Thank you for more info.
Otherwise I will choose for my self to have some level of discretion over my metas because despite popular belief here, they are my metas too and I have right of consent over who I involve myself with.
Well, to me it is more like... "I can't pick my metas. I'm not the one dating them. But I DO pick my partners. And if you start dating weirdos? I can stop picking you out. I don't have to stay in your poly network if you start filling it up with weirdos."
I'm particular about the company I keep. I don't like being around drama people. Maybe we mean roughly the same thing even though we express it different ways.
Let me repeat back what I understand in my own words. Please correct me if I get bits wrong.
- Amy and Mark do/do not live together?
- Amy is currently unemployed and trying to wrap up college.
- Mark is footing all the bills for both people. (?)
- Started out open/poly friendly and decided to temporarily close the relationship during NRE phase.
- Have been together two years and starting to talk about poly lifestyle and opening the relationship the again. (Actually dating during pandemic? Or just talking about it for now?)
- Mark prefers Amy only date people who are up front about being poly in their Tindr dating profiles.
- Marks hopes this increases the odds for compatible metas who will be trustworthy, respectful, etc.
- Marks want his nesting (?) relationship that he puts the most energy and resources into to be on the same page as him in terms of poly idealogy. (Not just the metas, but partners too. Which means Amy right now.)
- Alternately, Mark is willing to detangle some with Amy and step it back.
- Continue to date Amy, and share time over common interests only.
- NOT be nesting (?) together any more
- NOT provide financial support any more
- They can also break up entirely
Then on the other side...
Amy says she gets where he is coming from. She also thinks it is controlling because____.
Amy would like to put her Tinder profile up
- Amy wants to be able to date people who don't necessarily out themselves as poly on their Tindr profile pages.
- She would like to determine compatibility based on ____ instead. (But doesn't actually list the _____. )
Am I getting that right? If so...
I guess I'd like to hear from Amy.
What's the controlling part? Because Mark is stating where he stands. What he is and is not up for. Is there something else?
You would like to determine compatibility based on ____ instead. What is the ____?
What about just stepping it back with Mark? Cuz he seems willing to reconfigure and step it back a bit. Date and enjoy each other over common interests and have that be the extent of the relationship. Then you can poly date how you want with the Tindr people, right? You are not willing to consider this because _____?
Or break up? Then you can poly date how you want with the Tindr people, right? I guess if some other idea cannot be found, this might be where it lands.
Right now Mark is at least putting possible solutions on the table. They might not work out in the end, but he's putting out possibilities.
What are the possibilities on the table from Amy?
Galagirl