue he would rather stay monogamous or end the relationship.
This is the first dispute that he has ever been so adamant about, this is the first time we really haven’t seen eye to eye on an issue and the fact that he is willing to potentially end our relationship over it is heartbreaking and frustrating. I do not know what to do… I don’t even care about my arbitrary future lover’s penis, I just don’t want unfair restrictions placed on me.
Has anyone gone through this, or heard of this before? I am familiar with one penis policies which is all I can find in the search but I feel like this is different... It's at the point where I am wondering if I am being the unreasonable one...