I just finished reading Opening Up (well, skimming, but I'll go back to it more thoroughly) and really enjoyed it. However, one topic that she seemed to skip over was the question of pregnancy. She covered STIs and safer sex very thoroughly. This is important, but the topic of pregnancy, to me, is it's on can of worms, and I'm wondering what others think.
Here's my thought: I have kids aged ~9 and am thoroughly done with having new children. I love being a dad but am ready to move on to other areas of life as my kids get more and more independent, and the idea of having a newborn baby in my life is... well, I would love it and take care of it, but would do all it takes to avoid that situation. In fact, I did do what it took - I got a vasectomy about 8 years ago. Since I thought I would be in a mono relationship forever, that pretty much solved the idea of pregnancy as far as I was concerned.
Fast forward to last year... wife is interested in opening the relationship. She is still capable of getting pregnant. My question is, what happens if she gets pregnant, even while using protection? I thoroughly believe that it would be her choice what to do at that point, but the ramifications on my life would be huge, and I am not 100% she would want to get an abortion; or she might want to, but not be capable of going through with it. While I definitely don't want to get an STI, having a new baby in our lives in some ways sounds worse! (please believe me, I love kids) And having an STI in a certain way is simpler - you either get it or you hopefully don't. Wife getting pregnant leads to not so cut and dry possibilities, and all kinds of complex dynamics.
How does one have a conversation about this while still respecting that I can't compel or enforce any guarantee from her? The only thing that I can think of that would take this off the table is if she got a tubal ligation before having sex with anyone else. Would that be reasonable? Surprisingly, Taormino doesn't address this in Opening Up (unless I missed something). Does anyone have any thoughts? Am I missing something obvious here?
Here's my thought: I have kids aged ~9 and am thoroughly done with having new children. I love being a dad but am ready to move on to other areas of life as my kids get more and more independent, and the idea of having a newborn baby in my life is... well, I would love it and take care of it, but would do all it takes to avoid that situation. In fact, I did do what it took - I got a vasectomy about 8 years ago. Since I thought I would be in a mono relationship forever, that pretty much solved the idea of pregnancy as far as I was concerned.
Fast forward to last year... wife is interested in opening the relationship. She is still capable of getting pregnant. My question is, what happens if she gets pregnant, even while using protection? I thoroughly believe that it would be her choice what to do at that point, but the ramifications on my life would be huge, and I am not 100% she would want to get an abortion; or she might want to, but not be capable of going through with it. While I definitely don't want to get an STI, having a new baby in our lives in some ways sounds worse! (please believe me, I love kids) And having an STI in a certain way is simpler - you either get it or you hopefully don't. Wife getting pregnant leads to not so cut and dry possibilities, and all kinds of complex dynamics.
How does one have a conversation about this while still respecting that I can't compel or enforce any guarantee from her? The only thing that I can think of that would take this off the table is if she got a tubal ligation before having sex with anyone else. Would that be reasonable? Surprisingly, Taormino doesn't address this in Opening Up (unless I missed something). Does anyone have any thoughts? Am I missing something obvious here?